Boyfriends past

Why does OP need to get over her bf's past degeneracy?

The problem is that he hates thots and tells me that, but he went out and did thot things??? If he hated thots before we dated and still did those things thatll stress me out before but I dont know if he did hate them or not predating me

You too.
Jesus people and their obsession with sight and friction of what they consider the wrong parts of the body.
Get over it.

Hey, I get it. I'm quiet, I was a "late bloomer," but the man I dated and wound up marrying (still am) started having sexual experiences at 16. There's a couple things you need to understand:

*Neither of you can change the past. What's done is done, period.

*You've been taught to think that men are always comparing, always on the brink of cheating, always looking for something better, always this and that. Some men are shallow assholes like this, but most aren't. This is an aspect of culture designed to keep women fighting each other, and to keep you feeling insecure so you'll shell out money for products that you don't actually need. Give him a chance.

*On that note, there's a lot of bitter assholes on this website that will encourage that toxic conditioning just because it means that a young woman somewhere is hurting, and that makes them feel good. I think you should take a break from this place.

*If you don't concentrate on making new memories and moving forward instead of always looking behind you, you *will* poison the relationship and it *will* die.

>Jesus people and their obsession with sight and friction of what they consider the wrong parts of the body.
Haha dont mind me, ill just create some friction between my fist and your skull

Has it occurred to you that we're you two to break up someone with your exact beliefs and attitudes might now see you as a whore, and that that would be kind of unfair and stupid of then to think so?

>He doesn't have moral objections to sex!!
>Get him!!!

wut

It'd be different then because hes had an ex gf and I finally learned to get over that. It's the fact that he exchanged nudes with a random girl solely because he was horny.

I did that too and i greatly regret it. Dont think ill ever tell anyone about it, its just too shameful.

Stop justifying your anger, it's dumb and misplaced.
Jeez what do you want me to reveal next? Your boyfriend extremely likely watches porn when he's horny and if says no he's lying?

So it's the latter.
>I'm a very shy introverted girl who was waiting for the best dude
A shame you didn't wait until marriage. That would have saved you from this whole situation, since he wouldn't have bothered once he realized that he couldn't use you as a sex toy. It can't be helped now, the damage is done--but this is mostly the fault of a corrupted society that looks at morality with disdain.

Well, I'd consider OP a 'whore' (although certainly not the worst example of one), but she clearly doesn't share my beliefs or attitudes.

Oh no, I fully trust him and that he won't do anything now. We both love and trust each other very much. It's just it hurts a lot to think about how he used to send naked pics to a girl he didn't care about. He's wonderful now though and amazing its hurts to think about his past actions that sound whoreish to me. And that he hates on thots but has done thotish behavior himself

>Neither of you can change the past
This is just a coping mechanism. You have full control over your actions in the present, and if someone shows themselves to be of low moral quality (like OP or her bf), that is perfectly valid to hold against them. The only reason this "past is the past" stuff is brought up is because degeneracy is disgustingly common nowadays, and something has to be told to people to keep them from snapping under the weight of it all.

I don't mind if he watches porn. I don't like how he so easily shared his nudes with someone he doesnt care about and hates on thots when hes done thot behavior himself

I fully agree, people say move on from the past because they just want to ignore their shitty behavior and pretend it was okay.

So, stop thinking about it. Look forward, not behind. If you're willing to stop picking at the scabs, the things you're worried about now will seem silly in time. If you have obsessions and fears that are genuinely uncontrollable and disruptive, it might be time to think about talking to a doctor.

Has he done anything else hypocritical? People do dumb stuff when they're young, and teenage boys in particular are generally raised to think that they have a special pass to be stupid as long as sex is the goal. In a calmer moment - a MUCH calmer moment - that might be something to discuss with him, not us.

I just think it's pointless to obsess about things that are literally not changeable.

