Gf has low sex drive. We have been dating 2 months and see each other about 2x a week. Both mid 20's. After the first few times we now only have sex about every other time. It's usually >I'm tired (or unspoken puts in retainer)
I think I make it pretty clear that I'm asking for sex >I need you >I want you >I'm so horny while grinding her and pushing my dick into her and she'll just say "I'm not" and lay there with her back to me.
Extra frustrating because I try to somewhat time when I'm going to get my nut off, but I never know if she's going to be in the mood and guys are expected to always be in the mood. Maybe spicing up the sex we do have would help? The problem is how can I do that if she never wants to have it? I'm also inexperienced and so the whole "just ask for what you want" thing actually makes me sort of anxious because I don't know what to even ask for (maybe rape play, but can you really go from 0-100 like that?). I can go for a long time if I want and she's even said this is too long it hurts (I couldn't cum). She's on the pill which probably doesn't help. Besides this I like her a lot and there isn't any other bullshit she puts me through, but this makes everything seem kind of doomed.
Sex once a week seems pretty normal to me dude. Is she into you? For example, how excited does she seem when you make out? Or do you even not make out much?
Joshua Ortiz
Once a week is not a low sex drive. Also have you bothered asking her what kind of stuff turns her on? Try that.
William Brooks
>Do you get her off? At her request and usually what I shoot for is when were fucking I tell her I'm close and she'll rub her clit and we'll get off at the same time. I go down on her and get her off too though. It's really hard for me to cum and takes a ton of concentration so sometimes only one of us gets off. All this shit I read online says that's fine and normal. Is it?
>Sex once a week seems pretty normal to me dude. Really? I would have expected 2-3x a week, that's about how often I try to bust. >Is she into you? For example, how excited does she seem when you make out? We don't really have makeout sessions. Either we makeout and it leads to sex. Or we just exchange a couple of kisses. In fact this is seemingly the best indicator for if I'm getting any later if she reciprocates.
>Once a week is not a low sex drive I mean, I read about people here who fuck their gf nightly. Even during the honeymoon period? Just seems like it will taper off even more. >Also have you bothered asking her what kind of stuff turns her on? Try that. No I haven't. Seems obvious, I can be kind of dense, I'll ask her when I see her again. Should I try flirting over text and stuff too? I never know how to do it without coming across as seedy. Usually I just wish her a good day and it never gets dirty.
Andrew Hughes
>I mean, I read about people here who fuck their gf nightly. Even during the honeymoon period? Just seems like it will taper off even more.
I mean, everything's relative right? Sex drive varies extremely widely and fluctuates over time due to various factors. I'll use my husband and I as an example (5 year relationship) - okay admittedly in the first few months of our relationship we did have sex basically daily BUT bear in mind we started living together basically right away (we were nuts, yes but it's turned out so far). Since those earliest few months how often we have sex varies quite a bit, ranging from going 2-3 weeks without to periods where we're fucking like crazy every day again. I should probably point out that the latter periods usually correlate with the times when we are spending more time being intimate in other ways - sometimes it feels like falling in love all over again. We also talk a LOT about what turns us both on to discover common ground.
So basically OP what I'm saying is start these habits early:
1) Keep the lines of communication open when it comes to sex
2) Remember that a long term romantic relationship has three aspects: passion/sex, intimacy, and commitment. In my experience nuturing the latter two increases the former.
Isaiah Cook
I suggest you to reconsider finding new gf if sex is your priority. Some women simply dont enjoy sex at all. If you stick with her, it can easily turn into one sex per month and once she gets pregnant, it will then be one sex per two years.
Couples have sex the most at the very beggining of relationship. After that it only slows down a lot. If she is like this at the start, you are heading to dead bedroom marriage meme.
Hunter Campbell
Fucking ask her what she wants numnuts.
Jonathan Taylor
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it OP, if her sex drive is this low in the honeymoon period, then you're in for a bad time in the long run. Me and my boyfriend used to fuck like rabbits in the first 6 or so months, I'm talking 2-3 times a day during the work week and then like 5 times a day in the weekends.
