35 yr old user here. been single and living alone for 7 months now. i asked the woman of my dreams who I've been dating for the last 5 years to marry me and she decided she didn't really love me 2 months after accepting the ring.
i respected her decision and moved out asap before the gravity of the situation really set in. I never got a real explanation why but i didn't want to pry and try changing her mind as i know you can't make someone love you. the goodbye was abrupt, ended in her running to the store while i packed the rest of my things. she hadn't made it home by the time i finished and looking around our home of 3 years now barren of any sign we ever existed. i left before i broke down and she came back and saw me in that state. I sent her a short and dramaless text leaving the door open if she wanted to talk again and a short goodbye, she never responded... how is it possible for someone to throw it all to the wind like that? all we've been through and done together for naught. it's hard for me to open my heart in the first place and this was my 2nd LTR in 14 years (previous relationship was 7 years). I know i need to get back on the saddle though i can't get over the past. how life was finally on track for once but I somehow managed to lose it all. Never once thought of cheating on her, helped when and where i could and generally tried to not be a piece of shit. for nothing in the end. waking up alone is starting to take its toll. i can't push myself to open up like that to someone again, building trust for it all to fall like a house of cards. I'm not ready and don't know if I'll ever be able to feel the same again after being shattered a 2nd time like this. what do i do?
Borked
Other urls found in this thread:
My ex who I had lived with for four years casually broke up with me whilst I was getting a drink of wine from the fridge and telling her how my university exam went.
Women can be fucking evil.
It's better to have loved and lost =^)
Time to get back to basics.
What are your non-negotiables in life? If you don't have at least a general idea of your personal principles, you might as well be dead. For me, I have integrity, compassion, and practicality as my non-negotiables.
I do my best not to lie to people, and to make sure that what they see is what they get. This is because I used to be a real faker and I want to get as far away from that as I can. It's also important to me because I hate liars with a burning passion.
At the same time, I will grin and bear it to keep other people from feeling the heat. I'm not the sort to burst a kid's bubble on Santa Claus unless I think the kid's ready, and I'll keep my head down during work if it's just me getting shafted by circumstances because this is what I signed on for- no job is perfect, and I've learned that a lot of managers aren't stupid, just busy.
I don't need a lot of shit. I don't need a new car every year or a new phone every year. If a woman constantly wants to take me out shopping because she wants new stuff, I can accept trinkets and things, but I'm not paying for over $500 worth of your clothing unless you're my wife or kid, dammit. Don't ask me to. I can get it when it comes to consumables (ex: 'I really want to try this new restaurant') but too much stuff bugs me on a primal level.
that's what you get for trying to pressure her into marriage by immediately asking the question instead of talking about it like adults, fag.
Are you me?
If youre a fit dude and looking for gf pls hit me up
I'm not really at a point in my life where I can 'properly' date a woman: No access to a car and little need for it, really demanding hours, limited paycheck, controlling managers. Though I appreciate the offer.
Follow-up: You know what, fuck it. Send me your info/method of contact. What could possibly go wrong?
damn I get ripped on one of these pull up bars every day I didn't think about the fact that I could kill myself with it
Imo, your problem is you waited too long. 3 years of living together before asking to get married? You were already married for many practical and legal purposes.
In your next relationship, tell them you're looking for a martial partner within the first three to five dates. Then in six months propose.
Do not move in with a girl until you are married. I've seen it fail a million times. It doesn't make any sense.
Why does moving in with a girl fail? Shouldn't you try it first before realizing "Oh shit she's actually unbearable to live with" before it's too late?
How old is she? High chance she's gonna regret it. Don't take her back.
You can see how she lives and spend a week or two with her to see if yall would be compatible, but by no means ever cohabitate unless you're married or engaged.
Don't listen to this fag, don't even begin thinking about marriage with someone who you haven't been for some years (at least 3-5) with, and lived together for a couple of them (2-3).
>she decided she didn't really love me
You are not me, but i'll stop it clear and simple here and move on.
That's weird as hell OP. Also because at your age most women at desperate to get married and relationships rarely get past two years without a marriage proposal. I believe you are not telling me the full story. Did you think she was getting ready to leave you and that's why you proposed? I have seen that move before, it doesn't work
Not OP but What a crock of shit. Love has brought me nothing but pain and stress.
But being in love is worth it
nah. imo the pain that comes from the heartbreak is 10 fold worse than the joy of love
Would a we need to talk have been better? Or coming home to all her shit just gone? A fight? Cheating on you? What's the right way to tell someone it's over?
congratulations, this is the worst advice i've seen here all day.
I think it was decent advice. Get a chick pregnant and she'll usually calm down and become good wife if you have your shit together and lead
my ex decided I was too young and free for him and dumped me for his ex, married her, was miserable, stalked me the entire time, kept chatting with me, lied about it, blamed me for it, got divorced, and is single and broke at 35 too. Still trying to stay connected to me but too cowardly to wven apologize.
just what I'm reminded of.
