So I posted in the ask guys/girls thread yesterday about a sexual experience with my boyfriend where I had the covers over my head. A lot of people were saying it was rapey.
It's happened like that, but more mildly like a hundred times. It's only happened exactly like that once before like 2 years ago. When he woke up the next day my boyfriend was freaking out and saying he hated himself and that he felt like a rapist.
Today I was upset at him and haven't wanted to talk to him this whole day. This time he isn't showing any remorse, he's just like "whytf are you mad?? tell me??". He hasn't brought it up which annoys me because I think it's something he should address. I don't want to talk to him because I'm disappointed if he doesn't see what he did as wrong. I opened our tablet and he had this article about "nice things to do for your girlfriend" open but it felt manipulative because I got on the tablet after he left the house and I feel like he knew I was going to be on it.
Anyway has anyone else had a horribly dysfunctional sex life with any tips on how to proceed?
Either you're an adult who can sit him down and say "that's not acceptable and if you don't come to terms with that, you can find another chick and pray to God she doesn't take your name through the tabloids."
Charles Gray
First of all, no one knows about what you posted in those god awful threads so if you're not retelling the story then forget about any input on that. Secondly, you talk to your boyfriend about it as you won't be able to fix anything without any communication between the two of you, expecting him to start the conversation is pretty nonsensical when you're the one that wants to have it.
Adam Collins
We've had the conversation so many times but nothing changes. I feel like I can't get him to see how offputting it is. But I don't want to leave so I feel stuck feeling shitty about it.
Dominic Long
Well we'd been drinking a little and when I drink I get really tired. He got really sexual. I kept saying I was too drunk and didn't want to do anything. I said he could do things with himself alone and cum on me but I didn't want sex. He turned everything I said into something sexual. Eventually I went to bed to lie down on my stomach and he started trying to remove my pants. I pulled them up a few times. Eventually he was doing it with so much force that it was burning my skin and I kept saying "owww" and he kept doing it while saying "does that hurt?" I was like "does it matter?" because he keeps doing things while I'm saying something hurts. He ignored that and I put our comforter thing over my head and was just waiting it out.
I was completely limp pretending I was somewhere else and he entered me. I only took the comforter off to say he couldn't go bareback and then put it back over my head. He was like "are you ok??" and I was just limp and held the comforter over my head and didn't want him to take it off bc I didn't want him to see me. He was like "ok sweetie I'll stop" and exited. I was limp for a few minutes longer and then he came back and went back inside. I didn't move except for when something was painful so he kept doing what was painful idk maybe he thought that was me being into it or something when I was just wincing from the pain and crying not from sadness but just because it was a shitty feeling. He was doing things he knew I didn't like like his dick was touching my butt and then went inside. Then he finished and fell right asleep and hasn't said anything to me since.
Idk I know I'm a dumbass pushover but he guilt trips me when I say no and writes me long letters about how shitty I am sexually and it makes me not be able to get in the mood.
But I feel like you should pay attention to if your partner isn't liking something and if they've said no to get SOME sign they want things before proceeding. Or is this normal for men?
Thomas Bennett
So if nothing changes maybe it's time you take change into your own hands Or just keep getting raped I guess. Jesus.
Just go tell him you're going to take your shit to your parents and you're not interested in men who need ultimatums to recognize when they've done wrong.
Or, again, stay with him on some flimsy pretense so he can justify his abuse because how could you NOT like it if you keep staying the fuck around???? Well?
Liam Lewis
Feels like rape to me ..
Liam Adams
It's not that simple, we've been together since we were teenagers and everything we own we made together. I have never been on my own and I have no friends and my family is in a different state. And the problem is my fault too, it's not all his fault.
I am thinking of maybe telling him I don't want sex for 6 months and that I am sticking to it. Then I won't feel expected to have sex. Or maybe couple's counseling but I don't know if that works.
Logan Lopez
those sounds like terrible ideas, I hate to break it to you but your childhood friend is a complete dumbass and couple's counseling/abstaining will just cause him to cheat, because he's a dumbass. this is also normal behavior for guys, but only because they guilt their girlfriends into putting up with it, how do you think pedos end up married with children even when the wife knows about it? this is just gateway shit. I know how hard it would be for you to leave him but all I can say is that it will be harder the longer you put it off - and that is what you're doing atm out of convenience.
Luis Peterson
Jesus. I have nothing for you then, you made a lot of harebrained choices and are now paying for them.
Talk to him and if that doesn't work just tell him no more sex and if he's gonna try, you're gonna call cops. I have a strong feeling he envisions you as trapped and helpless and doesn't give a single flying fuck about you, as evidenced that he raped you.
