What would lead you to divorce your wife? Asking for a friend

What would lead you to divorce your wife? Asking for a friend.

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bad money management

>contradiction of deeply set morals
>they got extremely fat
>sex drive dead for a long time
>over a year of them becoming a human vegetable

>getting married

If the sex stopped/got bad. So I'd probably make it about 6 months.

Any amount of infidelity, even small
Anything else I am confident we could fix

The sex, or adultery, isn't an issue. It might be the only thing causing my reconsideration. That, and my fear of God. Here are some details.
>be me, skinny beta, in love
>she has depression, but things between us were great
>suddenly wants to leave me out of nowhere
>heartbroken mess, I'm pretty jaded now
>changes her mind after I've accepted it
>we stick it out
>major trust issues since then, lying, hiding things, extreme insecurities, a drinking problem, treats body poorly, masturbates and spends a lot ofour money to feel better
>diagnosed with bipolar ii
>gets car impounded for driving drunk
>takes leave from work
>maxes out credit card, I'm still paying it off, and I had to pay for the car
>I want out but she begs and pleads and has even theatened suicide once but that was a while ago
>I've been stressed, unhappy and cleaning up her messes (there's more) for years
>I want out


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Also I should mention that she has seen therapists, counselors and psychologists her whole life and I have seen a psych twice before too. Also, she choose to abort our first child after we had been married for two years when I didn't want to.

>When you try to be edgy so that you can cut yourself with yourself to not feel bad about yourself.

Stop. Get some help.

I used to get with crazy bitches as a skinny beta with no self-worth. It went about as well for me as it's going for you.

I think you already know what you need to do.

You're absolutely right, I do know. I guess I just don't know how to reconcile my feelings with my Christian beliefs and my sympathy for my wife.

Marriage is an insult to love's free will.

Fuck off.

>this nigga actually married a crazy bitch

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Contract fag

Honestly why don't you have your wife under control? I don't understand. Also why don't you have children?

Little tripfag, when you're out of puberty you can give wise advice anyone will take seriously.

That's a good question. I'm not sure. I have found myself becoming more 'controlling' over the years, and there are some things that I have taught her and we have compromised on- but mostly not. She just doesn't listen to me or care about what I want or ask of her in a lot of cases. I've never understood it myself. We have sat down and had many conversations about these things to no avail. I've done everything in my mind short of physical violence to get things under control. We don't have children because she doesn't want them. Before we married she told me she wanted children with me. Then she told me that she didn't want them because she didn't want to risk experiencing depression or anxiety as she had, and I just sort of settled with that, believing that she would change her mind one day (she has, actually).

>have taught her and we have compromised on- but mostly not. She just doesn't listen to me or care about what I want or ask of her in a lot of cases. I've never understood it myself.

This makes no sense though. I think the reality is that she knew you would never leave.. Meanwhile average happy husband makes it very clear what he needs to be happy and that he will definitely leave if those needs aren't met. This dynamic can go both ways and should be established early.

If you wouldn't walk away at this point it might be too late. Honestly I have had conversations about divorce over things like disrespectful tone, little lies, and unreliablity.. all these little things matter. If she drunk drove with no crash I would consider leaving her, and we have kids. Just trying to illustrate a different life for you. Honestly you could easily do better at this point, anything sounds better. Leave before she gets wise and gets pregnant

I was going to say having a baby will calm some women down because now they're really scared you will leave... But in this case I think it would be immoral to bring a kid into an environment with her in it. So fuck .. why are the still there? No genetic legacy + lifetime of her bullshit? What

I was taught that divorce should not be brought up lightly, if at all. I used to say that I didn't believe in divorce. It sounds stupid now that I'm typing it out. I guess I wanted to believe our marriage vows. That's why. You're right though.

Sorry about being harsh. I don't know what is normal but I know that my wife would walk all over most men and my serious willingness to leave is the only thing that keeps her from ruining my life with her bullshit. It's not evil to do if it means your are both happier for it. In your case though I think she is too far gone, but I don't know you

I've been here for 5 years now, baby poster.

>Sorry about being harsh
What site are we on? The fuck. Thanks for the advice user. I'll have a talk with the psych and make my decision.

dishonesty. this is intentionally a very broad condition

Good luck, faggot

marriage is yet another victim of the neoliberal movement towards to destruction of meaning and classifications. borders, money, religion, marriage, physical and cultural differences... all will soon be gone as you get assigned a number at birth and your sperm or egg are frozen for artificial reproduction later in life if you decide. right this way sheep bahh bahh

There were a lot of reasons I should have left them for over the years, but the last straw for me was a suicide threat. Normally I would say stay and make sure they can't harm themselves or anyone else, but this was not the first time they had threatened to kill themselves to get what they wanted. I couldn't be in a toxic relationship anymore so I left. It was hard, but I had to do what was best for me.

Cat limit exceeded

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My married friend (married for 3 months now) told me she thought her husband was "good enough"

I don't want to read much into it, and I'm not married so I don't have a ton of experience, but is this a normal attitude?

It's a realistic one. It doesn't have to be a sad thing.

Pic related.

Adultery, gross and sustained negligence, abuse, or abdication of morality (either past or present--for example, finding out she used to be a degenerate and she withheld it from you).

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Become fat.
Not sexually satisfy.

