How do you come to terms with living a meaningless life? I’ve tried to find a purpose and failed so many careers, I can’t even think about a single useful thing I could do in my life.
I’m in a meaningless factory job that prevents me from regularly attending social events or gatherings (3-shift) and it is the most menial meaningless job known to man.
My family is authors, artists, lawyers, doctors, successful people with a purpose in life, and as much as I’ve tried everything like my life depends on it, it’s starting to look like I’m just not cut out to having a purpose.
How do people make peace with being utterly meaningless? What makes people get up in the morning when they know nothing would be different if they’d died in their sleep? How do you live a happy life when you’re worthless?
>My family is authors, artists, lawyers, doctors, successful people with a purpose in life You're seeing your life through their eyes. That is why you feel like it's meaningless that you can't do what they do. Do you really enjoy that factor job? I've worked some in the past and they were the worst jobs in my life. >amazon warehouse shipping boy >3rd shift >getting yelled at for no reason >half assed follow up apologies >packaging warehouse >1st shift >meanest mofos ever >niggers with old cars slamming their door into my car >they pretend to be sorry Get yourself out of there if you're young.
I’m 25 and every hour I am there I feel like I’m standing in my grave, waiting for death. I daydream about walking in front of the forklift and being crushed. I’ve never had any other job.
I don’t know where else I would go, I’ve failed everything else I’ve tried. And I don’t mean ”boo hoo I broke a nail”, I mean being sent to a mental ward for having a breakdown or being told by the head nurse that my stressfulness is endangering the patients.
I haven’t ever given up because it felt bad, everything feels bad. I quit when it becomes obvious to everyone that this cannot go on.
You define your own meaning in life gurl.
Why it has to have a meaning? You conquer most of the known world with your father armies, defeat kings and emperors, you get poisoned and we all live on a blue dot in a endless space, we are nothing, we are not even one unit of sand in the grand scheme of things.
How do I make my family be OK with me killing myself?
I have done so many career tests it’s not even funny. I know the top results by heart.
You really think I’ll become a sea captain? A poet? A priest? An intepetitive dancer?
The ”careers” I would be most suitable for are not real jobs at all.
but would they give you purpose?
Dude I really feel you. I came here to ask exact same question. I try, I fail, because I'm lazy trash. Very successful family. I feel lots of pressure, I hear lots of pressure. But I just can't do shit. Sometimes I'd like to kms but mom would be sad. So just keep trying. But I'm such trash, I don't deserve living. Sounds cheesy, ik, but this is just how I feel
A purpose is a calling. I’m not a christian, being a priest would be absolutely worthless to me.
>authors, artists, lawyers, doctors, successful people with a purpose in life, Have you talked to them and asked how they found their calling? Got any tips? Applied them? >as much as I’ve tried everything like my life depends on it, it’s starting to look like I’m just not cut out to having a purpose Do tell more. What have you tried. For how long. Why did you interpret the failure as lack of purpose?
>sea captain? A poet? A priest? An intepetitive dancer? Seem pretty doable things. >The ”careers” I would be most suitable for are not real jobs at all. Meaning and purpose doesn't come from muh jobs. The shit makes you want to pursue one, sometimes; but it starts with you and what you want. People can make a living writing dinosaur erotica; earning jew gold is by far the most simple part; once you're passionate for something.
Things I've failed at:
1. Being an artist (10 years, 3 in an art school, graduated, never found work)
2. Being a writer (10 years, never could finish a book)
3. Being an electrician. (less than a year, I dropped out of class when it sent me to a mental ward)
4. Being a nurse (1 year)
5. Being a scientist (1 year of trying to get into university, didn't make it at high school level classes)
I can't do arts, I can't do simple construction, I can't do caretaking, I can't do sciences. What point is to live if you're good for nothing?
>10 years, 3 in an art school, graduated, never found work Not exactly shocking when it comes to art. Doesn't mean you actually failed unless you gave up on making art. >10 years, never could finish a book Well, it does take around half the time to learn the stuff. What stopped you from finishing one though? For many it takes a few stillbirths anyway. >I dropped out of class when it sent me to a mental ward Related to similar shit as science? And the issue with nursing was you over-stressing? Over what? Any experiences with therapists? Recommendations from them? >What point is to live if you're good for nothing? "Good for nothing at the stuff you tried so far"* What about IT meme? Stuff like entry level coding and web dev doesn't require you to be great at math. Though it's approaching it from the wrong side either way; first comes you own desire and interests. What did motivate you to try the stuff you did so far? What do you actually like to do when coming home from the current job?
Nigga go fishing.
>book 5-7 stillbirths now, the only first draft I finished, I didn’t like how it ended.
>electrician For similar reasons. I don’t fare well with maths or chemistry, I can’t memorise long lists of shit I don’t care about, rules and ratios and calculations.
