Let me redpill you on asparagus

I hope it doesn't suppress Rimsky- Korsakoff. I like to blanche it and toss it on the grill when I'm having blackened fishes or steaks

>peacocking
>Btw I'm a G.I.R.L.

Guy
In
Real
Life

Also if you are a girl you should kill yourself for being this degenerate.

>or something
>science

pick one

trips without tits?
GTFO

What's the easiest and tastiest way to cook them, say if I want to throw them on my normal meal, fried chicken?

Also frozen peas good or bad

Wrap in AL foil with olive oil and salt. Cook in oven until soft.

> I can't actually cook

i drink tea and coffee all day and drink heavily and smoke i have the immune system of an aids patient what should i eat as well as asparagus?

My piss smells like candy and taste like syrup what do

Ingest less carcinogens?

toothpaste

You just inspired me to make an asparagus microwave steamer bag.

So you set a pot with roughly one liter of water to boil, mixing in some salt, some sugar and a dash of lemon juice. After that you turn it to a small flame and add the skinned asparagus for seven to twelve minutes (try this out a few times you should find your preference fast). During the last three minutes, put a different pot on a small flame; throw in a nice-size chunk of butter. When that is nice and molten you pour in roughly the same amount of flour. At this point you turn the heat up ever so slightly and stir consistently while pouring in some milk until the resulting mix throws small bubbles. Season with pepper and salt to taste. This is a basic Sauce Bechamel; whipped egg-white may be added during or immediately after basic preparation, in which case you shouldn't re-heat it, but this can be tricky and I don't much care for it personally. When the asparagus seems relatively soggy and digestible, you serve it up with the sauce (which as a plus goes great with decently fried chicken). This is a family recipe and I hope I translated it adequately.

If u overcook the asparagus dont u lose nutrients?

That level of longing would have killed me years ago

Someone's having dinner

There is a chance of that if you completely overcook it, but we're not talking falls-apart-when-forked tier soggy. Just can-be-cut-with-a-regular-bread-knife tier soggy. Hence why I recommended a small flame (Do you Brits also have those two-setting-ovens where it's just either a large flame or a small one?); I should have clarified that though. Generally speaking you're not losing out on much within the recommended twelve-or-so-minute time window.

Some minced garlic, s&p, and a hot pan greased with olive oil. Toss until it starts to brown and is tender to the touch.

Nah i'll just fry it

Suit yourself. The sauce is still worth a shot though, honestly.

hey baby i got stinky piss, suuuuper dehydrated rn, dark brown and pungent, want to link up

throw in a cast iron pan with olive oil, salt and pepper. finish with chili pepper, nutmeg, a splash of lime and balsamic vinegar, cover with slivered/sliced almonds. serve to a girl with blue hair and minimalist tattoos on a screened-in porch or outdoors, with a hoppy beer and vegetable protein like tofu or seitan with quinoa. allow juices to absorb into quinoa and say you really like how leading men like ryan gosling and ramy malek challenge traditional norms of masculinity which shows how our culture is evolving

then pee on your neck a little bit about an hour after you eat it, you'll get laid for sure

Hematuria or glomerulonephritis.

i actually just recently learned this because i started eating asparagus a lot lately. i thought there was something wrong with me

Dont listen to these other fucking plebs. Cook them like other green vegetables. Blanche them for 6 minutes in a pot of boiling water, untill just tender. You also want them firm not soggy shit

You can also drink the water from cooking as a vitamin rich beverage.

>eating sugar
yikes
just pan fry with some olive oil and hot sauce

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ever hear of a multivitamin lol

I think that user was referring to the way your pee smells after drinking coffee
not urine that's coffee-coloured

wow I can't wait to try this!

yes a bit and also when you overcook it your piss smells even worse as you create more sulphur compounds

Literally brush them with olive oil, salt and pepper, and throw them on the grill for 6-8 minutes until they're slightly charred, and just a bit soft with some crunch left.

This is objectively the best way to cool asparagus, too many people overcook it to shit

>charred
enjoy ur carcinogens

Orbit..

do you cook it or eat it raw?

I love asparagus but jesus christ your piss smell AWFUL. It smells straight up sulfur. Is sulfur a good smell? No, it's very strong and makes you want to put on a gas mask.

yeah but i dont want my pee to smell so..

I usually roast my asparagus, you? Tho, grilling it might be nice.

wasted on a fake and gay post

This shit's a pain in the ass to grow.

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This is basically it but I lay them flat in the oven at 425 until crispy at the ends on foil. Just put some olive oil on em and season to preference. Alternatively pan fry with olive oil or butter. Make sure to cut off the sinewy bottom part first, maybe a 1/2 inch at most. Honestly it's pretty hard to fuck up asparagus.

Listen Kraut, stick to the wurst. Boiling veggies is for tasteless englishmen.

BOILING VEGETABLES IS FOR STUPID NIGGERS

use buckwheat as a cover crop

It makes your piss smell like a fart... How does that attract women? How do you even test something like that?

Hot pan with a little bit of butter, give a light coating of olive oil and throw them in with some minced garlic. Cook until firm with a little snap left, if you hit mush you've gone too far. The tiniest pinch of salt when finished.
They must be eaten with a good steak.

Haha that's really witty and epic did you come up with it yourself? I don't think anyone has ever made that joke before

Fuck off mom, you're not gonna get me to eat my vegetables

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Based, I made some chicken thighs and asparagus yesterday. Shits godly