People that divorced, what went wrong in your marriage?

>I can give anyone is to live together for at least 2 years
This is a meme, and the side effect of guaranteeing premarital sex will greatly harm the marriage's prospects.
As for the cohabitation itself, it's also likely to be harmful, and in the "best" case it's going to have a negligible impact.

Well-intentioned advice, but fundamentally flawed.

ifstudies.org/blog/premarital-cohabitation-is-still-associated-with-greater-odds-of-divorce

Mind you, this is still inconclusive like most things in sociology, and the long-term nature of this specific behavior makes it even more difficult to study. However, promoting it as a solution to marital instability is not grounded on any of the evidence.

Take your incel bullshit to plebbit, actual adults are talking here. Stop trying to intentionally give people bad advice hoping to make their loves miserable.

>incel
>plebit
>ad hominem

No

I'm not divorced myself, but my friend is currently going through his second divorce. His first one he legitimately married a crazy bitch. She faked pregnancies, was a drug addict, she hit him upside the head with piece of wood once. She currently lives in a tent and works as a "servant of Anonymous". Second wife has been harder because it's more normal and he keeps expecting shit to go crazy like his first wife.
>Was it a big bang like one of you cheating or was it subtle, where one or both of you drifted apart?
He found what was essentially a "Dear John" letter back in November. She swore up and down it was just her venting per her therapists advice. Said she wanted to find herself, but then insisted she wanted make things work. Fast forward to March, things seemed to be getting better and then she didn't come home from work. Announced she got an apartment and that it was over. Found out a week or so later she moved in with a male coworker (insisted they weren't dating).
>How did you know it was over?
He realized it was over when he found out she moved in with her toothless former meth head coworker. She recently moved herself on social media to being in a relationship so at least he has the closure that by "find herself" she just wanted to ride the cock carousel.

>how dare you provide a sourced explanation for your disagreement
How's the look of your own colon? Doesn't it get stuffy in there?

Incel pseudoscience blogs are not factual sources. Why do you intentionally wish ill upon others more fortunate than you?

>incel pseudoscience
You're utterly delusional if you think that anything not automatically praising promiscuity and recklessness must be the concoction of 'incels'.
I doubt you even clicked the link, not that you'd be able to understand anything in it. If you had even the most marginal intellectual capacity, you'd quickly see the link provides a wealth of sources, most of which are based on data from the NSFG (but the CDC is run by incel psuedoscientists, I'm sure).

But please, feel free to provide sources of your own and contribute to the discussion rather than bloviate in impotent fury. You won't, of course, because your entire line of thought, assuming there's any thinking of note going on behind your computer, is completely baseless. Go drink battery acid; even if it kills you it would still be an improvement to your cognitive ability, and we'd be rid of your stupidity one way or another.

Ifstudies is a religious right-wing site with an anti-sex agenda. They also allow anyone to blog freely as long as it's against sex, you can literally find incel blogs there. Their studies are not actually based on CDC data, they just lie about it.

But keep on being bitter and believing made up "studies". And now stop posting and attempting to derail the thread. Adults are posting here with actual real life experience which is what this thread is about, not a soapbox for your angry incel rants.

Baby bitches arguing about bullshit aside, this is all making me wonder about divorces.

How long was the relationship leading up to that, and what did it entail (living together, big moves, career changes, education, etc. etc.)?

It seems like a lot of this ends up with one side moving forward in life and the other side doesn't keep up. But how do two people of such poor pace marry in the first place?

People getting married for the wrong reasons is one of the main causes of divorce.

>Ifstudies is a religious right-wing site with an anti-sex agenda
No shit the only people who report on the issue have a certain mindset. Degenerates like you are all too happy to stick your head in the sand when confronted with information you don't like, so why the hell would you go out of your way to read studies which portray your lifestyle in a negative light, much less publicize them. What you're doing is exactly what the corporate shills do whenever the subject of climate change is brought up--it's a brainlet's method of salvaging an overinflated ego from the realization of being wrong. But you're wrong all the same.

