Scared I'm Going to Become an Incel

I'm genuinely terrified I'm going to end up becoming an incel.

I'm pretty decent looking but I'm awkward as fuck and I have crippling anxiety which completely stops me from stepping out of my comfort zone in any way (for example, if I meet a someone new whether its a friend/acquaintance/romantic interest it'll take me weeks or even months to bring up the courage to even add them on social media).
I have friends and a social life but because of my very obvious awkwardness and anxiety I never make any moves on girls. Even if I wanted to, I have no idea how I'd make a move anyway, whether its in real life or thru social media, I'm completely clueless and way too nervous. Even the thought of it right now makes me feel very nauseous.

The one time I had an opportunity to have sex I couldn't get it up, so I'm too anxious to get myself into that situation again (I'm also too anxious to purchase pills for it so). Additionally, once I was on a night out, pulled a girl in the club for once, and ended up leaving a few minutes later because I was too nervous and felt sick.

I'm scared that if I keep going down this path I'm gonna become a stereotypical woman hating angry hopeless incel.

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If you couldn't get it up there's a higher chance that it'll happen the next time. Having a gf sucks anyway all they do is complain and take your resources. Girls can detect if a guy is a virgin pretty quickly just by the way the guy talks

Okay great so I'm going to become an incel?
Or are you just an incel spouting incel rhetoric at me that I might later end up believing.

He's just an incel spouting incel rhetoric at you.

>Girls can detect if a guy is a virgin pretty quickly just by the way the guy talks

And the moment you lose your virginity, you suddenly become another person ? Let's be real. It's just a mindset. Once you stop having a virgin mentality, it doesn't matter if you're a virgin or not. You won't be it anymore soon.

Right now, forget about sex and do focus on social interactions. Women are extremely social animals, more so than men. Women are used to human to human relations, and they want to be with someone they feel safe and comfortable with, and the first way to see that is to see if it's *reciprocated*. If you're not feeling comfortable with her around, she won't.

This conversation should not be about you getting pussy, but about you working on your anxiety issues.

I've suffered Anxiety before but not to your levels. It affected me every way you describe but it was onset after being socially successful.

Important thing I learnt is social skills is like a muscle. If you don't use it, it gets weak and you grow uncomfortable.

Forget about romantic relationships for now and focus on yourself & making friends. Don't add the pressure of being romantically successful. You are the main character in your story so focus on you. Go take up group activities that you otherwise wouldn't. If you feel uncomfortable it means its working. keep doing it until you're not. It's a slow process but It will work.


“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”

― Confucius

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also, you can stuff your face with all the viagra pills you want, if you're anxious you still won't get it up.

this pure nugget of wisdom right there.

Femanon checking in. You most likely will still be an incel for a long time/forever if you don't change your mindset. That much is true. When I'm out with my gals on a weekend when awkward guys come up to us and start talking it's pretty easy to see who hasn't had a gf before lol

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did you bail out, op ?

I try this.
I have friends and a decent social life so its not like I'm a complete sperg, I'm just really awkward and incredibly anxious and that translates really obviously to romantic/sexual shit.
I can't read a girl for shit, I cannot tell if someone is showing interest in me or not. Every girl I have ever gotten with (which isn't many) has made a really obvious first move like literally grinding on me (dancing near me isn't enough I won't be able to tell).
If I talk to a girl I find attractive will tend to just talk to them in a friendly way because I'll be too anxious to make any form of move plus I have no idea how I'd do that anyway. I would never make a move because my anxiety ridden brain assumes by default that every girl is disgusted by me, to the extent that I don't even have wet dreams because I get rejected in my dreams lmao.
I constantly feel extremely uncomfortable during conversations, even with friends.
I try to make an effort to change but I just stall it because I get so scared. For example I once approached a cute girl, found out she was even from my city, spoke with her, got her number, and then didn't message her for 3 weeks. When I did message her, she responded instantly and I ignored it. It has been 8 months.
Stepping even a cm out of my comfort zone makes me feel so horrible both physically and mentally that I'd just rather not do it.

This is also an issue.
I'm getting older, my mindset isn't even necessarily my mindset, it's my anxiety's irrational thought process that I literally cannot ignore which makes me think that everything I do is gonna fail miserably and no one's interested in me in any way and at the very best they're completely indifferent to me but they probably think I'm a fucking weirdo. It's not rational but I can't stop it and once I start thinking that way I can't change it even if I recognise that it's irrational.
As I get older my virginity is just gonna become more and more obvious, and the gap in performance is gonna get wider and wider which makes me even more scared.

I've been anxious about everything in my life since I was a kid.
I've been on medication for it for years and years and I still feel it, what am I supposed to do. I've tried counselling, therapy, everything.

>Stepping even a cm out of my comfort zone makes me feel so horrible both physically and mentally that I'd just rather not do it.

What is the point of this thread then ? You clearly want to step out of your comfort zone, once you get out of flight or flight mode. You're tired of this bullshit aren't you ? How do you feel right now ? Keep that feeling in your backpocket, and remember it once you get into flirting situations.

