>you have to be natural and yourself to get a girl >except if you're introverted and/or shy in that case change your personality >also if your hobbies are male dominated and/or solitary drop those too and start doing other things >and also if you're reserved stop doing that and become an extrovert
Why is most dating advice contracictory? How do I separate the wheat from the chaff?
First of all stop looking for pussy and don't change for anyone It'll come naturally
Jonathan Moore
Don't change for anyone, if you change for someone and get a relationship, you'll either be miserable pretending to be someone else, or you'll go back to doing what you want, and the person you changed for initially will be miserable.
The goal is not to have a relationship, it's frankly easier to be happy alone, the goal is to have a relationship with common interests, where you understand and treasure each other deeply.
Disclaimer: Am speaking for myself, so you may have different values.
Evan Martin
It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved. Obviously it will pose limitations to the number of women you will meet: if you don't talk to anybody because you're scared or not like it, never interact with women, and when you do never share anything it's going to make it so much harder to meet a girl and get with her. I always dated introverted men, who had male dominated hobbies and were very reserved. So it's definitely not impossible.
Luis Adams
>just don't do anything and it'll fix itself
This doesn't seem like good advice either.
Evan Cox
It is Not every pussy likes extroverted chads
Connor Flores
Well, I think reducing it to "don't do anything" is kinda, well reductive. You can definitely do things, work out, change habits to improve yourself, study, etc, etc, just don't try to change yourself when it comes to your personality, try new things and if you like them, keep at it, but don't try to force change, I guess my main point is, don't change yourself in order to get a relationship.
Jacob Ward
Continuation since the end there was a bit contradictory: Change yourself in order to better yourself, get a better grip on life, improve yourself constantly, THAT is what will attract the right people to you, not trying to change in order to impress a specific person or archetype of people.
Benjamin Anderson
Women don't do the first move so pretty much every woman in a relationship is there because an extroverted man did.
Grayson Morales
Being introverted doesn't mean being socially retarded. You can make the first move even if you're introverted. Shit, I'm an introverted woman and I made the first move.
Ian Scott
Ok so how does said men get into contact with you in the wild? Or one like you
Elijah Robinson
School, friends, hobbies and online I would say. I met guys I liked/dated through all those things.
Hunter Murphy
stop overthinking it
Grayson Moore
Not really helpful since you just said "life" essentially.
I mean i am super active and extroverted with my friends, but sort of shy out a bit with girls i fancy or not make a move in general. Any tips?
Levi Butler
I mean, there's no super secret spot where all people like me congregate. I'm a super normal person.
You don't sound introverted, you sound shy. The only way to fix shyness is to expose yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable till you get over it. So the only thing you can do to fix you shyness is try.
Hudson Ross
I wasnt OP btw, and yeah i dont think i am introverted in most situations. I just didnt care for dating that much in my life until it got away from me for so long. And now i am trying to make it work but i feel like i am bothering women when i try to approach them.
It is not how i normally get to know people, men or women in general. And trying to get to know somebody long time and grow something romantic from a friendship seem to not work well in my case..
Bentley Cook
>hurr just get over it durr
Owen Russell
A good way to approach dating advice is this.
1. Read one piece of advice. 2. Try piece of advice several times and see if it works for you. 3. If it works keep it, if it doesn't discard it.
Rinse and repeat that process and you will go far.
Most dating advice sites are designed to sell products, so their advice is structured in a way to convince you that your problem is only solvable if you listen to their advice, and ultimately buy their product (not all, but most).
Simplest way to learn about dating. 1.Find a guy who is extremely good with women. 2.Make a habit to hang out with him more often. 3. Copy how he behaves towards women, and see your results change
Cooper Myers
Yeah, if you want to fix the shyness you just need to get over it by exposing yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry there's no comfy and effortless solution that will make you go from "terrified of human beings" to "perfectly comfortable around others". I wish there was. You can stay shy if you want.
