I met this guy on Tinder and we talked for about a month before meeting irl. Things progressed from there and it's been about 2 months since then. Before this guy I was a hand-holdless KV but honestly this relationship wasn't anything like I was expecting.
>Pretty much a manchild - hygiene problems (this is a big turn off for me), forgets to eat, I feel like I have to take care of him. >Pressuring me into sex. We tried once but I ended up crying and we stopped. Somewhat traumatizing for me since it really hurt and I wasn't wet. >I personally don't find him very attractive. First thing I noticed when we met irl was that he looked different than his pictures. >Manwhore? has had MULTIPLE ex-gfs before me that he talks about having sex with and idk it's just weird since this is my first relationship and I feel he's just insensitive >Is a bottom but i want to be the bottom >I've sucked his dick multiple times but he hasn't made me cum once.
I don't know anons but I thought things would be different when I imagined my first relationship. I feel like I've wanted to be in a relationship with someone for so long I just settled for the first person that liked me and now that the initial excitement has died down I just can't see myself with this person long-term. I enjoy talking to him since we share a lot of the same interests but at the same times there are a lot of things that bother me about him. Mainly the pressuring into sex thing. I also feel like I have to take care of him which is something I didn't sign up for. I know I'm not perfect either but he always compliments me and I don't know what to say back. I also feel like since uni has been getting more busy I don't have time to deal with him and just want to be alone.
>settled for the first person that liked me Yeah, try not doing that anymore. That's an extremely unhealthy way to get into relationships because most of the time you're investing in something currently superficial. >Numerous sex problems Have you tried talking to him? I doubt it'll do much good because from what you've told us about him he seems extremely selfish. >Don't have time to deal with him and want to be alone So do that. Just tell him that. If he takes that answer, then good. But if he persists tell him what you told us, that he seems immature and in this relationship with you for the wrong reasons (by pressuring sex regularly and being selfish at it)
Andrew Sanchez
Thank you for your response user!
It's not as though he's completely selfish, I've been sick for the past 2 weeks and had 3 midterms but when I was sick he brought me medicine and understood that I couldn't see him. I don't know why I'm defending him though, haha.
That time we tried having sex I ghosted him the day after because I didn't want to think about it and he kind of freaked out and texted all my friends. Since then I've told him about being too pushy but I guess he hasn't got the point. He's got the self proclaimed "sex drive of a rabbit".
Thank you, I think I'll try that. I think it's just my first relationship and I wanted things to be perfect and I came into things with high hopes and I was just let down.
Luis Howard
If you're just trying to break up with him, I personally find the best way is too just rip off the bandage and not beat around the bush. If you want to try to salvage the relationship, than communication is key. But if it doesn't work out, don't force it
Blake Perry
Thank you! That makes sense. I'm definitely scared of breaking things off completely since I think he likes me a lot still but I still hope we can be in contact as friends.
Actually the weird thing is that when I first started talking to him, he started off by saying he just wanted to be friends since he had a GF at the time. But then she broke up with him. I wish I knew why. Now that I think about it, that was probably a red flag.
I personally would be very careful with the whole remain friends thing. I've had that one bite me in the ass a few times
Cameron Turner
You be direct and when he flips out you keep a log of whatever threats he makes. If you block him eventually he’ll get the point. Or if it gets out of control bring the law in on it.
Brayden Davis
Ah I guess we'll see how it goes. Do you have any experience with breaking up via online messages vs irl?
I'll try user! I hope it doesn't get to that point but I'll be safe about it for sure.
Thomas Cox
I like to give my gfs the courtesy of breaking up with them face to face if at all possible. If not I break up with them over the phone. It kind of sucks breaking up with them in person but it is a bit nicer then just a text.
Angel Richardson
Please don't ever have sex just because someone pressures you about it. He's an idiot, that alone is a reason enough to dump him.
He definetely sounds like someone who may flip out. Have it first clear in your mind how you want things to go, then message him and try to do it as clean as possible. Be firm, clear and don't write too much. And very important, don't settle for less than what you had decided by yourself. I would also avoid "let me see you in person" scenarios.
You've known each other for 2 months, he should be able to accept it. If he's not, then again, another reason to get away from him as quickly as possible.
And I agree with this Remaining friends in a healthy way is a very difficult thing to do. He doesn't sound at all like someone who could do that. Do you REALLY want to keep him as a friend or is it just that that way it sounds nicer or less difficult? Because if it's the latter, I would avoid it.
