How the fuck do you meet women in 2019?

I'll try this, see if we can't go to a concert or something. The only issue is that I feel like the culture nowadays shuns trying to hit on women at places like the gym or concerts.

>attractive body
yeah bruh I'd say my body is atleast slightly above average

>personality
My friends think I am really funny, but my humor is rather odd so I'd imagine it would not translate well between groups.

I'm not ugly, but nowhere near attractive enough to pull. Got rated about a 5 on Jow Forumstruerateme, so I'm essentially average.

You didn't really answer whether you give a damn enough to change. Average looks and odd humor are not enough.

fundamentally change who I am? As in force myself to be extraverted? I'm not at that point yet, but I'd be really disappointed in the world if it came to that, especially when so many people push the "just be yourself" mantra

Try rock climbing

"Just be yourself" is a lazy, dismissive mantra. You've been changing your entire life, presumably always for the better. So what does that advice even mean? Pick some arbitrary point and just...stop? No.

Force yourself to be as good as you can possibly be within the context of social/romantic success. It sounds like you know what those conditions are.

>the only issue is that I feel like the culture nowadays shuns trying to hit on women at places like the gym or concerts.
Hitting on them, yeah. But since you're currently lacking great social skills, how about just talking to people to see if your personalities mesh in any way? If they do, see if you can progress things by getting their social media to stay in contact and meet up again later.

And honestly concerts are fine to hit on girls, if they reject you, you just leave them alone for the rest of the night.

>you know what those conditions are
You're right, I should be more open to new experiences and meet new people, but I rather stay in my shell and bitch on Jow Forums. There are plenty of fat, ugly, introverted, stupid people out there who have significant others due to the right circumstances. Some of us just had a bad roll, and yes I could change, but I like who I am and haven't yet reached that point of desperation to alter myself.

>You've been changing your entire life, presumably always for the better

I have, and still am, but it's like forcing someone who is good at basketball to learn to play football. I hate football, I'd rather stick in my lane and play basketball.

Theyre all shitty and garbage women.

I am actually working on this by forcing myself to go to my professor's office hours and talk with them for a bit. But I really should do this with my peers, so I'll give that a go, thanks.

Nah I'm not an incel, I don't blame women, rather I blame the culture and lack of luck on my side.

Pretend you idiotic stem student. Ever played pretend?

>but I like who I am and haven't yet reached that point of desperation to alter myself
I'm confident that if you look back on the last, say, 10 years of your life, you'll identify countless times when you've already done this. For whatever reason you've decided to draw the line here.

>forcing someone who is good at basketball to learn to play football
By your analogy, you are currently playing football. You have no choice but to play football; it is the entire world around you. You're just choosing to get tackled every single day while you walk around in your basketball shorts and sneakers.

Your romantic and sexual feelings are not voluntary. Social dynamics surrounding relationships are there whether they're working out well for you or not. Reality is forcing you into this game, hate it or not. This is beyond what you prefer. It's a question of when you're going to abandon denial and put up a fight.

I sympathised until this post desu. Stop wallowing in self-pity.

Meeting women, dating and relationships is going to be uncomfortable if its not something you've done much of. Why do you seem to expect mrs perfect to drop in to your lap?

Stop complaining about your loneliness if you aren't going to make any meaningful effort to change it. Either push through the thorns in search of what you want, unsure of whether you'll ever find it, or give up like a little bitch. That's your choice.

Women created the culture.

>pretend to be someone else
>girl fall in love with this "someone else"
>finally get into a relationship
>girls know you are not this "someone else"
>breaks up
great plan, idiot.

>10 years of your life
yeah, not 10 days of my life.
So are people just gonna take 10 years to change themselves before they can find any girlfriends?
dumb advice by dumb people.
"Hurr durr, just change yourself bro."

good post, I guess I just need to bite the bullet huh, maybe I will get that point

>mrs perfect to drop in your lap
I never said that nor do I expect it, what I was going for in that statement was that a good amount of it comes to luck (i.e. your friend group and your interests).

>aren't going to make any meaningful effort to change
what do you define as meaningful effort to change? being more extroverted? finding a new group of friends? If you define meaningful change as things that are done for the sole purpose to get me laid instead of genuine interest in whatever it is, then yeah I guess I haven't really tried.

If it helps with the point sinking in: I'm not asking you to change your core values. I'm saying that your core values are not linked to things like your manner of socializing or the jokes you tell. There's a difference between being your best self and being a sell-out. I'm only suggesting the former.

