Previous:
GIOYC / Get It Off Your Chest
I really want to experience sex before I die. I can't sympathize with humans until I do
She's mine, not yours. Please fuck off and move on. Find another woman, you are a parasite. She doesnt even want to talk to you.
At 26 years of age, I still have no idea if a woman is being nice/friendly because social manners or because they are even mildly attracted to me, and because of this I have no idea how to handle such social situations.
So much work, I cannot even properly socialize and make friends. I know I can. Easily. I'm not a social outcast NEET fuckup autismo. I have the confidence of gods, but I just don't have the time, which sucks hard. Thing is, I am young and I need money, because I won't be long forever, so I wanna ball and spend money having fun, but its taking a toll on me. I wanna party and go out and have fun with friends in my car and not worry about money, but shits rough. Im not preparing and planning this rantpost. I want to believe my happiness lays in my own hands but alas.
I fell in love with a woman older than me. I used to think she was perfect in every sense, but now I don't know what to do. She has kids. Her life and her work are way more hectic than mine and we have finally reached the point that we dreaded over for a long time: our lives are not compatible.
I love her. She's the only woman I've ever been with that I truly love. The feeling is mutual. She, too, has only ever experienced deep and understanding love with me. But love is not enough.
Today I will see and talk to her face to face for the first time in three weeks. We are supposed to solve all of our issues later this afternoon but I don't even know what to say. Sorry, for being so young? For starting life later than you? Or maybe that I'm angry. Angry that she decided to treat me coldly this last couple of weeks instead of telling me what was going on. Or angry at myself, for letting this grow from casual sex to something more.
Or maybe that I don't want her to go, despite how much her constant absence is tearing me from the inside. Or that we should continue being friends, even though the day that she finds someone else I will loose my mind.
I love you. I don't want you to go out of my life but word on the street is that you have already decided. I don't even know if I'll have the strength to listen to those words without shedding tears. A part of me has lost hope, and the other desperately clings to the past. To all the beautiful moments we had.
I don’t want you to message me anymore. I’m tired of the way you treat me. You were right, you should never be in a relationship but you’re also a shitty friend because you don’t care what others have to say. You expect people to respond to everything you say and show but you don’t do that. You have zero compassion or care for others. It’s terrible. I never wanted to physically hurt anyone but I want to hurt you... so much. Even the person who used to beat me, I don’t hate him as much as I hate you. He at least tried. I’m so angry I can’t think straight. I won’t tell you because I’m irrational now and also you don’t allow me to tell you my feelings. It breeds contempt, did you know that? I don’t wish you well anymore either but I won’t let you ruin my heart so I don’t wish anything bad on you. Not that it matters, wishes mean nothing. All I wished for was for you to love me or at least not want to see me suffer. When you give, it’s not enough and too late. I don’t want anything from you, nothing.
Good
I can't live with the shame...
Shut the fuck up.