Honey I’ve been year for 20

Realistic, not necessarily normal. My married friend says “my husband is amazing/light of my life/too good to be true” and they’ve been married going on 8 years

It has many forms, adultery being the obvious one.
Doing things that is obviously destructive is in the same category.

If you knew she was bipolar, you don't get married in the first place.
Murdering your child for no reason is obviously grounds for divorce too.
I don't think I would be able to look at such a person again. Get out.

No longer loving her. I want to get out and find love again.

Spending a few grand and having to move out, all to find love again
So much hassle, is it really worth it?

>completing cutting sex off

everything else is fixable

Same, 1999 crew checking in

I think it's fine. A well matched couple will be equally excited and disappointed by each other. The real bond forms when you go through hard times together and he or she is there to support you. I think most people can learn to love each other over time if they are relatively well matched and kind to eachother. That's why arranged marriage is still going strong in India and other places

Good question. My wife is building a solid case for divorce. Today, she cried uncontrollably when she was painting the ceiling. Totally out of the blue. On top of that, we had sex last week for the first time in two months and it was absolutely horrible. Oh yeah, and she owes me almost 5 grand. She also used the words 'you know, I hate you sometimes' today.


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Sounds like it's over. It's not entirely on her. Sounds like you're not doing much to make the relationship better.

you either want it or you don't doesn't matter why

Wanting a child and not getting one.

BASED and underrated.

My friend that's been married for 3 months is so, idk, untraditional about it? For example, it's not uncommon that she tells a story about how she goes to clubs or grocery stores and she sees someone she finds attractive. She'll say stuff like, "there was this guy there that was so fucking hot, like, I'm married but... I'll make an exceptiooooon lol"

Dont know anyone else that talks like that. I know marriage doesn't make you stop being attracted to other people, that's natural, but the way she says it in a joking but yearning way is kinda gross to me. Especially 3 months in, which is when couples usually take the whole marriage thing super serious. I dont want to say she'd cheat but it's weird to me how she doesn't see anything wrong about it.

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> 'you know, I hate you sometimes'
can't put the lid back on that can of worms

sorry bro

yar thar she blows. jump ship


Eh you can. I've called my wife every word you can imagine and she the same... But we are very in love, just both really combative people and our fights used to get out of control. You can come back from that but I still took OP should run

talk to a divorce lawyer
suggest couple's counseling
if she refuses, best to get divorced

that fucking sucks dude, you'll pull through though.

I can get what you mean by becoming more 'controlling' over the years when I was with my crazy borderline ex-gf back in highschool and into university. I started out pretty chill, but after she had lied to me about liking a guy and watching a bunch of other friends of hers hitting on her all the time and claiming that they only thought of her as a friend, I perhaps learned to be a lot less okay with certain things. I'm still glad I got out of that relationship, even if it took me 3 or 4 years longer than it should have

I guess it just depends on the relationship, but OP sounds like this is a form of lashing out rather than jest

Spoken like someone that was never deeply in love.

-Not wanting children (wouldn't marry such a person, but in case I'm lied to or something...)
-Deep moral differences
-Nonexistent sex life

At what point is it ok to let the sex die

By looking at what life you have left and asking if it’s worth wasting it on her.

When you’re breaking up, if sex goes away so does any hope of keeping things healthy. If all you care about is companionship get a pet.

Divorced user here. In hindsight, we rushed into marriage. It is too easy to get married but almost impossible to get divorced
It was good at first, but she started getting emotionally abusive but I dismissed it since I’m a guy, supposed to be tough, right? Then she bought a gun and pointed it at me while laughing. She started getting high all the time, crashed her car in a ditch, started doing some pills and staying over night “with friends.”
I needed more evidence though. She fucked up by taking nude photos with chads, one Chad posted it as his profile pic on Facebook.
Brought all the evidence to lawyer, got divorced. Her family harassed me for the first year but eventually fucked off.
Years later, I heard she was locked in an institution with schizophrenia.

Sounds like you stayed for way longer than you should have

I felt the same, but my family kept telling me to give her another chance. I asked her to go to marriage therapy too but she said no every time. I also felt like I was giving up too soon and I'm still considered the bad guy for starting the divorce process

>Her family harassed me for the first year but eventually fucked off
Similar shit went down including the gun shit but that happened after I divorced her but in my case her parents both called me and apologized for their daughters behavior.

>wife turns out to be, in no particular order, a druggie, nagging cunt, sadist, and serial cheater
>Family says "give her a chance"
No offense, but your family is retarded

Or they think he's shit.

It's because the divorce meant the marriage was a failure and so I was a failure. I later found out some of my family members tried to talk to her to convince her to stay with me, but she lied and said I was cheating on her instead (with no proof).
The entire experience really fucked me up though, I'll never remarry or date again

>my fear of God
Pray, I don't mean magical words, but ventilate your frustrations to God and faithfully, without doubt, ask for opportunites to come your way
Converse with a trusted leader, like your pastor
Speak life into yourself, wake up every morning saying "BAM! I'm righteous!"

Remember, God won't hate you if you divorce, if it's at a toxic breaking point where your only gonna dig deep into tribulation and terror, the divorce could work. My faithful Godmother divorced her disrespectful husband, yet she prayed and searched for help, and now both of her sons are high end engineers and she's highly loved in our family