You're most likely not, women are human beings. Pay attention to their signals and learn how to read them to understand if you're actually bothering them. It might take a little practice at first, but really it's not too hard once you get the gist.
Brayden Reed
I guess so, it just feels terrifying sometimes. Thanks for the suggestion.
Here have the picture of this street cat that walked in to my room as i post this as thanks..
Usually people who say they can't get girls because they are shy and introverted are actually not shy and introverted but unhinged and spergy autists.
Christopher Scott
Thanks user, very cute catto, I approve. I know it's a bit of a pain but it's worth it most of the time. I dated super shy guys and always thought it was kind of cute.
Sebastian Jenkins
>unhinged and spergy autists I don't even know what this means. How do I find out if I'm one of these people?
But thanks for the suggestions, it just feels a weird when i can navigate most social situations easily except for romantic ones. You are however correct all the other ones required practice too i guess. Have another cat picture..
>It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved. All my male friends who were like this eventually lost their gfs
Yeah you’re good man! I didn’t mean solely with girls, just in general. Being anxious while staying calm is good thing, whereas the whole spergy thing just means to lose your calm
Aiden Murphy
Sounds like your issue is that you're boring.
Lincoln Jones
Well the problem is you have to break out of your shell enough to get the courage to talk to a chick and get her to come around. I don't think you have to drop your isolated hobbies, but the point is you're unlikely to meet a high value chick at a d&d game or fantasy football league.
Jace Harris
>>It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved.
Pretty hard to find a girl if you're like this and not very good looking so you don't catch anyone's attention, though. You might as well be waiting for hell to freeze over.
Jordan Cook
It's obviously harder, yes. If you don't talk to anybody because you're scared or not like it, never interact with women, and when you do never share anything it's going to make it so much harder to meet a girl and get with her. Dating isn't meant to be effortless and super easy.
Anthony Davis
I know. How does one become not boring?
Aaron Wright
What are some signals that you're just bothering a woman?
Jace Rodriguez
I talk to people and interact with women, it's just difficult to ever escalate it into something romantically because low self-esteem + afraid of bothering people + don't meet that many women makes it pretty hard.
And as I said it's also hard to look at someone romantically if no woman seems to ever be interested in you as anything more than a friend.
James Gutierrez
Be open to learning new things. Be open to challenging your current views on life.
James Jackson
It's nothing super top secret. It's the same way you'd tell if a man is bothered.There aren't sure signs but I'll give you some examples: >Smiling and eye contact are sings she's enjoying the conversation, if they lack she might not be enjoying it >Asking questions back are signs that she is enjoying the conversation, if she isn't then she might not be enjoying herself >Pay attention to the tone of her voice and face expressions
Liam Gutierrez
>b urself, unless that self means you never interact with women how is that contradictory?
Hudson Richardson
>Be yourself but only if it's the "right" self, otherwise you're screwed
See how that might be a problem?
Caleb Morgan
No I don’t see the problem. It’s telling people that they’re mostly fine the way they are, but that there are some things they should change in order to be more social. It’s the presentation of the message that’s confusing to people rather than the message itself
Jackson Young
I don't even think you should change yourself, just that you should accept that certain choices you make diminish your chances of being around women and if that's something that is important to you, you should change that.
It's more like "b urself, but urself has to be an extroverted person with hobbies enjoyed by both men and women and a gigantic circle of friends, if not enjoy being alone".
Josiah Scott
Not OP, but wondering about one thing. My gf left me half a year ago because I wasn't willing to commit to something, uh, serious, and the thing was long-distance for a while. I returned to my home city, sorted my shit out, and now I really want to commit. It's not even about securing someone to get laid with, but we share a lot of fairly niche tastes. Do I even stand a chance? We started talking again recently, and this question really doesn't go out of my head.
Hudson Myers
Probably a bad idea to go back to her.
Brandon Davis
It's not that complicated, especially not in the case of women. We all know that women want the popular, tall, good-looking Chad who already has a lot of bitches, but chose her because she's "special". Now if you're not naturally that guy, you're pretty much fucked (unless you somehow manage to get famous/gain status) and thus you got Jow Forums full of guys struggling to get girls.
