Plase tell me how to get a friend

Find people at work/school with common interests.
Worst case, start off first conversations with people you meet with "So... um... I'm not so great at this 'being social' thing. I didn't get to be around many people as a kid. So if I seem weird or I accidentally offend you, I'm sorry. I don't to. So... uh... what kind of hobbies do you have?" People like to talk about themselves.
Worst case, they'll feel bad for you and try to include you based on that if you seem like a nice guy.
Just try to be nice and polite without being a doormat.
And dear gods above, don't be clingy and call/text all the time.

It can seem that god is a sick bastard user when you see the difficulties that we face and the tragedies that befall us. After eating that fruit we now must face the harsh realities and we must become greater in the face of them. God is waiting for you to ask for his help in overcoming these trials and tribulations.

*don't mean to

would've hugged you op

I know where she hangs out. She's kind of pretty, Not really my type but I don't really have a type. Should I have sex with her? I know she has a boyfriend who is a cuckold and likes that she has sex with other men. If she wasn't a whore I would like to date her myself. She's so nice and lots of fun just to talk to. We talked a lot before she offered to have sex with me for money.

All the girls I work with have boyfriends, I know an older man I work with is gay but I am not attracted to men. I think he has a boyfriend too but I am not sure.
Should I try this with random women I meet next school semester?

Do I really have to go to church? What if I mess up? I mess up a lot.

That means far too much to me. I wish I was as good of a person as you are. I mean this honestly, you are good.

Finds someone at work or school. Or just go on tinder or a dating sight and put I just want a few friends. Or if you have some one in your family that smoked weed just ask if you could hangout and smoke a little. It’s a bonding experience and if your not a horrible person to smoke with maybe you’ll be able to hangout some more
Boom friends

I bet op is poisoned enough by the spirit of evil that he's an unshowered, cheeto encrusted, neckbeard. One would have to be exceptionally meek to endure that hug.

Probably would’ve ended up dismembered in black bags under his bed too.

1 & 3
1: No, having sex will only temporarily cease the pain with a quick shot of 1 dimensional pleasure. It will not help you and you'll feel even worse later when you look back and think "im so pathetic I even only lost my virginity because I bought a prostitute."
2: you don't have to go to church or do anything. I'm just suggesting something that will help you with more than just your lack of friends. It will feel really weird most likely because of how alien the spirit there will be to you, but if you stay steadfast to your goals they will be the best friends that you'll get. Don't be intimidated either. Most people there are constantly fighting the same demons that you are they're just used to it and constantly ask god for help in the conquest. Of course nobody there will talk about it for the most part but on occasion; in small groups especially when you're ready for small groups; you might run into a discussion pertaining the root cause of your issues. Here you'll be able to find human support for your situation.

aside: As you transition from your only friend being the nice prostitute to having some good church bros let her know how things are going. I'm sure she'll be really happy for you.

forgot to talk about messing up part. Don't worry bro you would have to mess up really bad. Just to be safe though start with a far away church instead of a close one.

I am too afraid to put myself out on Tinder.
A coworker offered to smoke the marijuana with me this November. I think I might take him up on it. The drug is legal in my state, which is nice I am scared of breaking the law.

I am evil. I shower and shave though. I wish to look good just to make the people around me happy.
I get sad when people say I have a good voice. I don't want to be envied. I think about ripping out my own throat a lot.

I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm evil, I've accepted that, but I still refuse to cause an innocent creature pain. A rat got stuck in the door of my garage. I wiggled the door to let it free instead of crushing its neck. I know it's vermin but I couldn't kill it. Humans are less than innocent rats but I don't want to hurt them either.
I have a gun. I fantasize about killing a criminal with it. I wish there was a punishment for evil. But I am evil. Should I kill myself? My instincts say no but rationally I should take my own life.

1: Ok.
2: Ok. One of my coworkers is friends with God. I'll ask her what I should do. She has a boyfriend which makes me sad. One day I asked her out to lunch just for fun and she said she'd have to ask her boyfriend. I didn't want to date her, I just liked seeing her happy. She's so beautiful when she's happy.
Aside: Are you sure? I think she only spoke to me because she wanted to profit off of my desperation. I know that's mean to say but she is very poor and has a lot of bills, medical and stuff. I feel bad for her.

Wait, how far away? Emotionally or in miles? Measurements if possible. Should I talk to the churchy girl at work about it or not?

In miles. just a couple of towns would be fine. I mean, it's only necessary if you're possibly going to do some extremely weird shit. How do you think you might fuck it up? Well have to iron this out before I can say anything concerning your coworker.

Just last week I got the highest I've ever been in my life and I couldn't stop crying. It was really scary, my thoughts made zero sense.

> I'm evil, I've accepted that
I dunno, the rest of your anecdote looks pretty based to me.
The biggest fuckup on your part is paying a whore (although even that was excusable, since you didn't do anything besides a hug). You also need to fix the self-harm fantasies.

