Can narcissists actually love you?
Can narcissists actually love you?
There is no yes or no answer but it's highly unlikely.
Perhaps yes, but what they experience as love (even their purest most passionate love) is still closer to your abusing-someone than to your loving-someone. Not worth it, imo
My narci has softened up with time. Constant adoration and going out of my way to make my narci feel like the most important person alive.
> not saying no to sex EVER
> small special gifts
> handwritten cards just cause
> flowers (yes even for the Male narci)
> remain submissive and wholesome.
People feed off each others energies back and forth, if someone keeps showing narci symptoms and you want them to soften up- just love them above and beyond all the time. When they dont make you feel special in return on bdays/holidays that's a good time to say something about wishing you were made to feel special on that day and no one has done anything for you. The narci will want to be the hero for you. This is when you praise whatever heroic thing they have done like they just cured cancer. A lot of times the narci will keep up this pattern of trying to be your hero and eventually end up accidentally becoming a better partner.
Is it worth it? Mine makes me feel bad like i dont do anything right sometimes.
I think it is. Mine does that from time to time, but used to do that to me all day every day. The constant adoration and genuine love is KEY. I mean, go so far as to never ever argue with them, disagree but keep your mouth shut and go with whatever your narci wants. Any disagreement will be viewed as disrespect. It takes a LOT of patience. But never let them see you get emotional because of how they treated you. Always be positive. Always show nothing but love, and act kind of like a servant. Do more than what they ask of you to do. My narci has gotten to a point that they are letting their guard down, and even went so far as to apologize for being short and demanding. (Very difficult for them to do). I got loved on today, kissed, held, fucked, and even reassured. My Narci has come a VERY long way. I am proud of how much my Narci has softened.
It is exhausting and sometimes confusing, but narcissism is caused by not knowing what real love is or feels like from another person. It's going to take TIME and CONSISTENCY. I cannot stress that enough.
does your narcissist know he's a narcissist?
are you a guy or a girl
really unsure how to be reading your situation. I'm like stuck in a state where I think this is really cute but I don't know how cute.
Freud says narcistic women love only a man that fully loves them. If they are interested in others too, then they don´t want them anymore. Because they think they deserve the love more of course
I certainly am not going to be the one to inform my narci. I'm not sure. Mine is aware of cynical tendencies but has never mentioned narcissism outright.
I identify as a woman
if you're actually a trap I think my dick is actually going to explode, that's fucking great.
cute otherwise tho. How do you deal with the potential for your narci partner to cheat on you or break up with you because they feel like it?
I make myself the most appealing woman he could set his heart on. Attitude always positive, always sweet, soft voice, always dressed up, make up always done, sex whenever his heart desires. This takes a lot of hard work. But Narcis also want to feel like you trust them 100%. Showing skepticism or being uncertain makes you look insecure about your relationship with them and they read that as more of a threat than anything.
Uh how long have you been at this? That's a lot of work and unsustainable outside of a honeymoon period
It has been this way for years. I wouldn't ever give up on my narci, he's had too many people give up on him. If I do, it will only make it worse and he may never reach this level of progress again.
Anything approached with genuine love can be sustainable. Because real selfless love can, and will always win. The perks that come with it make you truly feel grateful, and teach you to not take your partner for granted.
Do you just never get mad at him or just bottle everything up inside?
just hope that you aren't on the spotlight of vanity fair when she's with her friends/family/colleagues
The overwhelming majority of people are narcissists. Narcissism is the most natural human disposition in the Western world, in 2019. The only people who are capable of loving you independent of what you can do for that person are your mother and any person who is acting as though they are your mother. Everyone else wants something from you and when that something ceases to be provided their love will too.
hey thats what happened to me when i was 16, except I didnt have a person like you.
am now 29, lonely and bitter.
I dont take anything he says/does as a personal attack anymore, so I dont get angry with him. It can get frustrating but i dont hold that frustration in my heart toward him.
I'm sorry to hear that user. To be real, not a lot of people are capable of doing what I do for my narci. I genuinely just want him to feel loved, it melts my heart when he has little breakthroughs.
I'm bumping this because I really dont get the opportunity to talk openly about my Narci babe very often, I'm hoping more people have similar experiences ...
greentext some stories user, I'm listening
you seem like a great person
i have some narcissist tendencies but i doubt I'm actually one, but I'd love a gf with your style of love..
I feel like you have a savior complex
I don't think you understand what narcissism is in the context of a relationship... i.e., narcissistic abuse.
