I've decided to give up on ever finding a gf. I'm 32 years old and never had a real relationship. If you're in that state then there's something seriously wrong with you. I've got way too many hang-ups and issues with the opposite sex that I can't get past. And even if I could, I think I'd still struggle in the modern world. How do you come to terms with that? Every emotional and biological urge is working against me.
How do you accept you're an incel?
Suicide is always an option
How about working on your issues instead? It sounds like you need therapy.
What is therapy going to achieve? I'm in my 30s. My formative years are over. This is who I am, my issues are too deep-seated to be remedied by a shrink.
That's kind of what therapy is supposed to help with you know. Alternatively turn to alcohol and drugs.
See a therapist about being such a fucking defeatist
If you want to stop being seen as a feminine man, stop blaming your mother for your problems. Lower your expectations or get use to TV dinners the rest of your life.
Maybe for you faggot, enjoy your empty fuckin soul.
Why do people think therapy is the answer to everything?
What can it hurt? Most people keep shit locked in themselves and stress over it. Therapy is the long boring process of doing some emotional organization.
Because at the current stage of humanity the best solution to problems of minds is therapy.
You dont say
>why is medicine offered as solution to every illness?
Now do you?
I know what's wrong with me, dude. Self-awareness isn't my problem, unless you can be too self-aware, in which case it is. It's too late for me to become a new person. When you're in your 30s your goose is proverbially cooked. Problem is that I get lonely, I see girls and want to be with one. I just it can't happen.
You're not self-aware at all if you think you can't change. You're just coming up with excuses. Absolutely nothing prevents you from improving because you are literally in the best decade of your life. In your 30s you are still young but also have life experience.
It's not excuses. Therapy isn't cheap, and I'd rather pay to hear someone tell me what they think I want to hear. I know I'm not boyfriend-material. I don't need some shrink trying to massage my ego.
>and I'd rather pay
Then work on your issues without therapy. But you need to stop lying to yourself. Quit telling yourself you can't change.
Therapists arent just ego boosters. Theyre trained to recognize what method of therapy will benefit you the most. They may realize that tough, cold scolding may be the best thing for you. Some wont even sugar coat it because they know you can handle it.
And what if I'm right? About myself? About women? About everything.
I can't speak for every incel but personally I'd love to just settle down with a nice, wholesome girl. But I think girls like that are a fantasy or not meant for guys like me.
who is this big tittied girl?
You're not right. But you are too afraid to change. Why don't you want to fix your issues?
I’m with you OP. I’m 33. Sure we can keep working hard as possible to change. But there’s a point in life where you can tell things are not going to work out. Not everyone gets to know what it feels like to be loved by someone romantically.
If you give up, try to find other things to make you happy. Happiness is all about not having expectations greater than what you get. Learn to be happy with what you have.
You're 33, not 73. You still have most of your life ahead of you.
>You're not right.
How could you possibly know that?
Because I have much more life experience than you. You can fix yourself if you want to. But it seems like you don't want to and want to wallow in self-pity instead.
>Because I have much more life experience than you.
Based on what, user?
I know myself better than you or any shrink could ever do. When you've lived with crippling social anxiety and body dysphoria for the best part of your life, there's no turning back.
Meaning you want to be a girl?
Thats gender dysphoria
>Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance
No shit. But there comes a point when you lose hope. Like if you’re playing soccer and there’s 20 minutes left in the game, and there score is 30-0. Sure it’s not impossible to come back from that, but if you haven’t been able to do it up to now despite your best efforts, it’s probably not going to happen.
When you get into your 30s people are really settling into having families and deciding what they are doing the rest of their lives. If no one wants me by now, it’s probably not going to happen. I have even less to offer anyone than i did in my 20s. Even the bravest most optimistic general has to be able to see when the battle is lost.
Love isn’t everything, and i need to decide what to spend my efforts pursuing. Stressing over looking for love that will never happen will truely make me miserable and has done. I’m better off just finding other sources of happiness.
That kind of girl is unfortunately reserved for alphas. Successful men whom every female wants to be with. Good genes, good social and emotional development, and high material wealth. Not to burst your bubble (which already seems burst), but you don't fit the bill, op. Sorry
Good day, op. It seems you are a wizard (>30yr old virgin)? Regardless, I'm 22 and feel the same as you. I can't or won't give you advice from a place of experience but I can quickly detail parts of my coping mechanisms and also my plans for when I reach late life virginity.
