GUIDELINES:

Not a girl, but this seems hard to answer without a little more context on how some convos go. Do you, yourself seem very engaged in the conversation or does it seem like you're just making small talk? I'm not too social either and I don't have too much to say about myself, but getting people to talk about themselves and seeming really engaged/enthusiastic helps me.

Why do they have to know you've been unsuccessful with women? If you can't lie about having experience, you can just say you've spent a lot of your time focusing on other things hence your late start.

I don't really understand how you can have sex with someone without the understanding that you're not doing it with other people. Just not my world. Sorry for your problem though femanon.

About to have my first date on thursday...any general advice?
How do I approach physical contact?

Mostly for guys but I wouldn't mind a girl's input
So basically I messaged this guy out of nowhere. I drew something for him. He actually responded and we talked for a bit until I made him uncomfortable by complimenting him in a bad way (saying you're a pretty good musician, right?). I didn't realise that I'd make him worry about seeming cocky. I apologised and said that he didn't seem cocky at all, and then tried to push the conversation further by saying that I thought no matter the skill level, as long as someone enjoyed a certain hobby then it's a great thing.
He hasn't responded since even though he's read the message. Did I fuck up?
I was thinking I could message him again and tell him I watched some anime that he mentioned being good, and confirm that it was good and maybe talk about that? But I don't want to seem desperate, I actually don't want to come off as wanting a relationship at all since we really don't know each other well and I'd probably creep him out.
What should I do??? I'm so lonely this is the first time I've had a conversation with a guy in a while. I also have terrible social skills (probably obvious by now)

I don't think you're in too much danger of seeming too desperate. There's hardly a man in the world who doesn't like the feeling of a girl being into him. Even if he's not attracted to you, if he happens to get the idea that you're just really eager to talk to him, that's a huge ego boost.

I've been pretty clear about how I'm not seeing anyone else, and he gave off that impression too. I mean we act like a couple, and I really thought he took us more seriously than I guess he is.

I guess what I'm trying to ask here, is there any plausible explanation at all for why he might have felt the need to bring his condoms to an apartment he's staying at for the week? Any reason that would make me feel less like shit?

Alright, hopefully you're right. Thank you

You're probably right, I'm much better at talking with women who don't interest me at all (older, ugly, etc). I was also very good at talking with a few girls who were interested in me, but I think they were just enthusiastic because they liked me.
There might be some of that actually. I was in the bus with him and we met some girl he knows. I noticed that he constantly asked her questions, like what was she doing there, how was school, how did she like that class, her opinion about the teacher, etc. I don't have the reflex of doing that.
>Do you, yourself seem very engaged in the conversation or does it seem like you're just making small talk?
The problem is that I'm a low-energy person because of metabolism problems, so I appear unenthusiastic most of the time, but it's because I'm constantly tired.

This isn't really my scene, but I wouldn't think so. Maybe they were his friends' though?

No they were his that Im sure of

if it bothers you, you gotta put your foot down and state how you feel. And it very well end in you guys no longer seeing one another.

women are the gatekeepers to sex
men are the gatekeepers to relationships

eye contact, eye contact, eye contact
try to position the two of you next to each other (for ex sitting at the bar instead of a table)
Don't let the date go on forever.
Gauge the feeling between the two of you - it should be obvious pretty quickly if there is a strong pull between you guys.
>physical contact
When you greet one another give them a hug
light touches in appropriate places during conversation (arms, upper back)
If things feel right, take her hand as you walk out of the venue together

>power move
there is probably going to be a point where the conversation dies down. at this point in time DO NOT try to fill the silence. instead hold eye contact, let the tension build. don't give in and start to talk! you can even take her hand at this point if you are sitting by her. when this is done right it amps up sexual tension

Trust me, it feels really good when a girl takes interest in your hobbies and wants to hear you talk about them. If you get the idea he's not attracted to you after a while then you can forget about it, but I'm almost certain he'll be happy to talk to you. I think you'd have to REALLY push it before he gets annoyed.

Well, I don't know what to tell you then. Unless your boyfriend is an amateur clown who couldn't get balloons late at night but needed something to practice making animals with, I don't know why you'd have condoms if you're not having sex with people. Maybe he bought them before he met you and just hasn't thrown them out. I don't know. Like I said, I don't do the casual sex thing, but from what you've said I don't know what else to think. I wouldn't rule out the possibility of an explanation though. I just don't know what it is.

Girls,

How much do you think you can feel for a guy without physical intimacy? Can you actually feel strongly for him before you have sex?