Agreed. Narcissists can go out of their way to fuck you up. They are natural bullies that lie, hurt and manipulate without feeling any shame. They however feel the deepest shame known to man when others disapprove of them or indicate that they are anything less than absolutely perfect. This makes them angry and likely to seek vengance.
Vanilla example I want to get off my chest:
My current flatmate is a narcissist. Shortly after I moved in he strangely commented a few times on my cooking with stereotypical narcissistic charm (trying to win ground with me). I found it weird because I am a shitty cook that autistically makes the same shitty dinner every day. When he did this I gleefully joked about how shitty my cooking is. He seemed weirded out by this. Some other day I found him cooking and said "Ah, smell nice!". Turned out he was making some spaghetti dish, which I later understood to him was a very petty dinner for him to make. He started to talk about how much he loved to cook, showing me his cooking books, autistically talk about recipes, technique etc. He bombarbed me with stuff which would make the impression that he was an excellent cook. I listened attentively and let him talk it out. I took a mental note that he sees himself as a great cook. Great stuff. This is now a safe topic I thought. Some other day I found him in the kitchen making dinner once again. This time I also said something like "Smells nice!", which was my honest reaction to the smells in the room. Turned out this time he also was making something he didn't think of as particularly advanced, and he seemed to think that I was mocking him. From then on he started to make a mocking laughter everytime I went into the kitchen, and ask me with a total deadpan to smell and inspect his "extravagant" food (without offering a taste). That's when I understood what was going on. This was the start of a highly unpleasant living situation. I'm moving out this month.
People that have Narci complex aren't bad people. They can be bullied, they can be bullied, they are self absorbed, they are sometimes extremely emotionally abusive. But like everyone else they are truly just damaged people that dont know how to act, and dont understand love and compassion. They need someone in their lives that can show them what it looks like to love, and what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I love my Narci to death. He has only ever known abandonment, abuse, manipulation and hardship. Grew up without steady parental figures and had to figure out how to survive on his own. He's never had anything handed to him freely. So I offer him my love and unconditional support because everyone deserves to know how that feels.
It would be a better world if everyone offered love and support. My Narci has a beautiful soul under all the bs. He just needs to feel safe.
Keep in mind that the way a Narci treats you is not exclusive to you. It is how they handle situations and treat everyone in their social circles. They CAN improve.
No, not really. I dated a narcissist for close to a decade before they left me for a better thrill. It's not worth it.
>Human drama does not show itself on the surface of life. It is not played out in the visible world, but in the hearts of men. … One man in misery can disrupt the peace of a city. It is another of the miraculous things about mankind that there is no pain nor passion that does not radiate to the ends of the earth. Let a man in a garret but burn with enough intensity and he will set fire to the world.
Antoine de Saint Exupéry
>Keep in mind that the way a Narci treats you is not exclusive to you. It is how they handle situations and treat everyone in their social circles.
Not my experience really. I find that narcissists try to groom certain people, while consistently shitting and bullying others (often engaging others in the same behavior). It's highly dependent on what they can gain from it.
I think I'm a narcissist
You sound like a good woman. And I don't often give women compliments. Usually I joke a lot about women being raped and such
How can you tell if someone is a narcissist? I sometimes wonder if the man I'm dating has some tendencies but I'm not sure
I have a good friend who is a narcissist. I think he may actually care for me very deeply, but it manifests itself in a narcissistic way. Even though I care for him I have to keep him at arm's length because he is such a user and a manipulator. I haven't hung out with him in years because of this kind of behavior. I don't know that a narcissist can experience love in the sense that the rest of us do, and I pity them for that.
They will never change do not engage with them it is not safe or healthy. Leave immediately
I feel like only certain people can really successfully be with a narcissist. You have to know and recognize that first of all they are a narcissist, then know how to handle that type of behavior. If you go in guns blazing and trying to point out all their bad behavior you're going to be miserable and they are going to feed off of that. You have to be polar opposite in every way. And patience is so important. You cant have slip ups in your own behavior or they will just treat you like everyone else.
>Keep in mind that the way a Narci treats you is not exclusive to you.
Yeah it is. Not you as a person because they don't see you as one, but you in how they can use you and your role to them. They treat people who don't put up with their shit differently than people who enable it.
Thank you, user. I wish more people would understand that you can make a huge difference by having good intentions and a big heart. Its unfortunate that so many people have had experiences where they are taken advantage of. Just keep in mind a Narci is a person too, with a huge wall to protect themselves. They guard themselves like no other.
I respectfully disagree. Narcis will attack you and do the worst damage against you, no doubt. But they will also do the same to anyone. They dont filter that way. That's why it's so important to show them that not everyone is the same- by being drastically different from everyone they come into contact with. They remember those things, and admire wholesome people, and oftentimes try to emulate behaviors that they view as desirable.
