Be me

what makes you think a sexless relationship is the norm? how unaware are you of society?

First of all I know it's not the norm. But it's the way of having a relationship that I want. Second, it's not a sexless relationship. It's a relationship where sex happens something like a year into the relationship, not within the first one or two months like usual. That's the way I want. If there's no guy who's willing to do anything like that, fine. But I wish they'd be honest.

Sex before marriage ends up being sex without marriage.

better go to your local church tomorrow morning then

is there no acceptable middleground between sex on the first date and waiting until marriage? Have I entered some forbidden land?

I am the kind of person who would be fine with that, but I still think you are a bit weird when you out dates in these things.
Having a mental map of things a couple should do or wait for over a year i to a relationship that isn't started is weird.
The sex within 2 months of getting to know each other is what kept me away from attempting relationships when I was younger. I felt sex ruined a good relationship and I would have been happier if we did other things.

you didn't say on the first date tho
if you're escalating sexual things with a partner he will expect actual penis in vagina sex...

I completely understand where you're coming from but it's not an actual mental map, it's more of an example for the user I was talking to. That user said it's a "sexless relationship" and I'm just saying it's not, sex would eventually happen.

I know he'll expect that but I specifically told him I wasn't going to do that until I was really really ready, and he said that was fine. But then as soon as it became clear that I meant what I said, and I wasn't just going to spread my legs when he got me drunk or whatever, he broke up with me.

There are guys who are willing to wait. You're stupid if you think that they're the kind of people who "slowly start getting sexual." They know better than go to down that road.

Do you mean those guys will just want to wait until marriage then?

Yep. Otherwise it's one long slippery slope, pun intended. "Just the tip," "it doesn't count if I don't move," "I'll pull out," etc. You don't get to turn back once you're heading down that path.

that's called being polite
would you be better off with him disagreeing and leaving on the spot?
again, you're too clueless

"really really ready" means nothing to him. It's an indefinite condition completely arbitrary to him. Its like saying "I really like ice cream but i'm just waiting till the right time."

What will make you ready? Did you explain what would make you ready? should have given him a fucking bone.

You were already with him for 9 months. If you're older than 18 then why the fuck would he think you're the one if he can't even connect with you on a sexual level? Sex is a healthy part of every relationship. Waiting for the right moment to happen held back any intimate growth that was needed to take place. Withholding sex because you don't trust him is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Sadly enough he was probably a virgin too and willing to wait 9 months to make love to you and lose your virginity together. It would have been beautiful. You don't just fuck someone you've been in a relationship with for 9 months. At that point there is a deeper connection when you have sex. By holding on to your virginity so tightly you threw away his. Now he's gonna slay puss till he's 30 then find a 23yo qt wife material and marry her.

>blueballs guy for 9 months
>somehow is angry the dude couldnt hold it anymore
Women.

I wonder why you keep telling that to OP. Do you know any like that? I dont.

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You guys both make sense and I say that legitimately. But I wish he'd been honest with me. Not kidding, if he had said, in any way, shape, or form, "I feel sexually unsatisfied with you and I want to become more intimate," I probably would've thrown him a bone as you say. Or at least considered becoming intimate sooner. He just never gave me any indication of him being dissatisfied. When I said I want to wait, he said "That's perfectly fine, I don't care," and then never brought it up again. He gave me the impression that he really didn't care about sex, and that he just wanted to be with me. That he wanted to take it slow. And then it turns out he was lying.

I did tell him what I needed to be "ready," for the record - I told him I wanted to date for a few more months, meet his parents, and have us become more comfortable with each other. I suppose that last one was vague, but, once again. He immediately agreed to this. He told me this was absolutely fine by him.

I suppose I just want honesty. That's it. I'm not mad at him because he just wanted pussy. I understand a lot of guys are like that. I don't blame them. I'm just mad that he wasn't ever honest with me.

> 9 months
> just wanted pussy
if he just wanted pussy he would have left you after 2 months.