First of all, I'm obviously a virgin. I haven't had friends ever, no female interest, none of that stuff. My coping strategies are as follows: masturbation, nofap (these two alternate, obviously), deconstructing my view of women and then viewing them as disgusting or otherwise pitiful creatures who merely share the world with me (much like a dog or cat), and finally reading philosophy and other non-fiction topics.
The unfortunate thing about philosophy is that most schools of thought lead to either suicide or transcendence. I would do the latter but the only reason I haven't just killed myself is my family. Transcendence would require me to abandon my family, which defeats the whole point of my staying alive in the first place.
Now, I want to stress just how foreign the idea is that two people have sex together and female interest in general. Biologically I crave both but have gotten neither. It has left this weird mental hole in me that has partially been filled by I don't know what, but much of it is still empty. I told myself if I ever leave poverty I'll just hire escorts regularly but I don't think that's happening any time soon.
Sorry op. You are much further along than me. Visit wizchan and embrace it
What about me I already feel defeated I’m about 21 where I should be living my life to the fullest, you guys might not have ever be romantically involve but at least most of you can say that you have friends. The closest thing I could say I have to a friend is one of my cousins, the rest of my cousins just see me as that incel of the family, I’m literally worthless and pathetic I have no skills, contacts, or money to help me survive in the real world, I join the army to finish college and get my degree but now I’m realizing that a degree doesn’t mean shit if I can’t do anything
Pic related stationed in korea I have no one to talk to
You are delusional. There are plenty of single men and women in their 30s who are enjoying life. You literally think you are going to die old age in a year or two.
The real reason is that you are a whiny faggot who would rather look for excuses than actually do something. You probably have never asked a girl out or tried dating sites.
Because you have never asked a girl out in your entire life.
Ok? I know exactly why I have no sex. I'm not attractive nor do I have confidence to cover that up. I answered op's question about how to deal with this
Ok what happen if a girl actually say yes and wants to go out with him, what is he going to do impress her with all of the social skills he has accumulated from sitting alone in a lunch table, go back to facebook if you have such a great life
So what if the world is fucked and girls only like chads? Would you not try anyways before just giving up hope? What do you have to lose honestly?
1000s of men before you in your bloodline managed to have sex, what makes you think you can't?
I already know this, so why did you post it, if only to be a cunt?
>1000s of men before you in your bloodline managed to have sex, what makes you think you can't?
Not him but let's see, birth control and destruction of the family unit is something pretty new. One consequence would be that some "chads" stay on the market forever screwing things up for the rest in the long run. Another thing would be that social media gives women access to way too much validation and they end up thinking they are higher value than they actually are, and don't settle for anything in their league, until they wake up to reality. I could go on and on.
This resonates hard. Most of people telling me to get therapy are probably norms who can't relate to the situation. Most of my friends, cousins etc. are settling down, having kids, or at least have already. I'm not temporarily single, I'm incel. A hopeless case who cannot find a mate. It doesn't stop me wanting what I can't have tho.
More excuses. Anything so that you wouldn't actually have to try.
Just to clarify, remind you, and destroy whatever remaining delusions you might have had. Sorry bud
And you're an incel because you choose to be one.
>you choose to be unattractive
Almost how it works
No one chooses to be an incel. Just because some people have an easy time with girls, they assume anyone can if they put their mind to it.
>Hangups and issues with the opposite sex
Get off incel echo chambers, and meet people. You can't think your way out of these things. They change with time and environment. Try making female friends.
>How to accept being incel
I dont know, man. You said yourself the biology is working. Kind of going to continue to be a psychological need. Only suggestion is regardless of if you've given up or not you should be building a sustainable lifestyle anyway full of interests and social interaction. It should help you cope, or even meet someone.
>I give up
Well that's your choice, anyway. So whatever.
I didn't give up. Life gave up on me.
Birth control has been around in some form since around 1550 BC the fuck you mean its new?
The family unit can differ depending on where the fuck in the world you look or what time period you look at.
Sure girls would prob want to fuck chad, but you would fuck a hottie too if they wanted? If chads are staying "on the market" then doesn't that mean that its the average and below dudes actually being in relationships and having sex then?
If you genuinely want to get laid, you can put time and effort into doing so.