Ian Watson
yeah sounds like you should end it before it gets too much...you clearly deserve better then what hes offering. Never settle
Jaxson Green
Ideally I would want to do it in person but I feel like I would sperg out and not go through with it, haha. The phone is a good middle ground then.
Thank you. Looking back on it I guess the whole pressuring thing is worse than I thought. I really want to be able to take things at my own pace and it's important to feel comfortable with that.
Personally, I don't feel like he would. When I was traumatized he mentioned "if you don't want you see me after this I understand". But then again that could be manipulation? Ah I'm not sure.
That's great advice. I'll think about it and write it out. I really don't want to hurt him.
Honestly I'm a bit of a pushover to begin with so it's a combination of both. If being friends means talking once in a while over messages then I'm okay with that. Hanging out regularly is not something I could see happening.
Thank you for your kind words user! I'll try!
Josiah Russell
Welcome to the user guide to breaking up with your SO.
Some basic guidelines: 1. Be firm and sure of yourself, calm and controlled. Don't let him talk you out of it. Maybe he can change, but assuming you've brought these things up to him to no avail, he clearly won't. 2. Don't drag it out or beat around the bush, say you want to meet up to talk and do your business. A neutral location is usually best for this, especially in short term relationships. 3. Have some friends on standby not too far away so you can go and talk to them/cry/whatever afterwards. 4. Don't put it off.
For afterwards: Analyse what you did and did not like about him, your relationship, etc. Your first relationship is NEVER destined to go well. For some people it does, but it usually doesn't, so don't feel too bad. It's a learning process, so learn from it. Especially pick out the red flags, because there are a lot of them, the most glaring of which is that you met him on tinder while he had a gf.
You mention in a later post that him saying he would understand if you don't want to see him. This is emotional manipulation, whether purposeful or not, do not abide by it.
Go no contact. There's no guarantee you can be friends, but it's a possibility. Don't fixate on it or expect it.
Good luck user, I know you can do it
Jayden Sanders
Good luck OP! God Speed!
Henry Murphy
Wow user, thank you much. This is so nice I'm crying rn T_T
Yes, for sure I really needed to hear that about first relationships. I really wish it could have been like some fairytale sperg femanon gets nice 10/10 emotionally supportive bf but it wasn't and I have to accept that.
As for the actual breakup I'm taking everything that has been said here into consideration. I'll probably write out a note or something, haha.
If anything, I know now that Tinder isn't the best place to meet people. :/
Replying to your reply : 1. Saying whatever after pressuring you to have sex with him is not a sign of stability or of kindness or of whatever. Don't feel grateful for that or feel remorse about breaking up, you have many good reasons to do so. I mean, wanting to is enough, but you have MANY good additional reasonS.
2. No offense (I'm saying this for your own sake) but you do sound a bit pushoverish. That's why I think that breaking with him in person is a bad idea, he could manipulate you or make you settle for something that you don't want to do. Writing would be best imo, but if you prefer phone then do it. Just not in person.
3. If what you want is talking once in a while over messages, instead of "let's be friends" tell him "let's talk once in a while over messages". 4. And seriously, sorry to insist but pressuring you to have sex, keeping at it with you not getting wet and not stopping until you cried... He doesn't deserve you as a friend. I'm a guy, and if a friend of mine did that to a girl I would be disgusted and reconsider my friendship with him. 4. I agree with 100%. Good luck and ask a bit more of your partners, you deserve much better than that.
Ryan Thomas
Lmao literally sent from my op5
Yeah, life's not a fairytale sweaty, everything is hard and complicated and nuanced but that's what makes it fun. Don't get too concerned about breaking up with him "the right way" but still try to do a good job. Like I said, you're still learning, and CLEARLY so is he. Make sure he knows exactly why you're breaking up with him. Hopefully that stops the next girl from being in the same situation. Sounds like his recent ex didn't do you any favours in that regard.
PLEASE do it IRL though, I see you fighting with yourself about it. Everyone deserves at least that much respect imo. Make yourself notes if you need to.
Yeah I'm definitely a pushover, that's probably why I'm in this situation in the first place, haha.
I agree with everything you've said. Looking back on everything I now realize what he did really wasn't ok and I should have been harder on him at that time.
Thank you so much for your response! All of this has made me feel so much better and more prepared.
I chuckled at "Never Settle" lol
I mean he's had quite a few ex-gfs so clearly he has more experience with this than me.
We're supposed to watched Detective Pikachu so I can do it after that I suppose.. I think the notes thing would really help, that's what I did when I confronted him about the sex thing.