>nursing It turns out that the emotional toll of being constantly surrounded by helpless people 8 hours every day takes a toll on you. It’s hard to spoonfeed someone while thinking it would be a mercy to kill them, 3 times per day every day.
>any experience with therapists? Ever since I was 14. I would recommend not seeing any.
>IT How is IT different from math? I tried to get into school for IT once, the top 44 scores on the entrance exams got in. I was 213th.
I wanted to write because I wanted to create stories. I’m good at coming up with fun ideas, story details and character concepts, but they never go anywhere, I can’t get them to stay together as a plot.
What I like to do is to get drunk. If I can’t do that, I watch netflix and do a cross stitch.
i'm considering drinking myself to death, if all else fails you could try that
> I didn’t like how it ended A shame one can't adjust that – oh wait. >It turns out that the emotional toll of being constantly surrounded by helpless people 8 hours every day takes a toll on you. It's definitely not a job for everybody. And the pay suck dicks too. >I would recommend not seeing any. They vary a lot. Had my share of experiences with a few since 14 or 15 too, and most were mediocre at best; which still wasn't too bad. The only decent one didn't really do much either but having another perspective had its advantages. >How is IT different from math? More practical and applicable. It's more about getting the logic. As a step down from that, there are simpler jobs like taking care of/installing the infrastructure – should be doable by basically anyone and definitely not as soul-draining as warehouse shit. >but they never go anywhere, I can’t get them to stay together as a plot. That's the less artistic "work" part of it. Hell, you can even follow cookie cutter formulas a la (saving the cat/heroes journey) until you get the hang of it, and then add variations. "Great stories aren't written, they are rewritten" and all that. >What I like to do is to get drunk. If I can’t do that, I watch netflix and do a cross stitch. I mean ... you might get an epiphany after overdoing it with drinking but it's not the most efficient way to figure out what to do with your life.
>book You’d think so, but everything that built up to that point simply reached its logical conclusion. I’d have to essentially just write a whole other whole different book with different characters from the start to change the ending.
>IT I HATE all sorts of logic puzzles, riddles and problem-solving. I hate ”understand the pattern/guess the logic!” sort of things.
Can you do IT if you hate computer work?
>storytelling That’s the part where this horse dies. Ten years of trying and I’ve never managed to properly do that.
>drunk Overdoing it killed my father in his 50s. I expect to follow.
>but everything that built up to that point simply reached its logical conclusion Stories, just like real life do not always follow a clear cause and effect pattern. The characters could do everything that leads towards A and still end up with B; only gotta sell it to the reader. Besides, what's to dislike about a logically sound ending. >I HATE all sorts of logic puzzles, riddles and problem-solving. I hate ”understand the pattern/guess the logic!” sort of things. Fair enough, doesn't sound ideal for IT. >Ten years of trying and I’ve never managed to properly do that. Sounds pretty hard to believe tbqh, unless it was ten years of a very similar approach. Did you get any second opinions on it? Perhaps your issue is that the written story doesn't match the much better version in your head or a self-imposed ideal, instead of actually having a major fault. >Overdoing it killed my father in his 50s. I expect to follow. Medicine advances constantly, and it's not like there aren't alcoholics who lived past 70. Shit, even with the 50 mark, 25 more years of warehouse & netflix purgatory sounds horrible. Might as well fail at writing more stories. Or try some stuff that sounds vaguely interesting.
>book Because there was no non-shitty ending option and Game of Thrones kind of already did the whole ”villain wins and the heroes who don’t die miserably end up living miserably”-thing.
>IT I don’t have much experience in IT but all that I have has been roughly as pleasant as the time I was pressured into sex by a stranger who refused to leave my cabin.
>Did you get any second opinions on it? I’ve BEGGED people to read my writing, but I haven’t gotten anyone to glance a single sentence. It’s like trying to coerce people into touching cold dog poop.
>vaguely interesting Well, I’ve wanted to try psychedelics but the only drug dealer I know refuses to get me any.
>book Come on, choosing anything based on it being unique is silly. There aren't that many different ways to do it. "villain wins and the heroes who don’t die miserably end up living miserably" in GoT wouldn't be the same as yours based on the characters and journeys that lead to it already, and someone else who picked that ending archetype would have a totally different version too. (Besides, at least the show bitched out of a fully negative ending and Martin promised a bitter sweet one too)
>but I haven’t gotten anyone to glance a single sentence. Even online? There are fuckloads of forums for any type of stories; and hell even /lit/ can do the job for a paragraph or two.
>the only drug dealer I know refuses to get me any Holy kek, even your dealer is worried for you? Though it's advisable to take the stuff with someone experienced for the first time anyway, are they even against that?
