I need help - Earlier this morning, me and my girlfriend have gotten into a fight, same with these past few days. Starting with this morning, I called her, said "Hello babygirl," to her, etc etc. She was moody from the start. Cursing at me, saying she doesn't give a fuck what I have to say, etc etc. I brush it off, and continue talking with her. Eventually her mood calms down, and I say "Hey, wanna hang out?" she says "No no I have a lot of stuff to do today I'm busy all day I'm not gonna go out." Fair enough. I continue talking with her, then out of nowhere she mentions a story she saw on twitter about how a guy did something for his girlfriend, and then she said she thought "Wow, I wish my boyfriend was like this" to me. I told her thats a little fucked up, she laughed and said "Don't think about it too much, it's nothing." I told her I thought it was disrespectful, she's a little mean, and frankly I was hurt by that comment. I told her she should appreciate me for who I am, and not compare me to others. She made a hissy fit about being called mean, and said "You've been overly hurt by a lot of what I've said lately." I said "Examples?" She only could name two, the other one being on how a night she was out with her mother, she was drinking. I told her to "be safe, don't drink too much." She took that as some sort of insult, claimed I was trying to restrict her, and said "I'm older than you (She's only ten months older, but acts like she's years older than me,) don't tell me what to do." I stopped talking to her, and called her out on it when she was sober. She said "Sorry, I was a little tipsy" and I dropped it. However, she brought it up today and said I was overly sensitive about it. I told her the reason I was mad is because it's fucking patronizing and downright disrespectful, and she said "I'm sorry." I called her out on it, saying "No, you're not, because you did it again today." pt1
I need help - Earlier this morning, me and my girlfriend have gotten into a fight, same with these past few days...
Why do you people put up with women who don't have any respect for you, mutual or otherwise? Both of you would be happier if YOU were firmer about what you want i.e. your expectations of the relationship. She's clearly pushing at your boundaries to see if you're going to do something about it, and your diplomatic approach won't help things.
Pt2
She then left off to her friends, got advice from her friends instead of actually talking things out with me, and came back with - "Let's take a break from each other for a week." Normally, I'd have no problem with this, but she does this almost after every argument, and after taking breaks in the past, nothing was solved. I then instead said "That's unnecessary and won't solve anything, I think we should just talk things out and mends things here." I asked "Do you think I'm too smothering or something?" She said "No, you're repetitive. We never do anything." I called out multiple instances where we did something, and I took her out, but all she did was bitch and moan and complain.
Then, she hit me with the big one. "I think I'm just getting tired of you." That hurt. A lot. I was a little speechless, then just said "I'm sorry..." She said "Yeah, me too. I don't think we should talk for a while. I need to think about some things." She also said "It's not you, it's me. In the worst way possible. Talk later."
Later today, I saw she was with her best friend on her snapchat story, smiling, all happy with her like nothing was wrong. I want to leave, but I don't have any support network. I will be depressed, lonely, and moping. If I stay, I don't think I could ever get over those words she said to me. They hurt so fucking much, /adv./ What do I do? I tried to talk to her an hour later, apologizing, but she refused to talk, said I need to "relax," and then left me on read.
I'm so fucking clueless.
would you want to be with someone who you have to mother so much, apparently even in an argument?
I've said that to her, so many times. I've tried being firmer about it, it's gotten so bad once that she told me "Fuck you" and threw a bunch of insults at me because I didn't like her music taste and asked her to change a song. (It was dubstep. I think it was justified.) I tried to be firm with her, she just cries and refuses to talk to me and hides away, and expects it to be swept under the rug. I've tried to talk peacefully about expectations, she always changes the subject. She's too scared of confrontation. What do you think I should do about it? Besides break it off, what could I actually do.
She doesnt seem interested in fixing things. Drop her or deal with it. From what it sounds like she honestly sounds guilty about something and is trying to get you to leave her. Shes probably fucking around realistically and doesnt want to deal with being labelled a cheater.
