What to do about my girlfriend, hapl pls

Okay so my girlfriend is smart, cute-ish and I my ' type of person'. But she has habits which make me feel unattracted to her. Most important ones being: Not working out, dressing well or acting in any way sexily, being on social media like snapchat and instagram, trying to see the negatives in things first, not being adventurous or assertive, not being a fan of self-improvement. These are all qualities I partially shared but have put much effort into moving away from and I am a much happier and well-rounded person because of it. I would want a partner that doesn't hold me back regarding this. But girls my type are very hard to find, are my standards too high? Am I doomed to constantly strive for a non-existing perfect ideal? Should I accept my girlfriend how she is now (which I tried and doesn't seem to work or make me happy) or try to change her and worst-case scenario seek someone else? Sounds a bit calculated and sociopathic which is why I'm posting this here and not on reddit...

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You can bring it up with her but if it's not working out then break up with her and find someone who fits what you want.

Are you me? I feel the same in my current relationship. She has asbergers so we dont connect well on the emotional plane. She has no interest in taking walks and such either.

How do you know when to work on a relationship, try to be happy with what you've got or when you need to break it off? I'm honestly kind of scared of secretly suffering from a grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome. I'm probably happier with this relationship than without so what if my standards were too high? What if I will never find something like this again? Where is that arbitrary line to tell me when I should break up? Feelings can be misleading, some people will never be happy in a relationship for the person they are no the person they're with. How do I know if I'm that kind of person? Do you feel me?

at least you have a gf

I expected this comment.. Not everyone should conform to the "what is worth asking/complaining about" standard of the person with the shittiest life.

You should try and join a gym together so you can work on self belief together. Personally I have the same sort of attitude and when I get depressed about it, I know it's just going to be a repetitive issue and it also bugs my gf. You need to make her aware of her issues if she isn't already aware. But since my issues repeat the same as hers, it could be avoided by breaking up with her. You can't really force her to change. You'll find someone else anyway, because you're not an incel.

bumperino

Sometimes personal growth doesn't sync up with other's - especially our partner's. Have you tried sitting down with her and explaining what you've told us to her? You can't fix a problem if you don't know it exists, so let her know that there's a problem and work on it together from there.

I've let her know (in a nicer way of course) what some concerns were but she doesn't see them as issues herself. Which is logical, I am the one that isn't satisfied with the status quo, she is.

OP sorry for this redpilish comment but don't you think it's unfair that you as a man/male have to beat all these negative traits to eventually have a good GF or just simply be seen with good eyes.

While a female doesn't have to do it to be with you? I think it's fair for you to tell her those negative traits and explain why keeping them won't do good for her, and that you simply don't like them. And that she can choose to progress for herself or for you, but actions have to be taken.

The downside to personal growth is that sometimes you outgrow people. Friends, family, lovers, old ways of thinking that used to work but no longer work for you. What you've gotta decide is if you're happier staying where you are and stagnating, or are you ready to evolve and maybe someday find someone who's more on your current wave length. Growth isn't comfortable. That's the point - growth forces you out of your little bubble. You no longer fit in whatever box you were in before and you need more room to stretch out, explore and grow. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, everything. Evolution.

My ex was like this for me too. I had to decide if I was happy with the way things always being the way they have been, or if I was ready to take a risk, break it off and explore new roads. I chose the latter and it fucking hurt like hell. I lost my partner, my best friend and in exchange I found a completely new life that doesn't involve him and even though I invested a lot of time into that relationship - it was toxic and stagnant and I wasn't happy there anymore. I talked to him about needing a change constantly, but he never wanted to change or to move out of that predictable comfort zone and he wasn't willing to work with me to meet me in the middle ground, so I ended up leaving him behind. He's still there to this day, sadly, but he's happy there, so I guess who am I to say it's wrong? It was just wrong for me and I've had to recognize that my needs and wants are every bit as equally as important as what he wanted and since he wasn't willing to work with me on this, I had to be like Elsa and let him go.

It was worth it. Knowing what I know now, learning and experiencing everything that I have has made me understand that ripping this band-aid off was hard, but it needed to be done. I wish you the best of luck with your future too, OP.

Can you workout together or do a fun physical activity together?

How old are you and how long have you been with her?

Almost a year.

I've suggested many things but she's completely opposed to everything I suggest almost principally.

