How do I improve my social skills? I talk to tons of people yet I still remain a ridiculously autistic incel. I can't for the life of me figure out what is wrong with me and any attempt is met with people telling me 'iTs Ok To bE WhO YoU ArE' even when they're the ones who made fun of me for being weird in the first place. I've been trying to fix myself for a long while and I've made a ton of progress. It's just that there are gaps in knowledge that make me repulsive to people and I can't find out what it is.
If you have made progress then keep doing what you've been doing. Don't stop progressing.
Andrew Bailey
The progress I've made was because the problems I had were extremely obvious stuff like eye contact, being able to maintain a conversation, and talking about stuff other than just me. I'm at a point where things that make me weird are more subtle. Apparently I can't complain about not being able to get a girlfriend if I'm weird. Which is understandable, but people taunt me for it constantly and refuse to explain to me why I would repulse women. It's one of the most frustrating things.
Not sure what to do.
Carson Young
Weird in what way? Why do you think girls don't like you?
Julian Gray
I have no idea how to act or what to do in specific situations. I remember walking into my front room where my cousin was and looking off to the side as I was walking towards him until I got a certain distance and made eye contact. Obviously that's extremely autistic but the problem is I have no frame of reference and I don't know where the fuck to look while I want to approach someone like that. He called me a weirdo and I understood why but when I confronted him about it he gave me useless platitudes about not caring what people think, directly after insulting me under his breath.
Another example is when I work out at the gym in the mirror. I have no idea where to look. I either look down or make eye contact with myself.
Aside from eye contact stuff it's generally my mannerisms that I have a problem with but I'm not sure what the problems are, otherwise I'd fix them.
Matthew Thompson
I think the problem may be in how you handle these situations. You "don't know" how to act and so you drift between options, never being decisive and that shows. If might be that which makes people think you're weird. You need to realize that there is not one way to behave and everyone had their own way. You gotta pick a way and stick to it. Own your behavior. When you're working out in the gym do what you do with conviction. What do you feel comfortable with? Looking at yourself or looking away. Choose the one you feel better about.
Joshua Smith
You change who you are, the Zodiac killer wasn't perfect as who he is and neither is anyone, but you should strive for perfect like that 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 folded blade katana that incels absolutely cum over.
James Hill
>Another example is when I work out at the gym in the mirror.
most people struggle with this user. those are generally what most people do.
>I'm not sure what the problems are, otherwise I'd fix them.
So ask people, and let them know you're not sure if it was weird or not. You're allowed to ask people for help here, especially if you are trying to correct the problem in hindsight but can't figure it out. It might be awkward but do it anyway.
Blake Cooper
I only don't know how to act because I've been told I literally scare people doing what I do with conviction. Choosing my own behavior is what led me to being insecure as fuck, because I'm a freak. People I worked with literally walked a different direction when they saw me. There was a coworker (female) that had genuine fear in her eyes when she crossed paths with me alone. I've walked up to my station as a bagger to hear people (1 male and 1 female) I thought were incredibly nice tell eachother how scared they were of me. The girl in this same conversation burst into laughter when I made a joke about not shooting up the store. I decided to talk to the guy in the conversation that previously had constantly called me ugly and told me I look like a bug. I asked him why I was weird since everyone there would call me weird and his response was literally 'be yourself.' and 'you're not weird at all.'
Sometimes I look back on the things I did that I can remember and wonder how the fuck I did it without realizing how cringy and weird it was. I'm lucky enough to see the fault in my things that I've done at my last job that would put people off, but I'm 100 percent sure I didn't catch all of them.
I don't even care about getting a girlfriend because I'm an introvert that
I'm an incel by definition and they're the only ones that I can relate to. Everyone else shits on me, makes fun of me for being a virgin, and then turns around to give me advice to not be like 'those virgins' after I try to improve myself, even though I'm like them in every way. Even if I didn't consider myself an incel (Being one has nothing to do with considering yourself one) I'm sure the thousands of insults against """incels as an ideology""" will apply to me anyway.
This is coming from someone who despised incels and took part in making fun of them when I was a slimey virgin freak that coworkers thought was going to shoot up the retail store.
