Hi Jow Forums long story short I called the police to check up on a friend of mine since I had the feeling he might had planned to commit suicide in the following days. I care a lot about my friends and it got me really worried when he wrote that he might do it, called the police to check up on him. Later he removed me. Was I in the wrong for calling cops to check up on him? I also tried contacting their relative on FB. (I think it was their relative, I wasn't sure.)
t. Aspie person that tend to get over-worried and don't really understand.
Not in the wrong if you had a good reason to believe he was planning to kill himself. Don't expect him to like you for it though because unfortunately he won't, at least not until years down the line when he realises life is worth living.
I live in a completely different country. (I'm EU and he's NA).
I had good reasoning to believe he was potentionally gonna do it, he's talked about being really depressed.
Oh ok that makes sense. No, I don't think you did anything wrong. Don't take his reaction as a way of reading whether or not you handled the situation well. He's obviously in a dark place so him removing you just seems to be part of that.
I wrote a short email apologizing but I'm not gonna contact further. It fucking sucks, I thought I did a good thing/the right thing in my mind. I'll wait and hope he'll come back to me eventually. Even if he doesn't I wish him the best. Thanks user.
No you weren't in the wrong, you did the right thing. He's not in a rational space right now so don't expect him to acknowledge it.
Aye, it's hard for me to understand emotions/how to handle tough situations. I'll keep this in mind, thank you.
He's pissed that somebody took his gay attention-seeking shitposting seriously and responded like a mature adult who genuinely cares about him, instead of just giving him the "AWWWW I FEEL SO BAD 4 U AND CARE!!!!" he was looking for.
I've known people who turned out to be attention-seeking bullshitters, and known people who wound up actually trying to do it. Only the attention-seeking faggots ever got upset when their cries for help were taken seriously.
I wouldn't really call it "gay attention-seeking shitposting" since he had a history of depression dating a few years back. Don't think it was for attention, maybe he got pissed off that I called the cops due to him probably keeping it a secret about his depression, or thought it would add trouble, he lives with a friend. Last thing he said before he removed me was "don't do that again".
I can assure you, having a bonafide psychological issue does not mean you are incapable of gay attention-seeking shitposting.
I failed to communicate in the last post that the attention-seeking bullshitters have always still been people with actual psych issues, and long trails of treatment records. It's not that there was nothing wrong with them, it's just that calling for attention and manipulating the emotions of others was characteristic of their pathology. They get mad when you make the game they're playing too real - they just want the attention and pity, not the responsibility of their holding themselves hostage *actually mattering* and having consequences.
Contrast with the actual suicide I intervened in. The fucker spent hours trying to convince me that the noose I found in his personal belongings was "just rope practice, you know, tying knots" and spent a literal all-nighter trying to convince me he was alright. He did not complain when I contacted his family and got everyone on high-alert, and he did not hold it against me when they caught him in another attempt and he was involuntarily committed for a time. He apologized to me. (prologue: He's doing great these days)
So I guess the point here is that even an unwell person can still be an ungrateful dickhead who plays dumbass emotional games with people close to them, and it sounds like you've been "cut off" for disrupting the game. You objectively did the right thing, and if your dude wasn't a self-absorbed dickhead (probably the reason he's spiraling mentally in the first place) he'd appreciate that.
Thank you for your input, I appreciate it. Glad that your friend's doing great nowadays. Unsure what I can do at this point, I guess best option would just leave him be and hope that he gets better.
>leave him be Exactly. You can't help somebody who expects you to just be an actor in their play.
>my feelings matter more than his suffering You people honestly disgust me.
>bUt MuH sUfFerRinG Narcissist detected. Neck yourself, faggot. I hope there aren't any "disgusting" people like the OP around to go out of their way to try to save your stupid life when you do it.
Good, I don't want them too. It is always so amazing how only one party can be "narcissistic" when it is obvious that all people involved are selfish retards. The high-road is to say, "if that's what you want, I won't stop you." That's the only truly selfless response.
letting someone kill themself VS forcing them to stay alive is one of the most morally gray questions. i would personally let him, but i don't blame you one bit.
Bullshit. Suicide is itself a selfish, morally-bankrupt and delusional thing to do. Nobody has the right to shove off their pain onto the people they leave behind, who are *always* devastated by the suicide of somebody close to them. Nobody has the right to do it.
If somebody is deep enough into self-hating and self-defeating delusions to take their own life, there is no high-road to be attained by honoring their "wishes". You stop them, dragging them kicking and screaming if you have to, and they thank you later. There is very literally a 100%, statistically-recorded rate for botched/interrupted suicides resulting ultimately in the person expressing gratitude that they didn't "succeed".
this is an opinion. opinions are like assholes, everyone has them, some just stink more than others.
I don't expect you to know this but, first and foremost, do not call the police in the US unless you think a situation would be improved by bringing violent, unaccountable, highly aggressive men with guns into the picture. I understand its not like that in the EU, its not even like that everywhere in the US, but there are enough places where its the reality that calling the police should really only be done if you need violence.
