What does friendship mean to you? How do you think you should act towards friends and what do you think it is okay to expect of them?
What is a friend to you?
That entirely depends on you but for me I define and classify my friends like this:
>Do they have my back even when I'm being a retard?
>Are they around when life does not serve me well?
>Can they let loose and have a good time?
>Do they listen to my opinions and respect my perspective even if they dont agree?
>Are they not ego fueled brainlets?
If the above questions are yes I would give my life for a friend like that. I cant put up with a lot of bullshit from a friend if they fit the above questions. This may be naive but it is based on my anecdotal experience with friendships and may not be right for the next user
Yep, pretty much all this. Needless to say I only have 3 people that meet my criteria and 2 of them are online only.
Good friends are rare as fuck, cherish them and treat them well. Dont give people who dont meet that criteria your deeper friendship, keep them in shallow waters
>What does friendship mean to you?
>How do you think you should act towards friends and what do you think it is okay to expect of them?
I entertain them and make them smile as much as possible and I expect them to accept me for who I am.
That is interesting, user, please allow me to just ask you a question:
-What do you mean by let loose? Do you think a friend should just shut up, enjoy the good times, forgetting the harshness of reality and avoid meddling into their affairs, like for example, telling them they could be better off doing something else instead of being in a deadbeat job?
Do you expect them to just accept you without much thought? Even when you maybe are doing something stupid and they are warning you?
Would you be against your friends trying to make you improve your life?
Of course :)
I learnt too late that all friendships are not the same and not all the people that fall between acquantaince and close friend are not worthy of your hearing your inner most thoughts and feelings
Thats not what I mean, there is a time to console those struggling with reality and even the most amiable of anons get blackpilled. What I mean by let loose can be summed up as they are capable of having a good time, but I do not expect my friends to always be this way blackpilling is inevitable. Someone who dwells on blackpilling and refuses to try and change their outlook is not worth befriending because they become consumed in self pity.
Not him, but the person who responded to him agreeing with him
>What do you mean by let loose?
Not having to hold your tongue in fear of them leaving you
>Do you think a friend should just shut up, enjoy the good times, forgetting the harshness of reality and avoid meddling into their affairs?
No to all of those. Not everyone is going to have a 100% happy-go-lucky life and good friends are willing to talk about the good and the bad together. Good close friends are also often involves in each other's personal affairs.
>like for example, telling them they could be better off doing something else instead of being in a deadbeat job?
This part is worded oddly, but this is something a good friend should be telling the other friend.
>Do you expect them to just accept you without much thought? Even when you maybe are doing something stupid and they are warning you?
Yes and I would listen to them as long as they tell me directly.
>Would you be against your friends trying to make you improve your life?
No, of course not.
In other words, are you saying that a friend should focus mostly on having a good time, without shying away from giving them the black pill whenever absolutley necessary?
My main problem is, I have a character flaw in which I cannot shut up and stop telling people to do what I think is right for them, despite sensing that they feel okay as they are. I think I am very overbearing at times, and I can't really tell if I am being a good friend or a bad friend for letting them be.
Where do you draw the line with unsolicited advice/blackpilling ? When do you think enough is enough?
Btw, Thanks for replying mate!
I see, I my case though, i was mostly wondering when should one should stop giving unsolicited advice to their friends?
For example, imagine that I keep trying to make my friend improve himself but he isn't really interested in doing so, and feels quite happy being the way he is
Am I a bad friend if I accept his decision and let him be, or would that be what a good friend does?
And would you feel annoyed if they keep pestering you with unsolicited advice, whenever you feel good in whatever way that you are?
There's not really a predetermined cutoff for giving advice. There absolutely is a cutoff but it's different for everybody. The first thing to remember is that only they can truly help themselves. You can give them the tools and the ideas, but until they are actually ready to make those changes, nothing will ever happen. I spoke to someone like this and every time I would suggest something that would clearly improve his life, he would never do it. I ended up just talking to him less and less because the entire conversation was just him venting. He was a good friend but he was just never willing to improve.