>When I said I want to wait, he said "That's perfectly fine, I don't care," and then never brought it up again. He gave me the impression that he really didn't care about sex, and that he just wanted to be with me.

If this didn't come up within the first month of being together then you're lying. If expect me to believe this didn't come up again later in the relationship, then you're crazy. Every man on this earth past the age of 13 wants to have sex. It's "perfectly fine" for you to refuse having sex. He doesn't want to pressure you into sex like some guys would. He wants you to want it as much as he does. If he were to tell you this, he would be pressuring you into sex. He was many too sweet and made it feel like a non-issue so you would feel pressured. After 9 months without mentioning sex he must have just thought you would never want it as much as him.

Did you want to have sex with him at all? Why didn't you? It wouldn't take too long. Do you think sex with your lover is shameful? Do you think your lover would leave you the next day because you think sex is a man's prize?

Relationships are about sex if you dont plan on having it dont get into one. Stop giving shit tests and whining when chad dunks on you

you were dating for nine months and you never let him fuck you? I would have left you too, I dont care how cool you are, I'm not a fucking mormon.

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If you don't want to have sex after 9 months then it's your fault. You led him on. He wasted his time on you, when you never cared about him. Unless you change you will die alone and a bitter virgin.

Honestly, this guy is better than what you deserve. He could've just got some pussy on the side, but no, he did the man thing and left you, straight up, no bullshit. We should all hope to have partners as straightfoward and honest as this guy. Fuck this bitch though.

You don't want to have sex with the men that are willing to wait.
Jesus, women.

Yeah 9 months is a crazy amount of time to wait. I won't call you any names for that like some anons here. It does sound like you either didn't really like the guy or you have some fear of sex/intimacy getting in the way of your relationships.

You wanted someone to wait for you and he wanted for nine months lel. Did you ever give him bjs?

*he waited

I am impressed he could make it 9 months. Even if I was 100% mad interested in a women I would break it off right away. I also don't blame him for trying to smash right away afterwards. dude must have been blue balled as fuck. he was clearly into you. if I dude can get laid quickly from tinder no way he is dating for a month let alone 9 just to get laid. he was really into you but just couldn't make it work so finally said fuck it and got his rocks off.
Don't get me wrong, I am not here to judge your lifestyle. you do you. but what he said was true, you guys are just too different. try dating other abstantant people. idk try christianmingle or whatever the fuck. You can't really expect people to wait that long of they aren't waiting for their own sake as well.
tl;dr guy probably really liked you but couldn't accept your lifestyle. Best option is to try and find dudes who share your values on sex instead of trying to force them on others.

HAHAHAH HE WAITED NINE MONTHS AND SHE STILL CALLS HIM THE BAD GUY HOLY SHIT HOW DELUSIONAL ARE YOU

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this. I bet she led him on with "not anytime soon" bullshit like she was just holding off for the right guy or until it was serious.

What's your goal here?

>cute and funny
Stopped reading right there. Get out you sick fucking pedo.

tfw no gf that will not want to have sex and would rather wait

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im in a very shitty locale, and im still waiting for someone to lose it to because im not a fucking idiot that sleeps around. just persevere, you'll find someone

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All these prudes in this thread lmao. You deserve getting dumped OP if you had sex with him you'd still be together, who the fuck waits 9 months for sex with someone they like? A couple of months is understandable but 9 fucking months? You lost him and he went on to fuck stacy, you deserve it.

Good lord. Any dude who isn't comfortable with your pace will bounce and find other options. Take it as a lesson and find someone different, if that is what you need. Don't trip.

Holy shit, what is with all these posts telling you to have sex? OP, your virginity is one of the things that make you stand out and be better than others without it. Now ultimately, when you do consummate, yeah it may be disappointing and even shitty depending on the guy. However your conscious choice to save sex until marriage elevates you from the common thot. Not because it is a virtue, but because sex is a bonding activity. The final, physical bonding activity. It will allow you to have a closer and deeper connection with your partner that is nigh unbreakable unless there is deep and severe betrayal. These other posters cannot understand because they have already been broken and rebuilt stronger, but scarred.

