I'm a woman in my early twenties and I feel isolated from people in general, even though I have a number of friends...

>I'm a woman
Why should I feel sorry for you? You had a few daddy issues or something? Grow up. You have it too easy compared to most of us.

I'll say your revenge fantasy isn't really that extreme or fucked up desu considering your circumstances, and I think you could definitely find a good dude would try to make things work with you. maybe get the fuq outta bama though

Strap on might be a tough sell for most guys. The rest honestly sounds pretty hot though.

>so he has to live with that trauma forever. The same way I have to deal with mine.
Honestly if you want to fuck up a guys life you don't have to go through all that shit. Just fuck a rando then accuse him of raping you publicly.
Don't even have to go the cops and do a fake police report, you can get him fired and evicted just by tweeting.

I don't actually want to do any of this stuff. That's the thing. I don't really want to hurt anyone, not in reality. This is just how my mind has warped sexuality for me. Which is a real shame...

I've met a thousand 'damaged' bitches just like you, and you people are a dime a dozen. Get over it, faggot.

so what you are saying is that you had to play a part you didnt want to play? And the reason is that you are in that part you dont want to play is because of the abuse and and world you are living in right now.

save up money and move some place like LA, being in a totally new environment would help, and you could be who ever you want to be, fresh start and all that. I also say LA cuz people here don't care, being "fucked up" honestly scores you some points, everyone wants to be a victim.

Ayy, Birmingham user here lol. But seriously tell a friend that you really trust about your abuse, it'll help you a lot. I understand how weird it can feel to be non-religious in these parts (I live here but was born in the PNW, much different atmosphere there) but just know that there are a good few of us out there.
>I can never get a boyfriend or fall in love. I feel like any guy interested would stop caring as soon as he learned about my sexual issues, and just go find a normal girl instead of working through my baggage. Which I wouldn't blame him for either.
Humans are shallow, the lot of us, A lot of people will put up with a lot of bullshit for an attractive person to be intimate with.

Yo OP sorry for all the shit you got in this thread.
I'm similar to you except I got the more submissive urges lol.
Write down your feelings and try to find someone you can open up to, a friend or therapist. I also hope you can move someday. I know there are atheist meetups in bible belts.

You don't seem to be actually about to rape anyone, you seem maybe the opposite way, too ashamed of your urges. Maybe you can try to come to terms with it as a simple fantasy/kink and nothing more? Those can be entirely separate from your real life, and that's fine. Maybe a therapist could help with those feelings.

I know what you mean about feeling alone even when others are there for you. I've often felt that way. The best way I've found to combat it is to enjoy the benefits it brings. You have this whole little private world you can escape into through music, art, spending time in nature, etc. and just letting your mind wander.

What helped me most was therapy. Exercise and good diet helped. Slowly experiment by being more open and "yourself' with friends, while keeping most interactions positive. Start slow and build up, you'll be surprised to find that many people actually enjoy authenticity and will often reciprocate with their own stories.

Thank you so much. I plan on moving once I can afford it. And you're right when you say I'm ashamed of it. Some anons above you used the term disparagingly but, having a messed up sex drive does make me feel "damaged." And I don't like to feel that way.

Thank you for the well wishes though, maybe I'll try being more open. A bit at a time.

No problem!
Honestly though, trauma does "separate" you from others. So does anything different. What I mean is that you simply had different experiences than the average person, and your experience has shaped you.
You can view this as "different, weird and damaged", or you can see it as having a unique perspective and experiences that have helped you to become a stronger, more thoughtful person. I know this doesn't solve the sex drive issue, but I've found that dealing with the underlying issue by accepting it makes that stuff much less burdensome.

there's no such thing as a normal girl. every grill has a ton of baggage that she inevitably dumps on her bf after a few months together. its up to him to decide if she's still worthwhile or not. so relax your situation is totally average.

Let me tell you there's a guy out there for you. Just in the meantime keep clean don't sleep around! As for your family they will probably be pissed and try to change you but just out yourself. And I was also abused as a child you can over come the statistics. I was beaten and sexually abused since I was 4 but life dose get better I hope this helps.

Write poetry.

Seriously. It will help, even if no one else ever reads it