Idk how to be completely sure "if I have changed"
How does one truly know oneself?
I know that last semester I passed all exams I had to pass, but it's in degrees I don't see much perspective in (psychology and Philosophy)
I also feel like I didn't learn a thing. I know for a fact, that I really didn't learn anything substantial.
Thats why I want to get into something hard science, something using straight logic, also coding.
Problem is my attention span is very limited and my cognitive capability too, through extensive apathy and binge watching etc. However, this is a horrible thing to admit and I don't want to bow to my limited intellect, rather I want to strain it to force it going back up.
I also know I never ever really brought the action others are used to bring. I mostly chill. So there's potential to Stress myself more. (?)
I was paranoid and intense and passionate about stuff at times. Then i fell into apathy. I want to be intense and passionate again: life in mediocrity scares me, though I live well below mediocrity, life very void of much action and challenges. Idk what that says about me.
Also my interests constantly changed the last years. I was into politics, then economics, then thought I should rekindle my passion for history which failed. Then Psychology, thought I'd understand the depths of the human psyche.
Now I want to have sth profound also with use on the job market. Which is, imo, physics.
So the question is open if I am capable / if I am able to bring the determinism /passion to pursue it for the rest of my life.
I'm rambling hoping something sticks out... I'm confused about myself