Dealing with regret?

You'll always remember how you got into this new situation, and that it was because of what you did. There's a causal link there.

What you need is to avoid adding the feeling of responsibility or guilt. You didn't intend to be rendered paralyzed from the waist down, so a mistake and a miscalculation were involved.

Imagine that you have a wasp on your face and while trying to get it to fly away I hit you in the eye and the wasp stings you. Sure, you may say I was clumsy, but am I responsible or guilty for the wasp stinging you? No, I made a miscalculation. Answering yes would be harsh. It's very hard to be responsible of every aspect of an event. Physicists have to build very complicated settings in order to be able to do that, even when the only thing they want to do is to measure the movement of a particle. You're made of zillions of them.

Maybe you could get into Buddhism. I know, it sounds random and stupid, but it teaches things like detaching from your ego and seeing things as a flow over which you have no real control. Sadly, my knowledge about it is from academic papers and I can't give you recommendations, but I would look from something on the Zen tradition.

I have a solution for myself.
I don't know if someone else's philosophy can comfort you, but I suppose it doesn't cost much to type out.

I spent over a decade in very painful self-improvement and introspection.
At the end I realized that to me, all things are connected both physically and in time.
Because I believe no events are separate, in my perspective all consequences and rewards happen simultaneously.
So for me, all personal growth is instantaneous.
When I make a mistake I feel immediately rewarded by the deeper knowledge of myself is already "in the bank."
Because I believe all physical things are just extensions of each other, no other person is outside myself.
When someone else feels, expresses themselves, or even breathes, I perceive that I am with them as they do.

Good luck user.

You could submit yourself to cybernetic research.

beep boop write a book about it.

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I am, but I don't get the Hawking reference.

I thinks it's just going to take time OP. I mean your paralyzed from the waist down? Fuuck. First step is to decide that you want to live. This is fucked and your life will be changed forever, I don't think you'll ever fully get over it. But decide you want to live and that you don't want to dum your life with drugs and alcohol. Then just go from there and maybe after some years you'll just accept it. Sorry man. Good luck.

vocaroo.com/i/s04ydBsSWv8o

You need to give it time, man.

Can you still move your Willy?

Be grateful it is only the waste down I guess. My cousin is a quadreplegic now, really feel horrible for him. Otherwise user that really blows maybe you can milk it and get income from the state? I don't know but hope you can find a way to remain happy.

time to visit /vg/

could you tell us what exactly happened
not because we care but because we are curious

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The basic facts of the situation will not change a month, two months, a year, or even a decade from now. I fucked myself up for life.
So if I can release the regret 10 years from now, I should be able to do so now. If only I could figure out how.

>Maybe you could get into Buddhism.
>When someone else feels, expresses themselves, or even breathes, I perceive that I am with them as they do.
So you both recommend Buddhist philosophy. I will look into it, thanks.

What happened, user?

yeah seriously, what happened?

i can't believe i had to scroll literally to the bottom of the thread to see someone asking. the other posters have a seriously good hold on their curiosity.

tell us OP, what did you do that caused yourself to be permanently paralyzed?

msktc.org/sci/factsheets/employment-after-spinal-cord-injury

thebestschools.org/careers/best-jobs-for-physically-disabled/

spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury-support-groups

Also, look into getting a therapist who specializes in clients who are physically disabled.

Wow speak for yourself user, I would care enough if I saw a thread like this from a guy wanting to know how he can cope with this new reality. I opened a door to a guy not too long ago in a wheelchair and I can't imagine how the guy feels. I also remember picking up an old dude a few years ago that was trying to get off a train and his chair's front wheels got caught on the gap and tipped over with him falling to the ground. I had another guy help me put the guy back on his chair.

The fuck did you do, OP?

You hate yourself because you're a cripple? Why? Cripple you didn't do anything, it was non-cripple you that made you cripple you.

Learn from your mistakes, and test your limits. If you find yourself wanting, then train to exceed them.

Your challenge just went from deciding what to do with your life, to living it. Your life isn't over, you're just a bitch. You can stay on the ground and cry, or you can work hard and become something respectable. That's what you've got, man. You can drug yourself to high hell and back, but you're going to wake up someday and realize that all you've done is steal what hope you had left. You can fool yourself, but you can fool reality.