You just made me want nothing to do with my narc. I’ve done all the things you said and he has “softened” a little but not enough and I’ve become bitter ;_; I just can’t do it anymore. It’s been years, he doesn’t deserve it. I’m so tired.
I was involved with a girl who I’m pretty damn sure was a diagnosable narcissist. She would joke about it all the time but I think she mostly meant it.
She used people to get what she wanted, she would lie and manipulate very naturally. She had no friends because even though she was really charming and refreshing at first, eventually people would catch on to her scheming and bail.
She was also a cheater, we were talking about moving in together but thank god we didn’t. Looking back on it, I believe now that she never really cared about me. She needed attention and to feel important, and I was so attracted to her I was willing to put up with her shit. I think she saw me as a gullible fool, and maybe that was true. It did feel good to help her at first though, it made me feel important. Eventually though enough is enough
I'm sorry to hear this. It can be so exhausting. But to me it is rewarding. I've spent several years, myself. I know and understand him in more ways than anyone ever has or cared to. Every Narci is different. Some respond more strongly. But, I think you potentially have slipped up unknowingly, expecting him to respond like a normal person... but they dont. This has to be at the front of your brain at all times.
what's the difference? it's the same personality trait whether it's expressed in the workplace or in a friendship group or in a relationship. the vast majority of people in this world are narcissistic and their survival depends on it. those who are diagnostically narcissistic are simply people who cannot or do not understand the purpose of masking the fact that they consider themselves to be of greater importance than others. most humans learn the value in not presenting ourselves as more important than others but solipsistic feelings always exist internally. when you consider that we spend every waking hour inside our heads then how could they not?
Actually have one more thing... do you feel that what I do for my narci would have been helpful for you?
They absolutely do filter based on who is useful to them and who isnt. They seek out a specific type of person.
Honestly by the shit you're saying you have no idea what you're talking about. Its possible for someone to be an enormous cunt without being a narc. They're not different from each other. They're not people too. They're black holes and failed humans devoid of one of the most important traits of our entire race : empathy. And they will never change.
That's your opinion. Thank you.
No, it’s the truth.
Yes they can. People with ASPD or psycopaths cannot though.
If it makes them look good
It's not my opinion, it's the opinion of experts on NPD, abuse, and CPTSD. You are the one who does not know what they're talking about.
People with traits of it can, but a full blown narcissist can only truly love themselves.
wouldnt d8 one to be honest. its mentally and physically draining
Date one if you lack self respect. Actual narcissists are abusive as fuck and there is no reason to settle for this unless you truly lack respect for yourself.
Assuming we're talking about narcissistic personality disorder, not really, it's never a stable and permanent type of love. You'll never be able to relax and there's always be a possibility of you doing something extremely minor and irrelevant that will make them completely switch over to hating you and wanting to ruin your life. You'd be living on eggshells. It takes less energy to find a different, but normal, person to be involved with, than trying to make a relationship with a narcissist function.
As long as you are useful to them or help their image, yes. They can love you.
That’s not love.
>my dark brooding "narci" had a rough life that made him cold
>I am his servant
>I identify as a woman
>if I love him enough, he will learn love and become a good person
Which anime is this?
Exactly. Narcissists care about others, but above all, they are number one priority in their heads. Always. After all, it's "MY" life, so why shouldn't I be the focus of my life at all times?
I married and divorced one. They're toxic and essentially a useless waste of time if you're looking for mutual love and respect in a relationship.
He sounds like your pet or something.
I find this thread interesting because I wanted more insight into a grandiose narcissists behavior, as I am dealing with one for the first time. But it sounds dehumanizing not just calling him your bf or husband.
Not her but to be fair narcissists are barely human.
I'm new to the diagnosable NPD type, but to be fair fair most people are not conscious enough to be called human. From what I understand severe abuse triggers these personalities. The better I understand others, the better I understand myself. But I respect your opinion user.
>Not saying no to sex EVER
>Small special gifts
>handwritten cards just cause
>Flowers (yes even for the Male narci)
>Remain submissive and wholesome.
Look all this sounds sweet, but it also sounds like.
>My narcissist loves me because I feed his narcissistic tendencies by being a fuck toy all the time and being submissive and gifting him.
>See guys I fixed him :D
Jesus. This has to be bait.
I need a fucking farm girl or tomboy because I couldn't love a woman like you. I need a strong woman who will tell me I'm an ass and take care of problems.
t. Mother was raised on a farm and she's legit mentally stronger than most women I have ever met.
No but they'll treat you nicer if they see you as 'theirs',