I can't seem to figure out how so many people are so confident when talking to others and conversing in general. I find it hard to talk to certain people and especially new people. What is the key to confidence?
I can't seem to figure out how so many people are so confident when talking to others and conversing in general...
Same problem here brother
I don't know if there's a magic key or revelation that suddenly removes all social anxiety. I doubt there is.
Instead, I suspect that conversing with other people is like anything else; it gradually becomes less intimidating the more you practice doing it with people.
Have ball and don't give a fuck. And don't be fucking autistic.
You can either feel that you are the boss. The boss never feels awkward because he is within his domain and everyone is his lackey.
You can stop giving a fuck. Fear, anxiety, apprehension and whatnot only matter because you care about the outcome. If you are fine with everyone at the table scoffing at you, then it doesn't matter if you make a fool of yourself.
These are actually the same thing, but viewed from different angles. The boss doesn't care if his underlings laugh, because the boss knows that the only opinion that matters is his own. That is why he doesn't have any anxiety.
Just remember that true, real, actual, non-fictional confidence *never* comes from putting other people down or trying to show off. *Everyone* in the adult category knows that only insecure people ever engage in such behavior, and after a certain age it's not possible to pull such insecurity off as confidence anymore.
just relax, it's not that serious
get to know new people by asking shit
The key to confidence is to not give a fuck what anyone thinks about you. Seriously, think about it. Why are you so afraid that somebody won't like you? What value does their opinion have for you? Especially strangers, right? When will you EVER IN YOUR LIFE see this stranger again? Probably never. So why the fuck would you care what they think about you or what you have to say? At the end of the day, when you're going through your day, do you think, "Gosh, I sure hope ________ thinks I'm cool."? No. You don't. At the end of your life, do you think you're going to wish that everybody thought your joke at last year's party was cool or cringy? No. Because nobody fucking cares, which means you shouldnt fucking care.
Stop giving people control over you. Take your authority back. Your opinion of yourself is all you need in this world to be confident and happy. Just be yourself and love yourself for who you are - quirks, defects, disorders and all. Love yourself. Be proud of yourself. Live a confident life knowing that even if everyone else doesn't like - YOU like you, and that's all that matters.
OP please read this. If you took a driver's license and drove your car everyday for 10 years and then stopped for 30 would you still have the same level of confidence driving it?
Consistency is key, talk to family talk to friends talk to literally everyone, ask people on bus stops for the time, ask them about the weather report wtv
stop being a beta. you'd be surprised how simple this is. let go of your insecurities, your doubts, your fears, your bullshit, and let your soul move with your friends' souls and with the will of the universe as surely as a stream flows downhill.
You need to let go of worrying about what they think or what will happen. Social anxiety is the product of caring as much about the opinions and actions of strangers as you would your family.
If you walk up to someone in a bar and strike up a conversation theres no real risk. You're talking to someone who you wouldn't know if they died tomorrow. You have no investment, no need.
>What if they think I'm weird?!
Who gives a shit? If they decide they never want to talk to you again you're back at exactly the same place you were 5 minutes earlier. Its a nonissue.
I don't view others as worthy of my time. I haven't initiated a conversation since middle-school probably.
>the reason I don't do well socially is because I give too much of a shit about whether people like me
>the only reason I do social things is because I want people to like me
>I stop giving shit about getting people to like me
>now I never leave the house because who gives a fuck
I talk to people all the time, I'm still shit at it.
Try to remember you arent the only socially awkward one. Also remember people are going through so much in their lives they probably dont have the time to judge you. Chances are they wont even consciously recall your conversation. Whenever you think about times you goofed up when speaking, think to yourself "meh they probably dont even remember or have the time to recall that conversation" lol we are our own worst critic
Lots of practice. Join Toastmasters. Do improv. Get a sales job. See a social skills coach (they have those normies not just autists). Get used to turning fear into excitement.
If the fear is too much just see a therapist already.
None of this works
>What is the key to confidence?
Not really caring what their opinion of you is.
So why bother talking to them?
You only talk to people to impress them user?
>can make normal small talk easily
>can't talk to women romantically
I used to be a total antisocial spaz. My strategy to change that was basically:
>I need to be confident
>The best kind of confidence is objective, not "fake it till you make it"
>I need to be objectively awesome
>Work on improving myself in a variety of ways
>A few moments of affirmation every day to recognize progress
>Start feeling genuinely confident
>Mimic the behaviors of naturally outgoing people
>Great at talking to people
I actually overshot and now I've got a reputation for really good soft/people skills.