Now we've been together for 2 years and we still have sex about 5 times a week (or more if we're on holiday and don't have to go to work). That's still a significant difference to the like, 15-20 times a week in the honeymoon period though. If you two barely fuck now, how will it be in 2 years? Once a month? It's fine if you're ok with that, but such big differences in libido will only lead to resentment in the long run.
Ryan Rivera
I'll talk to her, but the whole "what turns you on thing" I don't know how I would even answer. It just seems so unlikely to increase the frequency, maybe the act will be better. I mean now that I think about it she never initiates or gives anything beyond really subtle queues. Why do girls then stay with someone they aren't attracted to. What should I do to up my sexual mystique like when we first started dating? I honestly still get butterflies thinking about cuddling and fucking her. Is this from being too available and all the standard red pill advice? Kind of figured you have to tone it down at some point to form a real bond.
Jason Rivera
m8 relax. Sit her down and tell her how it makes you feel when she rejects your sexual advances, and then ask her >What can I do that would make you feel sexy? Not what turns her on, ask her what makes her feel sexy. It adds humanity and romance. "What turns you on" is more robotic, and more safely asked in the heat of the moment.
Adrian Stewart
Sex once in a week is normal... in marriage.
Yes there are time constrains, and other issues that makes one not wanting/unable to have sex, but i have read you make her cum, wich is real hard for most of low libido women.
If you are both young, you just started dating, and sex scarce... how do you think it will be when you live wih or marry this girl? I'm on the same boat, made a huge mistake because we are both in a 2,5 years relationship and it has been 1 year that i cannot control my anger and frustration. We just have sex once a month...
Dylan Mitchell
People’s sex drive usually dosent change, so you better be comfortable with the amount you got now and know it’s going to be way less in the future. Or, realize you guys aren’t compatible and break up.
Brody Morales
Man I hope we figure something out because I really like this girl. She seems to good to be true otherwise.
Is it acceptable to jerk off next to her in bed? More than anything I like a release to control my own cycles. I don't watch porn either.
I wonder if it has to do with the pill too.
Adam Perry
And should I just make this a let's make our sex better conversation? I'm sure there's things I'm not doing for her that she hasn't asked. Not sure if a blunt approach is better or worse.
Hudson Edwards
>And should I just make this a let's make our sex better conversation? Sure. I even drafted a prototype script for ya >Babe, is there anything you're not getting out of me sexually? >Her: What do you mean? >Sometimes you reject my advances, and it makes me feel [unwanted, frustrated, [adjective]]. So I was wondering if maybe there was something I could do to make you more receptive to me. And then ball's in her court.
Jacob James
Appreciate it my dude
Juan Rodriguez
Just got out of a 4 year relationship just like this. Started a couple months in and never left. I wanted to bail after 6 months but she was an amazing person outside of sex so I stuck around. After a year it was basically once or twice a month till we split. The lack of sex was annoying but it did a number on my self confidence.
I was 'very understanding' but ultimately not getting what I wanted out of the relationship. Every 4-5 months we would talk about it, have sex two days in a row then she would be off again for the rest of the month.
You can love someone for who they are but not be passionate. Her realizing that was what was unlimitely the death of us.
Aaron Young
You're gonna get many answers and I'm gonna give you the one piece of advice you need to hear: sexual compatibility is very much a thing. Whether that means you fuck every day like rabbits or not at all until after your wedding, you both need to be on the same page.
You need to have a serious talk about the different levels you're on sexually.
Julian Robinson
>Is it acceptable to jerk off next to her in bed?
ask. sometimes if my gf's too tired for full-on sex, she'll happily take her tits out so that i can rub one out. she doesn't have to do much but i get off and she feels desired; win-win
Ryder Myers
True.
Agree. Definitely ask. My ex and I did this mutually as well.
Oliver Richardson
Have you thought about whether she actually finds you sexually attractive? Believe it or not, but some girls will date you even if they aren't sexually attracted to you. In my experience, if a girl is hot for you she'll be down to fuck you almost tirelessly for the first few months of dating... Which is also my response to anons here who say that sex once week isn't bad.