But he was 19 when he did it and hes 21 now so you can't blame age on this. He sent nudes to a random girl 6 months before we dated
Also he waited 3 months to have sex with his first gf so clearly hes got some morals. But then he fingered a girl he somewhat liked but they never ended up dating. And the nudes and hypocriticalness bothers me.

youre right but Im so emotional its hard to just stop thinking about it when it bothers me so much

Jfc get over yourself. The past is the past and you nor him can ever change that. And if you can't get over that, then break up with him and find a better guy, because the relationship will fail without a doubt. Fucking summer fags and their little bullshit problems I stg

This.

Why would I obsess over them? If I find out someone I'm dating was a degenerate, I would end it right there, period.
OP's problem (aside from being a degenerate herself) is not in taking issue with past actions, it's in being indecisive over what to do about it. She gives the typical excuse of "but I love him" to justify staying while still holding on to being upset. If she cares about his actions, she should leave. If she doesn't, she stays. Simple as that.

>waiting three months
>morals
The stuff people tell themselves...
I'd be willing to bet money that he only lasted that long because the girl he was with insisted on waiting that long. And surprise, they're not together anymore, while he got his fix like he's getting with OP right now.

19 really isn't that old.
It sounds like his change in attitude is pretty abrupt, then. I see some possibilities:
1. He's lying about how he feels about promiscuity to make you feel better.
2. Something really shitty happened to him that made him change his mind, quickly.
I don't know him, I don't know enough about his character to tell you more than "trust your gut."

There is a difference between
>We should break up because we have different values
versus
>We should break up because of an insecurity that I don't know how to deal with

"Insecurity" is mostly a meme thrown around by degenerates. The fact of the matter is that degenerate behavior is in itself reprehensible and there is no shame in being repelled by it. It's not on you to deal with it, it's on everyone to not engage in it to begin with. Granted, people can surely obsess over nonsense, but there are definite grounds to break up in this case.

I trust him very much in what he says he wouldn't lie to me so I can't take this into consideration at all.
He told me he regretted it, but the concern is with that he hates thots so much now but back then did thot actions? The hypocrisy is bothering me hardcore.
I know he's not lying about what he said.

I don't think I have an insecurity, I trust him now and I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. The hypocrisy of him being slutty in the past and hating sluts now is bothering me.

OP here to agree

He probably liked that girl he sent nudes to and she ended up not feeling it so he got mad and "hates thots"

I really hope that's not what happened :(

Oh my God, a female incel.
I've officially seen it all.

Have you ever heard the saying "the best zealot is a convert?" Maybe you know someone that just went vegetarian, or came out as LGBT, or similar, and won't shut up about it. If he truly regrets his past behavior, then it's natural for him to be vocally against it, especially if he thinks that being vocal will help you feel better. It'll die down as the novelty and self-directed anger/shame wear off.

On the other hand, he could be extra loud about it to reinforce the lie to you and himself, but you know him and I don't. For the purposes of discussion I'm going to assume that you're right and he is sincere.

I think the best thing to do would be to talk about it, in a calm moment. Explain that constantly talking down on that kind of behavior bothers you. If he is doing it to help you feel better, tell him that you appreciate it but it doesn't work like that for you.

Based

I know how you feel, user. My gf was a virgin when we started dating, but it really bugged me that she wanted to fuck some guy who she didn't know at a party just to know what it was like to get fucked. It still bothers me actually. There's just no letting go, and no amount of mental gymnastics has been able to lessen the blow for me.

Pretty much every guy I know has done much worse. If the peak of his degeneracy is that he sent a dick pic and fingered someone then he's much less liberal with his sexuality than 95% of sexually active guys.

Yeah I'm gonna try to talk to him more about it and hopefully he won't get mad

wow I'm sorry she wanted that, even when you were dating. Why didn't she want to do it with you?

I understand theres lots worse, but theres also some better, I won't take the excuse that everyone does it or so many people do it. That doesnt make it right or any better for me.