A simple search will show you that, yet again, you're spewing unsubstantiated nonsense on a topic you know nothing about:
mediabiasfactcheck.com/institute-for-family-studies/
>"In review, the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) reports on and researches the role of marriage on the health of children and society. Most information on this website is rooted in fact and is well sourced. There is little use of loaded language, however story selection favors the conservative view of traditional marriage."
>Most information on this website is rooted in fact and is well sourced.
i.e. you're simply wrong

>Their studies are not actually based on CDC data, they just lie about it.
Yes, because the best way to reinforce your point of view is to be caught fabricating data when it already backs you up. Go ahead and pull up a source for us, showing what the NSFG "really" says. All you've done is whine like a petulant child about why you won't even look at a source that could possibly show you're a walking, talking sack of bullshit.

Blow it out your ass, you mental midget.

If you had actually read your own link you would see all the studies they link to show there is no negative correlation between cohabitation and divorce rates. But they were not happy with that since it goes against their religious anti-sex agenda and tweaked parameters until they got the results they wanted.

Now go away, this is an advice boars, not a soapbox for angry bitter envious incels like you. You are like the crazy old man preaching on a soapbox about things nobody cares about. Except you are a teenager.

Ah, I see. So now the bias-checker is also run by a bunch of incels, and you can't trust them when they say "most information is rooted in fact and well-sourced". Everyone you don't like really is an incel.
>If you had actually read your own link
That's a laugh, isn't it, coming from a functionally retarded, illiterate monkey. Alright, I'll humor you, since you don't seem to know when to shut up and admit you were being retarded.

First source in the link:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jomf.12530
>"Premarital cohabitation has short‐term benefits and longer term costs for marital stability."
Obviously, no negative correlation, right? "Long term cost" is just incel code for "benefit".

Second one:
cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf
>"One of the factors related to the likelihood of divorce from a first marriage is whether or not a person lives with a partner before marrying. It has been well documented that women and men who cohabit with their future spouse before first marriage are more likely to divorce than those who do not cohabit with their spouse before first marriage (12–14). However, recent research suggests that the association between premarital cohabitation and marital instability for first marriages may have weakened over time because it is less apparent for more recent birth cohorts (15,16)."
And mind you, that's one of the sources given to explain the basis for saying there is no effect on divorce rates--that is, the "best" case if someone were to take the recommendation originally given. You have no basis whatsoever to claim that cohabitation is a positive, and only a dubious one to claim it is even neutral.

How do you knuckledraggers ever manage to conjure enough mental power to get out of bed every day? And you still have the gall to call me infantile. Sit the fuck down, faggot.

>People that divorced, what went wrong in your marriage?
I'd been with someone for 5 years, we were together purely because I got regular blowjobs and took her out for dinner. She kept approaching the idea of marriage as we had been together for so long, I only got engaged to her out of a feeling of obligation, it wasn't something I really wanted, I think she just wanted to get married because she wanted to be married, I don't think who was really an issue.
Her parents had a lot of money so we got married in Disneyland (Paris) and rented the park for the day, we got married and pictures with Mickey etc, the amount of effort the extras put in to get really good photos was amazing, otherwise I'd have maintained a stoic expression throughout the day, I didn't see my wife most of the day, she was running around with her bridesmaids getting signatures and going on all the rides, by the mid afternoon she was fairly drunk, we went back to our room and consummated the marriage then returned to party some more.
We went on a road trip across America for our honeymoon (paid for by her family) and got home, reality sets in and we had fun because we were on an extended holiday, but now it's back to normal and we are back to feeling how we were pre wedding. We went back to work and there was some excitement sharing out photos but it faded quickly.
It's worth noting that her dad gave me a job (not doing particularly much but paying a lot) and made sure I got leave for the wedding/honeymoon, I returned and work was absolutely dead, I sat in an office and browsed the internet pretty much all day because I had no idea how marketing really worked.
The relationship back home stagnated, we peaked years back and neither of us wanted to say it out loud. She discussed having kids.

part 2 coming.