Why do you want to salvage a relationship with someone who doesn't show you any respect, is combative about dealing with her issues and shovels all her burdens onto you? She must have the golden pussy or something.
Because I'm lonely, and I have no support network. No friends, no therapist, nothing. I've had girlfriends in the past, I didn't lose my virginity to her, she's not even my first love. If I leave her, I mope and am alone and depressed. If I stay with her, I'm miserable. It's a double edged sword.
I don't think she's cheating. She was always willing to let me run through her phone, and she can't even drive. She has called me the best she's ever had too.
Well, she's latina. I guess she does have the golden pussy.
Heard this one before, brother.
Trust me. Your best option is to find another girl to replace her ASAP, because the biggest problem you're facing is she thinks YOU'RE the problem when in reality it's just her being a manipulative bitch.
Also, the problem is you're dating a girl with lots of baggage, from what I can tell. Chances are she won't change as she has a lot of orbiters to fall back on and affirm her flawed point of view. All in all, you don't want to deal with these types of girls. They're overall immature, and suffer from many degrees of "special snowflake syndrome", and "rich white girl".
So, just tell her to fuck off and that you're going to find someone else who will appreciate you more.
Easy gains.
>well, she's Latina
Then she definitely wants you to put your foot down and act like a man. Hate to sound like your fucking uncle or something but you probably don't fit the bill of what she looks for in a man. Now I'm not saying you aren't a masculine guy or don't have any self respect, but clearly you spare her feelings quite a bit when it comes to conflict, and don't fill the fatherly role she probably expects from a man. I won't pretend all Latin women are cut from a mold, but shes likely challenging you either to get you to change or shes planning on rolling with whatever drama comes along with testing you. Do whatever you WANT to do, if that's take control of the relationship more, do it. If that means you break it off, do it. The wishy-washy, stuck-in-the-middle crap is why she doesn't respect you as is. Pick one, and stick with it, and she'll respect you more for it either way.
I'm trying to work up the courage to say that. You also hit the nail right on the head. Lots of baggage, check. Won't change, has a lot of orbiters and affirm her POV, check. Overall immature, definitely a check. Special snowflake syndrome ehh, rich white girl, no.
I'm actually pretty fit (more on the lean side,) am pretty damn attractive, but fuck, I am sensitive and a hopeless romantic. She even said she was surprised when I was dominant in bed because she didn't expect it from me, which is why she finds me amazing in bed. How do I take control of this relationship? How do I tell her to cut it the fuck out? I've literally told her "Cut it the fuck out, I'm not doing it today" to her, but how do I actually get her to? I've tried being nice, being an asshole, being dominant, hell, I remember she once compared me to another guy - First thing I did was compare her to a girl I fucked and gee fuck she hated me for the next few days. Never did that again. I feel like I can't win.
>I'm older than you!
>Automatic respect!!!!!!111
Anyone claiming this is a fucking child.
Thank you, user. Holy fuck. She even tries to say I'm the immature one, but she does shit like that. I told her saying that shit to me makes me go nuts because it invalidates me. She didn't really care. She apologized for it the night after, and I let it go because she was probably drunk (or tipsy, as she called it.) However, I see now she was truly never actually apologetic about it considering she brought it up today as "Something I was overly sensitive and unnecessarily hurt about."
Look, I know you have a reason to pity her, and I'm sure she constantly tries to make you feel bad for her by victimizing herself constantly to take control of your good will, but you have to understand one thing and one thing only:
she IS NOT the victim, and she full well knows that. A good signal that she isn't (which should be obvious) is how unappreciative of your efforts she is.
She wants you to be legitimately dominant, the kind of dominant that makes you emotionally distant, but more-so in a fatherly way. A way that commands respect. A way that allows you to let her know that you don't have the patience for her bullshit and regardless of what she says you'll make her do something.