That's true if you've been together for years. But if you're still in the 'honeymoon phase' of a relationship, it's quite normal to be having sex every single time you see each other and usually more than once per meet up.
Jaxson Anderson
>i'll talk to her Sexual compatibility isn't really something you can discuss with your partner. It's either there or it's not. Talking to her about how horny you are and how badly you want to have more sex is a surefire way to turn her off even more than she already is. You can't negotiate desire. If you start negotiating sex with her, the sex becomes a chore to her. Google search 'negotiated desire' if you want more info on this.
Also from your reading your original post, i'm getting the feeling that your foreplay sucks ass. It's pretty much non-existent. You're seriously asking her for sex and then you start grinding her ass?
That's not foreplay dude. That's downright cringy.
John Gonzalez
Str8 ppl have it so rough, the great thing about being gay is that the other person is 10/10 times down for sex
Blake Ward
Well this is fucking depressing. Kind of wish I just stayed in ignorance and didn't make a thread.
>That's not foreplay dude. That's downright cringy. What should I do? If she's into it she'll be grabby with me too, but if she's just laying there with her back to me I still want to express my desire. Telling her I'm horny isn't a negotiation. Serious, what's the non-cringey way to ask for sex then? It *is* a sexual relationship after all, so if it's not totally organic without speaking then it's hardly unreasonable to outright ask.
What says is probably right and that she just doesn't find me that attractive. I'm pretty skinny and small frame, but tall and ok build. Most people don't find me that attractive, but I've found some are crazy for that.
Mason Hall
>What's the non-cringey way to ask for sex then? You don't ask. Asking a woman for sex is beta, needy and quite simply a turnoff. What's sexy about some desperate chump begging you if he's allowed to stick his dick inside you? If you go down that route, it's almost like using your girlfriend as your personal sex doll. You'll find yourself in a sexless relationship in no time my friend. Or you'll find yourself having to buy her gifts or do the dishes in order to gain sexual access in return.
She's a human being. If you want to turn her on, you need to play on her emotions, arouse her and then sex 'just happens'. It's all about passionate making out, touching each other in the right places, running your hands down her hair, giving her that gaze of desire etc.
Levi Lewis
I feel for you mang Had a gf exactly the same. Loved everything else about her, but her low sex drive. And yes, once a week for mid 20's is a low sex drive. She used to say, if you love me it shouldn't matter we don'[t have much sex. I listened to her, and in the end married her after a few years. Fast forward 12ish years, and 2 kids later. We are both late 30s now, sex drive hasn't improved in the slightest, and she isnt on the pill anymore (hasn't been in 5 years) I have been having an affair for the last 2.5 years with a woman who's husband is the same, low sex drive and not home half the time due to his work. Mrs gets suspicious, accuses me of infidelity, I tell her I had an affair. She's sad. I tell her the only reason I'm still around is because of the children. I have come to resent her because of how shit the sex life was, (at times before having kids it blew out to once a month or 2, and 6 months after each kid was born) We are still together, but she will never trust me again. And I'm still seeing my gf. Who by the way has a high sex drive and we get on great.
A few years back I had a secretary who knew I had a shit sex life, (no, nothing happened, she was 20 years older than me and not attractive). But she had great advice. One day sat me down and straight out told me, "You should never have married her. People with badly mismatched sex drives will never work out in the long term. She was right, all it does in the long term is make you feel unwanted, and you will eventually crave that attention somewhere else. tldr; you don't have to leave her, but just don't marry her, or expect a long term (years/decades long) relationship to work. And definitely don't make any big purchases with her. or you will be giving her half your shit when you split
Oliver Sanchez
>1 times a week is fine Try more like 1 times a day is fine I woud need to be very much in love to even stomach that. Beside there is this shit called conjugal duty. If I wasn't in the mood but my GF wanted me to fuck I'd fuck her good. It's my duty as her boyfriend and husband. If you can't get your woman/man satisfied how do you expect them not to cheat in the long run ?
