How do you come to terms with really not being that good or special at anything?
I’ve been trying to write a book for the past ten years, failing every attempt, every story idea, using every plot building method and technique, and it all inevitably boils out to an undeniable truth:
My ideas just aren’t that good and there aren’t enough of them. My brain isn’t particularly ample and fertile with brilliant ideas, the amount of story ideas I get is probably identical to 100% of people who are not currently writing a book.
I’ll never write a New York Times Bestseller. I’ll never even get a book published. I’ll never even finish writing one. You’ll never hear of my existence after this thread dies.
So how do people endure an utterly worthless and meaningless existence without killing themselves immediately?
>>what brings you joy? >Running my mouth when I’m drunk. Nothing makes me happy like having a few drinks in me and being in company that doesn’t mind me not shutting up for 4 hours straight.
this is a wholesome enjoyment, but not an accurate measure, since when you are drunk you are not fully yourself, id est: you are using a substance as a medium
>I am mediocre at drawing pictures. Not good enough to make money on furry porn comissions or anything, just mediocre, high school level.
you could most certainly expand on this skill; rome was not built in a day. nothing will improve unless you direct your attention onto it, and persistently
>I actually finished an art school, I have a degree as a glass artisan. Never worked as one a day in my life because it’s pretty much literally the least employing possible career.
skill glassworkers can find their niche, if they know where to look. did you get this degree for nothing, or just to pass the time? just to say you have a degree?
>My intense hatred of creating ugly and unperfect things. Drawing something mediocre makes me feel worse than having never drawn anything at all.
look, your skill in the arts will not improve unless you go through the pains of practice and hard work. if you hate your mediocrity, do what the mediocre are not willing to do! go beyond the standard! pessimism has stymied your growth my friend. to feel dejected at your lack of progress is mere vanity if you will not give the art the time it demands from you. make certain that you have found your calling (or that it has found you) and bring it to fruition. many an artist has aborted a project while still in its infancy, inconstancy is fatal for the artist
>this is a wholesome enjoyment, but not an accurate measure, since when you are drunk you are not fully yourself, id est: you are using a substance as a medium
Well, I don’t experience happiness when I’m sober. I don’t even like sex or masturbating.
>.you could most certainly expand on this skill; rome was not built in a day. nothing will improve unless you direct your attention onto it, and persistently
I don’t want to draw, knowing I’ll never make history in it. And don’t tell me I will, I’d be doing it now if I had it in me.
>skill glassworkers can find their niche, if they know where to look.
You’re talking out of your ass because you don’t know. The best IN THE COUNTRY were working as teachers for us as a day job and doing rare commissions as a side hustle because they couldn’t find employment, either.
>did you get this degree for nothing, or just to pass the time? just to say you have a degree
I applied to this line halfway accidentally, and it was the only thing that accepted me because a shit line that nobody wants and a shit student nobody wants are equally desperate. All I cared about was getting the fuck away from my family.
>look, your skill in the arts will not improve unless you go through the pains of practice and hard work.
I think you missed the whole ”I don’t want to do art” thing. I hate drawing.
seems like you're just turning your hatred inwards then, and dissolving yourself. what is important to you? make a plan that fulfills the answer to that question. I took your for an artist but it seems you have issues that prevent you from living for your art.
as for glasswork, i was thinking more along the lines of making bongs or even beer glasses. you never know what they'll buy on etsy..
I wanted to write books because I thought that’s what I’d be good at. Coming up with ideas for stories and characters, descriptions for things.
I wanted to write books and have them published and read, have people love my characters and enjoy their company, and appreciate the fruits of my wonderful, brilliant mind.
And then I realised my brain really isn’t the shit.
I’ve been saying this ever since I got into the school and will be saying it for the rest of my life: glassblowers and glass artisans are different.
Glassblowers blow glass and are 95% alcoholics.
Glass artisans make church windows and shit, and are 95% lesbians.
