How does one overcome the horrors of modern dating?
How does one overcome the horrors of modern dating?
I love dating so give me a quick minute to read this and I'll let you know what sticks out.
By asking someone out directly.
By not worrying so much about it, goddam. Every single date, merely the act of asking a chick to grab some coffee or sushi, becomes an insurmountable obstacle to you people.
If you live belittled by your anxiety, nothing will change. Ever.
Alright here we go
>sting of rejection
I've been turned down plenty but I can't remember the last time that it was over something critical, i.e. "you suck in the following way..." So why would it sting if a girl tells me that I'm just not her type? Different strokes for different folks. I'm just not her flavor of ice cream.
>to look at online dating as more of a video game than as a viable way to make a real connection
That one is totally legit. There is a huge wave of people who have lost the distinction between dating and hooking up. Totally fair.
>Swiping Left: Dismissing someone as a romantic opportunity
More like dismissing them as a sexual opportunity, as above. I'm worried this article is now going to do the same thing I just pointed out and blur "dating" with "hooking up."
>abundance of choices, in any realm, can increase levels of anxiety and depression... not to mention wasted time
I'm not sure how this is making modern dating a "horror" but it is true. Constraint is generally a benefit to decision making.
>Despite this, romantic opportunities online abound.
Agreed, and I think the article brings it back here to draw that line between dating and hooking up.
So OP, if you're horrified by modern dating then I think the issue is in that blurred line I keep talking about. I'm sure dating would be horrible if you kept trying to "date" people who were only looking for "hook ups." So be upfront, and be careful about people who would lie to you for a quick smash. I think if you express patience in finding people who actually want to date then you won't be so horrified.
By stopping online dating, I swear tinder bumble and all these apps have done nothing but make me unhappy.
Bruh if I try to talk to women normally on Tinder they get bored and move onto the other billion dicks being waved at their face. I've been ghosted so many times I am numb to rejection, but instead of stinging it's moreso of "what's the fucking point".
I've done this shit many times, they flake last minute because this culture is flakey as fuck. Hell even my good friends do this shit from time to time. Is no one ever good for their word anymore?
There is very little point to putting in any effort at all on Tinder. Like I said, huge wave of people who have totally mixed up dating and hooking up.
You're trying to talk "normally" to people who are intentionally there because they want dicks waved in their face...and you're bothered by that not working?
True, I need to get the fuck off that validation app. It just seems insurmountable to find a partner who I am attracted to and have a meaningful relationship. My friend group has no female ins, so it's been hard to meet women. Online dating seems like my only option, but even that's fucked.
Again, I came into this as a person who legitimately loves dating. I'm speaking from personal experience that it's not insurmountable. Just have a little patience and try to meet new people outside of your friend group. I do well in that department by volunteering a little bit every week.
1.) Are you good looking?
2.) Are you extroverted?
3.) Do you have a normal personality and sense of humor?
If you answered yes to any of these, then it's alot easier for you to just "go out there and meet people". Some of us cannot connect with other people easily. I'm just too weird.
Definitely yes to all three.
But I also used to be ugly, introverted, awkward and had almost no sense of humor. I'm the archetypal ugly duckling. So yeah it's easier for me now but I had to make that happen for myself.
And really what I'm speaking to is the possibility, i.e. that there are really women out there who want to "date date" and not "hook up date." You've got your own hurdles to overcome first and I totally empathize with that. I'm just saying that there is a point in doing it.
Im happy for you man but some of us can't have the ugly duckling transition. I agree those options exist, but they are severely limited and mostly rely on luck
>some of us can't have the ugly duckling transition
You can at least go from ugly duckling to mediocre duck, even if becoming a swan isn't in your cards.
>they are severely limited
No that's the one thing I'm trying to get across to you: there are a LOT of women out there who "date date" that are getting lost in the noise of the "hookup date" girls. That's completely separate from the question of your own attractiveness. I swear to you, they exist. Not making any promises about whether you'll hit it off with them. I'm just saying there are a shit ton of girls out there who actually want to "date date" and are as frustrated as you are by cultural trends that dominate any avenues they would have to make those dates happen. I swear to you they're there. I go out with them all the time.
Well, letting yourself be a constant downer will turn most women way away. Women tend to be more downers than men are, or at least that's how it's supposed to be... but now guys are basing all their worth off having a woman, and letting not having a woman eat them alive, and they're becoming intolerable to be around as a result.
They always have been, but now that they have echo chambers on the internet it's so much worse.
Nobody wants to "date date" on those apps.
Eh, some do. Mostly the new ones who don't realize what a futile attempt it is. After a few guys gun straight for the smash they realize what's going on and dip.
It's because it fucking sucks being single all your life. I have amazing grades at a top uni, happy family life, good friends, not impoverished, so not having that basic emotional connection eats me alive every day
How do I meet them? Most hate these trends but are on the apps anyway (I'm guilty as well).
Exactly, no girls actually want to date on those apps.
This is what they are usually there for.
>more insta/sc followers
>ego boost when they see likes and guys flirting with them
It's all about turnover when it comes to meeting women who are interested in actual dating. By that I mean that you have to keep encountering new people all the time. I gave volunteering as a good personal example because there's a mix of new participants, people who come by on a weekend for a one-shot activity, networking between groups, etc. Gyms are good too because you can vary your schedule between weeks and bump into different groups of regulars. The upshot to what I'm saying is that you need to keep seeing a fresh set of faces as often as possible. From there it's up to you to practice your approaches until you're good at sparking conversation. Don't be bashful about asking questions to get to know them.
This is such shitty advice dude, why would you tell him this?
Damn you're right, sorry I must have had a stroke or something.
What I meant to say was to never meet new people. Stay within the same insular group you have now until it slowly dwindles to nothing as people move on in their lives. Remain totally consistent with your habits and schedule. Wait for the minuscule handful of women in the periphery of your life to approach you; never make a move on them. And if they do ever express interest, don't at all take any initiative.
There we go, that sounds way more effective.
I workout regularly and I feel as though it's frowned upon to approach women there. I can try the volunteering thing, feels kinda scummy to just do it to meet women.
Meant to reply to
It's alright talk to people at the gym. Just don't stare a woman down from across the building and then bee line right to her in the middle of a set.
It's also not scummy to do an inherently social activity with the goal of socializing. The causes you're helping don't care about your personal motives as long as you're helping.
By venturing into the wasteland and leaving desire behind.
Become insanely attractive. Looks are everything.
Tried exercising and volunteering, what else can I try?