>
If I talk to a girl I find attractive will tend to just talk to them in a friendly way because I'll be too anxious to make any form of move plus I have no idea how I'd do that anyway. I would never make a move because my anxiety ridden brain assumes by default that every girl is disgusted by me, to the extent that I don't even have wet dreams because I get rejected in my dreams lmao.

Have you been rejected a lot ? Fear of rejection is perfectly normal. Same goes for the inability to read women. Flirting is and will always be an awkward process. But there are some reasonable cues.

>I can't read a girl for shit, I cannot tell if someone is showing interest in me or not. Every girl I have ever gotten with (which isn't many) has made a really obvious first move like literally grinding on me (dancing near me isn't enough I won't be able to tell).

First cue is that someone litterally gave you their phone number. They would NEVER do that if they didn't want you anywhere near them. They show that they appreciate you, and is an invitation for you to meet them privately, i.e date them. So do that. Set up a date. Even if you don't utter the word date one time, people know a date when they see one. Then do whatever shit we do on dates. Eat shit. Try to hold hands when awkward silence. Once hands are held, try to go for a place where y'all can sit and kiss.

Also, watch Based Zeus videos. This guy teaches you all of this shit without the whole PUA bullshit that doesn't work.


cont.

Yeah dude, just wanted to tell you not to harm yourself with viagra that has shit side effects and won't do shit to your dick.

also cont. :

>I constantly feel extremely uncomfortable during conversations, even with friends.

Try to take a step back. How are the conversations you have with friends ? Do you lead the way ? Do they ? Do you run out of things to say ? Do you feel afraid of saying stupid things ?

Girls are going to pick up on what you're trying to do if you just go up to them and force yourself to overcompensate talking to them smoothly because you're still a virgin. Girls that are at least a 5/10 have SO many guys constantly hitting them up on instagram/facebook/snapchat in 2019 and they have more experience than you. I would find another method

The only method there is to give it a shot, get rejected, realize it's not a huge FUCKING deal, and move on to the next chick.

As for the time you didn't get it up, could you give us more details ? Is there a particular reason ? Were you anxious ? Were you just not horny ? Did you fap the days before ?

I would never just approach a girl I'm too anxious.
Also I'm not the type of person to talk smooth because I know that'll never work. I'm an awkward, clumsy, bumbly, dopey person by nature so the smooth route is never gonna work for me.

>As for the time you didn't get it up, could you give us more details ? Is there a particular reason ? Were you anxious ? Were you just not horny ? Did you fap the days before ?

It was a girl from the country I used to live in. She came to visit me for a week, we tried a few times and I could never get it up. I was pretty fucking anxious. I think I stopped fapping a day or 2 before but I may not have.

>What is the point of this thread then ? You clearly want to step out of your comfort zone, once you get out of flight or flight mode. You're tired of this bullshit aren't you ? How do you feel right now ? Keep that feeling in your backpocket, and remember it once you get into flirting situations.

This is true but it tends to go out the window. I just kinda start massively overthinking or freeze.

>Have you been rejected a lot ? Fear of rejection is perfectly normal. Same goes for the inability to read women. Flirting is and will always be an awkward process. But there are some reasonable cues.

I've been rejected a fair few times I guess but I don't really make moves so..
Sometimes it really pisses me off and makes me feel pathetic, sometimes it doesn't at all.
Problem is I have no idea what I'm doing.

>First cue is that someone litterally gave you their phone number. They would NEVER do that if they didn't want you anywhere near them. They show that they appreciate you, and is an invitation for you to meet them privately, i.e date them. So do that. Set up a date. Even if you don't utter the word date one time, people know a date when they see one. Then do whatever shit we do on dates. Eat shit. Try to hold hands when awkward silence. Once hands are held, try to go for a place where y'all can sit and kiss.

Yeah see in that situation I was pretty sure she was interested but I was still too scared to message like all this shit goes thru my head like what do I say what will she say what happens when I run out of shit to say etc.
I'm too scared to even initiate the contact that would open the opportunity for a date.

>How are the conversations you have with friends ? Do you lead the way ? Do they ? Do you run out of things to say ? Do you feel afraid of saying stupid things ?

I tend not to lead the way because sometimes I go on autistic spiels about shit I'm interested in like music and shit. A lot of time they lead the way. I regularly run out of things to say and I'm constantly afraid of saying stupid things.

I personnally think that there's no need to drag this thread. You have anxiety issues. A treatment may help, but it's only a crutch. You have to work on your deeper issues by practicing on your anxiety. It's just like stopping cigarettes. You may fail the first time, but the simple fact of having tried and failed changed your mindset into something it wasn't the first time around : eventually, you'll get into the right mindset and manage it.

The therapists already told you more than we'll ever tell you. If you just don't work at least on perfecting your conversations be it only with normal people, you won't get any pussy.


You're saying you're not a sperg but assume for a moment that you may be one (which is likely, everybody's always a bit magnanimous towards themselves), and work on that first. Then work up the courage to talk to girls in a non sexual context.

