Relationship insecurity and doubts

That's what I'm thinking like, if she's been with me for THIS LONG, there must be something there.

Perhaps I'm fucking up in one aspect of my life she doesn't like. I do have a feeling she is talking to "guy friend" and she's making decisions based on how much I can fix my life up. But its very difficult. I miss the crazy sex we had, I miss how close we once were. I miss that she would come over just to watch Netflix or have dinner.

Now its like a ghost town here. Her perfume scent is gone from my bed. I no longer see clothes she accidentally leave behind. I no longer get good morning texts or good night texts. I miss that closeness and I really thought she could be my wife some day. I just dont know what shes going through or what she's doing and it's driving me full of anxiety and overthinking.

Gay male here. I’ve dealt with so many heartbreaks. And i’ve had many friends who vent to me about theirs. Heres my advice :

1. Respect is the most important. She must respect you. If she’s cheating on you that is disrespectful towards YOU. She is taking advantage of the fact that you don’t care about your self respect.

2. Ask yourself this one question and answer it with a yes/no only. ( Do you trust her? ). If the answer is YES then the relationship is worth saving. If the answer is NO then you’ve already lost trust and once thats damaged so is the relationship. No ifs or buts.

3. Communication is just as important as trust. If the relationship is worth saving then tell her exactly what you just told us. But don’t exaggerate it too much. Just straight up ask her “ Hey is everything alright?, you’ve been acting very weird for a while now and i feel like i just need to ask you : Is there something you need to tell me? If you’re not feeling it anymore you can tell me. “ her answer should give you a better clue as to where the relationship is heading.

Thanks broski.

I hate being disrespected. I suppose during that year-long stint of being depressed or whatever, I suppose I wasn't self-respecting. There were times I was almost bugging her to hang out because I literally only had been given little droplets or crumbs of time and attention to come from her. Maybe I came off as too needy and wanting too much attention? A year ago we were okay, but during the course of 2018 her attention or infatuation towards me seemed to slowly dwindle because I was too depressed maybe to even notice?

I do trust her. I love her. But only recently did I start having big doubts because atleast a year ago, she was still giving me attention. Now, she is distant and cold. She doesn't reply in paragraphs on texts like she used to and she doesn't put aside time to hang out anymore and comes up with all sorts of excuses now. Before she would make love with me no problem, now she comes up with reasons why we can't. It's always something related to like her health being bad, her not having energy or her being busy, all sorts of excuses. That's why I started to lose trust that perhaps there's an underlying reason as to why shes being cold.

Communicating with her has been tough. I keep telling her
>hey lets talk about it
>hey whats going on? You've been distant lately
>can we set aside time to actually talk things through and maybe fix things?

Its almost like she broke up with me now without actually doing so. I ask if she loves me still and all she manages to say is

>I don't know
>Not sure

Breaks my heart when she would whole-heartedly say it or even write me love letters.

>I don't know
>not sure
Buddy you already know the answer, she checked out long ago and is just waiting for you to break up with her to make it easy.

That's what I fear and that's why I've been so anxious.

I think she's just stringing me along at this point; trying to infuriate me by being distant so she doesn't have to face the pain of breaking up with me. She wants me to do it.

I hope that's not what is really going on. I hate this feeling so much

Yikes. Here’s the cold truth. When you truly love/ want someone, You know. For instance. If someone asks you if you’re hungry and you say “ idk” you usually aren’t. If you’re truly hungry you’d know. My advice :

