You have to be natural and yourself to get a girl

>you have to be natural and yourself to get a girl
>except if you're introverted and/or shy in that case change your personality
>also if your hobbies are male dominated and/or solitary drop those too and start doing other things
>and also if you're reserved stop doing that and become an extrovert

Why is most dating advice contracictory? How do I separate the wheat from the chaff?

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First of all stop looking for pussy and don't change for anyone
It'll come naturally

Don't change for anyone, if you change for someone and get a relationship, you'll either be miserable pretending to be someone else, or you'll go back to doing what you want, and the person you changed for initially will be miserable.

The goal is not to have a relationship, it's frankly easier to be happy alone, the goal is to have a relationship with common interests, where you understand and treasure each other deeply.

Disclaimer: Am speaking for myself, so you may have different values.

It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved.
Obviously it will pose limitations to the number of women you will meet: if you don't talk to anybody because you're scared or not like it, never interact with women, and when you do never share anything it's going to make it so much harder to meet a girl and get with her.
I always dated introverted men, who had male dominated hobbies and were very reserved. So it's definitely not impossible.

>just don't do anything and it'll fix itself

This doesn't seem like good advice either.

It is
Not every pussy likes extroverted chads

Well, I think reducing it to "don't do anything" is kinda, well reductive. You can definitely do things, work out, change habits to improve yourself, study, etc, etc, just don't try to change yourself when it comes to your personality, try new things and if you like them, keep at it, but don't try to force change, I guess my main point is, don't change yourself in order to get a relationship.

Continuation since the end there was a bit contradictory: Change yourself in order to better yourself, get a better grip on life, improve yourself constantly, THAT is what will attract the right people to you, not trying to change in order to impress a specific person or archetype of people.

Women don't do the first move so pretty much every woman in a relationship is there because an extroverted man did.

Being introverted doesn't mean being socially retarded.
You can make the first move even if you're introverted. Shit, I'm an introverted woman and I made the first move.

Ok so how does said men get into contact with you in the wild? Or one like you

School, friends, hobbies and online I would say.
I met guys I liked/dated through all those things.

stop overthinking it

Not really helpful since you just said "life" essentially.

I mean i am super active and extroverted with my friends, but sort of shy out a bit with girls i fancy or not make a move in general. Any tips?

I mean, there's no super secret spot where all people like me congregate. I'm a super normal person.

You don't sound introverted, you sound shy. The only way to fix shyness is to expose yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable till you get over it. So the only thing you can do to fix you shyness is try.

I wasnt OP btw, and yeah i dont think i am introverted in most situations. I just didnt care for dating that much in my life until it got away from me for so long. And now i am trying to make it work but i feel like i am bothering women when i try to approach them.

It is not how i normally get to know people, men or women in general. And trying to get to know somebody long time and grow something romantic from a friendship seem to not work well in my case..

>hurr just get over it durr

A good way to approach dating advice is this.

1. Read one piece of advice.
2. Try piece of advice several times and see if it works for you.
3. If it works keep it, if it doesn't discard it.

Rinse and repeat that process and you will go far.

Most dating advice sites are designed to sell products, so their advice is structured in a way to convince you that your problem is only solvable if you listen to their advice, and ultimately buy their product (not all, but most).

Simplest way to learn about dating.
1.Find a guy who is extremely good with women.
2.Make a habit to hang out with him more often.
3. Copy how he behaves towards women, and see your results change

Yeah, if you want to fix the shyness you just need to get over it by exposing yourself to situations that make you uncomfortable.
I'm sorry there's no comfy and effortless solution that will make you go from "terrified of human beings" to "perfectly comfortable around others". I wish there was.
You can stay shy if you want.

You're most likely not, women are human beings. Pay attention to their signals and learn how to read them to understand if you're actually bothering them. It might take a little practice at first, but really it's not too hard once you get the gist.

I guess so, it just feels terrifying sometimes. Thanks for the suggestion.

Here have the picture of this street cat that walked in to my room as i post this as thanks..

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Usually people who say they can't get girls because they are shy and introverted are actually not shy and introverted but unhinged and spergy autists.

Thanks user, very cute catto, I approve.
I know it's a bit of a pain but it's worth it most of the time.
I dated super shy guys and always thought it was kind of cute.

>unhinged and spergy autists
I don't even know what this means. How do I find out if I'm one of these people?

you made this thread yesterday

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That means i just gotta find somebody like you..

But thanks for the suggestions, it just feels a weird when i can navigate most social situations easily except for romantic ones. You are however correct all the other ones required practice too i guess. Have another cat picture..

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>It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved.
All my male friends who were like this eventually lost their gfs

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Everyone I know got dumped, most of them found a partner again eventually.

You're sweet. Have a nice day user

To lash or overreact, to have a stick up your butt.

You’ll be fine, be more relax and less “hurr durr”

I've never spoken to a woman long enough to get a chance to "lash or overreact", so does that mean I'm good?