Asher Collins
It's easier as a woman, though, because you have a much higher chance of scoring. As a dude you're gambling everytime you ask a girl out.
Wyatt Rogers
fucking this. I've only ever been rejected and it feels like shit.
Juan Nguyen
>Why is most dating advice contradictory? All that advice you're hearing about being yourself was given by people from a bygone era. If you want to date now you have to be fiercely competitive. "yourself" literally does not matter to women, your personality is expendable to them. You want to date? Then you have to constantly jump from mask to mask of the current concept of ideal male all while staying more financially and physically fit than other men in your bracket for whatever girl you're interested. If you want to "be yourself" don't date. All women will require a degree of conformity to impress them
Thomas Jenkins
I think I'll just kill myself instead. Fuck this world.
Nathaniel Powell
The problem is you, not us, no matter how hard you project against us.
The problem is you faggots think you can just take one approach to all girls or that there's some system for fucking categorizing them. You're so socially retarded you basically need to go to an elementary level of socializing again so we can recondition you to be socially apt, or at least capable.
You want dating advice? Meet people. Find the ones you like, and tactfully present romantic intent. Never depend on people to give a specific answer, and never hang around someone solely intending to romance them.
There. I bet you will find some way to rebuke that though, because disagreeable contrarian natures come to Jow Forums to echo each other.
Dominic Nelson
This is completely correct, holy shit. Especially this part
>you have to constantly jump from mask to mask of the current concept of ideal male I would extend it to society as a whole, not only dating.
Nolan Butler
thanks neoliberalism for turning everyone and everything into a brand
Jack Fisher
Must be great to be a big brand though.
Zachary Hill
Maybe some day it will turn around, but probably not.
Owen Lee
I like this advice, but the only problem is that all my friends who are good with women have gfs now and so don't go out much anymore
Owen Butler
It’s not contradictory. You just assume all girls are the same. I’m introverted, shy and not very talkative, got hobbies that are solitary and mostly dominated by men. I have had several sex partners and gf’s. And bow I’m married to a woman who likes this kind of stuff. The problem is you.
Evan Williams
How did you find them?
Juan Ramirez
College. Bar. Traveling. Mostly dating apps. Hobbies.
Cooper Howard
>I'm introverted and shy >I meet women at bars though Ok
Jack Morales
This is the most incel shit I've seen all week lmfao have sex
Nathan Bailey
Not all bars are crowded. Not all bars are loud. Introverted people also do go out sometimes. Just in small doses and in more chilled environment.
Robert Flores
Yeah, introverted people don't usually talk to people at bars.
Landon Thompson
I didn’t say only go to bars. And definitely 100% you will find introverted person that will talk to you. Stop using the autistic part of your brain.
Justin Ramirez
welcome to women lol
Colton Peterson
Maybe if you're an introverted woman, as an introverted man no girl is going to go talk to you.
John Reed
They used to. In my boomer days shy guys would go out to bars with friends despite not liking bar environments to work up courage to talk to girls. It took effort and discomfort, but it was done. Friends would be morale support for each other and wingmen for each other, and being with friends made the experiences somewhat enjoyable despite wishing there was a better way to meet chicks from scratch.
Easton Morales
>back in my day gtfo
Aiden Jackson
Noome meets people at bars anymore, boomer. Every woman you see at a bar will either have her nose buried in her phone/laptop or is with friends and doesn't want to be bothered.
Lincoln Reyes
Fuck, i have to tell my gf that we can’t have met at a bar and also being young. It goes against today’s dating culture and if one sad dude said it on adv it has to be true
Christian Perry
>Noome meets people at bars anymore Absolutely false, but you're desperate for a reason to give up so if that's the one you wanna go with, be my guest.
Wyatt Gomez
Are you going to say it's as prevalent as it was years ago, especially in the current climate?
