I'm 27 years old and I completely missed out on teenage love. I've never had a girl show any kind of interest in me...

It's not only about how you change on the outside.
You need to change your outside to change your inside, and vice versa.

"Why should I lose weight?"
Not just to LOOK good, but to FEEL good and confident.
"Why should I buy nicer clothes?" Not just to LOOK good, but to FEEL good and confident.

Ask friends to get set up. At that point of life it shouldn't be too awkward. And dating sites too.

Good luck op, and remember, it's not just how you look. It's how you feel as well.

You're right, it's just that I literally have no idea how to even stumble through the first parts of a relationship. It's like asking me to build a car without knowing anything about mechanics.

>it takes a comparatively smaller amount of effort to get your dick wet lol
Proof? I'm inclined to believe the effort is on par with changing my skin color. It's utterly foreign to me. I'm (probably) just mentally ill and simply can't understand how it works, thus putting me de facto into a new species of human, unable to breed with the ones around me

Okay, thanks for the advice. I understand the whole "believing it is as important as being it" part, I just struggle a lot with that. I think it comes with needing outside sources of validation to feel good about myself.
In the looks department I have never been complimented which makes it hard for me to believe I am decent looking. in other aspects of my life I have got complimented at times which has helped me cement some confidence, but when it comes to looks and being sexually attractive I'm completely lost.

Absolutely this. It's a horseshit meme that young/teenage romance is some enchanting rite of passage that must be experienced to unlock the secrets of love in your adulthood.

It'd be amazing if we lived in this post-bigotry utopia you're describing, where the only concern left in society was getting horny virgins laid.

My take is probably going to fly in the face of every chump that's ever warned you about getting locked in the "friend-zone", but if you can, try and approach new relationships with women with the intent of gauging whether or not you'd want to be friends with them, rather than whether or not you'd want to fuck or be in a relationship. Even if you're using dating apps or websites to meet people (which I think is worth trying), try to start with the perspective of "is this someone who I'd like to spend more time with or be friends with?" instead of immediately gauging marriage or romance material.

This was one of my hang-ups when it came to women for the longest time, and I suspect I'm not alone in that. I viewed almost every encounter with woman (no matter how brief or meaningful) as a potential for blossoming romance, which was fucking paralyzing and awkward. Part of this was also because I didn't think it was possible for me to be friends with a woman in the same way that I'm friends with one of my guy buddies (women like different hobbies, have a different sense of humor, etc.) This too turned out to be bullshit. Getting in the "friend zone" was how I finally lost my virginity and started my first satisfying romance.

>try and approach new relationships with women with the intent of gauging whether or not you'd want to be friends with them
Yeah but like, how do I make friends?
Aside from me being a complete autist with no capacity to carry a conversation, I feel like people are always busy; am I really supposed to walk up to someone doing their shopping or alone at a bar and just start talking at them?

Part of the problem is that I don't have any hobbies, but like, what's a unisex hobby I can attend where experience isn't a barrier to enjoyment and where I can polish my social skills without coming across as a creepy asshole?
I feel like I need to get a job at a bar or something and just rip the bandaid off.

>How do I meet people?

1. Apps/Websites
There are various apps and sites that are specifically dedicated to helping people answer the question, "How the fuck do I meet people?" I'd avoid paying for any of them, since the free sites seem to have a larger pool of users, which means you'll have better odds of finding someone you hit it off with. Tinder is obviously very focused on immediate sex-appeal, but stuff like OkCupid allows you more room to introduce your interests, values, etc. Platonic friendship apps also exist, but those are more for people that explicitly have no interest in getting into a romantic relationship (usually because they're already dating). There's no harm in throwing up a profile on more than one site. You don't need to spend every minute on the site, but it'd probably be a good idea to check in every other day just to keep your profile active and skim through other people that seem cool. Meetup is another site that lists local groups/activities in your area. Even if you don't see anything that's appealing at the moment, I'd recommend checking in one it every week or so, since new groups and events pop up frequently.

2. Reach out. Don't wait for them.
Another self-imposed trap that people sometimes find themselves in is waiting for social invitations. Although it can be intimidating to do so, you'll save yourself a lot of waiting if you make the first move. Create your own social events. This can be something as mundane and simple as going out for lunch.