See I dont want to rule out an explanation either, cause I know that hes only there for a week and wanted to see me right away, and wants me to come back soon. I dont see how he could possibly be seeing someone else in this time.

I probably shouldve just asked the question. I wonder if I should mention I saw his condoms, or just ask him if hes sleeping with other people, or ask him what are we? I dont want to be confrontational.

Of course. Just make sure she's not a whore.

I would think that if he's as serious about you as you are about him, he'd understand why you're concerned and would give you an explanation. I think I'd kind of like it if a girl was worried about me sleeping with other girls. If he has an explanation, I'm sure he'd realize how it looks and would understand why it upsets you.

More of a tech question than relationshit here.

On whatsapp, what does it mean when the 'double ticks' don't turn blue, but the per you're conversing with has obviously read them and replied? I thought they are supposed to turn blue once the message is seen?

Its just really throwing me off cause all of his behaviors point to him not sleeping with anyone else. Its me he texts almost every weekend, me he wants to see on holidays. After we slept together today he really wanted me to hang around it seemed, like almost all day even.

I get it. It definitely does look bad. And I'm sure he knows it, so if he can explain it then I'm sure he'll be willing to and he won't be mad at you for asking. Just keep calm, don't try to sound like you're accusing him of anything.

Ok I'm just going to ask him if we're exclusive next time I see him I think. Or if he wants to be exclusive. I didn't think we needed an actual convo, as I wanted it to just kind of happen organically. Think it might be weird having this conversation so many months in, but I guess its what needs to be done?

Yeah, that does sound weird. Like I said, if it were me I think I would assume that if we're having sex then it's understood we're not having sex with anyone else, but I guess that's not how everyone is.

I'm having dinner with her, are you saying instead of sitting opposite eachother I should sit next to her?

Does he tell you he loves you and stuff like that or do you think she see you more as a friend?
If you met him on tinder or something similar I wouldn't be surprised if he was looking for nothing but casual sex.

He doesnt say that no, but I know he cares for me. Hes very thoughtful about things I like/dont like and tries to make me as comfortable as possible. We cuddle and talk forever at night, and I know hes a private person and hes told me a lot of intimate details about himself. He took a lot of kind of breaking down to get comfortable with and now were super comfortable and open with each other. It just feels like a relationship you know? I cant imagine he is having anything like this with anyone else. I mean, he definitely cant be. Thats why Im confused as to why hed be seeking sex elsewhere.

Well, before getting too attached, check it out.
Ask him in a way to make him comfortable to tell you the truth. If he realize you are concerned he might lie.

If you ask him about the condoms and he tells you that he has been sleeping with other women, are you going to cry? You seem like you're very much in love with him. I'm just wondering how upset you'll be if he tells you something you don't want to hear.

I will definitely try to phrase in a way thats no accusatory.

I think I just want to know where we stand. We never made it official, so I guess I cant blame me. I think if he does tell me he has been sleeping with other women, I may need to reevaluate the situation. I think I just feel confused he can be so intimate and there can be such a closeness and he was sleeping with other people on the side. Just would be a bit of a mindfuck. I think its less about him and more, how could I have been so confused?

Girls
How would you react to finding out many of the sex acts you performed with your boyfriend were due his desire to reenact being raped as a child?

What do you make them do, faggot?

I see. Well good luck femanon. I hope it goes well for you.

Sit on my face, beat the shit out of me, and choke me

What about meeting each other parents and the usual chores that normal relationships usually have. Have you done it? Or is it just meeting here and there for sex and fun?
Except of cuddling and sleeping together what have you done to make it more like a relationship and less like a friendship (with benefits)?

I know it's scary in itself, and scary because you may get an upsetting answer, but you gotta ask him.

Why don't you just have sex the regular way

Did he ever gave you the impression that he wanna sleep with other girls? IDK, like proposing you a threesome or something like that.
Speaking from personal experience...

We havent met family, but he wants to meet my friends, and was going to introduce me to some of his friends. I didnt feel comfortable with him meeting my friend because at the time I didnt know what we were, and I didnt know how to explain it to her. I would never introduce him to my family unless we were definitely official.

I don't think that's true. There was an ugly girl who was interested in me and I hated it. What felt really good was having a hot girl show interest.

We did actually talk about that in the past yeah, he said he would be down for a threesome (unsurprisingly). I said I probably wouldnt just cause Id honestly probably get jealous and weird about it.

