Not sexually attracted to my bf of 4 years anymore

After 4 years now I’m oy feel like this?

Why about him? Why don’t your at least give him a chance to change things

>these days

Break up. The only reasonable option. Its not like you are married or old enough to know what you want from your life.

Well Woman did you try talking to him about it ?
Are you attracted to other men ?
Why the fuck does OP always make a thread to then just vanish.
Straight up Hun your not happy in the relationship and this has nothing to do with sex you know it ,I know it, we all know .

Can't expect a woman to look beyond sexual pleasure as the bedrock of a relationship. Do him a favor and break up with him

Leave him, let him be satisfied with someone that won t be a deceiving bitch.

>reducing the amount of sex
Worst thing that she could do.

There are 3 basic possible elements of relationships: commitment, intimacy and passion. It sounds like you have commitment and intimacy but the passion has gone/become one sided. Only you can decide whether that element being missing outweighs having the other two.

There are ways to make attraction return. Go on dates and reconnect. Spend some time doing your own thing - give yourselves time to miss each other a bit. Even watching porn with guys who look like your bf could help.

Honestly I would very much accept the latter reason better. Cheating is never ok.

>We are each other's first everything

yep, it's all gone
you should end it and move on
gonna be hard
god speed, anonette

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If the thought of growing old with them makes you stressed then leave.

What happened? Did you find someone better looking?

You can’t hit them anymore

It sounds like she’s just sick of the same dick and balls, if he was fucking her correctly she wouldn’t be thinking twice

Women don’t care about giving men chances, all they care about is getting what they want. Money, sex,power or kids.

Totally agree. She's not married and its over so don't drag this out.

Hard to say what your problem is OP. I've been fapping to the same women for 5 years now so either you guys have been at it too frequently and got bored of the same thing or you're not sexually attracted to him anymore. Oh well, that's why I dont date seriously at my age, I know people flip the switch eventually.

I've been dumped after 5 years because she wasn't "sexually attracted" to me anymore. Had nothing to do with my body, was in amazing shape at the time, she just got bored with me basically. I ended up finding out that women view sex very differently than men, and easily get tired of it. So if you aren't with the most loyal woman ever, shes going to get tired of you quick. Being told what she said to me after 5 years pretty much broke my heart when she said we should end it "for our sake".

So I just pump and dump now.

I already saw this sort of thing before, couple of times.
You want to break up for absolutely no reason, just to take another dick.

Then, you hit your 30's and realize that you wasted the love of your life. But, now, ppl don't want your old pussy anymore, and it's really hard to get laid. And the more you try, more is hard to find someone who actually like you genuinely.

So... Forget about dicks, you know? Or you probably gonna die alone. Young woman tend to do stupid things 'cuz they think that the day will never come, but it does.

As a man who went through the same situation, but it was me who lost interest, here's what I'll have to say.

I was getting bored of my gf after 3 years and we were already talking about spending the rest of our lives together then a girl from my past told me she liked me and I decided to leave my wonderful fulfilling relationship for her. She ended up breaking my heart. And now I wish I hadn't left the girl who was a sure thing.

>the grass isnt greener on the other side, this is just a frame of mind
>love isnt a feeling, its a mutual decision to stay together to accomplish something (usually a family and kids)

Good luck femanon

you have to be somewhat emphatic with girls to really sense what shes felling and if shes into it especially during intimacy, some people are naturally emphatic

What do you think the differences are?

insecure beta detected

if shes really gonna leave him for that then the relationship isnt even good to start with so op can do as she pleases, better then faking your happiness

The cruel irony of this is that emphatic people have the most trouble starting relationships because they can feel rejection, judgement, etc faster than anyone else.

no ,why if they're emphatic they can fell the attraction is both sided so their gut tells them they should go for it

This is the sort of thing that couples counselors are actually very good at.

Have you actually witnessed this, dingus?

I’ve been with my husband for eight years. It’s normal to get bored sexually, but that’s no reason to break up a perfectly good relationship. If you’re serious about your supposed love for him you’d make an effort instead of trying to rationalize leaving him. Start having sex more, view sex as a way to connect on a physical level like having conversations is connecting on an emotional level, don’t masturbate and treat sex with him as a way to decompress and de-stress. Relationships are work. It works exactly the same as any other work, you get what you put in.