Even if there are chads out there, we still have the majority of non-chads still getting laid. How the fuck do you explain that?
Y'know man incel or not, whatever your problem, that's never really acceptable. You're responsible for your emotions and well being.
Yeah it sucks here, make something of it anyway. Best way to tell life to go fuck itself
>I could go on and on
Glad you didn't, this is all horseshit.
Best way to tell life to fuck itself is to positively contribute to life? Interesting
>Even if there are chads out there, we still have the majority of non-chads still getting laid. How the fuck do you explain that?
They're normies. I'm in the social freak category
What makes you a social freak? And why do you not think there are social freak girls out there? I am literally dating one right now, she is cute and really nice, but by all means is on the spectrum.
Why did you switch words? One chooses to be an incel.
Everyone who an incel chooses to be one. You choose to believe in incel teaching, you choose to never do anything that would result in you getting girls.
Who is this very attractive woman?
>Everyone who an incel chooses to be one. You choose to believe in incel teaching, you choose to never do anything that would result in you getting girls.
Do myths like this comfort you? What do you get out of believing pollyanna crap?
Are incels unattractive?
Like I said before, everyone walking around is a product of someone in their family line having gotten laid. In a developed country the amount of rape babies is low, meaning that for the majority walking around, they got laid one way or another properly.
If you think anything is different about you and the 1000s of men before, you are delusional.
It's already been pointed out there's modern inventions that hinder the average guy from getting laid. Putting that aside, I'm not a normie, so why are you comparing me to men who have got laid and made families?
Just rape someone and then go shoot up some place. We need more people like you to cull some useless humans.
You don't seem like you want to be convinced otherwise. Give up already and stop wasting everyone's time with this shit
I want to know how it's possible to stop craving female love and affection when you're resigned to being forever alone/incel/call it what you will. Nobody will convince me that I'm not one.
I’m the guy you responded to. I recommend therapy if you haven’t tried it. Life might be shit, but there’s no excuse not to make the best of it that you can. If therapy even helps a tiny bit it’s worth it. Don’t spend the rest of your agonising over being loveless. Concentrate on being as happy as you can be. Some people are more fucked that you are but are happier by finding the right attitude. Just try. It’s all you can do in life.
Which I responded to here which to to no surprise has no responses.
What do you think makes you non-normie and why do you think that non-normie people can't get laid?
Didn’t say I can’t be happy. But I shouldn’t expect i can attain a good love life just by trying enough. People can be happy without a love life. But you need to have your expectations in check.
You should do some research on the law of reversed effort. A book I'd recommend is 'The Wisdom of Insecurity' by Alan Watts
In the Western world, the nuclear family and traditional values have been dissolved. There is more promiscuity and no-strings sex, which ironically doesn't give incels hope. It just means the more attractive people are sleeping around more, and semi-attractive/average girls are pumped and dumped by chads.
Imagine paying a stranger just to listen to you bawww. I tried therapy. I felt a little cathartic after leaving but none of the advice stuck. The moment I saw a happy couple I was in bitter incel mode.
Are you saying that all these "average girls" are being cycled around by all the chads and just put up with being dumped everytime, solely based on the fact that they managed to get pumped by a chad?
Can you tell me how these values dissolving has lead to incels not getting laid? It doesn't make sense to say that more people are open to sex, but people can't get laid. You seriously believe that the majority of girls out there are going solely for chads and only having sex with chads?
The truth is that 100 years ago even with these "values" people that put themselves out there were doing so and getting laid, attractive people are not a new concept by any means. What changes is that because we have the internet, people that go out and do have any luck the first time, now can complain about it and create a complex with other people doing the same thing, rather than just going out and trying again.
Anyone got a name???
Men had a right to female partner in the past. Since the sexual revolution, third wave feminism, nanny state and internets, women no longer need men and have developed a heightened sense of entitlement. Therefore, you end up witu a majority of women targetting a minority of men.
If those female therapists wanted to help you, they would just fuck you/date you, kek.
Bullshit. So you are saying that before the 1960s people only got together because dudes would go out and say "gib me gf pls"?
So it helped a bit while you did it. Since you stopped you feel worse.
You do you
What modern inventions are these? Because modern technology has made it easier for everyone to get laid. It's literally easier than ever in history for everyone.
Why do incels keep posting lies like this? Young men and women are less promiscuous than previous generations. It is also easier for everyone to find partners.