>teenager virgin trying to give advice about sex and relationships

>Muh sacred virginity
God fuck I hope the woman of my kids won't be one.
Fucking stuck up moral / jezusfags with all their enlightened ideals and holier-than-thou 'pairbonding' memegraphs.

Guys want sex. It validates their position in the relationship. Everyone tells them 'if she's not getting it from you, she's getting it elsewhere.' It only takes being right about that once to believe it every time.

Alright, here ya go OP.
I was a virgin until I was 22. I had several opportunities in highschool and turned them down. I joined the military and things were quiet a couple years. At 21 I met an 18 y/o girl who was VERY kind and wanted to wait until marriage. Unfortunately I have a dark sense of humor and show love physically and by giving people shit/tough love and we weren't a good match. She actually did want to have sex at one point in our relationship but I said no. At 22 I started talking to the daughter of my 8th grade teacher who I had a crush on back in the day(I was nearing the end of my military career by this point so this was long distance over the phone largely). I liked her a lot and she was mostly what I was looking for in a woman but there was a big problem. She had two semi long term relationships in the past and had slept with both of them. Obviously a lot over that time. This was EXTREMELY difficult for me. I visited her on a leave break and we got engaged after two weeks of being together. We also ended up having a TON of sex. I was certain she was the one. I somehow knew I could trust her and knowing the person that I loved had had sex with other people and not me was excruciating. Like legitimately mentally debilitating, I can't even explain the hurt. It felt like my world was turned upside down while I delt with it. I know that may sound ridiculous to others but it is how I felt. The only solution I thought might help was to sleep with her. I made up my mind that she was the one I wanted to marry and would be ok if she got pregnant. I committed in that moment in my kind. Guess what? It worked. Mostly. I started to think about the fact she had slept with others less and we ended up getting married 2 years later. We are still happily married 5 years later and we have one of the best relationships of anyone I know. Every now and then thoughts pop in and it depresses me that she slept with others and I didn't but it is rare.

How does he get a hookup every night?
Asking for myself

24yo volcel. Yes. London?

>Validates their position in relationship

Your position should be on equal footing,, just because she's not getting it from you does not mean she's getting it elsewhere. If everyone lived in relationships like this then no one would ever be in a relationship. Because boys' insecurities. What damaged goods you are.

Usually I work through it by being proud of myself that at least I accomplished what I set out to more or less by only sleeping with who I knew I would marry. I can tell you she suffered because she decided to sleep with other men in her life. Her first bf was very abusive. Sexually and emotionally. I can't advise my strategy for others because I probably lucked out (although I am incredible at reading people). Honesty is THE most important trait you need to find in someone else. If someone EVER lies to you. Dismiss them IMMEDIATELY. It is better to be forever single than to gamble with someone who is not 100% honest with you. At the end if the day I learned that there is no easy answer. If you have sex with people you will probably end up hurt. If you don't have sex with people you will end up hurt. It's lose lose unless you get REALLY fucking lucky. I wish I could help more but maybe this will give you something to ponder. There are probably guys out there that want to wait but they are probably shitty guys.

> virginity is one of those things that make you stand out and be better than others without it.

The self righteous are the first into the fires. Holier than thou

Guys don't want sluts, whores, or loose women. Having sex with your boyfriend after many months of love does not make you a slut or ruin your life. The same people who want virgins are the same people that want women to shut up, clean the dishes, stay in the home, and never look at another man.

Having bf is like having a dog. You can have a happy and loyal companion. But in order for your dog to be this happy, healthy and loyal companion you have to do dog things with it like playing fetch, going for walks etc. You can understand that when you don't do these things your dog will be neglected and can't be a good dog.
Same thing with a boyfriend, if you neglect his needs he won't, he can't be a good boyfriend. And if a guy has to chase you for 9 months, then be in a relationship for 1 year in order to get a basic need fulfilled, that's just neglect. You'll shy away 90% of guys you could have a good relationship with because you can't give them one thing that a guy needs to be happy with you

Save your virginity for marriage.

been in online relationship for 4 years, met few times, we never smashed yet, doesnt really matter to be honest, though I am a sexual person and so is she.