Second, if someone online is going on and on about how depressed they are and how suicidal they are, don't get overly involved. Lots of people play games and theres a very good chance that this was attention seeking behavior. People who are truly suicidal don't tend to talk about it for days or weeks on end. If he made a specific, clear threat and then went silent, maybe call the cops. Anything else is either their bullshit or your anxiety.
Third, they ghosted. Maybe its because they freaked out when you called their shit. Maybe its that they're mad. Maybe they're in treatment. It doesn't matter. Respect the boundary and move on.
Why though? Because it makes *you* feel better. Pretty easy
>always Be careful with those generalizations. Theres a good argument to be made for people choosing the time and place of their exit, especially when we're discussing terminal illnesses or folks who have outlived their cohorts.
That said, I think you're wrong about the "selfish, morally-bankrupt and delusional" angle. Thats sometimes true of completed suicides, but usually they're just desperate and impulsive. Attempted suicides, though? Thats almost always some gross combination of attention seeking bullshit and aggression.
Because most people who talk about it or do it without success are fundamentally manipulative and interfering with the game is less work that dealing with the inevitable aftermath of an attention seeker who now has a trump card.
What a shitty line of reasoning >*I* don't want to deal with the clean-up so *I'm* going to tell them how to live their life Just let them botch it and learn that attention whoring has consequences.
yeah, cops in the US will shoot you for attempting suicide
>Suicide is itself a selfish yes >morally-bankrupt no >delusional big no >dragging them kicking and screaming if you have to, and they thank you later. this is what i hate about your kind, you're so self rightous. what if they don't thank you? do you know how many times i talked people out of suicide? do you know how many times i had to do it again because it doesn't make their depression go away? once i had to do it DAILY for 5 months before i gave up. have you ever even been depressed or are you just such a hero who /thinks/ they know what it's like? >There is very literally a 100%, statistically-recorded rate for botched/interrupted suicides resulting ultimately in the person expressing gratitude that they didn't "succeed". correct, it's a biological thing. after a week or so it wears off and you are depressed again.
>But *you* feel better when you do the morally-right thing, which means it's not valid, because you should be prioritizing *my* entitlement to make everybody else in my life suffer dreadfully in the wake of my suicide instead. Stop being so selfish!!!! This is exactly the kind of narcissistic delusion I'm talking about.
>generalization It is not a generalization. It is an objective, statistical fact that 100% of unsuccessful suicides end in gratitude. People who survive jumps off of bridges that other people die from? 100% of them report instant regret as soon as they jumped. People who get caught before they can do the deed some other way and get stopped? 100% report being glad they were stopped, even if they were attacked, grabbed, physically-restrained, dragged off to a hospital, etc. People permanently disfigure themselves with shotguns, are in an objectively worse place in life, will now have all their previous problems *plus* a destroyed face and a lifetime of doctor's appointments? They express their gratitude at having miraculously missed vital organs in their head.
Be careful with dismissing the insights that can come from facts as "mere generalizations" out of a vague impulse to always favor being non-committal and wishy-washy since you think the Truth must always be vaporous and grey.
>do you know how many times i talked people out of suicide? do you know how many times i had to do it again because it doesn't make their depression go away? once i had to do it DAILY for 5 months before i gave up. You let some self-absorbed juvenile string you along for 5 months holding themselves hostage, and we're supposed to treat this as some kind of proof that you know what you're talking about? Get real, you're just a gullible idiot.
>have you ever even been depressed or are you just such a hero who /thinks/ they know what it's like? Yes, I have been in that darkness. I've faced it, and intervened when those around me have faced it, *and* done so successfully, helping them find their way back into the realm of the living to find their place in a good community. Have /you/? Because you sound more like one of those people who thinks their life is dark because they spend all their time around moody teenage girls who threaten to overdose on ibuprofen while posting on tumblr about how special their neuroses make them. You fucking soft-handed faggot.
>You let some self-absorbed juvenile string you along for 5 months holding themselves hostage, and we're supposed to treat this as some kind of proof that you know what you're talking about? Get real, you're just a gullible idiot. i thought the same thing, but i know better since sometimes the convos went on for hours, hell, most of the time they went on for at least 1.5 hours. remember, this is daily. he would have gotten sick of it if it wasn't real >find their place in a good community so you're lying. depression isn't cured by a nice little community and a place in life. >Have /you/? six times, at least. got them to a psychologist and/or convinced them to go to a psychologist. fuck you.
you're ignoring what i said. how about you stop insulting me because i broke your little bubble and tell me what happens if they aren't magically cured once you stop them?
You did the right thing OP, doubt my friends would do the same and some live less that a mile away from me. Please don’t beat yourself up. You’re a good person with obviously love in your heart.
