I've been dating my girlfriend for just under a year. It started out great and we were extremely compatible. We had all the same life goals, constantly talked about marriage and children, and both had the best sex lives we've ever had in our lives.
About four months into the relationship, her parents went through a very nasty divorce and she stopped speaking to her father, and since then she has changed more and more.
Yesterday, she told me she thinks she may be bisexual (something she expressly denied prior to then) and said she feels I am constricting her ability to experiment and grow as a person. I found this very odd, especially since I am huge of self-improvement and trying new things - I am constantly trying to better myself physically and I try to get her to come to the gym with me or try new physical activities, games, or sports, I am always reading new books and looking at new viewpoints, and I regularly suggest new activities or topics of conversation between the two of us.
She then told me that she has recently had thoughts about what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone from her work. This really hurt me, as that seems like a very small step away from thinking she could do better and is very close, if not equivalent, to questioning our entire relationship.
I told her how this made me feel and that I was very concerned. I grilled her hard with questions such as "Do you think you could do better?", "Would you always look back and wonder what could have been if we broke up?", and "Do you honestly feel I am the person you ought to be with?". She insisted that while she may not appreciate me as much or as often as she feels she should, she does love me and wants to be with me. She said she is unsure if she would be happier with anyone else, but she would never give up on a relationship simply because of a rough patch or a time of unhappiness. (1/2)
I've been dating my girlfriend for just under a year. It started out great and we were extremely compatible...
(cont. 2/2)
This is just such a shock to me - even two days ago I thought everything was great between us. I'm incredibly confused by the whole situation.
She insists she thinks we can get through this, but I know I'm much more invested at this point than she is, and I'm not sure.
Does anyone have any insight or advice? Has anyone gone through anything similar? Should I be as upset about her fantasizing about being in a relationship with someone else as I am? What does it mean that she takes me for granted and is so overly comfortable?
Drop her
Honestly, if I was viewing this situation from the outside and had to give advice, this is what I would say too.
The problem is that things were going so well and it was so promising.
She's beautiful, smart, feminine, has wanted nothing more than to be a mother, and has a career path in a nurturing, medical-based field.
This is just so sudden and out of the blue. Wouldn't it be a mistake the end things so quickly given how good things were prior to this? Couldn't these problems be addressed in some way? Could she just be confused?
stop investing time in her like you used to and make her to invest her time in you
if she doesn't do anything to change the situation, dump her
She's openly admitted to thinking about fucking other guys so it's only a matter of time before she actually cheats.
Unless you're okay with cuckoldry, it's time to move on. You seem like a smart and interesting person, you will find someone else, trust me. Don't waste any more time trying to patch up a sinking ship.
Sounds like you already made up your mind and are looking for validation
>stop investing time in her like you used to and make her to invest her time in you
This might be a stupid question, but how do I do this?
>She's openly admitted to thinking about fucking other guys
Not even other guys, the coworker in question is a woman. She was daydreaming about what it would be like to be in a relationship with this woman. I'd almost feel better with her just having sexual fantasies, but these are romantic fantasies by her own admission.
>it's only a matter of time before she actually cheats.
In most cases I would agree, but her father cheated on her mother and that's what led to the divorce and her refusing to speak to her father, so I am inclined to think she wouldn't do what made her so angry at him. Is this just me being naive and blind?
>Don't waste any more time trying to patch up a sinking ship.
This is my first serious relationship so I think I lack sufficient experience to know when the ship is truly damaged beyond repair and is about to capsize. At what point does it become not worth trying?
>Sounds like you already made up your mind and are looking for validation
This is really not the case, but I can see how it seems that way. I am totally confused and I do not know what to do in this situation. If I push back on certain pieces of advice it's just me thinking it through. My mind is not at all made up and I am open to staying or leaving.
she's scared that you would do the same thing her father did and now she wants to be with a woman
try to make a threesome with the coworker then fuck off from there lol
>she's scared that you would do the same thing her father did and now she wants to be with a woman
This makes a lot of sense.
>try to make a threesome with the coworker then fuck off from there lol
Nah, I have no desire to fuck around and if I'm going to leave her then it'll be clean and without any threesomes.
>Nah, I have no desire to fuck around and if I'm going to leave her then it'll be clean and without any threesomes.
you may be gay, user
I'm positive I'm not, I just think it's generally pretty trashy to hook up with random sluts I have no emotional connection with, be that in a threesome or any other situation. I've tried it in the past and it just left me feeling gross.
She's with period, wait
>Not even other guys, the coworker in question is a woman.
Is the co-worker already gay? If so she is 100% trying to take your girl. The top fantasy among homos is "flipping" an otherwise straight person. In fact I'd bet that the reason your gf thinks she's suddenly "bi" is because that co-worker has been systematically indoctrinating her.
That coupled with the fact that she admitted to having feelings means it's over for you bud.
>I am inclined to think she wouldn't do what made her so angry at him.
Boy you don't understand women at all. She will justify cheating how her cheating is different somehow, all women do. It will be your fault for being close minded or inattentive or not taking out the trash/etc.
>At what point does it become not worth trying?
If you're under 25 then you should have zero tolerance for any kind of bullshit. Young women are extremely immature and irrational, so you can't fix shit with them. All you can do is move on.
Nope, she's definitely.
>Is the co-worker already gay? If so she is 100% trying to take your girl.
Oh fuck, yes she is, like full on lesbian too. This lesbian is in a relationship, though. Does that change anything?
>That coupled with the fact that she admitted to having feelings means it's over for you bud.
There's no coming back from this?
>Boy you don't understand women at all.
Nope, I really don't.
>If you're under 25 then you should have zero tolerance for any kind of bullshit. Young women are extremely immature and irrational, so you can't fix shit with them. All you can do is move on.
Thanks man. God this fucking sucks. She can go from being incredibly mature, talking about her future career and taking care of patients, all the volunteering she does and wants to do in the future, and how much she can't wait to be a mother. Then the next minute she does this shit. When do they grow up?
>When do they grow up?
when they realize that they are not getting younger and nobody want to settle/provide for them
So if even this girl who seemingly had everything I'd like, want, and need in a relationship can change out of nowhere, where are you supposed to look for quality women?
you and your girl are in your 20s, in these times people don't want to settle that early, they want to party, drink, have a lot of sex, etc
it's not your fault, that's how society is right now
Relationships are a trade. Stop investing on her and let she invest in you. It has to be close to 50/50. Make sure to be open to her about how cheating is the worst thing she can do and it'd be better for both of you to break up if she likes other person/doesn't like you anymore
From the limited information you gave, it's over. She is tired of you / in love with someone else and everything else is irrelevant.
It might just be due to how limited the information is, but I really don't think she is in love with anyone else. She may in fact be tired of me, though, and it wouldn't be very surprising.
Is there any fixing that?
> I found this very odd, especially since I am huge of self-improvement and trying new things - I am constantly trying to better myself physically and I try to get her to come to the gym with me or try new physical activities, games, or sports, I am always reading new books and looking at new viewpoints, and I regularly suggest new activities or topics of conversation between the two of us.
From my personal experience, this translates to:
> it's cute that you are trying all this self-improvement, but I think I can get better guys
> holy fuck, I don't want to do all this work just to stay with you
> I am going to go find a guy that's already made it
Does that make sense? You have this view of growing together and improving together. In reality, she doesn't want to do any work and wants a richer/hotter guy without doing anything.
Of course, I could very much be projecting here.
No that makes perfect sense. I never thought of it from that angle, actually.
What scares me is that I could very easily see this being the case too.
> has father issues
> becomes bisexual
> can't stand a stable relationship
So it was true about "daddy issues"