>gets married to whore
>marriage fails
>gee I think i'll get married again 3 months later

I went on a trip for work with her dad for 2 weeks, despite being on the trip together I barely saw him or spoke to him outside of pleasantries, I spoke to my wife some nights but we both talked like we were busy or due to be somewhere.
I got home and my wife is telling me that she is pregnant, which is odd because we used condoms, she says she might be pregnant from her giving me a blowjob then fingering herself, I don't buy into it. I start squirrelling money away, she doesn't suspect anything, not much but enough to get me on my feet.
Kid is born, I don't feel anything for it, doesn't look like me or her, I tell her I want a DNA test when we get home. She turns white and says she is fairly certain it is mine. She confesses that she has been cheating on me for years with some guy she went to university with but she doesn't think he is the father. I gather my things (I received a lot of gifts from the wedding) and move to my parents while I wait on the DNA test, kid isn't mine, I put in for divorce.
I take the DNA results to her dad and resign, he bursts into tears when I show him it (he just wanted his daughter to have a happy home life) and gives me a generous leaving package for the generous job that paid me very well for doing nothing. I get a new job (not marketing) and a mortgage.

Last I heard her relationship with the university guy didn't happen because he didn't want to be tied down, she met someone else (through her dad's company) and married him, they got married in a local hotel and he had hit go kart there or something, the guy is a bit simple. He put a baby in her and now they live very modest lives compared to how I lived with her.
I moved out of the county so I haven't bumped into her.

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Holy fuck have you ever even seen a woman in your life?
Not even other user but wow. You realize when it comes to the real world all your statistics mean nothing. You speak only of sources on a subject purely based in human emotion yet offer none of your own experience as OP asked for.

Gold digger dug me into a hole and left me there.
But I was stupid enough to ignore my best friend's advice not to marry that woman, so it kind of was my fault too desu

>remember, anons, when all else fails in an argument, you can deploy the secret weapon:
>"lol you must be a virgin"
Obviously I am, since I'm not married and practice what I preach (and have enough neuroticism to scare away even the densest of individuals), but that's irrelevant to the discussion.

>You speak only of sources on a subject purely based in human emotion yet offer none of your own experience as OP asked for.
People coming here and claiming obvious falsehoods helps no one at all, it just contributes to delusion. People like the other guy make fun of "incel memes" and yet engage in the exact kind of behavior they condemn, circle-jerking while they promote anecdotal opinion over hard facts.

Experience is all well and good to give someone an idea of what they can expect, but only before someone comes to a skewed conclusion based off of their individual point of reference. Look at the start of the whole argument--user didn't even give any evidence, not even his own experience to back up his point, and then got royally assblasted when I said his advice was statistically suspect.

Why are you posting garbage nobody asked for and nobody is interested in? What serious mental problem do you have that you are so desperate for attention?

"Garbage" is what I would call baseless conjecture masquerading as "advice".
I'd also call people who cling to such nonsense garbage.

You're not providing advice, you are pastaing links that are off-topic. Mind you, your own links actually show the opposite of what you claim.

So once again, why are you so angrily spewing garbage nobody asked for, so desperate for validation? What do you get out of this?

in my country, ppl who marry in the first 6months of being togather have a higher chance of not divorcing

now this seems stupid but i guess the reason is if you both are so sure about it after a short time, maybe that light keeps the marriage going and you have lots to explore togather and eachother

ppl who live togather for long before marrying has a higher chance of divorcing
seems illogical but thats how it is

>get married again almost immediately
you forgot the part where you were cheating on your wife

Why end your post when the real story began? tell us about the dead hooker!

The dad seems like a stand up guy.

Citation needed

Never divorced but I'm in my mid 30s so I've seen a couple around me.