Females needed men 100 years ago. Now they don't because they voted in politicians to steal men's stuff and life force. And yes all the whores think they deserve a Chad and will reject everything else. I had a friend who would fuck as many as three different sluts per day, many of them knew he was doing so.
You are far too deeply indoctrinated. You actually believe the complete nonsense and falsehoods that are the founding blocks of incelism. There is no way to reason with you, no amount of facts or logic will work. Literally everything you said is wrong but you refuse to accept facts and reality.
I'm basically saying women were less uppity in the past and more willing to settle down than they are today. Nowadays a lot of women don't want to be a homemaker and they no longer need a husband to depend on.
Dating apps have created a meat market for women to fuck the most attractive men. Validation from social media gives them an overflated ego.
No, to enjoy it. Take from it.
It felt good to get some shit out of my system but even when I was going regularly it never made a difference. I still felt bitter and lonely.
Yep. All women. Every single one.
Women aren't as sexual as men. A woman can happily be celibate until she finds a guy 'deserving' of her, whereas men are far less choosy, and will seek prostitution if they can't find a girlfriend.
>Men had the right to a female partner
They most goddamn certainly did not.
My Dutch grandmother was in an arranged marriage, (it also never went through because he was killed in the war before the marriage and she ended up running to Canada with a Swede who she fell in love with) that's because she came from a very wealthy family, and they still kind of did that. Only the rich. And I wouldn't call that a right, more of a priviledge bought with wealth.
Everyone else had to be interesting and/or useful. Just like now.
You have got to stay indoors on the internet talking exclusively with other people who don't know a goddamn thing about women or a very long time to actually think you're right about this.
Theyre every bit as sexual and sit on a spectrum. Some women are more sexual than most men, some are less, and vice versa.
They mostly avoid sex because most men are terrible at it and they don't get much out of it. Add that to the amount of extreme shame put on them for having sex and you have a repressed demographic.
Alfred Kinsey did the first major sexual behaviour survey in the mid 20th century. He found women were either extremely promiscuous, or totally sexually repressed.
He was very good at getting people to open up, and repressed women we're usually very "conservative" in their behaviour but would talk about how much they wanted to express themselves and couldn't for fear of the consequences.
That still happens. And it would be hard for you not to believe they're treated this way if you come here. Roasty, thot, whore, the words thrown around constantly here is why they're like this.
>A piece of technology has made it easier for everyone to find someone
>That means it made it harder for everyone
Incel mental gymnastics everyone.
You must be retarded. Online dating only benefits the attractive people and to the lesser extent the norms. Unattractive plebs will still be unappealing.
What do you base this belief on? What you are saying is objectively wrong. Online dating has made it easier for everyone to meet up and/or get laid.
Common sense. If someone is unattractive IRL, chances are they will still be unattractive online.
What are you basing YOUR claims on?
If you're unattractive it just means you can't get someone with selfies.
They want to have fun and they want a connection. If your pictures are funny, interesting or show you have a cool life, and your bio is appealing, you will match.
That's not common sense at all. If you don't find many women IRL who find you attractive then online you will have access to way more women, greatly increasing the amount of women who find you attractive.
>They want to have fun and they want a connection. If your pictures are funny, interesting or show you have a cool life, and your bio is appealing, you will match.
And you're a solid 8/10 looks you might have a chance of matching yeah
Option 1 would be to quit being such a miserable fucking loser and sort out your petty problems and go get laid like the rest of the planet manages to.
Option 2 is to just focus on things you can do. Your biological urge to bang every hot woman you come across won't go away anyway.
Travel, make art, do research, become the world champion of a video game. Who gives a shit. They'll all give you as much happiness as a chick.
If a guy is so buttfuck ugly that no women find him sexually attractive IRL, what makes you think anyone will online? Bearing in mind that any women in his 'league' will think they can do better?
>Your biological urge to bang every hot woman you come across won't go away anyway
Apart from chemical castration (which only seems to be reserved for chomos) is there anything you can take to inhibit your libido?
just focus on something else
do art, drugs, exercise, food, etc
bitches are fickle brah, you'd probably end up even more hurt
Just have a good wank every day and bang a hooker every now and then.
It's not rocket science.
Hookers are no substitute for real intimacy. I want a girl to sleep with me because she wants to not because I'm paying her. Oh well...