1. Break up with her immediately and block all forms of contact.

2. Seek comfort within your friends and family by venting and going out for distraction

3. Build the inner strength to go on a full on bulk season at the gym or do something physical.

4. Buy new clothes

5. Don’t post anything about it on social media. Don’t post stupid heartbreak quotes and dumb shit of that nature.

6. Don’t try to get her jealous just simply move on. Thats the best payback.

The other cold truth is that you’re not going to follow my advice at all. You’re not going to break up with her. The sad truth is that you’re actually stuck and you have no way out. She’s going to have to be the one to leave you because you’re in-love with her. The true definition of being inlove with someone is caring about someones feelings over your own. Breaking up with her now would honestly hurt her aswell just simply because she’d be losing one of her closest friends. And she’s going to miss you. And the thought of you hurting her like that is not something you can do. But the truth is that the love your getting from her is not the kind of love you want from her and never will be. She has to be the one to grow the balls and leave you and block all forms of contact. Or eventually she’ll find someone else. There is a slight chance that you actually manage to see the bigger picture here and follow through with my advice but chances are she’s going to break up with you sooner or later. And thats ok. Congratulations my friend. This is your first heartbreak. From this point forward your life is going to be amazing. You lost yourself in someone else. And thats ok. It happens to the best of us. But the good part is that now you find yourself.

Damnit man :(

Maybe her way of love isn't compatible with mine and I have just been lying to myself trying to make things work. I kinda already knew this when our sexual drives do not match or I was mistaken about hers. I want it all the time and she wants it almost never. I want to be deeply understood and cared for and need someone to lean to when I myself can't stand. But she seems to now want that role, or atleast she used to.

I'm tired of her taking her time to break up with me and its just killing me because I love her. I literally did lose myself in her and that's probably why she wants to leave; I changed myself to fit her because I thought she did the same for me. But maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Yea man im sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been through a heart break and all i know is that nowadays if someone were to tell me they weren’t sure if they were in love with me i would immediately leave and never look back. Its gonna feel terrible for a while but just remember that it literally happens to everyone. There are so many heartbreak songs out there. You’re gonna jam out for a while lol. Now that you lost yourself in someone you’ll slowly realize that you can never do that again. And then you’ll end up loving yourself first. You’ Care more about your own feelings first the next time you meet someone. And then eventually you’ll find a better relationship. One where the love is mutual. Not this pathetic pitty party you’ve been unfortunately placed in .

It just sucks cause I still have very fond memories of times we would be so passionately "in-love." We would have intimate times and we would not hesitate to say we love each other under the moonlight.

Now I barely get a hello. A trickle of a few Messenger text. A rushed lunch date here. An annoyed movie date there. I just wish we could go back to how we once were, atleast I think only I want that now.

I hate this so much, I never thought she could do this to me and I trusted her to that. I had confidence in this woman. Now all is shattered and I don't know what went wrong or what I did or how I could ever fix things if possible. I miss her day after day and I'm so paranoid now I'm trying to see where she goes during the day to see if she's telling me the truth. It's put a real iron block on my soul and it's pulling me down a dark path once more.

You're still young. Don't let one experience destroy you. I went through an eight year relationship, finally had a kid with her. When our son was three months old she broke it off.

Truth is the kids not mine(I've taken a DNA test) but she didn't want to tell me the true reason she was leaving me.

I was unstable. Mentally I was unhinged, I spent years working a deadend job just to keep a roof over our heads and she was off letting guys who made more buy her things.

Well one guy in particular, fucked up thing? This guy looks the exact same as me. Down to hair and eyes color.

Don't listen to this tripe. She may just be going through some changes right now and you can buck up and ask about it, not cower, not run away like user is suggesting because something about the relationship is uncomfortable. If we all did that no one would have any hope anymore.

“Paranoid to see if she’s telling the truth?” Doesn’t sound like trust to me. She’s probably given you reasons not to trust her so don’t. Just end it man. Do yourselves both the favor. If you truly loved her you’d let her go and let her be happy. You deserve happiness aswell. And you didn’t do anything wrong man. Its not your fault, things just happen. Some men don’t physically beat the living fuck out of their wives and they still stay with them because their in-love. Stop trying to figure out the small little details that you did. Because if she was truly inlove with you that would all be irrelevant

The only thing that is tripe here is you my brotha. You got some growing up to do so he should definitely not listen to you. If you would have read the conversation fully you would have seen the part where OP addresses the fact that he presented his concern to her already. One thing is being pessimistic/ negative and another is being realistic. If we were all meant to be such positive minded beings then why the fuck were seatbelts created in the first place.

