Should I hang on?

>Became 21 today
>No big achievements
>Middle-class family
>Meh-at-best college
>Virgin, no gf and best friends are constantly busy or in other countries
>Distant with family, dad's a drunk that doesn't even know what am I studying, sister never talks to me, mother forgets everything.
>Shitty and skinny body, very hard to gain weight, I look 4 years younger.

I kinda beat my suicidal shit years ago because I felt totally useless and worthless. I've been going to therapy to fight anxiety and depression, I'm a highly functional human being and kinda social, but nowadays it feels hard and those thoughts keep coming.

I have no debts, no childs, no big family. I'm disposable and replaceable, suicide looks like a nice option again.

Tips?

Attached: images.jpg (278x181, 8K)

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/channel/UCERm5yFZ1SptUEU4wZ2vJvw
youtube.com/channel/UC68TLK0mAEzUyHx5x5k-S1Q
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

You seem to be well aware about the things that annoy you the most about yourself. What stops you from doing something?

just means you haven't peaked yet. probably will happen late 20s-30s.

I tried to go to the gym and I failed thanks to getting flu/diarrhea and losing the 2/3kg I got in 1 month in only 4-5 days. I can't find a space nowadays to hit the gym again thanks to the final year of college and service hours.

I can't grow a beard to look older, most of the girls I like end up liking me as a friend, seems like I feel attraction to girls that don't find me as "their type" and I can't help myself that much with what I like.

I don't know what "something" I should be doing, i'm kinda doing fine in college, I keep going to therapy and everytime something goes wrong I do the good old "meh, shit happens, we can learn from this one and hope it goes well next time" but that stuff piles up and feels like forever. I wish I chose a different career path with more social people, a different college to make more friends and meet more people but 3 years already passed.

I could totally change my looks and hit the gym 24/7, buy proteins and god-knows-what but why can't I find people that just accept and appreciate me the way I was born?

Everytime I think more that it's just not worth it to keep trying because what's the point, why should I keep going

>why can't I find people that just accept and appreciate me the way I was born?
It's hard to say without actually knowing you as a person but it could be multiple things, most people judge based off visual features, this is just unfortunately the people are programmed.

I started gymming and getting fit for more female attention but I now I gym purely for because it makes me feel good, it's fun, and it gives me something to work towards. I highly recommend you give it a try and stick with it for a while, the mental health benefits of exercise are worth it alone, getting strong and looking good are just added benefits. An in-shape body is a sign of discipline and hard work and receives automatic respect from a lot of people. I definitely get treated differently (in a good way) now by people than I used to and it's just because I'm in shape, my personality hasn't changed.

>very hard to gain weight
Yeah bullshit. Thought the same way when I started gym, I've gained ~10KG this year with a significant portion being muscle mass (definitely some fat added but that's expected, gaining pure muscle mass without adding fat is extremely difficult). Eat an extra meal or two each day, add high calorie (healthy) foods to your diet such as peanut butter, drink your calories (I make a 800+ calorie smoothy each morning) and you will stack on weight easily.

>21
you have 4 more years till you hit the point of no return

Thanks, I'll try it for the sake of feeling better and not to please others, I don't want to invest so much in something that's just to impress someone else. The extra meal has been hard as hell but it's doable, the "drink your calories" sounds amazing, any tips with that? Sounds doable and tasty. I also love peanut butter, is it ok to eat that on a daily basis despite being fatty? I heard that it can cause acne...

Do you recommend eating first and then hitting the gym or start both things at the same time.

>Everytime I think more that it's just not worth it to keep trying because what's the point, why should I keep going
The only person who can accept you and appreciate you the way you were born is no one but yourself. Once you become aware of that you might notice that things will start looking better. And to be honest with you, i don’t really think there’s a destination in this life, because i think it’s not posible to get what we want. But as long as you stay on the path both nice and not so nice things will come. It’s this ability to see things not as good or as bad what it means to ‘’grow’’. I think we are bound to just keep moving forward, always thankful of being here and for whatever the future has to come. Always moving into the ideal wich is being free from worries, from the past, from fear, from all of these things wich don’t let us smile, wich don’t let us be ‘’ourselves’’. That’s what i thing it’s all about, but i don’t really know if it means anything to you. I sincerely hope it does though, and that you can actually find some meaning.
You have plenty of things to work on. That is yourself. Just keep trying to become better, and find a craft. That is what we do, reach for perfection.

I have accepted that life has no meaning and that it's basically an absurd, things happen sometimes without reason and the Myth Of Sysyphus actually helped me a lot.

I know I must accept myself, I do, what other options do I have, but it sucks that I'm the only one that feels that. Why is that useful if I must socialize with other people. Sure, I can love myself a fucking ton, that still can't replace human interaction, affection and the experience of loving and sharing experiences with another human being.

I've been rolling the rock uphill for some time trying to have a smile because well it makes no sense and I had to do it anyways so it was way better to have fun while doing so. Nowadays I feel like I don't really "have to" keep pushing and nothing really happens if I stop, no one gets deeply affected. I'm not having fun, feeling joy or getting pleasure rolling this rock, since i'm not 100% sure what will happen staying on the road doesn't guarantee anything, it feels pointless, i'm full of absurd again but it isn't funny this time, it's like an overwhelming, desperate and sad feeling.

For drinking calories I use a Nutribullet blender, I try different things but my typical smoothy consists of the following:
- 1 or 2 scoops whey protein (usually vanilla flavour as the types kinda taste weird mixed with other foods)
- Table spoon of peanut butter
- Banana and frozen berries and sometimes kale & spinach
- Raw oats
- Milk

I usually get home from work and eat a small meal such as can of tuna on rice and veges, egg whites and melted cheese, or just drink a protein shake and then go to the gym. The gym makes me hungry so I get home and eat a proper dinner which consists of lots of protein from quality meat and vegetables.

These two guys on Youtube have helped me hugely and all the basic questions I had they pretty much had a video on:
Jeremy Ethier: youtube.com/channel/UCERm5yFZ1SptUEU4wZ2vJvw
Jeff Nippard: youtube.com/channel/UC68TLK0mAEzUyHx5x5k-S1Q

You really only need these exercises to get big:
- Deadlift
- Bench press
- Overhead press
- Squat
- Pull Up
Supplement them with accessory machine stuff if you want but if you just did those movements and focused of progressive overload (every session doing another rep or adding more weight) you will make great gains.