>a good amount of it comes to luck
True of most things. Doesn't mean you can't improve your odds by effecting what you can.

>being more extroverted?
It's not about being introverted/extroverted. Plenty of people you could call introverts are in relationships. If by "extroverted" you simply mean talking to new people then yes, obviously you do need to do that. I think you're using "introversion" as an excuse for what is basically just your own cowardice.

>for the sole purpose to get me laid
Bad attitude to have from the start.

>hobbies, my hobbies are solitude in nature

You're not thinking hard enough.

I lost most of my female friends after high school, the number one way I've met new ones is through volunteering.

You meet an especially kind and thoughtful breed of women who are willing to help people for free. I personally do youth mentoring and homework help with kids. If you like science or engineering, then you can get the opportunity to help kids or teenagers in that area. Look for opportunities where you can work with a few other volunteers at a time: in my experience, they're more than 80% female.

I can see that, but I do think my manner of socializing is already pretty good. I can put on a "normal" face, but then I just feel like I am lying to them.

>own cowardice
I am not afraid to talk to women, given that it doesn't feel like i'm pressuring them (i.e. approaching in the gym or something). I do talk to women every once and a while, and I think it's why I haven't become an incel. My issue is that due to my hobbies and lack of extroversion, I have less experiences with women and thus perpetuating my singledom.

>plenty of introverts are in relationships
Yes, I guarantee you that a huge margin of those relationships came through mutual friends.

solid advice, I was actually thinking about doing volunteer work since I enjoy tutoring and helping others usually gives a nice shot of dopamine.

>-Dating apps, not good looking enough
fix yourself and your profile. grooming, clothes, fit, take good pics, write and message better

Only around 70% of men actually get women, it's ok to be in that 30% of Permavirgins. You either are able to get women or you aren't, and it looks like you aren't able to. That's ok.

Neck yourself incel.

Are you telling me that girls are not normally attracted to my char stats and lvl on d&d? Why do i need a photo on dating apps? It feels fake desu

see also you need some type of online profile these days to show you are a real person. i keep an empty fb account with a few pics and added like 100 friends (and on top of that i have a valid reason for not using it besides autism)
quit making excuses. this life requires sacrifice. whats worse - blowing out your brains as a 35 yo incel or making a facebook profile that you dont use?
>force myself to be extraverted
this isnt changing who you are its forcing yourself to talk to people and show charisma - a skill
>but I like who I am and haven't yet reached that point of desperation to alter myself.
why did you fucking post if you arent willing to DO anything
>youth mentoring and homework help with kids.
where can i do this? definitely interested in helping kids learn

CHANGING BEHAVIOR IS NOT CHANGING YOURSELF

>My issue is that due to my hobbies and lack of extroversion

Then get better hobbies, nigga don’t pull the introvert card on me, I’m not an extrovert person, I need to be alone for a couple of hours every day and that doesn’t keep me away from dating, go to the gym, play sports, any sport, take dancing lessons or what ever, saying you can’t find girls in this day and age is absurd

>where can i do this? definitely interested in helping kids learn

I'm Canadian, so I work with an organization called Frontier College, basically focused on youth literacy. They have an after-school homework help program at the school down the street from my house. At the end of the year my kids wrote me a card that said they all wanted more homework so they could come to homework club more often and I damn near cried when I opened it.

I'd suggest looking into Boys and Girls clubs and Big Brother Big Sister, which I think have chapters just about everywhere. If you live anywhere with a decent population, a simple google search of 'volunteer [city name]' will usually get an organization list.

All the best man, I know from experience that a little individual attention makes a world of difference when dealing with a child that would otherwise fall through society's cracks.

Join a low tier soccer team

meet friends of friends

don't do dating apps

>why did you fucking post if you arent willing to DO anything
where did I say that? I don't want to fundamentally change myself to appeal to other people. I posted this to see if I am missing anything, and a few anons posted some really good eye opening advice, so this thread certainly benefited me.

>show charisma
My people skills aren't an issue, it's wanting to talk in the first place.

>get better hobbies
hurr durr just pretend to like it bro

i actually like soccer, may try this

>i actually like soccer, may try this
it could be any co-ed sports team

loop up local leagues, often they have a team made of 'individuals'

use that team to meet other teams so you can join a team you like better the next season.

go listen to Radiohead. Works every time

Same boat here OP. I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to this shit.