Because flip flopping from fearing for my life and having my senses overpowered by sex stuff was an unreal high

>Could there be any plausible reason at all, or is this a sure confirmation he's still sleeping with other people? I'm just so upset and don't know what to do.

If you can't ask him straight-up questions like that, you shouldn't be sleeping with him.

Yeah, questions like that are awkward and you don't want to rock the boat. But it's important to be able to have direct communication about this stuff, especially because it can also impact your health.

Well, good fucking look senpai.

I think she'd have to be a real dog for me to hate it. And it would have to last for a while, not just a couple of conversations. And when it comes to girls who show interest in me, my standard for what I consider hot is pretty low.

What do you mean?

Maybe you should just go on roller coasters and let her rub you through your jeans.

Extremely uncomfortable and violated if he didn't tell me this *before* we started doing them.

What question are you actually trying to ask, user?

My boyfriend and I almost never text between dates. We've got our own lives and we don't like to make idle chitchat over text. We only text when we have a question that needs answering. But that's how we approach texting in general.

If you're texting someone and they're not really responding, but they're on their phone and chatting with people a LOT when you're on dates, you know where you stand.

You feel violated. Holy shit. That is like double woman bullshit Fu to make something about yourself /eternal victim complex/ moral high ground claiming.

Yeah, I'd feel violated because they're pulling me into a kind of re-enactment without ever communicating to me what it is and its significance.

I'm big on consent and communication for anything that would reasonably fit under the umbrella of BDSM. I just want to be informed and understand the underlying stuff. Not being honest with me about that and using me to "recreate" your traumatic experiences is not okay with me.

Think about if it was reversed. Let's say a woman had a hugely traumatic rape experience, and without telling you, she has you basically re-enact it. Meanwhile, you think you're just doing some rough sex and dirty talk with someone you love and care about. Then later she tells you that the stuff she told you to say and do is exactly what her rapist did, she just made you "stand-in" for this guy without ever telling you. Basically, something you thought was being done with love, or at least affection, was actually intended to recreate something that was done with violence and coercion.

Or, if you can't empathize with that, imagine you're dating someone whose ex-boyfriend had a specific kind of dirty talk. She teaches you this dirty talk without telling you where it's from. Later, you discover it's how her boyfriend talked dirty to her. Wouldn't you feel like she's using you as a stand-in for him, like she's not trying to have sex with you but use you to fulfill the fantasy of having sex with this other guy? And yeah, I think most guys would be pretty pissed.

Is that the first one you talked to or something?

Do you think he had them cause he potentially wanted a threesome? Or does him wanting a threesome signal to you hes not serious about me?

The second. Or at least that's what happened to me.

Like your post, like your digits, but I gotta say, if they did tell me before, not sure I'd be comfortable doing it.

Ah so youre a girl who was dating a guy and he proposed a threesome?

I dont think a guy wanting a threesome necessarily means he isnt serious about you. this was also earlier on when we first started dating.

Dont get me wrong I realize all of this is not a good sign. I mean goddamn a stack of condoms right on the nighttable. Im getting heated just thinking about it.

And that's fine. If you're not comfortable doing it, you don't have to. But in my opinion, you have the right to know.

It's also worth considering that re-creating situations in which someone was violated is something victims often do to regain a sense of control over what happened to them. Because when they're recreating it with someone they trust, they're in control of the situation.

Understanding why someone's asking you to do it, even if their answer is as simple as "Because flip flopping from fearing for my life and having my senses overpowered by sex stuff was an unreal high" might make you consider giving it a try, even if you need time to mull it over and digest it.

Talking to them about it is important both for helping you understand their mindset and for making sure you actually know what they're trying to get out of it.

And if you're never comfortable with knowingly doing that, and it's never something you want to do? Then that's still a boundary you get to set, and it's important you get to set it. You could just as easily wind up meeting someone who actually needs you to be careful not to say or do stuff that triggers their memory of being violated while having sex, and that would be a boundary they'd have to set with you (for example, let's say their abuser used to call them a common dirty nickname-- never using that nickname would easily be something you're never to use.) In the end, we're all people trying to have sex and a good time, and it's important that peoples' boundaries be respected.

Does a partner have a right to know every time they are about to do something significant? To use your example, should one always inform before performing what was a favorite act with an ex? Or just a fantasy they've not tried before?

Let's say you had an ex that gave amazing blowjobs and you want your new partner to learn to do it the same way. If you're asking them to do it so you can sit there and fantasize that you're fucking your ex's mouth, that's not okay without first communicating with them. If you're doing it because you just really love the act and want to do it with your new partner, experience it with your new partner, then that's totally fine and you don't have to say "man, this was my favorite thing to do with my ex."