Look, if you feel like you’re incompatible with her then break up. But relationships are about working through your differences and compromising. It’s surprising that you’ve been with her for nearly a year and are just now deciding that she’s not the one for you. Is it really impossible for you to accept her as is? If you do break up, please don’t rush into future relationships before you’re sure about the girl. The fact that you’re not feeling it with your current gf makes me think that you shouldn’t have made her your gf in the first place

Yeah I know, I know..
But how do you know beforehand what things will cause dissatisfaction with a relationship? How do you know when to work on a relationship and when to give up?

What percentage of women are passionate about self-improvement? Can't be that low right?

>How do you know when to work on a relationship and when to give up?

Not the guy but, i think the point of no return is when the other party is unwilling to change or at least compromise, when the other party seems like to find refugee in some sort of "this is who i'm, it's like you don't love me!" you are no longer talking this but in a state of war.

>When to work
Well when you see someones tries to change their ways, when they recognize your conflict because of the way they behave, when you at least see in the other party enough to love to wanting to change "if this is such a big deal".
Men do it all the time for females, they stop spending time with other males, work harder, and in the current century they do home chores despite being, in general, the bread winners.
I don't know if it's a age situation, but IN MY EXPERIENCE, females do the most effort in the first 3 to 6 months, and changing after that is mostly impossible.

>how do you know beforehand what things will cause dissatisfaction with a relationship?
You may never know everything, but you should at least be dating a girl for a month before you decide to begin the relationship. Take time to get to know her, and talk about your values and future plans.
>How do you know when to work on a relationship and when to give up?
It depends on the person. You have to ask yourself if you could accept your girl’s flaws, or if they’re really flaws that are serious enough to end your relationship over.

it's not low, but it doesn't follow the same thought pattern. I don't have source but i would like to believe that the "bottom 20" eventualy choose the self improvement path, because well, they are at the bottom of society and must get out of there ASAP to use their dating age and have fun, it's like when the fat girls in school refused to take her shirt when at pools but then grows the fuck up/diets and is confident, ammounts a good chunk of traits to be dateable, at least in her eyes.

Some top looks women also do it, for other reasons, but mainly physically. Mostly i blame instagram and post "gold's gym" fitness culture.

The rest only "improves" after big failures, like having a bad relationship, or losing jobs, etc. like most of normal people. But i never heard of a woman who had the urge to self improve for the sake of it, the women who do so are literal bottom tier females.

If you want a incel-like explanation, i did say 80% of males have to self improve constantly, while only 20% of women have to do so, and it's purely motivated by looks/well being (like being too fat)

Basically this.

If you are an average decent guy, there is a good chance you won't find another cute gf. There is a chance your life will go down the shitter and you will jerk off in a dark room.

But people like these cost time, and it's really not time you want to give.

This
>I'm trying to better myself and get rid of my old habits while my partner is still performing those habits
>My partner doesn't give a shit about changing
>How dare they!?

is self righteous behavior, and I've seen it ruin people.
Your girlfriend could be anyone and you're subconsciously using her behavior as fuel to motivate you to continue your journey towards self improvement.
She's the bad example you love to hate.
You're starting to think that after all this hard work you've put into self improvement that you deserve a better partner.
Who knows, maybe you do, but you should really have a clearer understanding of what's going on.

Is this a long distance relationship? How often do you see each other?

If you are under the age of 30 and don’t see yourself with the person of your dreams, break up with them. Your 20’s are for fucking/experimenting/finding out what you like. Why settle in your 20’s when the same type of person is definitely going to be available when you’re older and more successful? For all you know there’s 3 other more attractive and compatible girls and even a dude who you would have a better time with.

What you wanna do is imagine the kind of person you are describing, that you want to be with, in vivid detail: imagine a "future memory" in which you are with them -- ideally 5 years or so into the relationship so there is more of a stable vibe. You want to pay close attention to how this makes you feel, and find out if you have any hesitation or feelings of unworthiness. My best guess is that the woman you are describing intimidates you, but you'll have to figure that out for yourself.

Doing this kind of exercise is will either improve the current relationship, or cause it to disintegrate and invite a new one.

Best wishes

If he is telling his GF his concerns and she is not evolving as a person with him, then he has no obligation to keep dating her. His continued development as a human is positive, and so many other people will see you as datable. Don’t let other people hold you back from being the best version of you.