My mom wanted to divorce my dad. She had mania and felt like she never got to live and wanted to see the world. Some of this reaction was his fault because he was self centered. He told her things would be one way and then did what he wanted with no plans to do what he offered. He stopped courting her when I was about 5. Can remember any surprises or even special days with her. They probably should have divorced but I'm a little glad they didn't because fuck her having sole custody.

Another friend at work got divorced twice. First wife cheated. After that she was angry all the time. She wanted to piss him off so he would divorce her and she could away looking like a victim (he didn't know about the cheating at the time.)

The second wife married him because he was fun. But the fun dried up when they got married because he had 2 kids. She was super nice and giving when she cheated. She would buy him stuff and have sex and be all flirty on those days. Would later try to get caught cheating to ruin the marriage because she didn't want to be a step mom.

Are you seeing a trend here guys? Changes in behavior. Strong ones.

I overlooked all the redflags. Loveblind is a real thing.

What's so good about marriage anyway?

Two people in love exclusively doesn't requiree a 3rd party to witness or "officiate" their relationships.

And this is why I prefer live-ins.

Cont

Little sis got divorced. I later found out it was because he was suicidal and refused help. He was also horrible at sex. Dude couldn't cum and she had to go to the doctor for lacerations inside the vaginal wall because of his size and going too long.

And I'm watching a friends second marriage go to shit right now. First marriage she put in a ton of effort but dude never wanted to do anything. They would book trips and he'd just not go with her. He was an ex marine too. Had PTSD. He would also avoid sex with her.

Current husband is a little better, but it's going about the same way. He doesnt care about her hobbies. When she is upset he mostly ignores her. She can point blank tell him this and that bothers her and he just ignores it. She does everything she can think of to make him feel loved. His house looks like a shrine to him.

Dude probably doesnt even know he's on the way out. He sees all this effort and thinks "man this girl is in love with me, awesome." And doesnt realize it's her signaling him she wants a deeper connection. That she's trying to fix something brokan.

Sadly they have a kid together. She wants a second one. They will probably get divorced in six years. When the first kid enters school. Everything will get to be too much and she will be tired of trying to get his attention. Probably start fucking some dude at work. Get caught cheating. Divorce. Then left because work dude doesnt want a single mother.

Sad. I dont even like visiting them together because it's so obvious and I cant warn him.

If I’m being honest I was probably just lucky. We were only actually married for about a year before shit hit the fan, and the house and all our bills were in our name. We didn’t have a joint bank account either because it made keeping track of our spending easier. The judge basically told her “nothing is in your name and you’re already entirely moved out? Ok you’re good then” and signed off on everything. Took maybe 20 minutes tops. I’m sure the process is a lot more difficult if you’re finances are more entwined and/or there are kids in the picture. Luckily we hadn’t had any yet or that would have really muddled things up

I suppose I should have explained it better, but we met at a summer work retreat. She worked in another part of the building so that was the first time we had spoken. I didn’t remarry out the gate we’ve been together for about 4 years.

I will tell you divorce will get you fucked up about your next relationship. You’ll start anticipating all the bad stuff from your last relationship to crop up again. It’s a welcome surprise when it doesn’t

Seen some in recent years.

- Best friend's dad cheats on her mom, rants about how his life would be better off without all of them before backtracking a few weeks later with a whiny video message nobody cared about or believed for that matter, and indeed it just turned out that he couldn't afford a divorce at the time because he'd have to pay child support for 2 kids, and now they're stuck in different floors of the same house ignoring each other, the dad drinking at home, the rest moved on with their lives. They're waiting for the grandmother (the dad's mother) to die so they can sell the house and everyone can move out.

- Neighbour's daughter wasn't married to her partner but living together for 10 years, 3 children, they had just moved into a little farm house and gotten a little zoo of farm animals when a year later the dude decides he wants to be single. Animals all get sold, she moves into our apartment complex with the kids, no idea about the dude. But she got a job nearby fairly quick and they're travelling twice a year so she seems to be doing fine.