Love isn't a feeling? Yes it is. People that force themselves through a relationship only end up bitter in the end. They end up saying they did it for their kids.

Problem is people dont know what they really want and when their preferences change to a great extent they no longer like what they used to. If you're going to date seriously know yourself first.

>if youre going to date seriously know yourself first
This. Make sure you're a whole person. A relationship is two whole people coming together to share in that wholeness, not two incomplete people trying to complete each other

>love isn't a feeling?
The romantic love we were spoonfed through disney and hollywood movies is a modern conception. It's never existed before.

People confuse love the emotion for love the action. What you think is love is just brief, animal attraction. Real love is something that is created and strengthened by the act of love.

I wasnt referring to romantic love in that sense, it's still a feeling. You feel a certain way towards someone that establishes a connection even in the long run. Trying to reason a relationship with logic alone may not be enough, you have to know the reasons you choose to be with someone.

I wouldn't say that Disney love is modern. It's really a carryover from courtly love with some women's lib added in.

And even then it's probably older than that.

People have fallen in love since forever. There are all kinds of stories about husbands, wives, lovers. Cheating and breakups are treated as immoral. Even in the bible, the son of abraham that is not of his wife is treated as inferior with all kindness of negatives because he was not born from his marriage.

The modern part is the dishonesty about happily ever after. Stories used to be more honest about the mistakes along the way. Everyone was looking for true love but there would be cheating, break ups, death, etc along the way. That's all removed from Disney stories.

You're right, lust is something else but you cant deny chemistry between individuals is important. Compatibility has to exist otherwise couples wouldnt tolerate each other.

yeah you can be attracted to many people in your life, but there's only a handful, maybe 3 or 4 that you feel that instant emotional connection with. ideally you'd end up marrying someone you feel that connection with, but it's hard to find and hard to keep. This is kind of the problem with our promiscuous society, because the more partners we have the more we realize most people are disposable and the more hesitant we are to settle down with one person. Whereas arranged marriages last longer, because they only know each other (in the emotional sense, and in the "physical" sense)

You guys need to get into some freaky shit. Tell him you want him to dominate you, maybe watch 50 shades and say something like "that looks fun" or give him a copy of The Story of O and let him connect the dots. Basically start having the type of sex you can't get enough of, not that vanilla crap you've been doing.

Because it's a bait thread.

>has never had a gf

I think you guys meant empathetic

Leave & live.
(If you don't know what attracted you in the first place)

I don’t know how people like you can be so blaze about decisions like this.

You robbed this man 4 years of his life and want to abandon him just because your cunt pussy is not tingling anymore.

Shallow price of shit. Why did you lead him on all thee years if you weren’t sure he was he one?

Congrats you used this men as an emotional tampon and got free shit. You’re a piece of shit and this will probably make him lose all faith in relationships for future.

Is your name Hayley by any chance?

No it's Lauren

>do activities together. The social kind
Honestly, this. Go on a day trip, pick a restaurant you've never been too, go see a show. I've been in my relationship for 13 years, and I've found just trying new things together outside the bedroom makes things in the bedroom more exciting. It just keeps the spark alive.

Ok just wondering. My name's Jack

Then he's not the one. Dump him

The imaginary Casanova who things never have tough spots/dry-periods with doesn't exist. You'd just be trading one person you're having a lul with now for another person you'll get even more bored with later. What exactly would your plan be then? To just keep drifting from soul to soul to make sure you always get your rocks off?

Love is a choice you make over and over again, not just a thing that's just attained one day and you're done with. Find ways to put in the work as a couple to spice things up. Laziness is always punished.

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that's exactly what today's young men and women are told to do, keep dating and dating and dating
>goodbye pair bonding

>Tfw I'm 27, and see women my age still playing the "I don't want anything serious, I'm still young and this is what young people do!!!" game.
I'm already nervous enough about myself sometimes, now that I'm a few relationships deep on "almost popped the question but then it fell apart". And I don't even have the same ticking clock that these women do. Real horror-show.

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Just break up, it's unfair for him because if you are in love you should have good fucks.

