So, I dun goofed. Married to a girl I do love, been together for 10 years. So, last night before I went to the gym I forgot to shut down my computer.
Thing is, I do like to roleplay. Roleplayhaven, Flist and such. The wife knows nothing about it. Sometimes it is vanilla, often it is depraved shit (incest, slavery, war, shota, and so on). And I like to save logs in my word for future reference. Over the years lots of it added up.
And like an idiot, I forgot to turn it off before I went to said gym. So, she came in the room, wanted to put some music on while she sh owers and saw the tabs. Read a lot of those logs and was absolutely disgusted. To her, that is the same as cheating on her and of course, the contents of said logs did not help since they paint me as a psychopath.
Didn't sleep in the same bed for the last two days, feel like absolute shit, and chances are this might be the thing that ends the marriage which is absolutely unacceptable. Of course, I feel like grade A scum, even if I didn't feel like that before since it was in the realm of imagination and to me that's just a step to the side of watching porn (which she knew I do). Of course, I don't just want to make excuses for myself...but you know, it's a mechanism I have to rely on or go insane.
Deleted them after. There was like 200 odd pages of it.
Perhaps show her that this isn't about roleplaying with certain people only, but with random users who enrolled to take part in certain roleplays?
My friend does it too and her bf never minded it. It's just like visiting a forum every couple of days, just with explicit content. If she's still not having it, then yeah, hope for an amicable divorce. Some people just can't stand it; another friend quit writing erotica stories after her boyfriend found out (which she wrote alone, with her own or video game OCs).
That seems like my story. She says it's cheating. Because you wrote with another person. It's not as bad as physical, of course, but that it's obviously a problem. I wouldn't be a ble to stand a divorce considering all the shit that already happened to me in the last year or so.
Just feel like this came out totally out of the left field. You know, I thought she'd be pissed, but not mortified. My stupid mistake of not closing it down, but I never thought it would escalate to this kind of level over fucking words on a page.
M8, this sucks hard. Getting the cold shoulder hurts like a bitch.
That being said, This is something you should have been open about from the beginning of the relationship. It's not the roleplay so much as the sense of betrayal that there's a part of yourself you kept from her all these years. And now she's wondering what else you may have been keeping from her all this time. If she's not receptive to opening up and talking about it, your only hope might be to throw yourself on her mercy and beg her to go to marriage counseling with you. In any event, going forward, mutual respect of each other is key to a functioning emotional dynamic, and that can be hard for either party if boundaries and standards of respectfulness aren't clearly defined in the relationship.
I wouldn't mind counseling, honestly. But like I said, my moral code is probably wired differently than hers. To me this is on the level of porn which she knows I watch. But to her, it is participating with another person and thus it is worse. plus the kinks and such are depraved and demented and make me look like a fucking degenerate.
Well, this is new. Just remember, half of your shit goes to her after the inevitable divorce.
That’s literally cheating what the fuck is wrong with you you hedonist subhuman
This is exactly the sort of thing couples counselling is good for. A professional third party can help you each explain - you, about how innocent it is, and she about how much it hurts.
Sexual kinks and deep seeded/hidden kinks are the most shocking. You brought up incest and, being in a committed relationship, this can be a huge red flag for a woman. Not sure if your wife wants kids or not, but if she does it makes sense that she could be feeling very uncomfortable with this.
You have to understand that whatever she looked at and read is now being thought about.
>Why did user hide all of these things from me? >He told me about watching porn but not sharing intimate and sexual thoughts with strangers. >How could he hide these things from me and be so secretive?
Some examples of thoughts that may have occurred but I dont know you or your wife. It just sounds like a situation where trust was broken and boundaries were crossed.
In the end, you were dishonest and hid things that dealt with various other people. Even if it was all online, that can be a real painful thing for someone to go through along with feeling invalid sexually.
You are in a really tough situation and the only way to solve it is to face her and talk to her. The only thing you can do is try.
This would escalate to something more had she not caught you. Think about this, you not only did the roleplay but saved over 200 pages so you can revisit. Like you were keeping a memento.
For all of you talking about counseling. OP's wife did nothing wrong, her attending counseling implies she did and all will be fine if she can be convinced to accept what OP is, a psychopath.
After a mass shooting everyone questions were there warning signs and there always are but mostly ignored. I hope for her sake she doesn't ignore.
The more I think about it, the more I think this is correct. I did not think of it as such a big deal. Yeah, I knew it was not nice, but that it was my form of escapism, something to release steam on my own. Some do drugs, some cheat on their wives, some go out with the mates all the time or do shit around the house or do not even talk to their wives, some get drunk every other day or smoke pot all day.
I don't do any of those things. I am very commited to her, but this was my thing that was my "drug", my "alcohol", my whatever you want to call it. I thought it was blown out of proportion, but seemingly not. I hope we'll be able to get over this.
If youre roleplaying with random people its not really cheating since there is no emotional connection. Its more like an interactive form of roleplaying. If youre roleplaying with the same person over and over again, i would consider that cheating since it shows some form of sexual intent.
Just tell her you really like stories and written porn and that roleplaying with strangers isnt going to influence you into meeting them and having sex with them.
I meant to say an interactive form of porn*
OP here, in a very bad spot. Fuck this life and conscience, and all the guilt shit we get ridden for. Fuck it all.
>roleplay This sort of rp you get rid of forever and now is a good chance to do so.
It is a start. Just can't believe it escalated so much.
Definitely do marriage counseling, OP, you have to do it now or else everything will fall apart
I'm an open-minded and kinky individual, so I'd be pissed if I learned my partner was keeping this from me. I despise nothing more than having information withheld and/or being lied to. I'd go to counseling and try and salvage this anyway you can.