Most people don't want to be bothered in their day to day. Everyone wears headphones, you can't talk to people at trains or buses anymore, people are crazy secluded.
If you suddenly go into a group of females that are just minding their business at a bar they're just going to think what the fuck is this guy doing. And young people don't really go to bars by themselves either. Women make themselves very unapproachable nowadays
Jose Stewart
t. big city fags
Elijah Adams
Is it weird that my fantasy of meeting someone is from a thread on Jow Forums, guarenteeing we have a good amount of common lingo and interest already?
Anyway, back to real life. It isnt impossible to meet people real life, on one day i both made and screwed up my chances with 2 girls once. One in a cafe, one in a a tram within 30 minutes..
Camden Foster
>if you sit down and do nothing without making effort to make friends, you'll get people begging for your dick uhm, no.
Brandon Harris
get friends that get out
John Robinson
>Are you going to say it's as prevalent as it was years ago, especially in the current climate? Wouldn't know. Point is that people meet each other in bars all the time.
>Most people don't want to be bothered in their day to day. Everyone wears headphones, you can't talk to people at trains or buses anymore, people are crazy secluded. Day to day, not at a bar or other social gathering place.
>If you suddenly go into a group of females that are just minding their business at a bar they're just going to think what the fuck is this guy doing Yeah probably that sounds cringey as fuck but you're intentionally making it sound like it always is as awkward as possible so you can give up.
>And young people don't really go to bars by themselves either Most don't. Some do. Those "some" can be who you engage with if you want.
>Women make themselves very unapproachable nowadays It's never been easy to approach women, but it's always been done. By those motivated to get out of their lonely ruts, that is. You don't want to get out of your lonely rut though, you want to rationalize away every potential option so you don't have to try. But that'll never stand up to scrutiny. The cheapness of your rationalizations will always shine through.
Xavier Johnson
I'll tell you a secret. You can talk to people wearing headphones, or in a phone call. But there is a risk. that's all I'm going to say.
Jordan Bailey
>find hobbies I ALREADY HAVE HOBBIES YOU IDIOT, BUT THEY ARE SOLO HOBBIES, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET PEOPLE IF IM ALONE IN MY WORKSHOP, WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT, YOU RETARD
Charles Moore
It's impolite as fuck. If a person is wearing both headphones it means they don't want to be interacted with.
I'm simply saying that it is not an easy thing to do and that bars at least for me are not the solution. And by the way like 99% of young women I see in bars are always in a group, I don't think I've ever seen a young woman by herself at a bar.
Matthew Kelly
Don't listen to women and take advice from guys who get laid regularly instead.
Jason Flores
>I'm simply saying that it is not an easy thing to do and that bars at least for me are not the solution Too bad. Enjoy swiping endlessly on Tinder thinking it's the "best way for you" and getting few matches, fewer replies, and no dates. Protip: every dude wishes tinder was the best way for them, because how great would it be to go through so little effort, right?
>I don't think I've ever seen a young woman by herself at a bar On a Friday or Saturday night at a poppin bar, maybe. Maybe. I've definitely seen girls in bars on weeknights or afternoon/evenings. Many young people have a bar they're a regular at and go to frequently after work or something. I concur most girls go in groups most of the time, but not all, all of the time.
In any case, it's not impossible to start a conversation with people in a group, it's just a different dynamic. Takes some social skills, but I see it happen. If youre jovial and confident, people are receptive in a place like a bar. I'm sure being attractive is helpful here, as it is in all things.
Jose Gutierrez
I don't like Tinder either. I would prefer to meet girls in an organic way but most of my hobbies are male dominated (which makes any girls there have massive value) and the few that aren't (like rafting or hiking) tend to be older ladies.
I legitimately don't know where to find single women my age, they might as well not exist.
And while sure, I'm sure some turbochad with lots of confidence can walk up to four dressed up attractive girls and chat them up, but do you get the vibe I'm the kind of person who can do that without breaking into tears?