Read boyfriend’s journals and now life is ruined

I fucked up and read his private writings, only to find out how much he despises me. He wasn’t talking to me last Thursday and now I know why — he had so many terrible thoughts about me that day. He called me trash and said I was jealous of his achievements and that I was bitter and everything about me was false. He ended it by saying that I was a nobody even though if I was secretly arrogant, and that I was constantly striving to be better than others including him. He also mentioned he was going to need to be put back on Lexapro (the antidepressant he’d been taking) if he was going to have to put up with me for a few more months (we rented an apartment together). There were other reslly bad things.
I was so hurt by all of it that I ended up having a panic attack and I have not spoken to him since. Everything he said about me was wrong. I never for one second thought I was better than anyone, I just feel so inferior it hurts. I have bad social anxiety and depression and he knows it (or should know). Reading someone I love so much call me garbage and a nobody was the worst thing I ever did. I know I fucked up by reading his private stuff and clearly I am insecure and disrespected him but those words just destroyed me and I don’t know what to do right now.

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Just dump each others.

You sound like one of the good ones you deserve so much better

If he's wrong about all of it, then it's no trouble for you to dump him and move forward. Good luck.

>I know I fucked up by reading his private stuff
Pretty disrespectful. Possible he wrote that while he was really angry and doesn't mean all of it, just venting.
The million dollar question is why does a grown man have a diary?

Sex him that'll spark his fire for you again

time to bail
he can't trust you
you can't trust him
you want him to kill you? leave asap fuck the lease, fuck everybody. if you have no where to go, find a womens shelter. cut off contact, hide. if on the insanely small chance he's not a psycho. then you are hurting him and you need to leave.

>you want him to kill you?
holy shit, calm the fuck down bitch. do your relationships always end in homicide?

>why does a grown man have a diary?
Why not?

i've been thinking about writing my thoughts somewhere but this thread reminded me why it's a bad thing
i'll just keep burying them with weed

It's possible that he only wrote that as a decoy.

If you had never found it, then it wouldn't have mattered. But if you did read a man's private journal, especially a man who trusted you, then what he wrote is true.

You have some thinking to do.

You know what you need to do user. Better to cut the cord now instead of holding onto a failing relationship.

Literally a toastie roastie lmao

I'll be your bf also bonus I'm not gay so I don't even keep a journal

Had the exact same thing happen when my GF read one of my notebooks. She was really depressed for like 2 months. We ultimately broke up 2 years later and I'm sure that was part of the initial weakening of connection.

I wrote different stuff obviously, but the same caliber. On the other side of where you are I can say that 1. Fuck you for putting the guy in the situation where he has to comfort you because you violated his trust. Dick move. And 2. Regardless of whatever the notebooks say its possible he loves you very much, even unconditionally. That was the case with me, but she had so many bad traits I had to vent about it somewhere or my head would explode. So it's not as bad as you think. But fuck you.

Yeah you fucked up. If he's gonna say nice shit about you its not gonna be in his journal, that's where you go to dump all the worst fiery shitposts about your life. It's like you snuck into the bathroom to watch him take a big, wet, smelly poo. It's gonna be hard for you to be attracted to him again, and even though it wasn't his fault he's going to have to make a deep romantic gesture to cancel it all out.

Maybe it’s true. Obviously you aren’t perfect. Work on some of your glaring personality flaws or just break up

> (or should know)

Weak willed bitch to pathetic to break up with her man lol. Go on Facebook with this drivel.

Don’t listen to those assholes. The only thing they’re right about is you should break up with him. Wish you the best

Just bend him over, finger his slutty butt and tell him you love him very much


women are commonly murdered, by whoever is around. that's why women are so guarded and overprotective of each other. no harm in leaving, but staying might be a death sentence.

No they aren’t.

you never saw final fantasy: the spirits within I take it?


I went from understanding you, and sympathizing with you in the first paragraph...

to absolutely hating you in the second...

OP you need to get your shit together.
> Everything he said about me was wrong.
No, it's not. I don't need a pinch more evidence to know this fact. Perhaps SOME things were wrong, he was obviously venting into his diary. But not EVERY thing is wrong. You do have some serious improvements to make.

The reason I hate you so much right now is, because you got this rare glimpse into his mind, this opportunity to understand him, feel him, help him.... it's so incredibly obvious,,, and YOUR FIRST IMPULSE IS TO TURN IT ON YOURSELF, SELF-PITY, AND DENIAL. You did not bother for a second to actually improve yourself FOR HIM. To make HIS LIFE BETTER. No.

If you cannot cease your narcissism, then break up. Those are you only options. Either stop being psycho, or just leave.

