My best friend of 9 years abandoned me. We got into a big fight early February and didn't recover from it until early June. Around the time our fight started, she started dating someone they had met a state away. She cancelled our spring break trip when she knew I wanted to go. Sometimes she still brings it up though I don't think to be malicious, it still stings. She trashed talked about me to her bf, and when I called her out on it and told her to stop over text all she said was. "okayyy." When we were finally on "good terms" I got stranded somewhere I didn't know and when I called her to calm myself, 10 minutes in to the call she hung up on me to talk to her bf. I don't even know why I'm still friends, I can't begin to explain how it all hurt. I'd never do that to her.
She eloped. She knew the guy for 2 months before marrying him and didn't tell anyone. So they were dating for 2 months, got married, they've been married for 2 months, and lived together for 1 month. Well she started to confide in me. In the past month she admitted:
-Her husband has an EXTREMELY autistic brother, but the brother never got diagnosed because they grew up somewhere rural. Now she's seeing symptoms of autism in him. If he does (which by the sounds of it I say there's a strong possibility) have autism, she's scared to ask him to get checked because that would mean calling him autistic lol
-They disagree on the whole kid thing. He wants kids and she doesn't. She gave in and promised to give him kids in the far future. This one was nice. I don't want kids either so I want to rub my DINK lifestyle in her face.
-When she calls me, she always insults him at least once. Calling him stinky, fat, "you could play connect the dots with his backne", lazy.
-They got into a fight earlier last month where she said, "maybe we should have waited to get married"
I'm wondering if there's a way to speed up a divorce. I just want to see it happen then I can let go of my anger. I want to see her humility.
My best friend of 9 years abandoned me...
Cut contact or kill yourself. She's not your girlfriend and never will be. Why put so much time into someone who doesn't care about you?
>got hung up while you were stranded in a place you didn't know
Excellent "friend" you faggot. Cut contact or kill yourself.
If I cut contact, I won't see how this fully plays out. I need to be close to get the details people on Facebook won't get. I'm also a straight woman, I don't want any of her.
Let nature take its course, distance yourself from someone you cant even justify being near, ignore and let it be.
Dont speed anything up. The train may derail but itl take a ehile, get a drink or two first.
Oh, you want to see the crash and burn? Oops.
Well when I consider my vaguely similar situation with my current situation (Best friend of 14 years (both straight males) with a girl that he's already broken up with in the past and I'm waiting for them to do it again), I would go with "suggestion". I feel like nothing fuels the fire more than suggesting something lightly and having them justify the action. So in your case, making a divorce look as appealing as possible without outright saying what you want.
I think I've started to do this.
Her image is very important to her and I did some research when I was "helping" her with the whole autism thing. I told her that if he ever has an episode in public, the best thing to do is lie down next to him and pet him. She seemed kind of put off by that.
I reminded her that 50%-52% of marriages end in divorce and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I even got her to admit that there's no such thing as soulmates. At one point when she was really mad when her husband promised something but didn't go through with it, she said something like "I hope he remembers that he's replaceable. I'm still young enough to find someone else."
I'm just wondering if there's something I can do to really put this thing in full gear. Just really drive a wedge in there. I guess I could say I've already won. She married a man that she didn't know was autistic until she moved in with him and saw how he really interacted, who wants kids, and she's afraid will let himself go. She either stays and I can say she married an autistic blob that forced her to have kids or she gets divorced. Win-win really, but I feel like the divorce would be more fun to watch and would force her to admit this thing she shut me out for wasn't worth shit.
Wow you are an awful, vindictive person
I think more people should be shoving mistakes in people's faces especially if they haven't apologized yet. Making sure people understand where they fucked up should lead to better decision making in the future if the person has braincells
I can't think of anything beyond involving a man that she wished she had to invoke jealousy but I don't know how hard you want to go or how much you care about the feelings of bystanders.
I just want to emotionally even out the score. It's just fair.
Exactly. In her past relationships she's always been mad that her bf's never apologized, even if they didn't really do anything wrong. Like that whole "you may not have meant to hurt me, but you did and the right thing to do is apologize."
Well that's what I've been trying to get her to do. I've brought up the spring break thing to her 4 times trying to get her to say sorry, but every time I do bring it up she gets defensive and mean. It's infuriating, it makes my blood absolutely fucking boil that she doesn't understand that she may have not meant to hurt me but she did and she can't fess up to it. I honestly think and apology would make all my anger and resentment evaporate, but I guess that's not going to happen.