>i thought the same thing, but i know better since sometimes the convos went on for hours, hell, most of the time they went on for at least 1.5 hours. This confirms that your ""experience"" is confined entirely to dealing with the ramblings of juvenile narcissists who use you as an easy source of attention. It's Psych 101-tier knowledge to understand that an actual suicidal person would have spent that first 1.5 hour talk on the first day convincing you that they're alright before fucking off to actually kill themselves. >remember, this is daily. he would have gotten sick of it if it wasn't real They'd get sick of it if they actually thought they wanted to die instead of hear your soft ass validate their ramblings and call them special. Suicide hotlines deal with "regulars" like your faggot friend all the time, to the point where they have procedures for writing them off as non-threats and hanging up on them after certain time limits. It even becomes an open part of the conversation. "You know you only get an hour this week, Hal. Talk to you next week when you call in again." Click.
Aside from all the insults it's fun to hurl at you, I'll put it this way - You've clearly got some passion and patience here, but you are *incredibly* ignorant on this entire subject. Consider reading more, you might like it.
>how about you stop insulting me because i broke your little bubble and tell me what happens if they aren't magically cured once you stop them? Aside from the fact that *you're* clearly the one whose bubble has been burst here, because your little pile of anecdotes has been blown apart by the realization that there's actually a world of knowledge out there on the subject...nobody's talking about "magically curing" anything, retard. But it's incumbent upon all of us to at least keep one-another in the fight. By force, if necessary.
>first wall of text i simplified it specifically so it won't take this long to explain it. the guy didn't want to kill himself, he WAS suicidal since suicidal doesn't mean he's going to kill himself right this second, it means he just wants to. he knows his dad cares for him but he still had major breakdowns often, in which i need to talk him out of it. he had major issues and completely refused to lie because of them. i also suspect he was autistic and no it wasn't exactly one fucking hour daily. some days we didn't talk at all, some days we talked for 4 hours, a third of the time it wasn't about his issues because that's not how it works. why the fuck am i explaining this to you it should be obvious >but you are *incredibly* ignorant on this entire subject. Consider reading more i was suicidal and got out of it, i had managed to get suicidal people to take pills and go to therapy. again, fuck you. >a world of knowledge out there on the subject you think i didn't read on this? when i try to get get someone to walk away from a cliff i do my fucking homework, unlike you. >incumbent stop using big words to sound smart >nobody's talking about "magically curing" anything, retard. But it's incumbent upon all of us to at least keep one-another in the fight. By force, if necessary. are you fucking insane? you're willing to torture someone so they will keep being alive, even if they don't want to be, and never will? you clearly don't care about them getting better, actually, you don't know how to make them better. you're a fucking torturer. how can you even imagine that you're a good person?
>post too long
>>But *you* feel better when you do the morally-right thing, which means it's not valid, because you should be prioritizing *my* entitlement to make everybody else in my life suffer dreadfully in the wake of my suicide instead. Stop being so selfish!!!! First of all, we are dealing with *your* desire to stop a suicide, and this is invariably a narcissistic endeavor. I already admitted that the suicidal person is also a selfish person. Secondly, there is no special "entitlement" on anyone's part here. The people "suffering" from the suicidal person's suicide are not "entitled" to whatever they felt before the person killed themselves, and likewise the suicidal person is not "entitled" to either a "good" or "bad" life. The only instance I would say that this is ok is if you plan on living their life for them. You want both their presence and your own feelings intact, which is akin to a NEET feeling wanting Gov benefits every month without having to work for them. Unless you plan on upkeeping their existence/presence, you are asking for a one-sided reward, which is entirely selfish. Yes, some suicidal people do it for attention. Some are lost and don't know where to go. But there is no benefit in stopping them, other than your own empty feeling of accomplishment
here's a little, real case for you. a man doesn't have depression, but has a very rare illness that causes him to feel chronic pain all the time. he want to die because he tried 11 docs and no one has an answer. what will you tell him? you will tell him to keep going. he has been very clear that every moment is suffering, sometimes he devolves into screaming for a while, but you don't care about that, you want to feel good about how you saved him, right? there is also treatment resistant depression. it's essentially the same thing, but the pain is mental. there is also depression that is normal, but for reasons that can't be treated, like getting cancer
as much as i hate you, i'm not here to insult you. your morals are incredibly basic. not only have you never been depressed, you try to give "advice" to depressed people because you can't get it in your thick fucking skull that there are fates worse then deaths. you are not qualified to talk to a depressed person, you are definitly not qualified to think you know better then anyone who had depression, or anyone who got someone out of depression, instead of making them suffer for a while more before they made another attempt so they can feel good about themselves
is this funny to you? i am angry, is this what you wanted? i'm angry because you know nothing yet preach. i'm angry because if someone listened to you and did what you did they would cause more suffering, and you don't even care. i'm angry because you think you're better then me, but you're the scum of the fucking earth and you're ignoring the parts of what i said that you can't counter because you might need to reflect on yourself.
woops, ended up insulting you again. well at least that was rather cathartic for me
Thanks for the insight/help. The officer who called me back said he spoke with him, gave his number /business card then was on his way. When I first wrote to him after he said he might consider ending, I wrote a few times since I was scared, he stopped responding. Few hours passed with no response.
They're not in treatment since the officer can't really take someone by force unless they're a danger if I understood the officer correctly. I'm sure he's mad at me, but I understand and I'll respect their boundary and move on. I still don't believe it was attention seeking behavior. They're a good person.