Anyway, just know when to cut your loses by getting less involved. My rule of thumb is to only talk about these subjects you mentioned up to two times and if there is still an issue, actively refuse to talk about the subject. I've done it in the past where a friend will start complaining to me a 3rd or 4th time and I'll stop them before they get started and say "Oh no, we've already talked about this and I've already told you how I feel". Yeah, it might kill the conversation but it tells them indirectly that they need to actually do something.
hmm, it depends I suppose. I would try to reflect deeply on myself and my values, and try to see things from every angle.
If after that, I found nothing to agree with on their advice and they kept pestering me and not letting me enjoy our time together, then yes, I would be kind off anoyed and would have to talk to them about it.
Thanks user! You asking me a question like that helped me view things another way!
I am kind of a dummy for not thinking with empathy xD
I see, that helps me out a lot, thanks user! :)
I've thinking deeply about this issue and I am in a similiar situation and by only bringing up the subject 2-3 times, it relieves my conscience and then, I cannot do anything more as their friend, it is up to them.
That is a good way of seeing things. Thanks again mate!
As someone who gets in trouble because of my sometimes overbearing personality. I think its best to let people struggle with their own problems until youre absolutely sure they are wanting advice.
It sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
Thanks mate, take care!
friendship means to me both allowing the other person to fully express themselves and to find it both agreeable and ageeable enough to meld with them in a positive way through shared interests/hobbies/activities/other. you should expect about as much as youre putting in to be put out, give or take.
The only thing i expect of my friends is to be polite and kind. Thats IT. I NEVER expect, feel entitled to, or obligate them to do anything for me. They are their own person and i am happy when they are willing to spend their time with me. They have to treat me the same way, which is part of being kind and polite. They sound never feel entitled to my attention or time.
That being said, i follow 2 great mottos:
-treat your guests in a way that will make them hate leaving and will want to come back again
-serve people how you would serve jesus
I am always considerate of my friends. If my friend who likes jagermeister is coming over, then i will buy a bottle for him and keep it in my home ready. If my friend is coming over and is a vegetarian, then i will serve only vegetarian food. If they hate scary movies then we wont watch any. If they dont drink then i offer them nonalcoholic drinks and wont drink either. If a friend is low on funds and can only afford a small cheap christmas gift, then i do not try to embarrass them by gifting them an expensive gift. I will match their budget or make something handmade.
I always mark down their birthdays, allergies, and favorite foods.
I also try my best to take note of a friends stess coping style. Some friends like to vent, some want advice, some want to be distracted, some want to simply cry. Thats all okay. I am always there for them if they are there for me.
My close friendships are always mutual effort.
I make friends literally everywhere i go and people describe me as a social butterfly. If you leave me alone in a public place to go to the restroom, chances are i have already made friends with everyone in the same room when you return from the restroom. With acquantances and regular friends, i will match their level of friendship effort but wont go out of my way for them or message them first.
With close friends, i will always message them first or have already made plans to hang out again if appropriate.
That is pretty good advice mate!
I am your opposite, I do not have many friends, just about 5 that I know from childhood for 10+ years
Would you mind me asking you two things?
1- When do your newest friends become close friends to you, if at all? And how do you distinguish them? Is it just by matching effort level?
2- Do you think a friend should try to improve the other's life with advice or should a friend just accept them for who they are and just be there to have a good time?
To you, when is it appropriate to give a friend advice?
I have no idea. I have no friends and I'm not sure if I ever had any.
The only people that seem to care about me are people online that I've never met and never will meet in person.
you should honestly try to gauge these things on your own and see how YOU get a feel for it, I'd say I've met new friends who quickly became close friends because we clicked very well, that can happen to you, but it doesn't mean it necessarily will, just depends on who you meet.
You can provide advice from time to time but be careful depending on the person you're speaking to, if you think they'll get sore if you talk their ear off about how they should do this that and the other surely they won't take a liking to you but if they enjoy hearing your opinion or are asking for it or you genuinely feel like your advice would be great help then try to offer it in a good way rather than in a way that'll get them cross
A friend is someone you can rely on when it's important. Talking to someone and having fun is easy, but friends are there for you when it's not fun or easy.