You have a nice day too user

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Yeah you’re good man! I didn’t mean solely with girls, just in general. Being anxious while staying calm is good thing, whereas the whole spergy thing just means to lose your calm

Sounds like your issue is that you're boring.

Well the problem is you have to break out of your shell enough to get the courage to talk to a chick and get her to come around.
I don't think you have to drop your isolated hobbies, but the point is you're unlikely to meet a high value chick at a d&d game or fantasy football league.

>>It's absolutely fine to be shy or introverted, having male dominated jobs, or being reserved.

Pretty hard to find a girl if you're like this and not very good looking so you don't catch anyone's attention, though. You might as well be waiting for hell to freeze over.

It's obviously harder, yes.
If you don't talk to anybody because you're scared or not like it, never interact with women, and when you do never share anything it's going to make it so much harder to meet a girl and get with her.
Dating isn't meant to be effortless and super easy.

I know. How does one become not boring?

What are some signals that you're just bothering a woman?

I talk to people and interact with women, it's just difficult to ever escalate it into something romantically because low self-esteem + afraid of bothering people + don't meet that many women makes it pretty hard.

And as I said it's also hard to look at someone romantically if no woman seems to ever be interested in you as anything more than a friend.

Be open to learning new things.
Be open to challenging your current views on life.

It's nothing super top secret. It's the same way you'd tell if a man is bothered.There aren't sure signs but I'll give you some examples:
>Smiling and eye contact are sings she's enjoying the conversation, if they lack she might not be enjoying it
>Asking questions back are signs that she is enjoying the conversation, if she isn't then she might not be enjoying herself
>Pay attention to the tone of her voice and face expressions

>b urself, unless that self means you never interact with women
how is that contradictory?

>Be yourself but only if it's the "right" self, otherwise you're screwed

See how that might be a problem?

No I don’t see the problem. It’s telling people that they’re mostly fine the way they are, but that there are some things they should change in order to be more social. It’s the presentation of the message that’s confusing to people rather than the message itself

I don't even think you should change yourself, just that you should accept that certain choices you make diminish your chances of being around women and if that's something that is important to you, you should change that.

Human sociality is fucking disgusting.

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It's more like "b urself, but urself has to be an extroverted person with hobbies enjoyed by both men and women and a gigantic circle of friends, if not enjoy being alone".

Not OP, but wondering about one thing. My gf left me half a year ago because I wasn't willing to commit to something, uh, serious, and the thing was long-distance for a while. I returned to my home city, sorted my shit out, and now I really want to commit. It's not even about securing someone to get laid with, but we share a lot of fairly niche tastes.
Do I even stand a chance? We started talking again recently, and this question really doesn't go out of my head.

Probably a bad idea to go back to her.

It's not that complicated, especially not in the case of women. We all know that women want the popular, tall, good-looking Chad who already has a lot of bitches, but chose her because she's "special". Now if you're not naturally that guy, you're pretty much fucked (unless you somehow manage to get famous/gain status) and thus you got Jow Forums full of guys struggling to get girls.

It's easier as a woman, though, because you have a much higher chance of scoring. As a dude you're gambling everytime you ask a girl out.

fucking this. I've only ever been rejected and it feels like shit.

>Why is most dating advice contradictory?
All that advice you're hearing about being yourself was given by people from a bygone era. If you want to date now you have to be fiercely competitive. "yourself" literally does not matter to women, your personality is expendable to them. You want to date? Then you have to constantly jump from mask to mask of the current concept of ideal male all while staying more financially and physically fit than other men in your bracket for whatever girl you're interested.
If you want to "be yourself" don't date. All women will require a degree of conformity to impress them

I think I'll just kill myself instead. Fuck this world.

The problem is you, not us, no matter how hard you project against us.

The problem is you faggots think you can just take one approach to all girls or that there's some system for fucking categorizing them. You're so socially retarded you basically need to go to an elementary level of socializing again so we can recondition you to be socially apt, or at least capable.

You want dating advice? Meet people. Find the ones you like, and tactfully present romantic intent. Never depend on people to give a specific answer, and never hang around someone solely intending to romance them.

There. I bet you will find some way to rebuke that though, because disagreeable contrarian natures come to Jow Forums to echo each other.

This is completely correct, holy shit. Especially this part

>you have to constantly jump from mask to mask of the current concept of ideal male
I would extend it to society as a whole, not only dating.

thanks neoliberalism for turning everyone and everything into a brand

Must be great to be a big brand though.

Maybe some day it will turn around, but probably not.

I like this advice, but the only problem is that all my friends who are good with women have gfs now and so don't go out much anymore

It’s not contradictory. You just assume all girls are the same.
I’m introverted, shy and not very talkative, got hobbies that are solitary and mostly dominated by men. I have had several sex partners and gf’s. And bow I’m married to a woman who likes this kind of stuff.
The problem is you.

How did you find them?

College. Bar. Traveling. Mostly dating apps. Hobbies.

>I'm introverted and shy
>I meet women at bars though
Ok

This is the most incel shit I've seen all week lmfao have sex

Not all bars are crowded. Not all bars are loud. Introverted people also do go out sometimes. Just in small doses and in more chilled environment.

