Be me

Apologizing is the first half.

The second is paying it forward. Do random good deeds until you feel the books have been balanced

okay. its been a long time since ive done good things just for the sake of it. that'll probably help a lot, thank you.

>will i ever stop hating myself?

If you will indulge me, what do you have passion for, what do you want most in life.

i've been making music on and off for a couple years. itd be nice to do something with my art, or at least know its being recieved. thats kindof a pipedream though. i want to make enough money to live comfortably and have free time to take care of myself and make shit.

>i've been making music on and off for a couple years. itd be nice to do something with my art, or at least know its being recieved.
Why not get a bit more serious about it? Could make something of yourself, even if not what does it matter if you enjoy it. What sort of music?

>thats kindof a pipedream though. i want to make enough money to live comfortably and have free time to take care of myself and make shit.
This is your entire problem. Your willing to put your passion aside to do what society tells you should be done. I suggest taking up camping and hunting, learn to survive for yourself and money just becomes a tool and comfort becomes less desirable. If your comfortable your not progressing for it takes effort to progress.
I believe this is the reason so many people are depressed is because they choose a life of comfort and active few or none of their dreams. Comfort and complacency are the enemy of progression and alertness.

i've actually been getting more serious about my music, i actually started writing songs instead of just jamming and faking lyrics sometimes. it does take time, though, and i havent gotten the nerve to play my shitwave live yet. You're right on that last note too, i am compromising my life. after spending so long in my nice warm little nest its hard to tell the difference between comfort and happiness. my ankle's broken right now, but as soon as i'm healed up it's off to the great outdoors. Thanks, user.

Weed destroys your self-image in alot fo ways user
stop using it
I'm stuck in it too and can't quit

i'd never thought weed would make me depressed, not that it doesnt make sense. i'll try going clear headed, kinda desparate to not be sober though.

Is your name Earl, perchance?
Just own that the shit you did was dumb and move on, I doubt the people you apologize to even remember what you did until you bring it up.

yessir this is actually a ploy to find my lotto ticket. you're right, but it doesn't help that much. i need to own up to this shit before i start losing sleep. knowing i did bad shit is reason enough to make ammends where possible. all memes aside, my name does actually start with E. not jason lee though.

shrooms can't be done daily
they're not great because they induce these epiphanies but they decrease thr chances of them happening without drugs (don't think it's permanent but it'll take a while)
but weed is a far more insidious thing
it's as innocent as smoking but it influences your psychologically in the long term because it stays for months in the body if you use daily
you get lazy, less motivated, you lose your self-worth
and most don't notice because they keep using and stop thinking

what could you have done to warrant an apology? Right or wrong emotions get involved so you are only human. Unless you were violent, or you regret racist shit you said.

thats in extreme cases though.

even if i wanted to shroom daily, you immediately build a tolerance to psilocybin. it'd either be way too expensive or stink like the high heavens. i use them to combat my inner insecurities and to patch up my subconcious, have had many revelations. i have been smoking daily for a while now, usually for long periods of time, i imagine i've screwed myself out of a lot. never too late though, the laziness jew won't win.

There's no redemption in life. People do good things and bad things. You can hate yourself mulling over the bad things, or you can hate yourself while doing good things, which is significantly better.

if ive said anything racist its in jest and doesnt need to be apologized for. I manipulated a close friend to send me pics of her a long time ago, been working up to apologizing to her by righting wrongs in my past. its so light its practically nothing, but it weighs really heavy on me so i need to fix it.
good point.

oh, well if this is the first time and you wont again then accept you fucked up and bottle that hate down like you would bottle up your anger.

ive absolutely accepted i fucked up and im not going to do shit like that anymore. but i really do have to tell her, just so i don't go insane. she needs to know. also bottling shit does bad things to me, i need to be able to deal with my own mind.

thank you guys for all the amazing replies. gonna try to get some rest, will probably make another thread when i tell her. goodnight, Jow Forums, thank you for being there on late nights.

the mushrooms, weed and alk are a medicine. They can take pain, make you think and feel in other ways to help you deal with stuff. But every medicine, no matter what, will absolutely fuck with you if taken long term. And if the medicine is drugs like these then they'll change your character and who you are for the worse.

It's time for you to sober up for a few months at least and give yourself rest from the medicine

happened to me with 2 years smoking
i was in a bad place when i gave in to it and it's only brought me to worse places
yeah that's why you can't do jt daily
it's never too late
quit the herbal jew

yeah youre right. im bad about abusing psychoactive stuff in general really. or was, i'm not going to let myself give up. thank you, user. at the very least i'm gonna take a couple months. do something productive to bide my time, learn a language, and read more.

ok this is really my last post tonight, thanks again and i'll see you in a couple days.
sorry i'm a little retarded lol, i thought you just meant permatripping is unhealthy (which it is). and i plan to! it'll be good to be sober, probably

based user
one of the few things that make me want to fix my own failure is when I see someone motivated to do so as well
I hope you make it user, I'll pray for you