If you're using the performance of that favorite act with an ex to try and recreate a fantasy of having sex with that ex, rather than getting to experience that act with your new partner, then you need to tell your partner that. Using them as a stand-in for someone else without telling them is what's problematic.

Ok, but would you beat and choke me if I told you what was up?

Would I personally?

Well, I'd never choke anyone no matter what because that's a hard limit for me. But I'd be willing to give beating a try. If you told me what was up, I'd want some time to mull it over and digest it, and discuss it more in-depth, but once I got a bit more in your headspace, I'd probably be into giving it a shot.

What's the worst between having a creepy smile, and a resting angry face?
Have both, so unsure of which one is the better one

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Girls, I’m going on a date and I can’t drink for medical reasons. Is that a turnoff?

I literally can’t. My brain has trouble processing alcohol because it acts along the GABA pathway that got fucked up when I was incorrectly prescribed benzodiazepines as a kid, which caused some nerve damage. Basically if I drink, I’ll fall into withdrawal again and fucking die. I know with most 20-somethings that comes off as strange and raises a lot of questions. Would you date a guy who can’t drink? I can still go out and have fun I swear.

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I don't drink either. Just don't do an activity that's centered around drinking, like wine tasting or going to bars.

It's certainly not a turn-off for me.

user that's totally fine and anyone with half a brain should be able to understand. If they don't they're not worth your time anyway.

I'd say creepy smile. Few days ago I had a woman at work with the creepiest smile I have ever seen and it's still ingrained in my memory, creeped me the fuck out.

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I feel a lot, that's what leads me to sex in the first place

Girls, what are your thoughts on body hair in less common places such as shoulders and back, specifically upper arms.
>pic related, my arms look very similar

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What is it about relationships that make people make stupid decisions?
Why do people degrade themselves out of fear of being alone?
I apologize if I come off as an incel. I date and have been in a few relationships, but could never understand why people put up with abuse and infidelity. Are people so lazy/ scared to put themselves out there again?

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Question for girls: My girlfriend is a virgin and has admitted to me that she's scared of how her first time will probably hurt. Is there anything I can do to make it less painful for her when the time comes and she's ready to give it a try?

They probably had it happen multiple times and had to accept they had to cope somehow. I also don't understand it. But it's also easy being loyal when literally no girl cares about you (talking about me).

It'd be almost impossible to tell you without interacting with you both. You say he's more charismatic which could be it, but it could also been that he's laid back and you're quite nervous. People replicate the behaviours shown to them unconsciously, if you're not very responsive and don't make eye contact they won't either.
Someone is more charismatic when they know how to put you at ease quickly, when they know what to say without causing offense or being boring.

That they're retards that chew propaganda and either don't have any female friends their own age or hang round with low quality women. Basically anecdotal with skewed studies, just like them.

I do, yeah. Talk about their day and our mutual interests, but that's quite subjective.

No, my bf's first relationship happened at 28. If you give up, you're fucked, it's so hard to come back from that mindset.

"Hey those weights look heavy, need a spotter? My name's user, what's yours? That's a nice name, what are you at the gym for? Its working well for you, you are looking good!" And then lead from there. Gym convos basically write themselves after the introduction because at that point it's workouts and hobbies.

Good luck! Don't do a movie unless you know them fairly well, instead go for something more personalized like zoo, picnic, going out for drinks, meal, anything where you can talk to them. Gentle touches on their forearm, knocking / rubbing legs and hand brushes are good ways of gauging if your partner wants you to touch them and if you're alright to go in for more.

I'm quite old fashioned so I believe you can feel very strongly for someone without sleeping with them. I'm not sure I believe you can be in love but I also think you can't really be in love without living with the person first so I'm not sure my opinion is fair.

I can't tell if I've issues with commitment or if I just don't find the girls I've dated so far a good match for me. I've never been in a relationship and I'm approaching my mid 20's. All the girls I've dated had something that I would consider a red flag (like being overly argumentative even if we're barely started to get to know each other, or if the girl does some slutty things, things like that) and I never know if I'm doing the right thing not wasting time with them or if I'm just exaggerating the problem in my head, and its actually something everyone else would be ok with and I'm just not putting up with it so I don't have to commit to a relationship.