Went on a few dates with my ex’s sister, but ultimately nothing happened. Only happened because my ex gave me a heads up that she thought I was handsome, and we all worked together, so I made a move. Pure chance.

Ended up in a serious relationship with my ex/roommate for a couple years, but she came onto me. Once again, pure chance.

Outside of pure luck, I have no idea what I am doing or what to do, and every piece of advice I see is such shit. Also doesn’t help that regardless of being told by people frequently enough that I’m good looking, I have terrible self-esteem and in-turn have no confidence whatsoever to give me that “push” to act on my own intuition.

>dating apps suck and are pretty much just for hookups, hookup culture blows
>cold approaches are frowned upon like you said op
>I would never make a move on any of the women at my hobby because it would just cause discomfort, and nobody participates in hobbies because they want to meet someone—they do it because they fucking like it and it’s their hobby
>have no interest in volunteering, would only be to meet someone, but that is so fake and scummy and would probably only cause issues. Already volunteer at my hobby anyways, so that kind of ties in with that whole situation
>none of my friends’ or their girlfriends have anyone that is single or interested in me
>in my career now which has no women whatsoever (coworkers I mean)
>don’t go to school

Literally seems like meeting and dating someone in my experience is down to pure luck. But with how things are now/with my ex, my luck seems to be running out.

Not the guy who said that but what ever, I said sports, football, soccer, mma, what ever, that will give you a whole different spectrum of people who you don’t normally hang with for what you say...

With that it will give you more opportunities to go out, now mma gyms normally have dudes and girls so don’t be a creep but you can slowly start talking, maybe you won’t date one of those girls but it will give you experience taking to girls, confidence to just go with it, now, do not fake it, actually just try to get out of your comfort zone, maybe you end up enjoying different things...

Or just keep doing the same and keep getting the same results

I'll try this when the semester starts up, thanks!

The Bends >>>

glad I'm not alone in this, we gonna make it brah

I see where you are coming from but
>experience talking to girls
This isn't my issue, it's meeting girls who are looking for a committed, long term relationship.

maybe they'll cure aging and when I'm 150 my job will be automated away and I can go back to school to learn again, except this time actually try and meet some people

or maybe the NSA will use the profiles it's built on all of us to create the ultimate partner matching app...

You've already decided that all of the ways you could meet women are unsuitable. Why do you think people only participate in hobbies selfishly? They wouldn't interact in a group setting if they weren't interested in meeting people with common interests. Not everyone on dating apps is there just to hook up, obviously there are people out there like you who just want to find someone to connect with.

Don't be negative. Be positive! Pick your most preferable venue and go for it.

I may be wrong to assume, but my understanding is that people participate in their hobby—whether it is a group setting or not—not because they are trying to meet someone, but because they are passionate about their hobby. I don’t want to be that guy that tries asking everyone I find myself interested in at my hobby on a date, and being looked down upon for that, and I’m not sure how that would affect me being welcome where I am.

I think its best to just keep on improving yourself. Think of an obscure hobby, or become a formidable intellectual. AT the end of the day, it's better to be respected than to be loved.

Not the replier, but I'd thought it was a bit of both. People go to meet other people by using their passion for the hobby as an entry point. But the passion has to be there first.

You're assuming that asking someone on a date is a shameful, embarrassing thing. And in counselling language, you're doing something called catastrophizing: what's the worst that could happen if you ask a girl out at your hobby? Will she really be so offended that the entire group ostracizes you?

Maybe they're not trying to meet someone, but they may well be open to it if it happens. Why not try?

OP here again
Ok so I wasn't entirely truthful about my situation. I could have gotten a gf recently, but she checked too many no boxes (one being fucking crazy). How low should my standards be here?

>I don't want to fundamentally change myself to appeal to other people.
going out and talking to people is not changing yourself

>>dating apps suck and are pretty much just for hookups, hookup culture blows
this is false

also go to bars and shit

You don’t put your dick in crazy let’s leave it alone

my social skills arent the issue, it's my setting. a kid born in america has more options for a future than a kid born in somalia

jesus yall are such faggots you ask for options, are given a dozen, half of them good, and then you find bitch ass excuses for why those arent 110% perfect for you. suck it up and make a sacrifice or stay single. It's not fair because its not a game - its real life. the clock is ticking

lmao retard I literally am going to try some of things anons mentioned here, no need to sperg out

what's the worst that could happen if you ask a girl out at your hobby

That’s what I’m afraid of.