>I asked him why I was weird since everyone there would call me weird and his response was literally 'be yourself.' and 'you're not weird at all.' Ran out of space, but to add, he had called me weird several times. During that time I was trying to improve my social skills and saw him and the previous girl talking. I wanted to join in on the conversation, or atleast I envied the ability to hold a conversation down like these two did. After an attempt (Which is admittedly autistic and stupid since it's none of my business) to join in and get out of my comfort zone, they just brushed me off and I continued doing work. The guy would continue to tell me to go away whenever I tried to get out of my comfort zone and talk to people. At this point I was making a huge effort to improve myself. Before the job I could barely make eye contact or talk to people at all. The job was basically a catalyst for my improvement. Even though it made me hate myself in every way with mean customers/coworkers insulting my appearance or generally treating me like shit. I wasn't an angel but trying so hard to fit in and improve myself, just to be met with all that I went through during that job gave me trauma. It completely changed my outlook and showed me how truly socially inept I was. It made me hate myself even more than I already did. I tried so hard and it was cringy as fuck. No one was willing to accept me except for one person, which kinda helped.
>So ask people, and let them know you're not sure if it was weird or not. You'd think this would help, but it doesn't. I've learned that people generally aren't perceptive. They just 'know' I'm weird, or that what I do creeps them out. In the post you replied to I mentioned asking my cousin what made me weird. His reply was generic advice even though he just finished calling me a weirdo. This is how 100% of these scenarios go, and keep in mind I've only asked people who have called me weird. Always the same answer.
Jackson Reed
>trauma Trauma is a bit of a dramatic word so take that with a grain of salt. >This is how 100% of these scenarios go, and keep in mind I've only asked people who have called me weird. Always the same answer. To clarify I've only asked people who calledme weird DIRECTLY after they called me weird. To my face. It's understandable that they wouldn't know but it adds to the frustration of my experience.
These same people would virgin shame me, call me ugly while people I had crushes on would laugh with them, make me the butt of every joke, etc. You'd think with all of my improvements and attempts to learn how to properly interact with others that I'd be satisfied, or that it would be enough, but it isn't. I still get called a weirdo by people at my gym. Not that I care anymore at all, but it happens and what would trigger them to call me weird isn't as obvious as what I did while working retail, so it's much worse to deal with.
The most annoying part is the same people that tell me to be ok with being weird are the same that virgin shame me and laugh at incels while insulting me indirectly. Same people who laugh and insult incels with stuff that isn't exclusive to incels, but all virgins, are these people. Has nothing to do with incels. People just want a target, and virgins have always been the target since long before incels have existed. And I can attest to that.
Also sorry, I kept running out of space.
Ethan Garcia
>Always the same answer.
So then ask more specific questions and say literally out loud to them that if they really think you're being weird then point to the action that was weird. Push for specific answers.
If they can't point to the action, or if they can't help and you don't see any issue with what happened, then ask a third party. After telling them objectively what happened and then if they say nothing THEN you can assume that it meant nothing. If you can't learn from it and nothing wrong seemed to have happened besides their reaction then generally speaking that's more on them than you.
Samuel Nguyen
I'll try to next time something like that comes up. Recently went out with friends and one of them told me to my face 'no wonder you're alone'. Kind of hard to ask directly on the spot. A good opportunity never presents itself.
Thomas King
Keep in mind though if you’re feeling isolated you may be highlighting playful jabs or taking the jokes of your friends too seriously. I’m saying that because that seems really intense without the context.
That being said it takes less than 2 seconds to say “what does that mean?”
Xavier Cox
There is no context. I was laughing autistically at a friends joke and he said that out of nowhere. I stopped laughing and said 'ironic', because he's overweight and an incel.
Joseph Flores
Not that him being overweight is relevant. Just a bit of context about the kind of person we're talking about.
Benjamin Campbell
See that’s really important context though, and exactly what I was talking about. Not including that context makes it sound awful, when it was likely meant as a joke. You should chose to see the best in people and in this instance your friend was making a joke. It was a shitty one but a joke nonetheless.
Wyatt Wilson
What? There literally was no 'joke', considering what I was laughing at had nothing to do with myself or anything that could be related to myself.
Adam Diaz
>There is no context >That context about this person that is irrelevant to why this 'joke' was said is really important context lol
If you guys were all joking with each other, or if someone was telling a joke then it would generally be assumed that something serious and intense that is thrown in at that time is more than likely another joke rather than someone randomly jabbing at you.
This literally happens all the time in normal conversation, a joke and then comment comment. OP literally followed this script by reacting to it in a way that could be perceived as a joke, even though it was really a jab.
Social situations are all about context. And in this context the guy was either trying to tell a joke and failing or you saw it as a jab when it was a joke. EVEN IF IT WAS AN ACTUAL JAB THROWN IN the best response in the situation is to chose to believe it was a joke, because it more than likely was and the guy is just an asshole then if it was a jab.