On your side you should think about how to fix the situation, how to like sex again with him. This is just going to keep happening to you, you are going to have amazing sex with someone for 3-4-7 months and it will stop being "as you remember", at first you will have some kind of emotional link it it will last, but at the third partner the emotional link will start to last less, to the point that it will not surpass the sexual desire/hornyness/good sex, and once that's done you are also done with the guy.
It's a vicious cicle.

Just leave the guy, but have this in mind.

>Just break up
>You don't actually have to leave, you could figure this out instead, and in fact just leaving and trying again is a vicious cycle that will only get worse and will ruin your love life forever.
>But yeah you should leave him, get that cycle started already.

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Breaking up with him means you change nothing about yourself. If he is no longer attractive after 4 years, how exactly is the next man supposed to satisfy you indefinitely? He won't, then instead of trying to settle with a man who will treat you right you will wander from man to man never truly finding what you do desire.

After a certain point sexuality comes secondary to true purpose of love, which is meant to be togetherness, trust, loyalty. Sexuality is merely a physical impulse, like hunger or the need to sleep. There are times when you want it or need it, and times when you don't. Keep that in mind the next time you think you want to end such a long lasting relationships over something so frivolous.

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You cannot reason attraction, this lady already made her mind about it by the thread, she should try to find what's the real issue. So to take the steps to avoid reaching that point in the future.

Like i hope she somehow gets horny again but i don't think she doesn't love this guy because there's already a detachment (reasoning her way to leave him) but her next love/serious relationship she should take the steps to stop this and not end like the cat feminist lady with no kids living alone cliche.

Like that movie "How to be Single"

>but i don't think
But i think*** she doesn't love the guy

How? For years she thought of him as her hot romantic interests , but now because her libido has diminished she finds him less sexually attractive. Her reason is foolish.

Love isn't as simple as sexual attraction.

What you mean?

Love without sex is friendship, i don't know your age but you should have confirmed this by life experiences already if you are an adult.

Look for the concepts of "Agape" and "Eros", It's childish to think we can or even should, love girlfriends/boyfriends as "agape" love, obviously someone who doesn't fullfill our needs in a reasonable way will generate resentment, that's why human love is generally "Eros".

Young men look for the "Agape" kind of love because it's the one generally experienced in childhood because it's the mother's love. It's the love you have for your children (As god, according to christiany, love us as his children).

Another word that we use on internet is "Cuck", if your girlfriend doesn't want to have sex with you intentionally, dump her.

>Love without sex is friendship
Yet most of the extremely elderly will have little to no sexual libido. It's something that decreases with age, and love with sex is not inherently friendships. Is family merely a friendship then? No, and if you've established a 4 year long sexual relationship it's fair to say you're romantic partners. A decrease in libido as part of the usual process of aging is not unusual. I don't know how old you are but I can tell you that are you aren't as experiences as you think you are.

>Look up Eros
Eros isn't merely sexual. Never was.
>We use the word "cuck" on the internet
Mostly incorrectly btw.

>and love with sex is not inherently friendships
*Without sex

Did you even read your own original post? It was actually very wise and insightful, except for the part where you inexplicably concluded that she should just fuck her own shit up and leave anyway for no discernible reason.

You laid out the case for sticking to your commitment and toughing things out for love perfectly. You identified, correctly, that every relationship has periods of waxing and waning. You identified, correctly, that the spark and fun in a relationship is something you maintain on purpose and with effort, not just something you hope happens to you. You even identified, correctly, that just leaving to go find a spark somewhere else will only start a self-destructive cycle when the nature waning periods hit that relationship, too. You were exactly right.

How did you go from astute observation and wise counsel to just flipping the retard switch and talking in circles about how "it's not fair" and "you can't reason with it" like a teenage girl? This is the most baffling series of posts I've ever seen on this god-forsaken website, and I've been here since 2007.

>Yet most of the extremely elderly will have little to no sexual libido

We are talking about romantic love, the elderly had other reasons to be together and have a strong built relationship, and if it's strong it's because their needs were met/satisfied enough to be married for long time, they obviously won't break up at hold age... On the other hand, old people who start a relationship with other old people and had no libidos whatsoever, it's obvious sex it's not important.