This actually happened to me. Last year. My girlfriend read my diary (I've been keeping a diary since 2013). She found a page where I vented about her. She overthought it and broke down. The only thing I really wanted to tell her was that I love her, that I wrote it in the diary so I can take it out on paper, and not take it out on her. Like an anger-management strategy. I did it because I love her. She was never supposed to see it. Nevertheless... everything I wrote was true. It was just harsh and angry.

So understand he put this in his diary because he loves you. He did not want to take this heat out on you because he does care about you.

BUT damn, you so obviously do not care about him.


>we rented an apartment together

go look up stats buddy otherwise we're just jerking each other off. check the fbi's website if you're local.

What did you do after you moved out of your parents house

No she doesn't.


I'm 28 and I've kept a diary since 2013. It is to keep memory of my life.

She's the psycho, not him. How can you not see this.

>you want him to kill you? l
oh ok, you're one of those girls. whatever

Try day one journal. You can encrypt it and sync it to icloud; I've been using it for many years now and highly recommend. You can even add fingerprint or facelock for extra privacy.

>You have some thinking to do.
thank you

somebody with sense.

She could patch things up. If she wasn't such a complete nutjob


this this this

>Wish you the best

Maybe instead of blaming your boyfriend for thinking they way he does, you should find out WHY HE THINKS YOU'RE A BITCH. He can't just be 100% wrong. Look at whatever is happening from his point of view.

Regardless you were wrong to read his PRIVATE journal. That was shitty of you.

crazy people make people crazy, they stepped past the boundries of healthy dynamics. it's a both situation. anyone would tell their boy that bitch is crazy for going through their shit. just like anyone would tell their girls, not to trust a dude who is writing diatribes about them. They might be able to talk it out, but if it's worth saving they'll do it on their own not with advice from creeps on the web, nor advice from their friends.

Someone has sand in their vagina

Yes you're right.

what can I say? I'm angry

Fucking namefag

Feminazi alert

Enjoy forgetting your entire fucking life retard.
>hurr DURR men shouldn't have diaries cuz it makes them a pussy

Lol why are you so mad

Yes, looking through people’s shit is wrong but OP now has a chance to get out of a shitty situation with her boyfriend who clearly does not like her. It’s one thing venting about someone but calling them garbage is another. Clearly there are many negative feelings going on and if I were OP I would just bail. Asking her to improve herself for him, to make his life better, is just pathetic. We should first improve ourselves for the sake of it, and then as a result hopefully improve our relationships with people who like us. If OP’s boyfriend has so many terrible thoughts about her then he does not like her


It sounds like he has BPD or bipolar. Depending on how your relationship is outside of this discovery, I would either leave or talk to him about it. If he's a dick to you in person, leave. Otherwise, he may be trying to find a healthy outlet for his negative thought patterns/psychotic episodes.

lol ok pussy

but it does make the a pussy, you zoomer faggot, using meme arrows doesn't change the fact

I didn't move in with someone I'm not married to

>you want him to kill you?
>cut off contact, hide
>if on the insanely small chance he's not a psycho
did...did something happen?

Maybe there is some truth to the things he’s saying. Ppl who are rlly insecure tend to overcompensate by acting over the top arrogant. How about have an open and honest discussion with him about it.

Be honest with yourself, and with him. It will be uncomfortable definitely, but it’s the only way to make things right, whether that means you ending things or working things out.

Elaborating on this little more

Funny how everyone in the thread jumps to this girls rescue n is so quick to call the bf toxic n etc lol, it takes two to tango, leave it to Jow Forums betas and women to just assume the guy is the only one in the wrong here

Fact of the matter is the entire relationship sounds toxic and it’s probably coming from both sides, and it also sounds like a lot of their issues could be solved with more honest discussion. If Op was more honest with herself and with her bf, her bf would know her true feelings of insecurity and see it for what it is, if OPs bf was more honest and said how he felt instead of writing abt it secretly in a journal, then they could have worked on it a long time before the turmoil built up to where it is now.

Honesty and trust is the key to relationships, and this relationship seems to have none

Fuck you
I don't know what your journal had in it but if it was anything like what OP describes (calling her trash, saying she was a nobody who was jealous of his success) you genuinely don't know what caring about someone is if you can feel that kind of hatred for them and still say you care. Maybe OP should take this criticism as an opportunity self-examine but she should not do it for her garbage bf, she should do it for herself and she should leave him either way because he will never respect her no matter what she does. He clearly is a petty, low self esteem parasite and her becoming a better person will only make him hate her more.

So what I've gathered from this thread is guys who keep journals like to birch about women?
Why the fuck do you not bring these things up with your partner like a healthy adult undead of writing this shit down and stewing on it forever more.

You can’t take the memories with you when you die

People with broken hearts do crazy shit, if they don’t have anything to live for after their little world shatters they do things people wouldn’t imagine.

Underage b&

>He clearly is a petty, low self esteem parasite and her becoming a better person will only make him hate her more.
You are either a white knight, or you are immature and don't accept the reality of humanity.