I've stuck my dick into my girlfriend while she's asleep and we've talked about it calmly and rationally, I told her I would do everything in my power not to and she said it's fine, she kinda likes it when we're both only half-conscious.
Instead, here's your man, fucking you up mentally while you make a million and one excuses for him. Now, what might be the difference here?
Colton Wood
This isn't rape. You are a poor product of common stupidity and internet society. Dudes don't know a fucking thing about what you want until you tell them. Sex is a learning experience for each fuck. All he wants to do is bust a nut. You can stand your ground and not give it up or you can give him a handy and make him forget all about it or anything in between. I don't think you are a flaming feminist but you have been influenced by them. It is sad that they take the seriousness of real rape and put this shit in that category. It desensitizes people against real victims. If someone wants to fuck me, I take that as a compliment.
Colton Lewis
it's not "real rape" in a sense that it would stop happening if OP ended the relationship, I agree about the part where society influences people and puts pressure on them to do things they aren't comfortable with though, both are victims of this shitty fetish culture.
Zachary Ross
1. I never said it was rape, I said others called it rapey
2. I told him a million times I didn't want to have sex that night and if I say no he just averts his dick for a few minutes before trying again. Even if I say I absolutely do not want to have sex at all tonight, please stop, I just want to sleep. Last time I kept saying stop when he was trying to put it in and he kept saying "it was an accident, sorry", and that happened like 15 times where I had to swat him away, then the last time I decided to be just whatever about it, see if it really was an accident. But then he went balls deep and finished.
If I say "ow" or "this is really hurting me" from something he's doing he'll just say "sorry" but he won't ask what it was and he'll do it again right after, or if we're in some position he won't change positions if it's painful unless I go nuclear and yell at him.
Gavin Perez
Both are victims? One refuses to stand their ground and one refuses to be reasonable.
Daddy issues and mommy issues, it's like a match made in Heaven, only if Heaven were /b/.
Andrew Jenkins
You're an idiot. Either solve your problem by making him realize his wrongs, or else just stay there. Your options aren't many.
Lucas Evans
How do I make him realize his wrongs?
Andrew Edwards
lol. is he aziz ansari by any chance?
Nolan Anderson
You've got a ton of solutions here and if you can't figure out how to get angry with someone who's flagrantly shitting all over your basic liberties then I really can't help you.
He sounds like the kind of guy to swing when things don't go his way so I'd keep your arms tucked in and get ready to enter a bracing stance with your legs. When considering these situations, your safest bet is to kick, and remember the N rule-- nuts or knees.
Jaxon Fisher
>Daddy issues and mommy issues I don't think you understand what either of these things mean.
Brandon White
My takeaway from the comments has been that I'm an idiot and should leave him, I'm asking how to approach this with him. If I just get mad it won't change anything
David Moore
>I'm asking how to approach this with him "I don't need this shit. i'm out"
Lincoln Hall
I mean to make him realize his wrongs, not to just leave.
Jacob Allen
what if he is just ignoring the fact that it's wrong?
Brody Gonzalez
Maybe it's that. That could explain why it keeps happening even after apologies. Is there a way to tell when you're talking to someone if they're genuine or if it's just them ignoring it?
Wyatt James
>averts his dick for a few minutes You make me smile. This is typical stuff. You need to fight it out. Been fighting the war for years. We came to an understanding that, at least I should geet a bj every Thursday. If my feelings are too strong, she will slay the dragon and I go to sleep. It also took me some time to stop being a fucking baby and leave her the hell alone. Be understanding and stand up for yourself at the same time. You drive him mad. Sounds like you guys are on the right track. Maybe both of you need to man up a bit. Those other Anons weren't me. I am your tag. I reiterate that you are okay and said my rape stuff for the benefit of the readers. You're cool.
David Johnson
Yeah, you supposedly have a connection spanning years and he won't even hear you out.
This is the problem, you're more than an idiot. There is real basic shit that you're missing completely. He's not even hearing you out.
Look OP I get it, I get it I get it I fucking GET IIIIIT. Your shit Sucks with a capital S right now, he basically has you trapped and to escape that you're making all manner of justifications to avoid coming down to the simple reality that he doesn't really love you, just loves having you conveniently subservient to you.
If you want a genuine how-to on this, it's gonna be a veritable essay. You're going to be constantly trying to snap traps that will catch him in weird sociopathic behaviors.
The problem is you're attached to this idea of him and to your status quo, but sometimes you gotta break that shit to get it back on track for reals.