And get your ass away from clubs for the time being. Easy pussy will not help you.

As for the anxiety during sex, you'll see that it'll wear off progressively as you work your way towards being a normie.

Your issue is litterally that you're afraid of other people's judgement. You're afraid of what people may think if you say stupid shit.

There are so many things you can deal with this.

Just go out there and say stupid shit. Think of what will happen should you say stupid shit. Think of what will happen should you get rejected. Try to actively REMEMBER all of what you're thinking of when you're answering those question during the actual moment.

I mean, just look at your thread. You are not terrified by the idea of becoming an incel, you're terrified at the idea of being labeled as one. You're already an incel. And i can assure you that people know that you're awkward. Does that revelation ruin your life ?

I've been trying to work on it for years and it's never really worked which is why I'm reaching this point where I've realised that it might genuinely hold me back massively in life.

I can talk to girls in a non sexual context. I have plenty of girl friends who I think are cool and they're easy to talk to and even if they're pretty I'm not attracted to them and it's not weird and all that shit. My friends are all pretty normie.

I don't go out often at all but that's the only time I've ever really had sexual interaction with girls, and it seems to be the main place where people get it.

>Your issue is litterally that you're afraid of other people's judgement. You're afraid of what people may think if you say stupid shit.
Yeah that and my brain is programmed to believe that everything I say is stupid and therefore people think I'm worthless. I don't think I care particularly about individual judgement.

>I mean, just look at your thread. You are not terrified by the idea of becoming an incel, you're terrified at the idea of being labeled as one. You're already an incel

NO NO NO.
I agree that I'm an incel in the sense that I'm involuntarily celibate, but my fear is that I'm gonna become your stereotypical incel. Someone who thinks they're fucked forever and has no hope and wallows in their own sorrow and despises women and thinks they're all whores who just want Chad and all that nasty toxic shit. Because that's not me now at all. But in a few years if I stay like this, who knows how jaded I could become and how that could change my outlook. And then I really will be fucked.
That's my fear.
Right now I have hope. I'm young, good looking, smart, friendly, and generally well liked. My issue is my crippling anxiety, awkwardness, and complete lack of self confidence which has manifested itself into me being deathly afraid of any sexual or romantic interaction.

Mate I don't really get it. Are you anxious about the idea of sex ? Or do you have classic anxiety issues ? It's like, on one post you're gonna tell me that you're all good and normal in classic situations and the next post you're telling me that you're anxious all the time about looking ridiculous.

I mean, if you're anxious outside sexual situations, I guarantee you that you're awkward in those situations too. It's easy to have friends. I have an Asperger friend, and he has lots of friends too, even though he's a literal pain in the ass due to his condition.

I'm really telling you what has been told since the beginning of the thread. Don't even think about sex if you can't even deal with normal situations without being anxious. Anxiety can only ever be treated by taking baby steps and by attacking the problems that are at your core rather than the symptoms.

The "incel" mentality is bullshit. If you don't buy it now, you won't buy it tomorrow.

I wouldn't say I'm anxious specifically about the action of sex no (aside from not knowing what I'm doing), I just have anxiety issues that I struggle with a lot but I can live with most of the time, but they are especially significant when it comes to sex shit.
Like making the tiniest move or going on dates or even just the idea having a casual conversation with someone I'm interested in fucks my brain up massively.
Yeah, I'm awkward in most situations. People acknowledge that I'm really awkward all the time. I don't really care. When it comes to platonic shit with people I'm comfortable with,I can own that awkwardness to an extent. I don't mind poking fun at myself and I know that it can be pretty funny sometimes. It's just part of my personality, it's not necessarily a good or a bad thing.
But when I'm in a potential sexual/romantic situation the anxiety just goes into overdrive.
I don't think I'm ever not gonna be anxious in normal situations. If I am, it's gonna be years and years from now and I can't wait that long.

Being scared and/or in denial is the first step of becoming an Incel, congratulations user.
On a slightly better point of view, you could become a wizard when you turn 30

I'm a 21 year old girl and it's pretty commonly understood that even if a guy is a 10/10 or super handsome, it doesn't mean anything if he comes off as awkward/inexperienced. As soon as I can sense that he is acting awkward or like a virgin I immediately want to stop talking to him and to get away from him

That's how it's going to be user. Nobody said that anxiety was something you'd fix in a few weeks. Give it its time.

There really is no hope for me then. I'm not competitive enough for this shit

We need sharia law in the west immediately.

>Stepping even a cm out of my comfort zone makes me feel so horrible both physically and mentally that I'd just rather not do it.

That good you acknowledge it now time to work on it. It's little steps to solve a big problem. It's not unresolvable and you are not broken. Start fixing up other areas of your life and branch out slowly.

Not kidding either but you should consider taking acid/shrooms. These helped me break mental shackles I didn't know I had.

Are you me?

Clearly youre a pussy but its alright i get a little nervous from time to time too. But i think you should practice with fat bitches. It will help a little.