Pretty much every single year of relationship and each time we met up learned more about her, no year has been the same, and only now after 4 years I feel like we actually know each other to the point where random betrayal wouldnt happen.

I think time solves everything, its risky as you might end up just wasting your time, but I think key is to learn to see through people and what they are like, what makes them tick, what do they want etc, and then deduce whether its worth holding on to them like a mad dog

>Strawmanning and shitting on traditional lifestyles

What happened in your life that you hate traditional lifestyles enough to call the male participants all misogynsts pretty much?

Most guys are just out there to smash, just so you know.

Also, if you dont want to smash with him, its his prerogative to try and look for someone who will - why should he let his best years go by to wait on your ideals?

Sex is awesome and should be something that one can enjoy with ones partner of choice freely - if you inhibit your partner in that way it wont lead to an increase in his happiness in any way.

Maybe try and find partners that are less sexually active / have a lower sexual drive so that this doesnt conflict with your relationships - but about guys wanting to smash all the time, there is not a lot that you can do about it unfortunately.

Sorry.

What a pitiful cuck fantasy. A guy who is so extremely insecure as you could never get a girl. You exhibit all the signs of being closeted.

>4 years
>no sex
You're friends, not in a relationship.

false, dont fret too much, but your opinion is false
Actual penis in vagina isn't what makes a relationship real, theres other ways to feel intimate

You've never been in a relationship, how would you know what they are like?

this

ganja

Kek. A lot of men claim they want a virgin but really if you don't give it up on the first year they will bounce. Its silly to me. Do you want girls to value their virginity or not? Anyways, you both had different ideas of what you wanted from a relationship, even if he wasn't really honest about it to you. You only have your virginity once, if you want it to go to someone special and you didn't feel it was him within those months its not a big deal. You can both move onto relationships that will be more fulfilling.

itt: future middle life crisis patients

>there are people itt that think sticking penis in bagina will somehow magically open up a new door into getting to know someone better
You doged a bullet op. Having sex with this person sooner would not have saved this. He was being dishonest with you even when you confronted and were open about what sex was to you.

Its his fault for not being honest about his needs to her. She was honest and open, if all she got back was a fake "oh I'm cool with it totally" then he is an idiot and she is not to blame for it.

20% of men get 90% of all women.

Sounds like nature is doing its job to making sure only the top percentage of men can mate thus promoting a stronger overall species.

There are guys out there willing to wait but they break down into a few categories. One is religious practicing guys who are waiting until marriage. But if you are not their religion and don't plan on marrying them in one year or less than they are not for you.
If you are just holding on to your virginity because you feel too young or that you aren't dating seriously enough for sex then you sound like a typical high school good girl or a prude depending on who's describing you. If vaginal sex is off limits then what exactly were you and your ex doing for 9 months? If you aren't comfortable with something don't do it but realize that you may be the one with issues. If you give away everything but the pussy then you should ask why are you are actually saving the pussy. If you are barely doing anything physical then your ex probably decided that he would rather bang through tinder than waste more of his time and presumably youth waiting for you to be ready for sex.

You misunderstand. It's not the top percentage of men. It's just the men with the strongest sex drives. Literally any man can get a woman if it's the thing they want more than anything else. Men who just want to get laid will get laid and move on.

So no sex huh? Is kissing allowed? If I found a woman I really liked I would be willing to wait as long as it wasnt years until we got intimate.

years
>>no sex
>finally had sex with her a week ago
>it sucked balls
Just fuck my flimflam up.

You might not want to hear this, but as a guy, if we're not having sex by around the third date or so I'm likely going to assume you're not actually into me and move on. Sexual compatibility is important, and relationship dynamics change once you've done it. Why invest a year of your time and commitment into a relationship before you know the actual dynamics of it?

How old are you OP? If you're below 21 I would understand why you wouldnt feel comfortable with intimacy. Just know if a man waits many months for you it means he's taking you seriously.