I guess you are still young and have the chance to make a change in life. If you aren't get into shape. If you are start training a sport. Learn an instrument or language. Travel. Even if you've done all of that there's still something to do.
And my advice is to let yourself be miserable and get the misery out and then slowly grow from it. People aren't worth feeling depressed over.
sorry to hear about that man. I'm literally wizard tier at this point and have never been in a relationship since I attract crazy dudes. If you have no history of anger issues, or personality disorders, and want a quiet life in the mountains or a farm someday, it would be great to meet you irl.
also pls be white,
also also how do you contact without doxxing?
also I have a job, money, and don't drive. I know how to but I don't currently need to. I'm pretty independent. If you're an introvert/homebody we would probably be the perfect match.
fuck off incel
I've only ever seen this idea fail multiple times.
Are you one of those national socialist trans-girls I've been hearing about?
She's gonna try with another dude or has been cheating.
Sorry to hear that, user, but at least she broke it off before you got married. I know a guy who was sort of in your position, but his wife took the opportunity to cheat on him and then wreck his finances in a divorce.
While going into a relationship to find a suitable marriage partner and only moving in after marriage are both reasonable things to do,
>Then in six months propose.
is a really bad idea. You don't need more than 3 years to decide, but 6 months isn't enough time to learn about your partner.
>spending a third of your youth on a single failed relationship
No. Also, cohabitation is *at best* inconsequential to marital success, while the fornication it encourages is a negative
>want a quiet life in the mountains or a farm
>pls be white
Based
Not that user, though. I don't want to get in his way.
As for contacting, you could try either discord or throwaway emails initially, but both of you should be prepared for the strong possibility of dick pics or related trolling, given where you are meeting.
yandex.com allows no phone verification emails for your throwaways
She could have just been bored with your routine. Sometimes I have just broken up with girls when I realized that the mystery is gone and what I have been dating is all that I will get. You have to move on, sometimes we get comfortable and once you get relaxed without changing it up once in a while will cause you to get stale, boring, etc.
You need to make yourself more interesting. Get fit, get hobbies, make your career an important subject. Be a man that someone wants to date by looking strong and being an interesting yet a pillar of security. I know that it's hard getting back in the saddle and getting older and older means less and less choices but you have years of relationship experience and understand how to be a boyfriend. The experience pays off in full once you get in the relationship.
Mostly you need to make yourself marketable and possibly lower your standards. Maybe date a cute mom, or date a woman that might be a bit uglier than your normal fair. You are 35, you are getting old. Still that being stated you have a few good years left but you really are midway through the candle and now time means money, relationships, career, and family. You really need to get off of Jow Forums and get a social hobby. Burn the candle at both ends with being social and active, you have about a good 5 years left before you become a 40 year old man that few women would look at unless you give the look of money. GET OUT THERE AND BE SOCIAL!
>>spending a third of your youth on a single failed relationship
If you know its a failed relationship you should bails asap, but without long periods of living together (cohabitation is a US legal shit, so civilized countries don't give a fuck about it) you don't know if a relationship is actual;y a failure, without it it might seem that everything is going fine.
>seen enough tranny gore on this site to redpill 100 normal people
lmao
no I'm not a tranny. just revealing gender because I've been a bit lonely lately because of some shit problems rn in my life. I'm mostly a loner but would like to have a nice bf at least while im still young.
>desperate enough to think there's a nice person on Jow Forums who won't insult me all the time
I'm pretty sure I've lost my mind
On the off-chance you're not trolling, don't reveal stuff like this here.
This site is filled with degenerates (either dumb Jow Forumsacks spouting 'colonized' memes or leftists eager to bash the fash) who would take advantage of you for fun. It would be hard enough if you're in a vulnerable mental state in the real world, but signalling it to everyone here is just inviting abuse.
Be very careful, and don't get into a relationship as a solution to loneliness. It won't end well.
Thanks for the advice.
Honestly I would just end up ghosting which is what I do irl just to keep myself safe. Even when I randomly meet people or look for work, it seems I'm a magnet for broken individuals. I will soldier on.
Thanks for caring user, hope your life is going well and that good things come to you.
line up and talk to multiple women at once...always have a plan B
Better you find out now than 2 years into the relationship and she takes half your shit.
Get a pet, it really helps with the loneliness early on.
Also hate to say it but she was probably cheating on you and wasn't planning anything long term after her "spark" has faded. I'm obviously speculating, but she was probably flabbergasted with your proposal, and said "yes" in the moment. Maybe she thought of changing her ways and committing to you, but we'll never know. Just try your best to move on.
No the fuck it's not. You're retarded if you think getting your heart ripped, shredded, and blown apart at a moment's notice and often for no reason is worth experience
This. I was stupid and listened to my ex put a deadline on me to marry her and I was only with this bitch for a 1.5yrs