- Acquaintance's son's wife ditches the dude after 8 years, 3 kids, just bought a house. Dude played innocent but as it turned out after moving into the house, he apparently started acting up and she decided to call it quits when he began picking the food, how much everyone gets etc. She was kept on a tight leash financially before and didn't mind the modest life but cracking down on essential basics was the final straw. Interestingly enough, her sister initiated divorce a few months later, too.

I dated a young woman. She wanted to get married and i advised against it, telling her that she should finish her studies and get settled down with a job first. I also warned her that because she was young she will still grow a lot and maybe want to experience more things before settling down. She was naive and woudnt have it, so we got married. Which was great at first, she was everything i wanted in a relationship. But, ofc everything i did warn her about came to fruition, so we decided to get a divorce. I was kinda upset and happy about it. Upset that we wasted all this money i could have used on a house, but happy because she was getting fat and didn’t have a great attitude for losing it. The divorce went through without any drama, non of these horror stories you hear came through. Guess i got lucky. Now I’m in a great relationship with skinny hot nerdy girl and we are talking about getting a dog.

>When she is upset he mostly ignores her. She can point blank tell him this and that bothers her and he just ignores it.

The correct way to handle a hysterical woman. Give him a pat on the back my boy

>But, ofc everything i did warn her about came to fruition
Can you elaborate? I'm in a bit of a similar situation.

When I think hysterical I think screaming incoherent crap, starting stuff out of nothing for attention or a manic person. Sounds like she is trying to discuss tangible issues they have and he's just hoping he can ignore it and make it all go away. My ex did the same thing until I broke up with him. I admit I am biased but it is very disrespectful and lonely to try to engage someone like that and get repeatedly ignored. Like the "john I want a divorce" vid irl

youtube.com/watch?v=XDXrP9HET2A

Sure thing. I think the first thing she realized is that I’ve had many sexual encounters, and she had only 1 before me and that she was curious/wanting more experience. And then she realized that it would take money to start a family, and that she needed to finish her studies and get a job for us to have that life. And she realized that she was growing and did want to travel the world and have more experiences in life. Just a lot of different things adding up. The breaking point was when she wanted to have an open relationship so she could explore sexually. But seeing as i was done with that life it was just so clear she wasn’t ready to settle down.

Why did getting married stop her from studying and getting a job? Or traveling around the world?

She's not hysterical. She's very calm, almost like the stereotypical calm anime girl, complete with a slightly lower voice for a girl. And the issues are real, usually around baby care. Like who will watch the baby while someone does such and such.

One of the worst things you can do is be apathetic to the baby and make a woman feel unsafe. Makes the vagina dry up. There is type of gorilla that flirts with mother gorillas by smacking her baby, making it cry, then comforting it. The mother gorilla falls in love with how great with babies he is.

I'm telling you, one of the worst things you can do is make a woman feel unsafe and unsafe with her babies.

It didn’t stop her from studying, but she did change her mind on what to study. And this stuff cost money and that affects her ability to travel and also settling down to have kids and a house. She was just very naive about her own reality. She wanted everything to happens at once and that’s just not realistic.

Does anyone have any advice on this last story? The people that have been divorced, would you have wanted to be warned? Would you have taken it advice?

I've talked to men and women about this. Women say be there for her but she has to come to her own conclusions. Men say do and say nothing.

But fixing this shit is just so obvious to me. Like, plan 1 special date for her doing one of her things. All the dates are his stuff. All this hobby stuff she does? Buy her some supplies. Take her to an event or con for it.

Dude, literally watch how she loves you and reciprocate. It's that easy. That is her love style. By never reciprocating, you slowly starve the marriage.

Been married 3 times, 2 failed. The latest one has me in a much better situation.

Marriage 1, high school sweethearts, married as soon as I got home from boot camp. Both from a small town, both immature, both terrible at communication. I was often deployed, and when I was home, the transition was difficult from my military persona, to empathetic husband. Ended badly, but we where heading in that direction anyway, and neither one of us knew how to manage it any other way, so it was not personally catastrophic, and any lessons that could be learned were ignored.