I am so weird I don't know when I am being weird. My only measure of weirdness is how much I am filtering my own words and actions. I think I have autism but am too scared to see a therapist.
Ok. Next Sunday I will drive. I will leave so early in the morning nobody can ask where I'm going. I will make a pilgrimage for a God I don't really believe in. Just like the olden times. Or am I projecting? Did they have pure faith?
Iron me. Ask me any thing. I will provide if I am sane and secure enough to do so.

Are drugs good? What drugs?

I wish I was strong enough to hurt people. I wish I was as evil as I wish I was. If that makes any sense. I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. I know who I want to want to be and make far too many decisions based on that. My heart is beating like a drum but my blood is running cold. I taste it on my teeth like rum and coke with too much iron. I am scared of how I sound too, don't worry.
I just hear my name and want to puke. It's a biblical name if that means anything.

You probably won't need to go all that far. I would rather immediately assume the worst of you so that you wouldn't get fucked over for trying to go to church and then cranking one out onto the bathroom toilet seat and then people in your town know you for being an uncontrollable perv. If you can maintain a job you'll be fine though. I should note, it'll be tough but you'll probably have to church hop to find the church that sings the least. I don't really care for those singing churches so it's hard for me to find a good one. Basically if you can keep from talking about sexually perverse things, racist things, and violent things, then you'll be fine to go to church with coworker and she'll help you really get into the flow of things. It's really starting to seem like you're not nearly as bad as you make yourself out to be. It's fine to view it as a pilgrimage and hey, i wasn't a believer once either. I actually had to adopt the ethical beliefs before I was susceptible enough to the messages to actually convert.

Pertaining to your last statement. Only the weak in mind, body, and/or spirit want to hurt others. It's necessary as a weak person to lash out before others can hurt you. It requires strength to be kind for it puts you at risk and the strength is necessary to not be hurt by the few that lash out as you try to help them.

I'm not all that bad on the outside. People assume I'm normal for some reason.
I think I can control my selr but it might be better to start at a remote church initially.
I am weak. I have hurt people before.

it's ok user, god is quite forgiving to those that wish to repent, just know that repenting is more than simply asking for forgiveness. It's trying to fix the things that make you that way and the lord will help you if you only ask. If you start to feel lost just take a breath and look around you. You'll see how all of the negative and depraved behaviors lead to nothing but ruin and how positive and virtuous behavior lead to a life blessed by the lord.

Are you sure God is real? I have seen some horrible things no God should allow. Do you account for the Epicurean argument that God is either evil or impotent, or do you ignore it?

I should mention as well about the issues of corrupt preaches and bad christians and stuff like that. I wouldn't just blindly believe interpretations and what these people say is correct. You're an independent mind and the only way you can progress is through your understanding of the text and of the world. Church is just a really good place to meet more good people. I can say that I have very good reasons based in real world outcomes for believing that the core tenants of christianity are correct. I would only worry about that for the time being.

well for me, I had what most would call a dream that was unlike any dream that I've had before while I was still as far as I can tell was awake. My lecherous behavior and past sins seemed to have caught up to me and I was in the midst of being locked in terror of what seemed to be a demon darting around in my room. It's ill intent was easy to feel. With tears in my eyes from the fear I asked god for forgiveness and the demon was gone, I shortly was able to get up after that, got a drink of water, and had a wonderful nights sleep. Believed ever since though I may have trouble staying on the path from time to time. This was after I had figured out that the ethics of christianity essentially in totality were correct. I go with the argument of might is right, there is no objective good and evil, only reality. Since god is the most powerful, god is right. It's kind of circular logic in this portion but the virtues that god proposes are correct which is proven by the outcomes that they generate but they only generate those outcomes because they're right. You won't get very far practicing these virtues for the outcomes. It's only when you embody the virtues for the virtues sake is it that god will reward you. One way to consider the reason for this is simply, if you have wealth and power with only the practice of the virtues and not embodying them, the temptation and responsibility of such things will crush you and bring you immediately into satans temptations once more with even worse consequences. It seems a common theme that when god takes from his subjects it's because they are lacking and in this loss, with humility and the help of god they are able to fix what they're lacking, and then god gives them everything back with interest.

Me again. You asked for advice on friends. You need self-confidence to get women interested in you. Work on yourself first. You can't fill the hole in your heart with people. Doesn't work that way.

A further note on this question. We have ages of philosophers working diligently to codify ethics with logical structures. Either, they've had to do as mathematics and have axioms which don't even have the weight of mathematical axioms because they're not nearly so obvious or we end up at the point that nietzsche comes to which is exactly where I state gods will in neither good or evil it just simply is and because it is it is right.

>Epicureans
Peak degeneracy; they were hedonists before hedonism was a thing