3. This will take time, probably.
Be patient. Like you mentioned, it's not always easy to make time in your schedule for hanging out with people, updating social media profiles, reaching out to other people, etc.

>Should I just start talking to people at the bar or when they're shopping?

I can only speak from my own experience here, but I'd hate to be approached randomly by someone when I'm shopping, even if they were very friendly or charismatic.

Thank you for the lengthy response.

1. I've actually investigated websites like meetup already. I checked again, just before you posted, you but there's not much in my area and nothing that strikes me as accessible to a social dwarf.
With regards to the others, straight-up, I don't see any point in Tinder or OkCupid; I'm uncharismatic, I have nothing going on in my life to make people interested, and between the flab and my complexion I'm pretty unphotogenic (probably about a 3/10 in terms of looks, possibly polishable to a 6-7- and I am working on it, but it's slow and extremely expensive). Keeping the profile active would imply I go out with friends to take pictures with, or something, but again I'm starting from 0 here.

2. Happy to reach out to people, but I don't know anyone my age group. Gonna read that "How to Win Friends & Influence People" book in hopes it has some good tactics once I meet someone my own age, but they're few and far between.
This is what it comes back to: I don't know where people my own age hang out. I'm pushing thirty and my peers don't even really go to bars any more, for most their partying days are behind them.

3. I like to think I'm pretty patient, I'd have to be as a 27 year old virgin, but time is marching on (holy shit we're halfway through the year already) and I'm scared by how slow my progress has been since I realised how monumentally screwed I was after my 26th birthday.

>I don't have anything going on in my life to make people interested.

I think a lot of people over-estimate how much stuff like income, career, and accomplishments impacts their charisma. Yes, some people are elitists and want to associate with friends that reinforce the image of their status. But my experience is that people are more likely to bond over shared interests, hobbies, and values. People are more concerned with "Do I feel comfortable around this person? Does this person seem genuinely interested in getting to know me? Are there neat things we can share together, like common hobbies?"

I know you mentioned in that you don't really have any hobbies that you engage in, but I'm curious what your interests are. What are some things you find neat, even if they don't seem like activities that can clearly shared.

>I don't know where people my own age hang out.

I'm 28 and relatively recently moved to a new area, so I'm also experiencing that feeling when trying to meet new people. And I'm not going to feign expertise here: I don't know of any specific sort of setting that consistently functions as an ideal place to meet people offline. I do want to emphasize that this DOES NOT mean you are fucked. One of the reasons why it's difficult to point to a specific social hot-spot is because the availability of events, groups, activities, etc. varies depending on where you happen to live. To give a hyper-specific of an example of what I mean, I know there's going to be a meet-up events for fans of a podcast I enjoy. I have little doubt that I would have a decent amount in common with most of the people attending this meet-up, and the setting seems very casual (drinks and arcade games). Unfortunately, it's on the other side of the country from me. I bring up this example just to illustrate that opportunities for socializing with late 20-somethings and 30-somethings aren't unicorns, but they are damn tricky to land in.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

It's still a headstart though, and it is a rite of passage. There is a reason all coming of age stories include a sexual or love partner.

Not OP, I'm slightly older, and had some very short, unsuccesful relationships.

Indeed I think that teenage romance is very important in shaping one's personality: in the sense that I'm almost 30 and I have no idea how to flirt, or court, or whatever you call that, a woman. Other people started doing that at 13, maybe. So they learned from experience. I did not. It's not about "dreaming about teenage-like love", it's about having experience on how to flirt.

Having some experience with romance can make future romantic relationships easier to initiate, in the sense that initiating romances will likely seem less alien or foreign to you, yes.

My point is that there isn't an arbitrary window of romantic possibility that closes in your teen years. Your first love can be in your 20's, or your 30's, or your goddamn 40's.

>There is a reason all coming of age stories include a sexual or love partner.

Although it attempts to, fiction tropes do not always map neatly onto real-world human experience. I would argue that the trope you're referring to is rooted more in the portrayal of idealistic romance, or a happy fantasy that many authors subscribe to. I would be wary of accepting it as a black-and-white universal prescription for living. Your coming of age story can be something more novel.

/thread