Now what we are talking about it's young people. Now if you happen to have in powers any cause of justification of a suddent decrease "of libido" (hormonal or other) of this partner who's younger than the partner (male) who still "has libido", please share it. Otherwise we are talking about someone who simply doesn't want to have sex with the other person.
Your theory falls because while age is an reason for lower libido, in this case it doesn't apply, because we are talking about young people at their PRIME.
On another take, One of the parties clearly wants sex and the other doesn't, while at the begining they had sex and enjoyed it, now one of the parties simply doesn't want to or does it reclutantly, wich if we used contractual terms, the women would be at fault. So please don't justify a sexless relationship anymore.

>A decrease in libido as part of the usual process of aging is not unusual. I don't know how old you are but I can tell you that are you aren't as experiences as you think you are.
If this was the case both parties would have agreed upon not having sex as regularly. Also, this women wants sex just not with this guy anymore
>Eros isn't merely sexual. Never was
Eros is egoistical love, just means you want something in return for your love.
>Mostly incorrectly btw.
How is it incorrect? the strict definition is someone (cuckhold) whose partner/wife gets fucked by another man, the cuck meme is something you understand lurking, to me
cont.

being in a sexless relationship willingly is being a huge cuck.

Simple, because the truth is that this lady wants to fuck other men. Just because a post doesn't sticks to your beliefs, or a part of the post sticks to your beliefs and you see it as based but then says something that seemenly contradicts you get all triggered and upset.

This lady is a whore who wants to tak another dick, the issue is wanting a emotional tampon but having another dick, doesn't matter how much effort she puts she will never like sex with this guy.
But on her next try she should be able to identify the steps that lead her to not wanting to fuck her SO instead of reaching that point, wich i consider of no return according to personal experience.

>Just because a post doesn't sticks to your beliefs, or a part of the post sticks to your beliefs and you see it as based but then says something that seemenly contradicts you get all triggered and upset.

No, retard, I'm talking about *your* beliefs and *your* assessment of the situation, which I repeat: You articulated perfectly clearly and persuasively. Then you mysteriously spun off into a bunch of projecting about shit like,
>This lady is a whore who wants to tak another dick, the issue is wanting a emotional tampon but having another dick, doesn't matter how much effort she puts she will never like sex with this guy.
even though this is a complete non-sequitur given the content of both (1) The OP's post, *AND* (2) Your own goddamn assessment of the situation that the OP was in (i.e., in a totally normal lul in a relationship that can be worked out of) and your own prediction of what would happen if the OP pulled the trigger and got the vicious cycle started.

That's why I call it baffling. None of your conclusions follow from *YOUR* premises, there just isn't any logic to it at all.

Had this exact thing happen to me but it turned out to be the greatest decision of my life so

congratulations you're feeling exactly what every female feels like after 4 years in a relationship

clearly there's no point in being in the relationship at this point so just dump him and get it over with

just be aware that as soon as you dump him, he will become a man, lose weight, earn more money, and start dating younger women. unless you have a backup plan you will lose because your shelf life is shorter than his. you're already considered old and your market value in the dating scene is very low by virtue of your age and gender.

Have kids. With them underfoot, you'll be too tired for sex anyway.

>Young people at their prime have a constant sexual libido
Unless it's with the same person for years at a time... this is also completely natural in the course of a long term relationship and nothing to break up over at all. Passionate love is not JUST sexual intercourse. A 4 year long romantic relationship shouldn't be ended over something like this.
>The male still wants sex while the female doesn't
Again, another completely normal phenomenon as males have much larger sexual drives than women.
>Also, this women wants sex just not with this guy anymore
Which is a retarded reason to end a long term relationship and something older couples deal with regularly. No matter how they deal with it (three ways, swinging, continued abstanence) it's no reason to break up.
>Eros is just egoistical love
*Romance. A synonym for romance. There is more to romance than just sex.
>How?
The cuck meme is not what cuckoldry is, that's just an expression of common sexual insecurities which is usually applies to anything that makes a male uncomfortable ever on the internet.

eh, she;s probably 23. she has 2 good years left to find mr right

Do you ever tried to spice up sex with something new? like sex toys or bondage, things like that.