How do you stop hating yourself for being a submissive bisexual freak with a sexual preference for assertive men but...

Whoa. That would be awful.

I'd say go back to your childhood and look for key traumas. Something fucked you up and splintered your mind into incompatible pieces. I'd also discard all that mental poison about gender and sexuality, look deep within and deconstruct how you work. I don't think you're living in the truth. Fixing the problem means finding the truth.

Don't hate yourself. There's noting wrong with being bisexual.

by realizing that no one truly cares that you have those prefrences and those who do are often doing that to be dicks. Those with moral issues about it are wrong anyways. So smoke some weed forgive yourself for your real faults and move on.

Go butch.

He's between worlds. He should be uncomfortable. Shit he described is messed up. You cannot both penetrate and be penetrated. That's really what it comes down to, penetration. He desires to penetrate a woman and engage with her feminine beauty, but he himself is submissive and desires to be penetrated, dominated.

The problem is obvious.

>6-10 get bullied due to not being able to control my behavior can't understand how others can behave
>very overemotional and at any sign of hatred/rejection/spite towards me I sit in a corner and start hitting my head and crying
>overbearing controlling mother and completely passive father
>mother cries whenever I'm in trouble for misbehaving usually being loud or just too aggressive but its a feminine uncontrollable and ineffective aggression
>act effeminate as a child
>around this age all of my fantasies before I go to sleep and close my eyes are me imagining I'm an abused girl, usually kept in a cage with other girls or on walking on some desert planet
>use a handtowel in the bath across my chest to make it seem like I'm a girl
>get my first erection around 8 over a tv show with near naked female cast members don't understand what is happening my dick hurts and I have to go to hospital
>only ever feel attracted to girls, draw them often
>11-16 stop doing anything other than remain as quiet and as passive as possible and only do the work I'm given, mother doesn't let me outside or anything realize I could never be worthy enough to be with any girl in school due to this and the lack of charisma, being unassertive, would be degraded in front of them by others if I tried to pursue those I was attracted to
>someone always is there to take over from the last peer who abuses me
>first masturbate at 11 to a femdom joi don't even understand what masturbation is but I feel the need to follow everything she says
>get off to femdom ballbusting, degradation, sph, virgin humiliation, edging etc self insert as the abused guy
>occasionally crossdress once or twice during these years
>at 16 try to meet up with a girl outside of school buy weed but she's grounded and can't come that summer
>smoke the weed and feel like a child again, all the emotions I thought I had dulled come back and I had thought I could never cry again but now I can

>become infatuated with a girl 2 years older than me and give her a portrait I drew of her on the day she leaves, get a crushing feeling in my chest whenever I think about her
>now when the bullying starts again when I go back the next year
>everyone seems to believe I am homosexual because I'm timid, care too much about my appearance, wear the clothes my mother told me to wear, only feel relaxed around guys (never initiate with girls because I worship them and don't want their opinion of me to be lowered) act overly nice to everyone
>didn't realize they all believed I was gay at the time, thought they just called me faggot because they understood I was weak and they realized I had heart pounding anxiety that inhibited me
>I appease them like I always do, laughing it off or just staring into space when they tell me to kill myself etc, slap me, grope me, just psychologically manipulate me
>I never do anything or offer any resistance because I'm too inhibited by fear before I even walk into the building
>now because of the weed I start feeling dread all the time, not just at particular times, start feeling a strong sadness again because of the weed I'm certain
>eventually drop out at 17 when I wouldn't have before, parents want answers and they can't understand why I would do this, I break down in tears on the morning I make the decision just because of too much negative emotion
>within 8 months I start crossdressing with my cousins clothes, just out of boredom on omegle/chatroulette
>originally want to talk to girls but enjoy the attention from guys although I don't feel attracted to them
>still only masturbate to femdom
>after 2 years as a NEET I start self inserting as the girl in regular porn (I had never even gotten off to guy on girl unless it was femdom) I found it hotter to be denied if a woman was fully clothed and telling me I don't deserve to ever be inside a woman
>feels gay but I'm only attracted to the girl and have zero attraction to the guy

>my mother finds my clothes she thinks I'm gay but only hints at it regularly like trying to get me to come out because she thinks this is what caused me to have all of these issues even though I was straight albeit submissive
>start getting off to forced bi even though it was never really that much of a taboo for me because I was only attracted and aroused by girls
>don't feel aroused by the dicks just the degradation from the women
>remember when I was 12 I cried when I realize my dick wouldn't grow more than 4.5" and it would never be enough for a girl (some in my class were already talking about how this wasn't enough and who they had done stuff with)
>always gotten off to my insecurities so I don't see any problem with gay encouragement/hypnosis/forced bi
>eventually start self inserting as traps/trannies getting fucked when they looked too mannish before even the most passable ones
>become desensitized to the lack of vagina
>whenever I go outside I still feel an intense yearning whenever I look at women
>finally realize everyone at that school thought I was homosexual and not just weak after starting to browse /lgbt/ relate to a lot of what is said and see it in myself
>start getting depressed and anxious even without any expected responsibilities play traumatic memories over and over again in my head and obsess over them
>go to an interview and the anxiety is far worse
>realize anyone on the street I know probably thinks I'm a self hating masochistic homosexual
>4 years after I dropped out I start self inserting as femboys/twinks in gay porn so long as their faces are off screen and their bodies and moans are fem enough
>develop slight attraction to guys bodies and dominant presence
>still only feel attracted to women outside but start to see men in a different way
>realize everyone was right and I can't prove that the anxiety started way before this
>remember trying to get help from my mother at 14 but she just said everyone has worry

