I thought of myself as a very kind, caring, good person, and most people I've met feel this way about me. Lately my perception of myself has shifted.
About 2 months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half because I fell out of love with her. I then ended up hooking up with my best friend, and we were very happy. We ended up having consensual sex, and even though it was a bit awkward at first, we were both happy to be intimate because we liked each other for a while.
Then, after about a week and several lovemaking sessions, she told me that the last time had not been consensual. I did not realize it at the time, but I had not asked her out loud if she wanted to have sex, things just progressed silently from making out to boning, and she seemed to be enjoying it so I assumed I had nonverbal consent.
This was a major event for us, and over the course of the next month our friendship and budding relationship fell apart.
Now she won't talk to me, and I feel like scum. It wasn't done maliciously or even intentionally, but I still hurt someone I care a lot about. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to progress from here. I've accepted what I've done, I've learned from it, and now I need to move on from her.
I thought of myself as a very kind, caring, good person, and most people I've met feel this way about me...
Get fucked, beta cuck
Not exactly beta since we had sex. I care about our friendship more than any sexual or romantic relationship we could have.
Talk about boundaries with new chicks.
Get confirmation that they want afirmative consent or would be willing to submit with passive signals.
TALK ABOUT SEX WITH THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE HAVE UNHEARD OF STANDARDS.
>abloo bloo bloo I get laid
get a grip my guy you've fucking made it, many of us have not
just be thankful for the good in your life
People fall out of love and it sucks but you did the right thing and that doesn’t make you a bad person.
As for the girl, if it happened the way you described it, then again you’re not a bad person and the fact you’re feeling guilty about something you did unintentionally speaks to that.
How long since this happened?
Getting laid/being in a relationship is fun but it doesn’t magically fix your life or make other pain go away.
your pain is all in your head
change your mindset and realize you're fucking fine
The nonconsensual sex happened about a month ago. We both tried really hard to make things work afterward, but a couple weeks ago we decided we needed space from each other to heal and she graduated.
Seems like the bitch was just looking for an excuse to drop the relationship.
OP here, I honestly don't even like sex that much. I really enjoyed just, like, making out and mutually supporting each other emotionally. She actually was the one who wanted to have sex, and I think that my anxiety about the topic was part of why I stayed silent the night it was non consensual. I didn't want to disappoint or annoy her.
She isn't a bitch, and it wasn't an excuse. She's been sexually assaulted more than once in her past, so she felt really hurt when I didn't ask for her consent. It was a mistake on my part.
>I did not realize it at the time, but I had not asked her out loud if she wanted to have sex, things just progressed silently from making out to boning, and she seemed to be enjoying it so I assumed I had nonverbal consent.
This sounds like her fault too, how were you supposed to know
just for the love of god be thankful you're a functional male human being
you are on a site full of people who are socially and sexually 100% nonfunctional, including me :(
Power dynamics are a thing. She had been sexually assaulted in the past, so she may have been too scared to speak up and advocate for herself.
I say give it more time and don’t bother her. If you’ve only been separated for a few weeks, that could be a small fraction of the time she needs to feel comfortable again.
If she was a close friend before, she knows you’re a good guy who made a mistake. That won’t stop her from feeling shitty right now but I think you can be friends again at least.
Good advice. I think I was a bit pushy for the past week, but yeah I'm not planning on messaging her unless she messages me first. Might never happen, but if that's the way it is then I understand. It's a shitty position we're both in, but now I know to be super communicative about sex with future partners.
That’s a healthy attitude. You seem like a good dude who doesn’t belong on Jow Forums
I'm not usually on this site, but I figured this is the place that I would get the most honest and open feedback and advice.
>Then, after about a week and several lovemaking sessions, she told me that the last time had not been consensual.
You gradually start from forplay and go to actual fucking. She can stop at any time but she doesnt. Not consensual. Whut?
>Then, after about a week and several lovemaking sessions, she told me that the last time had not been consensual.
Tough luck on her part, if you're best friends like you say you were, I don't see why she couldn't have said no.
I understand that point of view, and that is why I am not overwhelmed with guilt, but the fact is that power dynamics exist in our patriarchal society. She had been sexually assaulted in the past, and because of those experiences she may have felt too anxious or even scared to ask me to stop.
Still, I should have brought this point up to her, but I didn't. We should have talked about why she didn't say anything.
No mate. Stop. No more. The abuse on men need to fucking stop! Dont feed this line of thinking with your guilt and remorse!
I agree, going for making out to sex is extremely natural, and if you don't see any sign of resistance, it should be treated as consent, you should never never never feel guilty, she can always say no, she can always say stop, she can always express those feelings, Doing otherwise is just women using men as a toy, women trying to guilt trip men, to bring them down, and it has to stop.
You should've said so in your initial post, otherwise there's no way you could've known and no way for us to get a better picture.
Goes both ways a lot of times. Seen abuse from both genders.
Haha serves you right kys rapist pig
>I care about our friendship more than any sexual or romantic relationship we could have.
that y ur beta C.C.UUC.K.
Have (consensual) sex
Dumb slut got what she asked for
>I figured this is the place that I would get the most honest and open feedback and advice.
My advice for you is to go back whence you came
Can you imagine really thinking this way llmao