>>I can't think of anything beyond involving a man that she wished she had to invoke jealousy
Actually, I haven't thought about that! About 2 weeks ago we went to a club where she got grinded on by a bunch of dudes, she even took off her ring. I don't know how to get that information to the husband because she's basically barred him from any friends or family (that's another thing that pisses me off. She'd be livid if I didn't let her see my bf, because that's just **what best friends do**. If I find a way to get that info to him, I will.
Seeing you both double down on this just further confirms my point. Its not your place to do these things, to get even, to get fair. Because this is the type of game where the only winning move is to not play. This is someones life you are ACTIVELY trying to fuck up. And for what? To make your fee fees feel better? You guys are sick. Probably female, and definitely awful, horrible people. Break the cycle, be better. Imagine where we would be if it was decided to get even japan could drop 2 nukes on us. Yes it is extreme but that's the same logic here. In fact that decision would be better because at least it would be a time of war, meanwhile you all are making more rash decisions in peace time. I'm really sorry you both were failed by those who were supposed to love you but all your doing is perpetuating the cycle of violence and manipulation that hurts you and now you're taking joy in hurting others. I hope your friend cuts you out of her life for good, since clearly you can't.
Holy fuck the quads, too bad its wasted on all that.
Go for it, as you said yourself you win in either situation
>Denying the quads of truth
No user, sorry to break it to ya but you just aren't a good person. Which is fine, just don't say you are when you're not ya dig?
It's not like OP's friend is enjoying life. If adding a few things here and there will make OP feel better and her friend will end at the same result, who cares? Her friend's marriage is already failed and if anything, you could say OP is looking out for her friend by making sure they get a divorce instead of leaving it up to the girl who left OP stranded and eloped with an autist after 2 months. Tough love is not just a meme.
You arent her parent and neither is OP. OP isnt doing this out of the kindness of her heart but the hurt. The intention is what matters, and she would be doing it to hurt and to get even. Reationalise these shitty actions all you want it isnt your place to do it, and it doesnt make you a good person. Youre forgetting that when you do tough love its out of love, and why would you enjoy hurting the people you love. Tough love should hurt both parties but be seen as necessary. I am a big believer in tough love but this is not it.
I've thought about it in that perspective too, though I don't really care what happens after they break up lol.
She is the kind of person to really just squeeze out every last drop in a relationship, even if it's very obviously dead. And I think the whole title of "married" will have her just cling on to the relationship for as long as humanly possible.
That's also why I want more ways to speed things up. The relationship has really high highs and low lows, I want to play on the lows.
I wonder if I've ever had a "friend" like OP
quite scary
>Rationalize these shitty actions all you want
But that's the fun part. That's the only reason I even stuck around. I won't get to see the results but that just comes from using this site.
That's fine. Again, just don't delude yourself into thinking you're a good person. You really aren't.
You, my guy, need to cut any and all contact of her. Even just her shit showing up in soc med feeds/walls. Don't be feeding this complex you're clearly cultivating.
Break it now.
Man I don't think I can. It was an absolutely painful experience that I've never felt before. And it angers me that we just pretend like she didn't completely destroy me for 3 months. I cried at work, class, and right before bed.
I remember when I called her crying and I tried telling her that pushing me away was making me not trust in her, and I was hoping we could talk it out. At that point I wasn't even looking for or expecting an apology, just a good enough reason she had that would justify what she did. She just told me that me not trusting her was on me and that was the end of that. When I needed her most, she told me tough shit. 9 years of having her back and that's all I deserve.
I really think that was the staple moment that just made me so so mad. Every time something good happened to her after that, I just felt like she didn't deserve it, which was never the case before. It's been almost 5 months now and I still can't let go of this anger. I don't think I deserved to be treated like that
Also, I think I'm an excellent friend. For the past 9 years I've done nothing but stick my neck out for her. Whenever she needed any kind of help, I'd be there. I'd stay up until 2am when I had work at 7am when she'd break up with bf's and call me crying. It wasn't until she put me through the wringer for the better part of this year that I started thinking this way.
Don’t be an idiot OP, and eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. Cut the contact or just sit back and watch it, but you don’t need to instigate things.
Also, people with autism spectrum disorder can be extremely high functioning in society, the levels of functionality vary so greatly. I work with children with autism, they are amazing.
TLDR: you’re an asshole, find something better to do with your life
Fucking kill yourself you dumb vindictive cunt, no wonder even your best friends leave you.
She came crawling back after I briefly cut contact, like I thought she wanted. Either way, you don't get to pull what she did and not expect it to come back to you
Again, what the other user said. Kill yourself you dumb vindictive cunt.
nah