Lately I've felt like there is no personale reason to live. I got people in my life but I still feel so alone and the last 14 days I've tried to find just one thing that means something for me. I feel like everything I do from breathing to anything else is something I do because of others. I know if I left this world I would hurt a lot of people and it would be a selfish thing to do, but again this makes living a thing I do for others not for myself. I feel like im empty inside I used to have dreams and things that made sence to me at the time but now I feel like I can't find anything that I want to do for me. My gf and I broke up and in the beginning i thought that I wanted her back and that she gave me the feeling of wanting something but that disappeared as well. So now I don't even care if we find together again at some point. I really wish to find just one thing in life that makes me want to do things again for me and give me the feeling of anything making sence to do because i want to for myself and not others. It's kinda hard to explain but please feel free to ask questions if there is something you need me to clarify i will be watching the thread and hope for some advice.
Lately I've felt like there is no personale reason to live...
Come on, man, you've got your epic videogames! And the internet! You're not alone. Also, have sex
I've been online since the 90s and Internet and games are both great time consumers but It still does not give me this thing that im looking for, and im not missing sex at all. Thanks for the suggestions though it's much appreciated. I know that I got friends and family that I can visit but it only reminds me that i'm alone.
My biggest fear is, that one day I will no longer do anything for the sake of others.
Im no psychiatrist or physician assistant. It does sound like you have depression though. It’s sounding like it could be the chemical imbalance kind of depression. Do you have the insurance and energy to go and see a psychiatrist or doctor?
Yeah I got free healthcare but my doctor would just prescribe me some anti depressives which i had before. They work the same way like Internet and games though it takes my mind of reality for a while but does not remove the feeling of emptyness or give me personal reasons to do things. The chemical unbalance is also something I thought about, i thought about taking some 5htp to see if that could make me happy again.
Meds alone aren’t the cure all. Did you ever see a counsellor in the past? Meds+counsellor is really helpful. And when it’s safe, being open about how you’re feeling with those you trust really helps.
No there was no talk about counsellor i was at the doctor she sent me to a psyciatrist he wrote me some pills I took them for some time then decided to stop because there was no reason to continue. I talked with my ex gf about how I feel and she says she doesnt believe that I feel nothing for anything and that I don't got anything that makes me happy anymore not even getting back with her. She also keeps telling me im not alone but I don't think she knows how i feel inside or she wouldnt say that.
I’d suggest finding a really good counsellor. It’s not easy finding one that ya mesh with but simply taking meds isn’t going to help you feel better and improve.
I'm not sure that is a thing here but I will try and find out. Im just afraid that if i talk with anyone i will get same response i got so far which is that im not really lonely and that I can just visit friends but doing that just reminds me im lonely. Its like no one really understands this hollow feeling i got inside of me.
Trust me, I’ve experienced this. You feel like a shell of yourself, don’t you? It’s an awful feeling that sometimes leads to numbness?
Yea that's exactly how i feel, like an empty shell just getting up from bed doing things for no reason other than to it and i feel like i lost myself i can think clearly though so it's like im trapped and forced to watch myself in this state and I try to think on things to change it but nothing i does works.
It’s like watching yourself from above, detached? It was like that for me in the past.
The other day I spent 10 hours painting a wall white with this. Pic related
It feels like mt body and soul are split up and my body does all the things it does on autopilot and I just watch while it happens and I see others look at me like they are sad but they don't tell me they are.
Yeah. I’ve been there. I was fortunate enough to be forced to hospital by someone I loved and have been taking steps ever since with my psych doc and counselor and meds and the support of my family to get through things. It hasn’t been easy but it’s been worth it.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that you are worth it to keep moving forward to find what you need to feel yourself again. Fight for yourself. Advocate for yourself. Be frank and honest with your ex/gf.
I try to make the days go faster so i can go to sleep because only when i sleep i dont feel the emptyness but i dont get a lot of sleep. Plenty of Netflix in the day though.
Sounds like you’re just existing. Is that what you really want?
Im happy to hear that you are doing better and got help. I hope I will some say because as I mentioned in a earlier post I am scared of myself and my thought of stopping to do things for others because it doesnt matter.
No i really want to live again. That is why im still here
Thank you. I try to appreciate the moments I’m having and enjoy them because at any moment my stability can come crashing down even with all of the careful planning and self care I do. That’s the nature of this bipolar disorder.
I struggled with not wanting to do things for myself as well. I had to learn my self worth that I have intrinsically. It’s alright to only want to live for others right now. Just don’t stop striving to want to live for yourself as well.
But at the moment excisting is better than not excisting and people in my life keeps telling me im not alone but that doesnt help me out from where i am. So i guess im excisting and crying out for help but they listen they just don't hear me.
What do you believe you need from your loved ones?
I don't know maybe acceptance that what i feel is actually what i feel instead of hearing them say no i dont believe you have it that way just to begin with. Its like they don't see this is real for me.
What if you were honest with them and told them how you really felt? Just like you told me?
I did that but I only got a response that it can't be true and that I just need to do stuff. So i did and do but It does not help me so far.
Then it sounds like it’s time to find support elsewhere. Do you have access to a counsellor in your country? Do you have medical services to help you out? I only suggest speaking with a counsellor because it really helps me. Maybe it’d be beneficial for you as well.
I don't know if there is something like a counsellor here but I will try and find out.
Depending upon which province you live in you can find them on google pretty quickly. Usually they post reviews too. Best wishes to you user.
Thank you for talking with me and the advices take care user.