My mom drives me insane

How do I accept or just ignore this person who i love but who is a total jekyll and hyde.
>Guilt trips me
>Plays the victim
>No self reflection
>No introspection
>Jekyll and Hyde or better yet overbearing mother and the stranger

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Get them therapy for BPD.

I don't know because I'm going through the same thing. The final straw came a couple of years ago when I decided she was never going to change and I told her we were through.

Since then she's made several attempts to get back in touch all while denying do anything wrong or giving me vague apologies without ever acknowledging her behaviour.

I'd got to the point where I've been just deleting her text messages as soon as they arrive but a couple of days ago I decided to reply and laid out exactly how she has fucked me over and why I'm angry at her.

Her response was to ignore everything, blame me for my mental health problems and then accuse me of being the reason I don't talk to my brother when he's the one who fell out with me and told me to never contact him.

get who therapy?

Your mom you idiot
Who else are you talking about in your post

Dude I still live at home and the thing is when I work up the confidence and stability to want to change shit and leave she reels me in only to shoot me down as soon as I show a little crack in confidence.
Ive gone from ignoring her completely, to being nice, to getting angry as soon as she tried to "make things alright again".
It sucks how I want her to be part of my life but can't but also dont have much of a choice but to cross paths with her.
My brother has had the same problems and always told me "let mom and dad be dont bother with them just do your thing and bounce".
He was right but he also suffered a lot under her.
He had little to no social life (I did but thats cause I skipped classes and just rejected every bit of authority)
He was a virgin till he was 25 or so.
Dude literally just went to school, played football and once he dropped football he would only workout and study.
Since my brother left home I understand exactly why he was so stressed and insecure all those years.
He basically served as a sort of lightning rod.

Well perhaps you meant me I dunno.
Also its weird to me how you make up a diagnosis like that.
I dont know if you are a shrink or anything but its quite the suggestion to be honest.

All the stuff you mentioned are telltale symptoms of BPD. Of course i could give you a way more accurate and specific diagnosis but i dont give out free therapy over the internet and it would require at least 5 hours to get to the bottom of your mother's behavior. Just from what you said BPD sounds like it fits the bill and CBT helps MOST personality disorders anyways. So even if she doesnt have BPD, the CBT will help her in some way anyways

What about me though?
I grew up with this?
Shouldnt I do anything?

Sounds like narcissism or bpd. Now I'm not a shrink but from my experience with the former, I can tell that they never ever change. A strong pointer that your mom has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is that she doesn't look at her own actions or rather flaws therein.
Does something trigger her perdonality change? For example not giving her what she wants?
My dad lied about not being able to pay for my college and when I showed him he was legally obligated, he promised he would up until a day before the deadline where he shifted again, leaving me compelled to pay for it myself (OP don't let it come to a courtcase).

All by all narcissists don't change but if your mom has BPD and admits she needs treatment I guess you're a little less unlucky.

Well from what ive gathered so far is that
>She's insecure
>She projects
>She isnt honest about things she worries about
>She becomes controlling when she is stressed
>She can be very very mean and just say shit to rip your soul out, somethign ive never encountered anybody doing
Its all very abusive but I can see its from a place of fear, pain, insecurity and love.
But its still fucked.

My theory is that it has a lot to do with my dad being too passive and her being an immigrant.
Perhaps her mother didnt like her marrying a protestant.
If anything my mother reminds me of this youtube.com/watch?v=FboWtJiNYro
She isnt this bad or pretentious but as a kid she would squeeze my arm really hard at church for instance or tell me that I shouldnt mention that im an immigrants child etc.
She does however dress up to walk the dog as if the shit she picks up doesnt stink.
when we first got the dog as a puppy she was kind of repulsed because dogs are dirty and what not.
Shit broke my heart.
So i picked the dog up and shoved it in her lap and kept it there till she gave in.

Does anybody know what I can do though cause like this fella said they never change and ive tried many things

Where is she from? Is she different in public? If so, how does she act when others/strangers are around?

I'd suggest reading up both on bpd and npd, see which shoe fits her best.

She's from a roman catholic family while my dad's the typical liberal.
My dad's pretty much the same guy around everybody though when he's insecure/uncomfortable about something/around somebody he either just goes silent or talks a lot.
My mom on the other hand uses others to get out of embarrassing situations.
She'll, for lack of a better word, talk shit about me to a relative or somebody she deems is above me.
Basically how a parent would treat a toddler because the toddler doesnt know or care or what not.
Yet she still does this.
The only thing that really stops her from doing it is if I break the "etiquette" of social behavior and just get angry.
Which she then tries to downplay.
It's such a plastic fake behavior as if she cant relax and has to impress people.
That's why I call her misses bucket.
I came up with this nickname when i was like 10 and my brother 13 and he died laughing cause its so spot on.

Leave and reduce contact to a minimum, and everytime things start getting sour just get away again.
Make every moment a good one and avoid the bad ones. She probably needs therapy and because of her you might, too, but that's for later.
Best way to deal with toxic relatives is to not deal with them.

Again, I'm not a shrink or psychologist but you should cut as much contact as possible. On top of the list of traits you attribute to her, she also seems to lack empathy (for her own child). The longer you stay in contact with her the more it'll abrase your confidence and autonomy OP.

Aight thanks for the talk Nietzsche ;)

What makes you think I'm a long-dead philosopher, user?

My moms bpd. When I’m not depressed she’s bearable but when I am I want to fucking kill her. I’m just ignoring her for now

that's just normal mom behavior
don't think about it too much, just ignore her when she pulls shit like that

I know a couple of women in my family with that problem, I really think they're bipolar because they start yelling the moment they hear something they don't want to hear. The worst part of it all is they don't understand the psychological damage they can do to people if they behaved this way for a long time.