Liam James
>It's all about passionate making out, touching each other in the right places, running your hands down her hair, giving her that gaze of desire etc. Well I do this and she doesn't respond half the time. Or she puts her retainer in and basically signals "fuck off I'm going to sleep" with a few cuddles and some back rubbing.
Oh well it's my first relationship and mostly my first sexual experience. Honestly it all seemed to good to be true after such shit luck on dating apps that someone of her caliber is into me and to ignore all my own red flags and inexperience. I can't imagine many 20 year old guys tolerate fucking once a week when first dating. I guess I'll just feel this out and see what happens. It's still a good experience overall.
Oliver Powell
Millenial and zoomer are all about what is owed to them. About what right they have But they don't understand in their little airhead that the counter part of every right is a duty The right of freedom of speech is the duty of the governement not to impeach the freedom of speech of it's constituants The right to unemployement benefit is the duty of every worker to give some of their income into a bank that'll redistribute it to the unemployed In a relationship you have a right to a partner that satisfy you, so you have the duty to satisfy them. If you can't stomach that duty or if she can't just calls it quit for incompatibility, just like if she wanted to move abroad and you did not. I love you but we are not right for each other, good bye, be well.
I am a man of duty and there is a sacred duty in mariage. If you can't honor your wife it's like you can't honor your God, you make him cry. Don't accept duty that you can't If my wife asked for sex and I was drop dead tired I'd just say okay but we gonna play like I'm your slave sex toy and you are just gonna ride me while I lay still on the bed. Fuck I wouldn't mind if my girl told me that, there's something quite exciting about fucking a girl who doesn't move and react. It's kind of a sex play and she doesn't have to do anything. Or she can give you a quick blowie that doesn't require much work because if she is good she can make you cum quick I'm not the kind of hard working guy but those zoomer and millenial disgust me. How can you do anything in life if you can't fuck your wife ? It's like why do you either getting up in the morning if you can't do the one thing God designed us to do, just stay still and wait for death
Also listen to he is totally right. I've never asked for sex one day in my life. I just start to kiss her then slowly caress her body, then I start to kiss her quicker, my hand goes down toward her crotch or her boobs, but at the last time you make a u-turn (cont)
Leo Cook
but at the last time you make a u-turn and leave her hanging. Then you can slam her on the bed like she is just a fuck toy and look deep inside her eyes with a look like "I'm gonna ravage you tonight" Find what turns her on and do that when you want to make her horny. Honestly some women would like their boyfriend to rub they already penis on them signifiyng the guy is already hard at the simple idea of fucking her, but everybody is different. My girl could just pull out my dick like it's a fucking toy in a vending machine and I'd be ready for her.
m8 I'm the guy who wrote I lost my virginity at 28 and it was something like my second sexual experience but I still would drop her if I wasn't satisfied Experience is quick to learn and just because you are a late bloomer doesn't mean you should settle, if you are confident you won't ever find anybody else then maybe do it, if not keep looking Now you have way more XP into relationship and sex But for me thank god I stumbled upon what seems like a sex maniac
Justin Collins
>>It's all about passionate making out, touching each other in the right places, running your hands down her hair, giving her that gaze of desire etc. >Well I do this and she doesn't respond half the time. Or she puts her retainer in and basically signals "fuck off I'm going to sleep" with a few cuddles and some back rubbing. Then i have no other conclusion than that she simply isn't attracted to you sexually. It sucks but it happens. Some women think sexual attraction is not important for a relationship but it certainly is. Your sex life will likely never improve with this particular girl.
Best course of action would be to drop her and find a girl you have better sexual compatibility with.
Eli Price
Where were the girl that do not recquire sexual attaction to date when I was a lonly virgin looking for a QT gf ? I feel like I'm the less fortunate guy on the planet. My friend never gets out of his house, he leave one time, comes back with a QT intelligent and sweet gf that went to his home everyday to fuck. Like the guy didn't even had to move from his place to get his dick wet she just went towards him Me I attract fat girls and 10/10 that makes me fall in love with them but turns out to be total psycho Shit breh