When you cry on adv, she cries while choking on Chad's monstrosity

in here just say gayfag

face the truth homie, just accept it break up even if it breaks your heart. Are you happy right now? Is this the life you want to live? Do you want to be a burden to yourself and her?

Kill yourself.

this is the price you pay for living in sin
you decided to live in a fantasy and now its come to the conclusion it was always going to

the substance of life is power, not feelings
if you can't face this with power then you will lose
there is still that tiny hope, to destroy your ridiculous desires and feelings and establish a specific and concrete boundary for yourself and this fellow idiot you've shacked up with
but in all likelihood, too little, too late

> I ask if she loves me still and all she manages to say is
>>I don't know
>>Not sure

man it's fucking over. it's lone gone. it's finished. it's done. it's completely over. she just doesn't have the guts to straight up say "I'm breaking up with you", but look, it's finished. There is nothing there anymore.

>trying to infuriate me by being distant so she doesn't have to face the pain of breaking up with me.

It's not even that it would be a pain for her, she's probably just thinking "that'd be such a hassle". She doesn't give a fuck.

I know, fuck. I was the "Chad" at one point. That's how I got her.

Could you please elaborate? What does it mean to face it with power? A divine intervention? An acceptance of what nature's law signifies? That solid power and stance is much better than fleeting feelings? Why do feelings not matter? I will admit we have been living in sin, but is it too late to repent and mend things? I feel its better to have a wife than to keep messing up and live in sin. But maybe she does not see me fit to be her husband because of this lifestyle?

I mean, she still talks to me. She hangs out, (not as often as we used to) and she gives me attention. I feel like its still salvageable at one point and maybe she really is just going through a lot in life right now.

That's what I'm scared of like. Maybe she really is just cold as ice and she really can't be bothered anymore. But she still sends me texts and tries to tell me about her endeavors when she can. It's just not all lovey-dovey like it used to be though.

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Just tell her she isn't the same, that you don't know what she's been doing or has done, but whatever she's up to has killed the relationship and you're no longer interested in continuing whatever the relationship has become. She will get defensive and then blame you, or prattle off I'll changes or whatever, but hold strong. It will take probably 3 months before you're a functional human being again.

In these cases asume the worst.

Relationships are a two sided things, there ups and downs, but when people change like this without explanation, the pain becomes unbereable and the one who unilaterally decided the rules doesn't care about the other party.

>I have a sinking feeling she's mentally checked out of the relationship a whole year ago or she's been cheating on me that entire time. For those who's gone through this, what advice could you give a guy like me who has his entire life shattered because of this?

Life continues normally, you will find someone else. A friend once told me it's better now than when you are married with a kid coming.

>I thought she was going to be my wife. It has completely distorted my life and I can't sleep, think or even function. Someone who gave you so much happiness and now suddenly doesn't exist.

Your mental health shouldn't depend on other being, this is a huge weakness. Like i know exactly what you are feeling, trust me it will pass and you will come out stronger.

>How do you get over someone over a break up or how do you salvage a failing relationship? The pain is unbearable.

Break the relationship yourself.
Ask her to talk face to face, look her in the eyes and ask her if shes cheating. If she says no, you can proceed to ask if she checked herself out of the relationship. If she says no describe her behaviour and ask what's going on.
If the answer is not enough, ask her what steps is she going to take to make the relationship work. If the answer is not enough for you then man up and break up.

if she's denying that there is distance, there is your answer. she's no longer putting in the effort to maintain a sincere relationship. just break up with her, it sounds like she's waiting for that anyway. don't fuck her, she's probably cheating too, but there's no way for you to know that and honestly it's kinda irrelevant.

Cont.

Ask youself, do i really want to be with this person as it is right now?
Is this the best i can get?
Do i deserve this treatment?

I'm going to try to talk to her about this maybe tonight. I have a feeling she's going to either tell me the truth or try to keep things going. I still think she may have some feelings for me but her distance really makes me worry.

I may just be overthinking everything and she literally is just swamped with school work and work in general. Maybe she thinks there's not enough time to keep a relationship going right now mid-twenties.

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