I met the man who's become my bf years ago working at a fast food restaurant. I've been ribbing him and the rest of our mutual friends for a couple years about how they're all too good to work there as I moved on several years ago, but my bf is fairly complacent and done nothing about it. When we started the relationship I gave him more flack than usual when he complained about his job, but he didn't respond jovially to it so I dropped it almost immediately. Now as I'm helping / convincing everyone else to leave, he's jokingly complaining that everyone is leaving him. How am I supposed to respond to this without being a colossal cunt or being unreasonable? I don't want to keep harping on at him but Jesus.
I met the man who's become my bf years ago working at a fast food restaurant...
What about Jesus?
The fucker didn't give me enough patience or emotional intelligence
Don't blame Jesus for having no skills to get a job better than fast food.
I already said I moved on several years ago in the OP. He is fully trained in a trade, just complacent. Perhaps actually read or ask questions off you're actually looking to be helpful
You didn't explain where you moved to. You could have moved to living at him with your mama.
>they're all too good to work there as I moved on several years ago
I mean it looks clear enough to me in context but this still doesn't preclude you from asking questions, user.
not him, to be fair I read your post twice and I'm confused too. I don't really understand your problem or circumstance.
Hey I never said I wasn't a retard.
>Bf has skill and ability to get better job
>He's complacent and doesn't like being teased about it
>I get everyone else to get better jobs
>He's now (jokingly) whining about being left behind
How to respond without being unreasonable or a cunt? I'm not patient enough to know how to deal with this
But what about Jesus?
Tough one. Maybe he is scared? A better job means more responsibility. It means growing up in many ways. The good news is if he is whining about being left behind, it means he wants to improve too. There's just something in his mind that's overcoming his desire to grow. My bet is on fear. Fear tends to be the reason for most shitty things we humans do.
Look having a job isn’t glamorous or fulfilling to the majority of the labor force in the world. We need people who find comfort in their little world, yes there’s times where they want to burn their job down but that’s a normal mindset.
If you hate him working there so much then leave him, tell him you’ll come back when he try’s to meet his real potential or something. You’re the reason he’s comfortable, if he already has you why would he give a shit how he earns money?
Please read
He's a bit old to be worried about growing up or new responsibilities, but I will definitely think about this when I interact with him in the future over this. I did mean more literally to, like what am I actually supposed to say in response to that without being a prick.
I'm not sure where you've gotten the idea I hate him working there. I rib him because he's better than it and he doesn't enjoy it, but if it actually made him happy I'd be perfectly happy for him to stay. My problem is he doesn't like being teased over it, but he opens himself up to stuff with these comments. I want to be honest and reasonable with him, not a prick, but I'm unsure how to do so.
When he's bitching about his McJob tell him you are more than happy to help him find a job where he will be happy.
Don't mention anything about 'better' jobs, he might be getting pissy because he feels you are looking down at him over his current job.
I've done similar shit before I think?
>[He complains about job]
>Well I got out / you couldn't make that complaint if you worked elsewhere / hmm this seems like deja vu, I could always go over your CV for you and help you with jobs
>"Naaaaah I'll get round to it eventually"
Which then turned into
>"Yeah, I know, thanks"
Which is why I dropped it in the first place
I don't use the term better, but would "actual career" trigger the same kind of defensiveness? Thank you for your specific input here
If he's complaining about his job it sounds like he's just looking for some commiserating rather than an actual solution
>but would "actual career" trigger the same kind of defensiveness?
yes
He has a job and somebody has to keep those burgers flipped. Not everybody has to be some kind of scientist.
I'm not sure if this is true, he's not the type to look for validation with words or anything. I mean he likes ranting very occasionally but if I begin to agree with him he kinda loses steam. I will endeavour to offer platitudes first in the future tho, see if that helps any or if it causes the same reaction.
Cool, dropping that phrase then, thanks.
Please read
Also no, not everyone has to be a scientist but if you're an intelligent person with an actual skill, I believe you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't even try to reach your potential. The only thing that overrides this is if the person is genuinely happy where they are.
> you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't even try to reach your potential
EXACTLY THIS. I completely feel this way and understand exactly what you're going through. It's a waste of human potential and existence as a whole to do yourself a disservice like this.
Questions for you:
Do you live in bumfuck nowhere?
Is there some semblance of a good industry where you are that one can actually fulfill their potential with?
It's possible that he's scared to try doing something else because he doesn't want to fail, in which case it's a mindset change that he's going to have to come to terms with if he's to do any better for himself
you'll have to gauge what a realistic expectation for him is. is he genuinely kinda stupid, not very creative, and lazy? if so he probably wont' excel too far past that and you'll just be badgering someone who has hit their potential.
at the same time, decide whether or not you're cool with that. If you try to push him past his limits you'll just hurt yourself and him if he's actually just a bit of a turd who doesn't want to grow up at the rate you expect.
Maybe talk about the prospect of having kids and how these kids will look at him as the dad whose work is flipping burgers.
If he bitchs about the job, listen to him but keep bothering about changing jobs when he pisses you.
I don't think you should think less of him but press on these points that you would think will make him be a better self.
Most people (Men actually) change when they have kids and try harder.