So I horseback ride, and when I have the free time, I help out with work at the barn. I’m relatively new to it, but I try to stay consistent with it and work around my schedule. I don’t know how it is in the rest of the US, but in New England it’s not really that common for men to horseback ride.

So taking that into consideration, if I ask someone out there and they say no, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m only there, possibly feigning interest in the sport, to try and pick up women. And then what if they’re so turned off by me that my presence there makes them uncomfortable, and people see that as my doing, and to the benefit of others I’m asked to find another barn? I don’t want to jeopardize that. The people there are wicked friendly, it’s super close to where I live, it’s great. I don’t want to have to find another place because I essentially shat where I ate.

With this mentality you're destined to fail with women everywhere, not just at the barn

It's not easy if you're not seeing the same people repeatedly. It works if you're in school sometimes but it works better if you have smaller groups of people you see more frequently. In my uni I had like 150 students in my lectures and I had 0 luck. Granted, at the time I looked like a skinny goat hair and all but I saw hundreds of students at any time walking around. The problem is I didn't really talk to anyone or tried to approach people so there's that. If you're not trying, you won't be seen. Try to sit down somewhere and make a habit to do it in the open in a specific place. Eventually if you catch someone's interest that person will try to approach you or make herself more visible for you to notice her. Keep in mind this may not work but it's your better shot if you don't feel comfortable approaching people yourself.

Unless you go do volunteer work where you usually work with the same people or find a job where you might click with someone, it's hard meeting people you're looking for specifically.

Like other anons said, try going to places where women would like to spend their time or have fun. Do it with your friends so they don't think you're a loner. As for me, I had a better shot getting my chances when I worked or in my colleges where the student body was a lot smaller, but even then only like 1 young woman approached me so it's not guaranteed you'll necessarily find the woman you'd like.

I've had some solid conversations with other random dudes at the bar but never women. I think it just kinda depends.

That would be pretty scary, matching you down to your chemistry. Get a list of pretty much all people you're compatible with. I doubt something like that could be developed anytime soon but I guess it would be interesting for those desperate enough to find a long term partner.

And why is that? Is it wrong to not want to jeoprodize my situation?

It also depends where you happen to live dude. If you live in a city, good luck trying to date if you're not particularly very interesting. On one hand a higher number of people circulating increases the odds but at the same time it's because the options are greater that people aren't willing to conform. If you see someone and you're on the fence, chances are any little detail they hold against you will turn them off and then they'll just keep looking elsewhere. You absolutely have to stand out if you're among the masses of dudes walking the streets my friend, it's the only way unless of course fate plays a hand in your favor.

You sound like a woman

You haven't seen anything yet, OP. I haven't met a single woman in 6 years, save for a lesbian (that got a girlfriend a couple months later)

Being old sucks

Yeah, unless you got enough wealth to back you up it really goes against you. Then again, this is something women also fear so it goes both ways really.

I remember I liked a girl a few years back, turns out she was a lesbian...sigh.

Look up community efforts(on fb), I saw a sort of staring contest, went there and ovee the course of 4 hours met more than 5 lovely women with whom I exchanged contacts.

Kys beta cuck.

you don't, use tinder.

Yes. As a man, your best bet is to have a core of self-confidence/self-reliance that allows you to take these kinds of risks. Say to yourself: "yeah, I might lose this horse club gig, but there are other horse clubs. Even if I have to drop the horse shit entirely, there are other things in life I could learn to love."
Imagine yourself as the kind of guy who could say these things and mean it.

Sounds like a frivolous man with no true passions.

I see where you're coming from, but wanting to thrive emotionally and socially in this adverse world isn't frivolous to me at all. If he's really passionate about the stable work and the horse riding, then he'll be able to live down/live through the sideways looks that people give him after the awkward rejection. His assumption that people will kick him out of the barn also comes from a lack of self confidence/optimism.
Real passion is saying, "I could give up this thing and still have a meaningful life, but I'm not going to because it's what I want to do, or what I'm meant to do." That's not to say you're entirely wrong, I do feel like frivolous men set the standard for what's expected of men in terms of confidence. A frivolous man is more ready to let a woman walk away from him, and that makes him more attractive to many. Of course, if the man really is just all frivolity, women are not going to stick around fro long. Women seem to like men who are easygoing on the outside and have some deeper, more conflicted thought process on the inside.

Being able to recover from failure is far more important than some construct like "passion"

brooo get a job at the renaissance faire as a jouster you'll drown in pussy