You did what you had to do.
The circumstances, your brainchemestry, your memories, your wishes, all lead you to do that.

The resolution sucks, but you can't change it.
Realize, it wasn't YOU who did it, but something that made you do it and you didn't prevent it.

All you are is the instance of "should I go against my body?!"... The problem is, we have a culture of pro body, pro wish, pro ego and not one of self control. So I would say it's more the culture that failed you, then you yourself. What are the techniques you've learned to overcome yourself and your desires? Who teached you? I guess nobody, nobody really... You should just be amazing and right everytime, without any technique to really control yourself against strong stimuli.

Your Family, your school, your state, everyone failed, because they have not brought forth someone who was in control, but somwone who got seduced from his stupid thoughts and primal desires.

Stop being such a guy!
Invent that culture, give it other people, prevent something like that in the future and use your disability (and the reason why it happened) as something productive!

In the dread and the regret lies wisdom to prevent what happened to you.

About 5 years ago I was into proffesional racing, nothing really major, just Auto GP series as a rookie. Although I didn't consider investing my life in it and having no wins in the single season I competed at, I really loved racing.
Fast forward, I go with some old high school mates on a meeting, we decide to go karting and have some drinks at some old circuit near my hometown.

Shit was horrific in terms of safety, karts were at least 15 years old without proper security measures, track was old, open aired with some seriously fucking stupid corners, and overall the confidence that track inspired was under 9000, but I didn't care at all because karts didn't look like they had a lot of cc, and we were just gonna have some fun with the homies.

Fast circuit, everything fun, some nice overtakes and a lotta fun watching all of my friends struggle with the kart, until I decided that for the last of those 14 laps before the in, I'd try to break the lap record at that track which was at 1' 05''. Well in that lap, when about to turn left on a high speed sector, got on the apex, FL tyre completely jumped outta the kart, then somehow I hit on the apex, rolled towards the right and hit the wall with the back of the car, having part of the engine break through the seat.

So everyone stops, comes to help, blah blah then when I got out and was put in the road I realized, I couldn't move my legs.

And I've been like this ever since. What I'm trying to say is, for a couple of years, I totally considered myself the only responsible for that incident, knowing how the car was and the non existing safety in there. And it hurt seeing everyone surrounding me suddenly doing things I could no longer do, and it hurt me because I thought I was the only responsible one for that. It's completely natural to deal with regret, self-hate, anxiety and suicidal thoughts right now, at least for the time you take to adapt to the situation. 1/2, here comes the real advice, I'm sorry

You won't adapt in terms of suddenly accepting your condition, and most importantly, your lack of total control over every action that occurs in the world, even the ones you create. Our brain is reactionary and needs to either adapt or perish, and you will eventually not feel, subconsciously, envy, anxiety and overall, bad when you think about what you can't do if paralyzed, trust me on this one. But of course this type of event leaves an uncurable trauma that will affect permanently and in many fucked ways your psyche, and that is when you have to take a decision. There are 2 of them, you can either take the spiritual way, in which you explain the uncontrolled events that happen in this irrational world through a series of conceptions that you create in order to make them happen, create them, give them a meaning that is nowhere but in your soul. We are subjective, individualistic beings, we must give explanation to events, but our primal subconsciousness in order not to lose our rationality and even our consciousness per se, makes us think that we are at the inexistent center of everything. Buddhism, Christianism, every religion, cult tries to applies their own rules to it, leaving the matter of rational thinking outside the box in a way of anesthetize our pains and insecurity. There's nothing wrong with that path, but I chose the path of rationality. Ascend from the being, your persona and ultimately your identitarian regret that makes you feel as if you were still you, the one you were before. Empirism won't cheer you up, it will make you understand. Kant, Jung, Descartes, Rousseau, even Hegel and Nietzsche are very good authors to start a journey of understanding why you think like you do, and how stupid it is to do so. Regardless of what you choose, I wish you the best, it's not an easy journey either way you choose. If you need any help, advice, or just someone to talk with, you can always text me at [email protected] or in this thread