I graduated college with a BA in Political Science. Since then, I have not worked a single job that I couldn't get with a high school education. In fact, at my last job, a girl who didn't have a high school degree, who was late so often she was eventually fired, was offered $20/hr to the $12/hr I was being paid, for the same exact job. Every single job that isn't just a minimum wage-or-slightly above slave position requires 2 years experience, which is impossible for me to acquire. I am in debt, I am currently unemployed, and I have no future. The only reason I don't kill myself right now is because my dad has threatened to kill himself if I do.
>even online? I’m not really comfortable with paying money for that kind of services, it feels like hiring a prostitute. Call me naive but I still feel like it should be something both of us enjoy.
>dealer He used to be my middle-school classmate and he once picked up a chick from psych ward who proceeded to stalk him for over a year. He doesn’t trust my judgement and I don’t trust his.
We all live meaningless lives to some extent. You’re probably not even halfway done with your life yet, just get a wagecuck job while you look for something you won’t fuck up
>I’m not really comfortable with paying money for that kind of services Not talking about an editor right away. There are tons of places where writers exchange pieces of work and get feedback from each other. Not quite professional feedback but beats nothing at all.
My ex used to love my writing, he’s the only reason I ever finished my first book’s first draft. I was motivated to write because he wanted to know how it ends. I wish I could have that with someone now.
Someone who isn’t bat shit insane, that is.
My sis used to motivate me by demanding more to read but as a writer you can't afford to let external feedback being your main driver in the long run. Don't you have some story you HAVE TO write down? One where you want to see how it all plays out?
No. I’ve got some ideas I thought were good, but if nobody else cares, why bother?
I’m not the type who has the grit to work thanklessly for no payoff and nothing in return for months and years on end. You get tired of joyless grind eventually.
The joy comes from seeing results. Or at least should. Others liking the stuff is just a huge bonus. Besides, is it really less rewarding than sedating your brain with netflix? Having some story to work on will keep you mentally occupied during a menial job too. Just do it, faggot.
WHAT results? If nobody reads it, how do you know there ARE any results?
Yes. Writing is painful, tedious and unpleasant, like trying to drink sand from a coffee cup. And if nobody is impressed with you drinking an entire cup of sand, why WOULD you?
I can toy around with story ideas when I work. Writing them down is fine too. Writing out the actual story, now that just feels like cutting off a toe with dull scissors.
>how do you know there ARE any results? First, simply having pages over pages over pages of shit you've written. It's already an achievement and if it's a finished draft, even more so.
Then there is seeing how the stuff improves with every draft; you remember some cringe-y scene or even sentence, and now you turned it into something amazing, or at least not offensively bad. Some dialogue so good, it made you read on despite being there only to look for the typos. Sometimes it's as simple as a great sentence or some witty wordplay you pulled off. On a plot level, you get constant development. Some cool twist that surprises yourself, some neat resolution, a critical bit of a character arc turning on its head, a death scene that hits you in the feels.
And sure, all of that is even more powerful when shared with someone else, art is about connecting after all; but there is a lot joy in the process and progression itself.
>Writing is painful, tedious and unpleasant Sure, but there is a shoot of endorphins waiting after each hurdle. Is the idea of impressing yourself for your own sake really that outlandish?
How can you tell if you’ve gotten better if nobody else reads it? How do you tell if it’s witty when you’re the one who came up with it and the only one judging?
You can’t impress yourself the same way you can’t tickle yourself. That’s not how brains work. Otherwise you’d be impressing yourself constantly for the endorphins.
Being a self critical fuck who looks for flaws everywhere does that.
But even if your own critic isn't a noisy annoyance, it's really not that hard to tell for the bigger stuff. Not noticing any obvious flaws on a re-read and ideally getting absorbed into the work is a good hint that you did something right. For witty it's even easier, how often do you laugh about your own jokes? If the stuff got a positive reaction out of you, it's probably because it's actually good. Rereading a draft after letting it rest for a year and having "I see what you did there" moments is damn nice. Hell, I even had a moment with a plot twist in a half assed story idea, which still amazes me (wish I could get the same reaction from the story I actually care about though)
Also you generally overestimate the value from external opinions. Pick any work of art, no matter how much you love or hate it, you'll find reviews with completely contrasting opinions about it. If the artist was surrounded by the types of people who hated it and didn't continue because of that ... there would be a lot less art around.
>Otherwise you’d be impressing yourself constantly for the endorphins. Have expectations/goals that are reasonably high, surpass it. Impressing yourself is pretty easy actually. Workouts are the most obvious example. Do a 2 minute plank. If you succeeded, do a 2,30 min one and so on. For mental tasks it's a bit trickier but if you're honest with yourself, the same principles apply. Besides at the very start even something as simplistic as wordcount works. "Wrote 10k words today when I usually barely manage 1k" it's the fuel for the whole NaNoWriMo cancer.