Is there any way to tell? there's always something and I don't know if I'm doing things wrong, I just refuse to take chances with girls that even in the dating stage, put me off in one way or another and in my head it always seems big, like something that could or will become a problem in a relationship.

women
what make you horny?

Jesus Christ like I was a rapist. Like if he told me before doing any of it why and that he really wanted it, I'd probably do it, but if you retroactively dropped that on me I'd probably really freak out.

Creepy smile but I say that as an rbf sufferer do I'm bias.

My date being unable to drink would not bother or upset me, no. Consider it like a free filter system for assholes, if your date doesn't like it you know she wasn't worth being with.

Love body hair. Everywhere. Dark or light or whatever. Very nice look on dudes.

Its not just the fact that starting again is a lot of effort but it's also sunken cost fallacy. Say you play a freemium game for three years, and progressively it's getting shittier, but you've played for so long and spent so much money that you kinda don't want to admit you're not having fun. Maybe if you just keep pushing through, it'll get fun again, even if you don't really believe that at all. Love makes you think weird and puts everything's value way or if it's true alignment.

Shit loads of foreplay. Don't put it in her until she's literally squirming for it. Put it in slow as fuck and stop when she says stop. Personally, kissing her deeply whilst you're entering usually helps too. Glhf user.

This is gonna sound weird but can't you ask your friends? I've known plenty of my male friends to discuss behaviours a chick they're seeing is displaying to know if she's a crazy bitch or if he's a paranoid asshole. I will add that if it's a red flag for you, you shouldn't have to put up with it just because everyone else would. Like user is confused about, lots of people will accept much worse than they deserve and you want to make sure you don't become one of those people.

My bf, pretty much.

I'm the last post you replied to.

I did talk to my friends, but honestly, one of them puts up with things like that from his girl and he claims its just something you have to deal with, he did it with his girl. They're not together anymore so maybe that's something worth considering. I talked to a female friend of mine about one girl and she agreed I should ditch, but later I found out she had interest in me herself so I couldn't really trust anything she says because it felt like she tried to steer me in her direction.

Other than that, I've no other close friends to talk to about these things. But you're right, about the red flag thing, and I'm trying to be honest with myself about it too, you'll just always have those doubts I suppose.

insecure men with a lot of money

Girls, would you be ok if your boyfriend was treated like a boyfriend by a very close female friend of his? even when you're around? like its normal behavior to them.

You're 100% sure he won't do anything with her, but you're skeptical about her in this scenario, even if she claims to be trustworthy

Yeah I mean those are both unreliable people but that doesn't mean you can't find more. I'd definitely try to find a friend or family member in a relationship I would consider decent and bounce my worries / concerns off them so that I felt a bit more stable in my decisions. I know you say you've no other close friends but even "e-friends" or a sibling / cousin you're close to would work wonderfully.
Yeah, so long as you're honest with yourself about it, you can't really argue with your red flags and trying to push passed them is only going to make you unhappy.

Define "treated like a boyfriend"

why hello there :)

"Treated like a boyfriend" is pretty vague.

>my bf's first relationship happened at 28
imagine being some virgin loser who happens to get with some women looking to "settle down" after some wild years. What a horrible thought.

i'm a 30yo khv and i'm about to settle down with a woman with three young kids

Imagine assuming that a) he's a virgin or b) I've had "wild years". We've both slept with one other person. Please cry elsewhere bud.

yeah exactly. If there's one thing I'll never do it's that. I need to keep some dignity in my life, just a little.

yeah i don't have an ego, and that's why women love me

>30yo khv
>women love me
I assume that was sarcasm. But whatever good luck to you and hopefully she makes you happy.

now that i know my ex is moving in with her new guy

[spoiler]even though we were seeing each other up until valentines day again after being split up for about 2 months (yes they fucked)
then we started seeing each other again, all the lovey dovey shit she told me, people around me thinking we were getting back together [/spoiler]

fuck that vapid whore i'm going to get big and get the best waifu for me

"boyfriend" as in the girl would be ok with being in the same bed as you, under covers I mean, claiming that she doesn't mean anything by it, she's just comfortable around you. Leaning on the shoulder, holding hands in crowded places, or I don't know, eating your food, or putting on your jacket or something like that.

I used to have a friend like that, that would act like this towards me and I think she's trying to get back into my life but I'm afraid that if I had someone right now, she'd still do those things and I don't know if its acceptable at all in a relationship, to have a female friend do things like that while your actual girlfriend is around, even if she's cool with that girl and they're friends

i spent 11 years as a neet recluse who never went outside. that's why i made it to 30 as a khv