I hope it goes well for both of you

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based and redpilled

>everyone who's had sex before marriage is a whore
fuck off incel, no one cares about your unintentional parody of Victorian era sexual morality

I think I could have done a better job at wording that. This all happened before she met me. She told me maybe about a month or so before we started having sex. I didn't mind waiting, but it bugged me that she wanted to wait as long as she did to have sex with me compared to this other guy who she didn't even know. I wish I could tell you that at least now we're having a lot of romantic sex, but we hardly ever have sex. It's rough, especially because I really don't think that she knows just how desperate I am for her full affection (not entirely true, it's just really hard to phrase "I am horribly insecure, clingy, and possessive").

I'm not an incel, by definition. To be "involuntarily celibate", I would have to desire sex in itself to begin with, which is the exact opposite of waiting until marriage. And sexual morality as I advocate is far from being restricted to a historical aberration--it was the standard across thousands of years in basically every major religious or philosophical school of thought on the planet, and remained so even in the west up until only a few decades ago.
This is furthermore backed up by evidence, not only by the aforementioned experience of countless societies before you, but even the statistics on outcomes in relationships today--if you want a stable and happy marriage, there is no reason whatsoever NOT to wait until marriage.

For example:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x/abstract
>Bivariate results suggested that delaying sexual involvement was associated with higher relationship quality across several dimensions. The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women."

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
>"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."

psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-25811-011
>"Both structural equation and group comparison analyses demonstrated that sexual restraint was associated with better relationship outcomes, even when controlling for education, the number of sexual partners, religiosity, and relationship length."

You're just an assblasted hedonist unable and unwilling to admit your own failings. Go put your dick in a blender, you gutter-dwelling shitstain.

Well sometimes if you're a young guy without a girlfriend and you are horny and curious you do stupid things and question your morals. As long as those acts are solidly in the past and he has matured a bit you have nothing to worry about. He may even be better for the experience.

Thank you so much!!! :)))

I feel like she doesn’t appreciate you enough and doesn’t seem to consider your feelings. I think you should look for someone better.
If she can’t handle your needyness and desire for affections than drop her. I love showering my bf with my affection and he does with me it’s a great balance I’m really needy and he’s happy about it. Find someone who is equal to your needs.

I literally do not give a fuck if he’s better now I wish we experienced all of the firsts things together but that can’t happen and I’ve come to accept that.
My concern rn is that he hates thots but was one himself before he dated and it stresses me out

>I'm not an incel, by definition. To be "involuntarily celibate", I would have to desire sex in itself to begin with, which is the exact opposite of waiting until marriage.
christ you sound like a pedantic asshole. fine, you're not an incel, just a virgin with the same shitty views on sex and women as the rest of that crowd.

>This is furthermore backed up by evidence, not only by the aforementioned experience of countless societies before you, but even the statistics on outcomes in relationships today--if you want a stable and happy marriage, there is no reason whatsoever NOT to wait until marriage.
what makes you think "happy marriage" is my sole defining life goal? how is "happiness" or "relationship quality" even defined in these studies? socially conservative people are a lot less likely to divorce, which would explain "better relationship outcomes," but I'm skeptical that's because they're more satisfied and not because they're just afraid to get divorced or admit their marriage has problems.

>How do I let go of my boyfriends past.
Simple, the past is gone, what matters is the present and future.

>He fingered a girl that he didnt even date
So?

>sent nudes to another girl he didnt even care for
And?

>did it because he was just horny
We have all done stupid shit like that when we are horny. It means nothing, nothing at all!

Seriously, Just get over it, your boyfriend did not even fuck some random ugly slut just because he was horny and needed to cum, neither did he have sex with multiple bitches while doing drugs, neither did he pay a prostitute to have sex with him. There are MUCH worse and more degenerated shit he could have done, he actually seems pretty tame to me.