Okay, fair enough. How do I do that? Today when she said we needed a week off and a break, I told her, and I quote - "That's retarded, and unnecessary. Literally all I'm doing is asking you for a slither of respect and to stop taking me for fucking granted, what the hell is a week off from each other gonna solve? All it's gonna do is make things worse" and that only made it worse from there. Is that not emotionally distant enough or something? I don't get it. How do I be like that?
This is going to sound strange user, but the trick to being masculine in a relationship is being gentle but firm. If you act like an asshole, your wife/gf will resent you or push back with the same kind of approach. And, if you aren't firm with about your decisions/feelings/emotions, she won't respect your stature/role in the relationship. So the trick is not to start an argument, but to decisively end one. Sometimes that can involve being pretty cold and distant, like making her leave (if it's your place) or simply walking out instead of having a stupid cauldron-bubbler of an argument. If you want her to quit her shit you can't entertain or put up with it at all. My advice here would just be to leave and sort out the issues you have that are keeping you from just doing it, but from what you're saying, she sounds far more immature than she does malevolent, at least to me. It's up to you whether she's worth the effort to straighten shit out when she's already trying to shit test you this actively.
you have to be the one. You have to tell her that she needs to come back to you when she realizes that she's fucking up. Trust me, just stop all this bullshit with one fell swoop.
You have to deal the damaging blow, it will hurt so much more because she isn't the one saying she needs space. No, you have to tell her that the problem lies with her and she should fucking work with you or take a hike. And be done with it.
The end.
Wait a few days, and watch her come crawling back to you. If not, find someone else.
Shouldn't be hard.
This anons saying it better than I am, btw
Fuck, alright. So, basically, how about this -
"Listen, these past few days, you've been really hard to fucking handle, and you're being very disrespectful, as well as refusing to talk - Here's the deal, we can either work things out, or you can take a hike."
Thoughts?
Much firmer, you gotta nix the ambiguity in that phrasing. The last clause alone is probably enough - it's direct and doesn't get bogged down in trying to front-splain why you made the decision. She knows what she's been doing, giving her anything specific to deny or explain around is a trap.
Could you possibly give me something to say? Normally I'd say this feels a little dirty, but she always goes to her friends and they tell her what to say, so I don't care.
I don't wanna play mouthpiece for you here, it's not going to help in the long run, but you should tell her she can either quit her shit or you're going or move on. Key point there, you're not telling her she needs to move on, YOURE moving on. And you need to actually do it, if that's your plan, just cut her out completely and transcend wanting her company/approval. Easier said than done but there's a real whopper of a life lesson in it for you once you do.
And again, the last chunk of this post
isn't a bad start. Bottom line, as far as I'm concerned, is that you don't want to confront her about being immature and argumentative... By having an argument. Speak from the heart if you feel like it but she sounds like she wants a daddy for a boyfriend, so that might not help.
Fair enough, I guess I'll say -
"Listen, you need to quit your shit, talk things out with me about this relationship so we can fix this. If you choose not to talk things out with me, that'll tell me how you really feel about this relationship, and I'm going to move on, simple as that."
Gotcha. She does call me daddy, so I think so too. Is this any better? Also, was gonna facetime her and do it right now - Does it matter if it's over the phone/text, or in person? She usually tries to back out and hang up if confronted.
I don't think it matters how you tell her as long as you're direct about it
Change hurts, channel your sadness and anger, meditate daily and realize she wasn't shit. You don't seem like a bright guy but she's a bitch, don't bother with her
user please keep us (well at least me) posted on your situation, im currently in a relationship that's going through somewhat troubled times (nothing like your case though thank god) and I would like to learn your experience and see your story.
fuck off and die normalfag
r/incels is that way.