No. 2. Met on the rebound from 1, completely lost myself in this woman. We were great at dreaming together, never talked about where we were in the present. Never talked about our reality. Eventually the part of me that I had abandoned to her, could not take it anymore, and we fell apart, Terribly painful. Completely destroyed my psyche, but learned a tremendous amount about myself. Recognized my faults in both failed marriages, took responsibility for my actions, and myself, and grew into a better version of myself.

I met my 3rd wife after much personal growth in the wake of my failures, and have been great ever since. She has the best version of me, and we are raising a wonderful family together. We communicate constantly, in-particular about where we are in the present, and how do we get to where we want to be in the future. I learned that being in the present together is extremely important, and to communicate. Always communicate.

It was a subtle slow death. I resented her for being self centered and shitty in bed for years HOPING that it would change which of course it never did.

Marriage is shit in general, basically a commitment that helps lazy females and weak men stay alive and unhappy.

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What advice do anons have on avoiding divorce.

So I'm curious but too lazy to click on links, why exactly is cohabitation before marriage harmful?

The thread wasn't even asking for advice, dipshit. And user gave his own without being asked. If you want someone to blame for being "off-topic", blame the guy who gives shitty 'advice', not the one who corrects it.
>your own links actually show the opposite of what you claim.
Then go ahead, show me what my links say. I've already gone over two of them, I can do more if you're ready for another round. If you won't, or rather can't, then stop posting and embarrassing yourself with continual volleys of straw-grasping accusations that get repeatedly disproven with only the most cursory of searches.

Yeah, I'm a bitter asshole. I'm still right.

Two things: demographic compatibility (i.e. marry within your race and education level, and make sure you're not too much older than her) and sexual restraint--the divorce rate for those who wait until marriage is very low, even controlling for religion (which has a smaller effect than you'd think--in fact, some of the highest divorce rates in the US are in the Bible Belt, where shotgun marriages to have sex quickly are more common. Basically, if you wait until marriage, make sure you actually do what it means--if you have to convince yourself something "doesn't count", like anal, it does and you shouldn't be doing it. Waiting also entails a decent amount of time getting to know each other; it's that period of seeing what you're like, without the hook of sex, that gives you the vital information for deciding on the commitment of marriage.

Beware the "born-again virgins". Despite their intentions, they will still have elevated risks, albeit reduced from someone with a similar partner count who doesn't bother restraining themselves.

There are conflicting proposals for why the effect exists (and some claim it doesn't exist), which the link reviews in more detail. You can skim through the link, it has a section for each possibility, so you can just read the headings.

this is almost the same story as my best friend. good on you for moving on to better things sooner than later.

>Mind you, this is still inconclusive like most things in sociology,

lmao so its bullshit

Inconclusive in the sense that it's not on the level of a physical law in its durability. The evidence is still there, and it's definitely leaning in one direction. To claim that by virtue of not being an absolute truth, it must be an absolute lie, is fallacious. Doubly so when it's not just mixed results saying cohabitation is good or bad. The results lean toward it being a negative, with some possible explanations for it not having an effect in itself.

Put another way, take the current issue with climate change (a bit more attested to, but for sake of argument). You have most people saying it's anthropogenic, and a minority saying it's purely or predominantly a natural phenomenon. Assuming they both have evidence on which to base their beliefs, you can say the evidence as a whole is "inconclusive" between them. Then comes along someone like you, sees the word "inconclusive", and concludes that it must be the alignment of the constellations Orion and Leo which is pissing off Hades, who is scorching the planet. I.e. complete nonsense without any basis in observation.

It's crazy if you think about it that 50% of people that go into marriage thinking they'll spend the rest of their lives together, only to slowly resent or hate each other usually
50%, that's kinda nuts how common it is, but makes sense

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go back to askreddit fag

OH MOTHER, I CAN FEEL THE SOIL FALLING OVER MY HEAD.