Tl;dr Wife is having an affair, what do I do

Something I forgot. I actually know a case like the one I was describing there.

My friend's father knew for some time that her wife was cheating on him (with 2-3 different guys, one at a time). He did nothing about it for some time, like 5 years. I don't know his reasons, maybe it was to protect my friend who was like 11 or so at the time. At some point it all blew up but in the process my friend's father became resentful and really bitter about life in general and women in particular. He developed alcoholism and now it's taking its toll on him, as he has some health issues.

My friend knows everything that her mother did and she (my friend's a girl) holds her mother accountable for it. But still, growing up with her father being full of hate and bitter made her distance herself from him. Now she is ok with spending time with her mother, but she is afraid and tired of her father.

So in the end, even though my friend knows the truth, she has a much better relationship with her mother and her mother has a nice life. On the other hand, her father is depressed, alone and through the years he's been losing her daughter to his problems.

I really believe that if he had acted when he should (like you can do now) he would've had a better life. And it probably would've been better for my friend too. It's just impossible to act as if you didn't know. It's either making your children go through a divorce or making them grow up in a house full of silent hate. At least that's how I see it.

the phone stays with you now. don't replace it back under the cupboard where she had it stashed. get in touch with her folks first, square things with them so they know what's happened and what to expect (hysterical phone call from her, needing to watch the grandkids on very short notice, etc), then repeat with your own parents. for the sake of everybody involved you really really want the full weight of the entire generational family structure rallied to your side ahead of time and made aware of what's transpired BEFORE the confrontation between you and your wife takes place. as much as is feasible, not a word gets said to nor in front of the kids. a "mommy and daddy are upset with each other because of grown up things" from grandma/grandpa will suffice for the time being.

Sorry, user.

The way to go, like others have said, is to divorce her and make sure that you have all the evidence secured before she can cook up some bullshit story of "he was neglecting me" or even pull out some fake abuse accusations.

If you really want to help your kids, you'll remove them from the influence of an adulterous whore--the last thing you want to teach them while they're growing up is that you can get away with being a piece of shit. We have enough of those running around already, and it's unfortunate that one of them turned out to be your wife.

try not to blame yourself. That's honestly really sad user, I hope everything turns out well in your world.

>op hasn't responded
Makes me think this is bait.

In some countries Medicine is an undergraduate course.

How come nobody else has suggested he have his own affair?

You can have your perfect family unit and paint some fresh 20 year olds. You can even still love your wife--maybe no longer as a lover but still as the mother of your children.

I think your kids are too young to not be greviously affected by what goes with a divorce. If there's anything you can do to stay happy and "together" I would recommend it.

The game has definitely changed no matter what you do.

>because two wrongs don't make a right
>because the idea is to lessen as much as possible the negative impact this will have on the kids, not say yolo and worsen it
>because op explicitly stated he loves his family and wishes to keep it together not fracture it further and see it splinter apart
take your pick

Fuck man mine left me recently after 4 years. I can't fucking imagine that pain of 13 years. Sorry bro but like everyone is saying , you have proof. File divorce

I get that you love your family but sorry dude she doesn't love you anymore. You might swear that you forgive her and that things can stay like nothing happened but nothing hurts a man quite like his ego and it will eat you alive.
She stopped loving you (because if you appreciate someone you wouldn't do this to them) and maybe there is a reason the relationship became stale or whatever it might be but it wasn't your fault you where busy providing for your family and from what I read you still have a damn I really don't understand how someone can do such a thing to a loved one if you where abusive or distant then yeah I'd understand but you weren't.
Really the best thing you can do is separate from her but do it on a healthy way.
Just one day take her outside and say calmly "I want a divorce" if she questions or presses on say "you know why" and please keep firm, believe me this is the only way.
Then just proceed like an adult don't take the kids away from her they are also hers don't attack her that's dumb just make sure that the final situation is fair for you mostly but also for her and after sometime you'll move on and she'll move on and because there isn't bad blood between you maybe you can continue as friends.
I really hope you someone has given you the clarity you need and whatever choice you take please don't make it harshly.

Everybody here is saying divorce and while I absolutely understand that, I'm going to suggest an alternative course of action. I'm not saying that this is the course that you SHOULD take, OP. Only that it is an option that is available to you.

From a purely objective standpoint, most people cheat because they are missing something (or feel they are missing something) from the current relationship. These reasons may be valid or may not be, but aside from cases of abuse and such this is typically why cheating happens.

If you really want to try to keep the family together above all else, if you legitimately love her and want to try to make it work, and if she also is on board with all of this, an option you have is couples counseling and therapy. I would absolutely not suggest continuing the relationship without it.

There's going to be a lot of hurt and a lot of distrust that will be very hard to work through, and professional help will be invaluable. It would especially be beneficial if you can find a therapist who specializes in infidelity. It IS possible to recover from cheating if you take the correct steps and the both of communicate and work hard to make it happen.

Again, this is only if you want to, and if she wants to. It also may not be enough, but if you want to try to salvage things this is the best course of action you can take.

please do not listen to this person. just get the divorce

Divorce her, it’ll be a good lesson for your kids trust me. My parents are going through a similar situation growing up and I wanted them to divorce when I was 8, still wish they did. They only stayed for us kids and that made me feel horrible.

This. Get professional help and fix your marriage.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. You guys spent so much time together right when you were young and she goes and does this now? That is clearly unforgivable. I'd say confront her about her actions and tell her don't keep up this affair for the sake of the kids.

>most people cheat because they are missing something
Yeah, a sense of morality. The cure is a bullet, but sadly that option is unavailable to the "civilized".