Well, basically, I facetimed her yesterday. She was all cheerful, joyish, expecting me to be happy like nothing at all happened. I didn’t create drama, but I certainly wasn’t happy. I asked if she was free to hang out tomorrow - “No I’m busy.” I asked with what, she said organizing clothes. I said “Oh? I thought you already did that today.” More excuses, but I let it go. I asked if shes free this week, and she bluntly said she didn’t wanna see me. She then went on about how she had plans with all her friends on thursday, and said “Why don’t you hang out with your friends or something?” Even though she knows full well all of my friends have moved away. I didn’t wanna come across as pathetic, so I said “Yeah, sure.” I asked when I would be able to see her again, she said “Next week.”
I’m bored, anons. I don’t have friends. I don’t have anything to do. I am lonely.
Stop wasting time and energy trying to salvage this. All of the signs that she's not interested anymore are there. If she was interested, she would make time anywhere. It's only Tuesday, there's 4 days until the weekend and she can't make any time? lmao
Exactly what I said. She even had the audacity to ask me to take her to therapy at 3pm because she had no ride. I decided I would because I’m an idiot.
it may be time to cut your losses. you're just a giant pussy. that would be fine if not for the fact that it's in a way that girls just hate. I feel for you m8 but you just gotta leave her. go away and find a more assertive competent version of yourself. that doesn't mean you can't have her back it just means that you can't have her right now.
>tldr grow a pair
Lmao, your gf sounds like your middle school sister. If I answered the phone being sassy like that my BF would hang up on me. You need to set some boundaries and be firmer, she is testing you and if you don't step up she'll leave you down the road anyway. You're right, she is absolutely disrespecting you, and she is doing that because she perceives you as WEAK.
Your girl's playing head games with you. She's not communicating with you and is expecting you to read her mind and guess what's really wrong instead of being an adult and just coming out and saying what's really eating her up inside.
The person you love isn't someone you actively WANT or try to hurt, right? It's the person you have invested your heart into and want to help and grow with and enjoy being around them, right? So, does this feel like love to you? Why is she trying to play games and hurt you if she really loves you?
You should ask her that. Sit down with her and be real with her. Be really real. No head games. No emotional whip-lash. Just talk as the two halves of a whole that you're supposed to be in a good healthy relationship.
Good luck, OP.
Absolute doormat. I know you are lonely, but you are just creating an even greater pit of despair for yourself in being with this neurotic emotional vampire. It's better to be lonely and actually alone than lonely, unappreciated and resented.
I think today I will. You make great points. Today I’m going to have a calm, non-argumentative conversation with her, and set some clear boundaries as suggests.
I can see why you think I’m a doormat, but I can assure you I’m not. There are plenty of things I refuse to do for her, plenty of times I told her to fuck off, etc etc. It’s just right it’s a rough patch and I see that bringing her to therapy could potentially heal it? Or maybe I’m delusional, correct me if I’m wrong.
She very clearly doesn't love you. Have some balls and break up with her, then go and make some friends so you don't get into shitty relationships just to feel less lonely.
your gf sounds like a child. If she’s not willing to mature for you, she’s not worth it and will only strain you in the years to come.
>Sensitive
Date white or Asian, alternatively date deep African (N N N N NOT AFRO-AMERICAN PUH-LEEEEEEZE), as these women will more likely deeply respect a man who eschews the common image of a man and brings more sensitivity and understanding to the table. If you're fit, bonus points. Not always required but does usually help.
This girl doesn't sound worth your time and you sound like a victim of a sunk cost fallacy.
Tell her you're very done with her garbage attitude and she can go take that shit to literally anyone else because you don't need fucking guff from a second-worlder.
In more polite terms if you like
OP here, update: After she went to therapy, she got some insight. Apparently her therapist said the exact same shit you guys have been saying, she even called her out on her behavior and said she was in the wrong. While we were in the car, I asked her if we could sit down, have a heart to heart, and just talk things out. She agreed.
After her therapy session, she apologized to me, and said she wants to talk things out as well as spend all day on friday with me. I told her if we’re gonna talk things out, it has to be in person, no hostile emotions, no outside insight from her friends, and straight to the point. She agreed, and said she loved me and was sorry. I might be able to salvage this.