>never knew about how to get SSRI's or benzos until after I dropped out only thought it was due to me being weak
>now the anxiety grows to things like pain in my balls when I went to far in a femdom CBT instructions video felt like I was dying and I couldn't warm my body up or stop the feelings of dread
>get depressed if I don't distract myself when I'm alone because I start getting homosexual urges like being fucked and hurt by faceless men
>feels like each year I had fewer social checks and the isolation has now made me question if I still even want to be with women
>doubt my reality because I thought I was straight as I was only ever attracted to girls but now I'm like this and I was always feminine/neurotic/overemotional in the past
>wish someone had just put me on HRT as a child when they realized what a worthless faggot I would inevitably become
4/4
sorry for the blogpost but does this explain it? was I ever even straight?
How do you stop incorporating someones opinions which you know are wrong into yourself and agreeing with them on some level just to make them happy/satisfied they were right while hoping someone other than you will step in to prove them wrong?

drop the lipstick
it's disgusting
that being said
I'd give you a black eye and force you to suck my dick if that's why my cute sub bi freak bf needs
>t. switch bi guy
also there's nothing wrong with being sub in bed, as long as you can properly protect and defend yourself and your loved ones, no one is going to complain about what you do in bed. submissiveness is not looked down upon by men, weakness is.

>>around this age all of my fantasies before I go to sleep and close my eyes are me imagining I'm an abused girl, usually kept in a cage with other girls or on walking on some desert planet
I'm really tired and will have to read through this slowly. The above line caught my eye.

Why do you think this specific aspect was going on?

No idea what caused it I just acted effeminate as a kid, one of the early signs of homosexuality in boys. I just felt strongly attracted to girls and I liked imagining I was one at these times, partly arousal partly because it felt like one. Just a strong attachment and attraction to them that I wished I could become. I forgot about this quickly after childhood though and I don't have any serious problems with being male to make me trans or anything

your post made me think if homosexuality is just socially caused
obviously you weren't gay from the start, you wanted girls but your parents were complete morons
your controlling mother has attacked your existence from day one and your father has let it happen. If you had a much higher iq you might have seen through some of these tricks, but alas poor user.
Your mother harmed and damaged you even before you were 6. You couldn't control your own behavior which i guess generally would be angry behaviour and yiu weren't properly socialised so you have no idea how to behave around people
this undermined your personality, caused the excessive anxiety, and forced you into the situation where you can't fight off attacks because you can hardly recognize them or freeze up(people calling you fag or telling you to kill yourself)
it's really fun to see how someone became what he is, and it's almost always due to childhood traumas

if you seriously want to fix things user
then stop with the porn
stop abusing your own insecurities, because that's destroying you
fix your anxiety
learn ti talk to women
the real kicker here is, your actually very obviously a straight male literally bullied to be a sissy fag by yourself and you not being able to properly develop yourself
you need to overcome your anxiety, if you don't you're going to depress yourself until you kill yourself
if you do that, things will get much easier
also quit the weed now you massive retard
i know what weed abuse leads to
stop it now
hope this sort if helped you out user

umm you could use a dildo during sex.
Girls are pretty chill and especially if they know you are bi, you are fine with the cock.

You can control that though. Everyone is composed of the masculine and feminine, and the brain has an emulative and dissociative capacity that I think is underappreciated.

When I was 18 - 21 or so I developed some feminine tendencies. Why? Repeated inescapable trauma. Torture, actually. As I see it, men view being female as being disarmed, and out of the game in some sense. If you're always in fear of your inadequacy, and failure, to resolve this "castration anxiety" you may desire freedom and comfort simply by becoming female. Thus resolving the anxiety. Also, women are beautiful. Having beauty around is comfortable, and shows that things are in some way right with the world. Viewing oneself as beauty is again, and attempt to bypass the above. Transgenderism is probably an extreme form of self sexualization and castration anxiety, I would guess.

Anyway. I never acted etc all that femine, but internally I was. And could switch back and forth reasonably well. I had dreams where I was female. Not to go to deep into it, but ultimately I took all that and turned it into one character that I gave a name, and then stored in my mind. Giving names to things defines their bounds, and therefore brings them under control. Names are powerful.

I also put on my mother's high heels a few times when I was a kid. Why? For the hell of it. I wanted to know. So I found out, because I'm not retarded. Etc. I wouldn't confuse too many things together.

Have you considered suicide?Not ragefliping,just stating it as a reasonable option.

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Accept your faggotry but only have sex with woman.

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No it really doesnt. You just let it. Once you actually have sex you realise it loses alot of its initial umph unless youre with someone you love and trust. You might have an addiction to it and are trying to justify it for everyone but thats really not the case.