Ever since the beginning, ever since DECEMBER you PLAYED ME LIKE A TOY.
and when I'd call you out on it, you'd cry and beg for forgiveness, and I'd get softer and softer and you'd get MEANER AND MEANER. You knew my issues, my CPTSD and yet you knew it was my biggest mistake too.
Because when a smartass like me would know what abuse looks like, she'd get blinded by the man she loved the most to get tortured in a whole new way!
And when I'd say sex started to make me uncomfortable, you told me "Uhm, young people like us should have lots of sex, not doing so isn't normal" and you'd pout, you'd get upset, you'd treat me like SHIT to the point of me breaking down and then you'd put the blame on me, framing yourself as the victim.
At first you'd get mad when I'd try and talk to you, but then as I'd step down, you'd cry and beg and beg and beg
until you did it, you used the mental torment you made me go through to sexually abuse me, and when I left you for it, at first you tried to rationalise, then you cried, then you got ANGRY. And finally, like you always did, told yourself "none of this was my fault"
I dared speak out and you flamed me, I had to hide. I lost my friends, and I had nobody. You made me dependant to your toxicity to the point where I even came back and then, you took that around to use me and throw me away again and again and again over and over and over. I tried taking my independence finally and you'd come back telling me "this guy's bad why are you hanging with him"
When I realized you made servers about me to talk TRASH about my family, the only few friends I had left, you cried again begging for forgiveness "I'm sorry I didn't know what I was doing"
And when I'd make you promise to never talk to these people again because they would WISH ME DEATH. Afterwards, after you'd throw me and take me back, you'd use that against me. "Oh she made me lose ties with my friends!" And I can't fucking speak out because I'M NO ONE.