Bruh, fml.
Guy will obviously want sex, when it gets sexual, just give him a bj. Guy will want to bust a nut one way or another. Iam telling u this as a guy. And i think others will agree with me.

Yes, but you must be white, want to get married, want kids, and want a simple life of raising animals and gardening in the name of Odin.

This.
Sex is the main thing that makes spousal relationships different from your other friendships.
Want to talk about your life?
Seeking emotional support or advice?
Want to talk about society/philosophy/etc?
Want to just hang out and dick around?

All of these things can be attained through friendship with other males, but sex is different. With the right women, it's amazing, having both a physical component and an emotional one. A lot of women seem to dislike the hard truth that sex is the thing makes our relationships with them "special", but sex is a beautiful thing.

Wait til your married

>Are there guys out there who are actually willing to wait
Yes. In the present day, though, there's much less value placed on this kind of mindset. Don't compromise, femanon.
>or am I just fucking stupid
No. You're based and redpilled for your cautiousness, and it will only lead to the highest quality relationship for you.

What are you waiting for?
Sex is fun.

You are missing out.

Some people like to wait until marriage. I imagine its much less fun when you feel guilt for compromising on that.

You are an idiot, OP, and you should be ashamed of yourself. You will never again find a guy willing to wait even two months, let alone nine. And nine isn't good enough for you, apparently.

Unless he was a loser, which is just as funny. If you're willing to exclusively date losers and jesus freaks, then they might wait. But any self respecting man will not.

I imagine it is much less fun when you feel guilt for satisfying your natural urges.

Marriage is an arbitrary religious construct.

>Be self respecting
>Just have le sex with people lel xDD
Pick one.

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>Having sex in a 9 month relationship means not having self respect

>Are there guys out there who are actually willing to wait or am I just fucking stupid
You're making this sound absolutely disgusting. Like people are actually "waiting for sex".
Wow, what the hell.

Personally, I diligently follow the no sex before marriage rule, but it's not because I'm "waiting".
There's no anticipation of sex. It's not a "reward" for being patient nor is it a "goal" to seek out.

A self-respecting person "waiting for sex" - what a horrible vision!
Like it's a queue in a shop or something. Can you imagine? Yuck!
Find yourself a man who doesn't subscribe to this whole sex-filled yolo philosophy trend that permeates the air nowadays.
There's plenty.

And please, don't settle for those that are "waiting". It may seem like a middle ground but it's not.
It's an absolutely repulsive way of thinking. Get someone with a clear head and priorities straight.

While your greentext may be true, you mentioned two months. I don't know man, I've just got traditional values, and they seem to have worked just fine for me. Waiting 'till marriage is just not that difficult, desu, and if that's something someone wants to do (or even nine months), I'm not sure it warrants calling OP an "idiot."

All guys are sex driven, but if your the right person the good ones will wait. If the girl I’m seeing said she wouldn’t want to have sex for a long time I would stay with her because I really enjoy being around her.

I-if you deviate from societal customs you deserve to get hurt!!
Orange man bad

what are you even saying?
of course you'll get hurt

I'll say it for you: OP, you are one gigantic idiotic cunt. If you feel like you have a connection with someone then, fuck it, lose your virginity. Look, I understand wanting to wait, but there's no right anybody or the perfect someone. You just have the people around you.

Consequence and merit of said consequence are not the same thing patrick bateman

Ah yes, curse her! Curse her and her wanting to adhere to some kind of traditional values! What a whorish creature!

and?? you're still gonna get hurt lol i really don't get your point

>your virginity is one of the things that make you stand out and be better than others without it
Nobody is saying for OP to whore herself out and let her coochie loose for anybody. Her man felt a connection and wanted to take the next course after spending nine months with her, she just thought it weren't worth it. He cut it off like anybody rational would do.

So you agree? Thanks for playing!

i don't even know what you're saying (3rd time saying this) but sure, you win bruv

maybe it's your fault, you prude fuck

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