>Ive never sent nudes to anyone else but him.
So you are mad he did something in the past to another girl that you have done yourself with him? Don't be such a hypocrite!

>The problem is that he hates thots and tells me that
Bitch please, thots are millions of times worse and more degenerate than what you described him doing. The number of sexual partners of your average thot is well within 3 digits, maybe 4.

Just get over it, otherwise go ahead and break up, but then you will later regret it because you lost your bf due to being batshit crazy jealous over such a shitty little thing as he sending out nudes to some broad and fingering another slut before you 2 even met.

it happened before you were dating, and fingering is pretty tame all things considered. I've done a lot more than fingering with girls I "didn't even date," mostly because I was "just horny" too.

I always make fun of dudes for being insecure when they talk about how they're bothered by how many partners their girlfriends have had, and I'm not gonna cut you any slack for being female. stop being a jealous little twat and grow up.

>just a virgin with the same shitty views on sex and women as the rest of that crowd.
It's not pedantry, it's the truth, and your post is damage control to cover for the infantile use of a label to dismiss a post you disagreed with.
How can I possibly have the same views on either when my goal is diametrically opposed? I don't want women to lower their standards, they're too low as it is. I don't think women "owe" me or anyone else their bodies. And I certainly don't have any issue with differences in behavior between the sexes.

The only thing I have in common with incels is that I can point to the same body of evidence--and that's available to anyone who cares to look.

>what makes you think "happy marriage" is my sole defining life goal?
I don't. This thread isn't about you--nor, for that matter, are societal standards of morality. And in any case, waiting until marriage is not an all-consuming goal to the exclusion of all else. It is a specific standard of conduct for a specific set of actions, with little bearing on most other activities in your life.

>socially conservative people are a lot less likely to divorce
Look at the last link in particular. It specifically mentions that the effect holds when controlling for religiosity, and the effect is actually quite modest (on the order of 5%) compared to the chasm of difference between divorce rates of degenerates versus those who wait--if you don't wait, your odds of divorce can be worse than a coin toss, whereas for those who do (mind you, even controlling for religion) it goes down to 10%. That's huge.

Maybe, but I'm confident that that's not the case at all. She finds sex to be really uncomfortable because she has low self-esteem. She always tells me that she really wishes that she enjoyed it more and that she enjoys the thought of having sex with me, but her poor self-esteem and inability to fully enjoy it makes her even more self-conscious.
Again, she knows that I sex is important to me and that I can be needy, but she doesn't know the half of it. I try really hard to downplay my feelings and urges. I'm sure that if I were a bit more pushy about it that she would give in to sex, but I would feel incredibly guilty if I did that. I think that she might be just as needy as me, so at least we can satisfy each other emotionally, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell her that I want her to be around me and only me all the time.
I appreciate your kind words. I could never talk to anyone who I know about how I really feel. Sorry for using your thread to talk about my own issues. I hope that things work out between you and your bf or that you're able to find the course of action that is best for you. It sucks to learn about some undesirable things that your partner may have done in the past, but it takes trust to let that information loose. There is no right or wrong answer about whether or not you can (or want to) bear that burden of knowing. If it's that big of a deal, and no amount of discussion can soothe it, then I wouldn't pursue the relationship further or else it'll just end up blowing up later on down the line.
I'll stick around for a couple more hours before it's time to get some sleep.

Maybe you could help her become more confident by giving her lots of support! And yeah that’s good you’re not pushing her she should feel comfortable if she wants to do it with you. And it’s no worries that you share your issues on the thread. Hope everything works out in the end for you and your gf good luck!

i get it that this is a troll thread because roasties are mad that they can't slut it up, but...
in all seriousness if no bodily fluids are swapped there's no real harm
I'd pick a girl that only gave out 100 handjobs over a girl that fucked even a handful of guys
once you mix fluids thats a bond for life, and I ain't looking to bond like that with jamal and cletus and every other idiot that girls will throw pussy at