She chose to break everything the marriage stood for, she should face the full consequences of her decision. It's disgusting that a concept like "recovering from cheating" even exists.

Stop saying this shit to OP and telling him to castrate himself by appeasing her needs, how the fuck does a women ruin a wonderful mans life and the man gets told to try harder wtf. Im so sorry op she sounds like the worst type of person. Divorce sadly, your kids would never want you to have to love with someone who makes you feel this way if they were older theyd tell you that. What kind of example are you setting for them

Bump

>i dont want my kids to have to deal with a divorce or have to put them through that, even if it means my unhappiness. i love my family
Too bad senpai, you will never be able to trust her again. Search deep within yourself, you know this to be true.
She's already destroyed your family, trying to live with her from now on will only destroy you.
Get a lawyer ASAP, try to find yourself a fucking shark because if you don't you might get BTFO by the courts.
Get yourself a good PI to collect as much evidence as possible.
Start squirreling away money ASAP.
If you don't own your house, you probably won't get primary custody of the kids so prepare for child support payments.
You need to prepare to fight HARD because the court and her lawyers are gonna make it hard on you if you're not throwing haymakers from the get go.
I cannot emphasize it enough: GET YOURSELF THE BEST LAWYER YOU CAN FIND ASAP.

Attached: Kornheiser Better off without Love.png (340x430, 269K)

Your kids will lose respect for you if you become a full blown cuckold.

File for divorce and plan to be there for the kids.

Hell, apply for full custody since shes an irresponsible and drunk parent.

Follow the advice of She can make up whatever bullshit story while crying in court. Document and journal everything. Adultery hardly means any sort of victory, especially when she will by default claim she’s the victim. And don’t let your kids grow up around this fucked up relationship

Divorce you dumb fuck. Imagine finding out your dad's a cuck. Do you want your children to feel more pathetic than you?
This

Citation needed

Couples counseling is a surefire way to lose a shitload of money before getting a divorce.
Couples counseling assumes that both parties are equal and usually devolve into the woman whining about how unhappy she is and that its all the guys fault, and since the squeky wheel gets the grease most therapists encourage the guy to cuck to the woman, which will teach her that blaming everyone else for her problems yields results. As a result you have an increasingly demanding and unhappy woman and an increasingly cucked and frustrated man.
Also it doesnt help that most couple's couselors are female.
t.male couple's counselor

I say play this like a child, have sex with her and wait a couple of days, then say you feel funny like it burns when you pee or w/e, say you're going to the doctor and say you've got an STD and then see what happens.

Option 2, take the phone and see what happens

Break every bone in his hands.
He won't be able to work as a doctor.
Take something he loves.

That guy probably doesn't know that OP's wife is married. She should be the one taking the blame, unless he does know then both should take the blame.

(cont)
Also just do what we already told you.
Lay low, collect evidence, contact a lawyer for advice.
For all intents and purposes you are not married anymore, because she broke that contract.
You are a free man, free to pursue whatever you fancy. I would advise you don't start dating until divorce papers are filed but some discreet dating is perfectly acceptable in your situation, just keep it hidden from your kids and wife.
Im advising you to do this because this whole process will hit your self esteem hard.
Deep dicking another woman will help you understand that you are not worthless and that you are a valuable man, and she just fucked up.
If she has any close friends who are attracted to you and you genuinely like, go for it once the papers are filed. Do this only if you are the kind of person who isn't always secure. If you're a total chad this step wont help you one bit.

Keep it very discreet though. No one should find out and resist all urges to brag or let your wife know.

Look, if you don't mind that she is cheating don't do shit.
If you do mind and you don't do anything you will probably be suicidal soon

Get a lawyer, tell him you want to work out a plan for a smooth divorce, get everything you need and confront her whenever it is convenient for you.

>dont want my kids to have to deal with a divorce or have to put them through that, even if it means my unhappiness. i love my family
You didn't do jack. That's on your wife. How much will you tolerate? Would you cover up a murder to protect your family's happiness? Would you commit one? Would you kill yourself if your wife asked you nicely? It's over man, your wife sacrificed everything for this other guy.
Be polite and professional, it doesn't have to be ugly, but this is not a situation that can continue.
Good luck user, don't snuff yourself.

You need to divorce. Don't stay with a cheater.

So you are 34 yo, grown ass man, so clever and smart using your wifes money to play at starting your own business and yet come here for help with what to do?

You better shut the fuck up or your living arrangements will drastically change and will actually have to get a real job to support your lazy ass.

It's surprising that women cheat? Lmao, the concepts of love, loyalty and honour are exclusively male traits.

>retarded roastie can't read

>getting married

yikes

This. I highly recommend in what the other anons have been saying OP. First, gather as much evidence as possible with a PI, then get yourself a good lawyer to file the divorce. You don't deserve any blaming or other bullshit that your wife will attempt to throw at you, much less to try and let herself win. As for your kids, I'd follow through with what has said, and leave them with grandma/grandpa for a short while as you figure this out. Good luck OP.

Get a side piece, only way to solve this without a divorce

There is an imbalance in your relationship that can only be solved by sticking your meat in a side dish

Save the phone, call your lawyer, divorce her before she divorces you. No couples therapy will fix this. She's never experimented with other guys and now wants to, especially when she gets so much attention from work.

I agree with this user. You already produced children, you did your job, you used her womb. Divorce only affects kids negatively when it happens to the parents of pubescent girls (11-18), turns them into whores. I think you're good man

Divorce isn't really that bad for the kids. It's the fighting that leads up to it. If you care for your children, you will do this swiftly and explain to them exactly what happened. Do not try to work out the marriage, that is what will hurt your children the most.

>beat his ass
The woman, not the guy, cheated on him.