Hunter King
you have some sort of autism just look at how people talk/body language and imitate it
Gabriel Edwards
Kinda frustrating to see this when this guy makes """jokes""" about me under his breath all of the time. Even at times telling me I'm annoying and to shut up. But I can't convince you. I don't know why I trust people to not think I'm too stupid to understand what would be a joke in context and what wouldn't.
I appreciate the help but I shouldn't have expected more than what I usually get. This is just a problem I can only solve on my own. Any attempt at advice always turns up like this and there's nothing wrong with that if you aren't already on the edge. Thanks for trying.
Yeah tell me something I don't know haha. I make a habit of imitating people's body language but body language isn't the problem really. It's just a matter of me not interacting with people in the settings that I did. Not sure if you knew already but I had terrible social anxiety and barely ever talked to anyone. Not sure if I should expect to have social skills while never practicing them. Or maybe that's just part of being autistic.
Jason Rivera
then practice?
Colton Lewis
>had I meant in the past, dude. I've explained how I had already practiced. I still am.
Camden Taylor
To clarify, he said it under his breath in a condescending manner. I think I see why you would see it as a joke if he said it to my face. He was being sly but I'm pretty sure his intent was for me to hear it so while muttering he made sure it was loud enough for me to hear.
Mason Gonzalez
oh ok yeah you're gonna fuck up a lot but it's part of learning. also stop overthinking such little interactions
Landon Ramirez
No need to overthink it since what was presented to me was obvious enough to take at a surface level. Never thought about it at all until now because I'm trying to explain to the person WHY I interpreted it the way I did because they're making assumptions of context that wasn't given or asked for.
Me on Jow Forums is different than me in real life. Only long after the interactions do I analyze or dissect small interactions. When they happen I genuinely could care less. It's only when I get depressed and start questioning my sanity that I ever think about these things. I've had cringy moments, moments of people calling me a weirdo, ugly, or whatever insult and after wouldn't give it a second thought.
Isaac Collins
I'm making excuses but know that I'm working my way up to not caring enough to overanalyze. It definitely is a problem with me and even if it only happens when I'm depressed and purposefully looking for flaws that's still a problem. Going to see a psychiatrist in June and finally connect some dots.
Brody Brooks
OP, take every empty platitude you've ever heard, and understand they mean the opposite of what they're saying.
"Be yourself" actually means "Be extraverted and confident, regardless of if you actually are". "There's someone out there for everyone." means "There was someone out there for me." "Looks don't matter." means "Your (outgoing) personality or wealth might break ties when you look as good as the competition."
Lincoln Wilson
>But I can't convince you. I don't know why I trust people to not think I'm too stupid to understand what would be a joke in context and what wouldn't.
You’re the one making a thread about how to improve your social skills. You specifically left out context that I pointed out was likely the context and then lo and behold that was the context. If the depreciating jokes bother you then just be upfront with him and say it bothers you.
>Any attempt at advice always turns up like this and there's nothing wrong with that if you aren't already on the edge.
It’s almost like there’s a common denominator here....what could that be?
Elijah Ortiz
>Apparently I can't complain about not being able to get a girlfriend if I'm weird. Which is understandable, but people taunt me for it constantly and refuse to explain to me why I would repulse women. It's one of the most frustrating things. there it is >Apparently I can't complain about not being able to get a girlfriend if I'm weird >Apparently I can't complain about not being able to get a girlfriend >Apparently I can't complain it's your attitude it's visible from the things you post online as well
Brody Green
>Which is understandable, but people taunt me for it constantly and refuse to explain to me why I would repulse women. It's one of the most frustrating things.
Lincoln Jackson
You must think everyone enjoys your company because you're too autistic to see that no one likes you. If you think that's a joke no wonder you're here on Jow Forums giving advice. You have no friends and like to pretend to have your life together as you give useless advice to people who you're worse off than.
Have sex.
Robert Nelson
I mean, ok, I guess. You really got me with that one, dude.
Jose Scott
>It’s almost like there’s a common denominator here....what could that be? Sexless losers giving sexless losers advice.
as a man you only complain to your good mates, maybe yer mum or sister or grandma, never to any other girl >I can't get a girlfriend >girls don't like me gratz you just planted the idea in that girls mind, maybe don't tell it to the next one
do not tell girls you are interested in that you are unsuccessful in getting a girlfriend
Ayden Brooks
Ok?
Jeremiah Fisher
What the fuck does this have to do with anything?
Landon Peterson
You just made up a scenario in your mind and are acting like it actually happened when no one mentioned telling this to anyone they were interested in. Let alone girls a person has a crush on.