You have to make your personality work for your life. For example, I was never really passionate about anything growing up and never really had a set group of friends. Guess I still don't. But I went into journalism because not having close friends made me good at talking to a lot of different people, and not having that one thing I loved or was great at made me adaptable. It's a good idea to start with the big five personality traits. Are you agreeable? Extroverted? High in openness? Know these things. Structure your life in a way that makes your personality a strength, not a weakness. And stop thinking you're so weak to begin with.
>And then I realised my brain really isn’t the shit.
how would you know if you keep scrapping your projects?
I’m quiet and infinitely patient until I either collapse from strain or burst into absolutely insane white-hot berserk rage that has me breaking furniture, the law and my own knuckles.
Then I’m completely calm again and everyone who’s never seen me snap like that before is completely shocked, like they just saw a lake catch fire.
I haven’t snapped in rage with a witness for ten years. Last time I was angry enough, I destroyed a chair in my home. Today I came close and would have punched a fucker at work if anyone had come to talk at me, but nobody did, so I just silently daydreamed about cutting off my entire family or killing myself to spite them.
Because I’ve tried. I work on a project for as long as it carries me, and then I run out. Not our of inspiration or drive or anyting like that, I just run out of what to write. I’ve written all there is to writing this and there is no more, nothing more.
I can try to force myself through that, force myself to just keep writing sentences one after another, but there’s only so long that you can try to feed a dead baby. It won’t grow, it won’t develop, it won’t live again and it will never thrive.
There’s only so long that you can force yourself to work on a project you’ve lost faith in, something you don’t want, a thing you hate and resent. A dead thing you can’t make living again, no matter how hard you try to push yourself tasting your own blood in your mouth.
There are limits to what you can make yourself do.
you must find the source of your faith and your life and ignite that spark, user. something serious is eating away at you, and it ain't good
My parents didn’t work through their own emotional issues before having children and I refuse to be the one to undo the damage passed down generations, purely out of spite. They deserve dead children.
you're only spiting yourself, i'm afraid
I don’t care. I’ve chosen death.
Joke's on you, parents get destroyed when their children an hero.
Crawl before you walk, walk before you run. Start with short short stories, just sketches of an idea or scene. Move on to short stories with a beginning, middle and end. Novels are the last step - and you might discover your talent and enjoyment lie in the shorter forms and stop trying the big book
>I’ve been trying to write a book for the past ten years My nigga! Though I did finish mine a while ago and spent last three years on editing and translation. >failing every attempt How exactly? >My ideas just aren’t that good Most ideas are basic as fuck. Specially if we look as somewhat popular works, any can be summed up in one sentence. >there aren’t enough of them Sounds very unlikely. Probably you're too lazy/afraid to pursue the hints of ideas you have. >the amount of story ideas I get is probably identical to 100% of people who are not currently writing a book. Not like writing is bound to give you more ideas. If anything, having some experience, it's easier to tell when an idea is probably not worth it; while someone who never bothered executing theirs sees potential in something banal. (Which isn't totally wrong but pretty tricky to execute) >I’ll never write a New York Times Bestseller. Well yeah, not finishing a book doesn't help. >I’ll never even get a book published. Anyone and their dog can publish a book these days. It doesn't even need to be finished. > I’ll never even finish writing one. That's on you, bruv/sis.
>I just run out of what to write Which is normal. Take a break. Find out why you even started. >I’ve written all there is to writing this and there is no more, nothing more. Very, very unlikely. The longest story there is, is a Super Mario Bros fanfiction. Any single sentence in these thread offers enough room to start a fucking series about it. >a project you’ve lost faith in, something you don’t want, a thing you hate and resent Why x4, and have an extra why about, why you started the project in the first place.
whilst semi drunk last night I was asked by a friend what my talents were and I genuinely didn't have a clue because I was thinking far too narrowly. Everyone is good at something naturally and I figured out that I'm a damn good fucking liar, I can also read people and tell when they are lying too.
its not that you don't have a talent, it's just you haven't found it yet, try different stuff and you'll eventually find what you are good at. no use forcing yourself to do something you aren't good at, if you ain't a writer then you ain't a writer man