Yeah, introverted people don't usually talk to people at bars.

I didn’t say only go to bars. And definitely 100% you will find introverted person that will talk to you.
Stop using the autistic part of your brain.

welcome to women lol

Maybe if you're an introverted woman, as an introverted man no girl is going to go talk to you.

They used to. In my boomer days shy guys would go out to bars with friends despite not liking bar environments to work up courage to talk to girls. It took effort and discomfort, but it was done. Friends would be morale support for each other and wingmen for each other, and being with friends made the experiences somewhat enjoyable despite wishing there was a better way to meet chicks from scratch.

>back in my day
gtfo

Noome meets people at bars anymore, boomer. Every woman you see at a bar will either have her nose buried in her phone/laptop or is with friends and doesn't want to be bothered.

Fuck, i have to tell my gf that we can’t have met at a bar and also being young. It goes against today’s dating culture and if one sad dude said it on adv it has to be true

>Noome meets people at bars anymore
Absolutely false, but you're desperate for a reason to give up so if that's the one you wanna go with, be my guest.

Are you going to say it's as prevalent as it was years ago, especially in the current climate?

Most people don't want to be bothered in their day to day. Everyone wears headphones, you can't talk to people at trains or buses anymore, people are crazy secluded.

If you suddenly go into a group of females that are just minding their business at a bar they're just going to think what the fuck is this guy doing. And young people don't really go to bars by themselves either. Women make themselves very unapproachable nowadays

t. big city fags

Is it weird that my fantasy of meeting someone is from a thread on Jow Forums, guarenteeing we have a good amount of common lingo and interest already?

Anyway, back to real life. It isnt impossible to meet people real life, on one day i both made and screwed up my chances with 2 girls once. One in a cafe, one in a a tram within 30 minutes..

>if you sit down and do nothing without making effort to make friends, you'll get people begging for your dick
uhm, no.

get friends that get out

>Are you going to say it's as prevalent as it was years ago, especially in the current climate?
Wouldn't know. Point is that people meet each other in bars all the time.

>Most people don't want to be bothered in their day to day. Everyone wears headphones, you can't talk to people at trains or buses anymore, people are crazy secluded.
Day to day, not at a bar or other social gathering place.

>If you suddenly go into a group of females that are just minding their business at a bar they're just going to think what the fuck is this guy doing
Yeah probably that sounds cringey as fuck but you're intentionally making it sound like it always is as awkward as possible so you can give up.

>And young people don't really go to bars by themselves either
Most don't. Some do. Those "some" can be who you engage with if you want.

>Women make themselves very unapproachable nowadays
It's never been easy to approach women, but it's always been done. By those motivated to get out of their lonely ruts, that is. You don't want to get out of your lonely rut though, you want to rationalize away every potential option so you don't have to try. But that'll never stand up to scrutiny. The cheapness of your rationalizations will always shine through.

I'll tell you a secret.
You can talk to people wearing headphones, or in a phone call.
But there is a risk.
that's all I'm going to say.

>find hobbies
I ALREADY HAVE HOBBIES YOU IDIOT, BUT THEY ARE SOLO HOBBIES, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MEET PEOPLE IF IM ALONE IN MY WORKSHOP, WHAT KIND OF ADVICE IS THAT, YOU RETARD

It's impolite as fuck. If a person is wearing both headphones it means they don't want to be interacted with.

I'm simply saying that it is not an easy thing to do and that bars at least for me are not the solution. And by the way like 99% of young women I see in bars are always in a group, I don't think I've ever seen a young woman by herself at a bar.

Don't listen to women and take advice from guys who get laid regularly instead.

>I'm simply saying that it is not an easy thing to do and that bars at least for me are not the solution
Too bad. Enjoy swiping endlessly on Tinder thinking it's the "best way for you" and getting few matches, fewer replies, and no dates. Protip: every dude wishes tinder was the best way for them, because how great would it be to go through so little effort, right?

>I don't think I've ever seen a young woman by herself at a bar
On a Friday or Saturday night at a poppin bar, maybe. Maybe. I've definitely seen girls in bars on weeknights or afternoon/evenings. Many young people have a bar they're a regular at and go to frequently after work or something. I concur most girls go in groups most of the time, but not all, all of the time.

In any case, it's not impossible to start a conversation with people in a group, it's just a different dynamic. Takes some social skills, but I see it happen. If youre jovial and confident, people are receptive in a place like a bar. I'm sure being attractive is helpful here, as it is in all things.

I don't like Tinder either. I would prefer to meet girls in an organic way but most of my hobbies are male dominated (which makes any girls there have massive value) and the few that aren't (like rafting or hiking) tend to be older ladies.

I legitimately don't know where to find single women my age, they might as well not exist.

And while sure, I'm sure some turbochad with lots of confidence can walk up to four dressed up attractive girls and chat them up, but do you get the vibe I'm the kind of person who can do that without breaking into tears?