Why is it that the intensity of my emotions causes discomfort in friends? They advise I say the things I'm thinking and feeling; but when I do, they're uncomfortable. Is this intensity unattractive to people? Do I need better friends?
To the best of my (and three therapists') knowledge, I am neurotypical - and according to friends and family, I'm a pretty personable, compassionate guy. I do not have bipolar or borderline personality disorder. I do, however, suffer from complex PTSD due to abuse. If I had to characterize my emotions, I'd compare them to Dostoevsky's more manic-depressive characters: possessed both by a great love for all people and a great hate for myself. I feel like a man out of time; that this passion has no place in a world where human interaction is becoming human transaction. I've removed words like "love", "fever", and "despair" from my vocabulary, and I don't discuss my passions in detail because I'm often met with what I'd call "the look".
To be honest, it sounds like your friends are ill suited to you.
I'm an emotionally intense person, and sometimes ya just gotta find your tribe.
Don't try to change yourself too much or you'll end up depressed
Liam Barnes
And if I were going to self-diagnose: my low self-worth from being abused causes me to believe that others are inherently "better" and "healthier" than me, and that therefore I must suppress my emotions and passions in their presence. I am attracted to people whom I believe have interesting qualities, but would never accept the possibility that I am interesting or worthwhile.
Austin Young
I think this is good advice, but I'll admit that I need to build better self-confidence if I want to form friendships with people I respect. Because I'm intimidated in the presence of very intellectual or charismatic people, it's a bit of a double bind. But I think that recognizing that the friends I've made recently are only all too human has liberated me a little bit. Maybe I'll be better at it when I have the chance to do so in a month or two.
Austin Foster
Just be yourself, but unironically. If you truly believe that this is who you are, you will eventually attract or be attracted to people who resonate with you.
Don't compromise yourself.
Oliver Taylor
This Don't be friends with passionless people.
James James
youre probably just a unique kind of person that a lot of people dont get but passion is the best quality for a person to have. like dude this post is so fucking funny, keep being yourself brother. girls especially will love a person who talks like that. youll find your people, just keep a positive attitude and be kind to people and keep being your FUCKING self and the universe will reward you.
Joseph Sullivan
It’s unattractive to some people for sure. For example I would not want to hang out with you as I already had a few friends in a similar situation and when I try to be empathetic it ends up taking a toll on me since I’m not able to detach myself from my friends problems and it ends up making me worry too much and drains a lot of my energy. So now I avoid people like that. But you can always find people who don’t have that problem.
Matthew Adams
Honestly I find people like you fake and draining at best. I knew a few people like you. You mask your lack of hobbies and actual personality with OH But I aM so InterEsted in DEep Philosophy and OtheR peopLeS Psyche, you'll talk about your snowflake personality all the time and when people want to have a conversation with you about anything you'll somehow redirect it to be about you.
Ditch your friends who "don't understand you" because chances are they don't even like you and are trying to get away from your clingy ass but you're too autistic to take the hint.
Ryder Evans
This may come as a shock, but not everyone is a good or worthwhile person. You sound like someone who needs to love themselves more, but not be an asshole like posted.
Adam Wilson
Sounds like it’s just a poor fit for the people you deal with. I’ve been in the same place before.
If you’re emotionally intense, you’re probably also very empathetic, something that less people these days seem to comprehend. For a few years now, complex/intense emotions are automatically considered a negative thing, and dissociating from them has become the social norm. People (especially who are in their 20s) expect you to always be chill, suppress that kind of stuff and to not show it when they’re around you. Being in your feels “isn’t cool” to a lot of people nowadays.
The only real options are to either drop those kinds of people or just accept those friends for what they are. You need to surround yourself with those who are more in touch with their emotions like you.
Ryan Watson
>Empathy I'm definitely empathetic, which can be problematic when I'm with people with, well, problems. For example, I'm attracted to damaged women because their emotional intensity is interesting to me - even though I realize it's unhealthy. If a friend is emotionally overwhelmed, I'll immediately attend to them. Yet I don't allow myself the same sympathy - I'm often ashamed when sad or distressed.
>Lack of hobbies No. >Lack of personality No, sorry. I have, however, stopped discussing the hobbies that would otherwise identify me as some sort of pseudo-intellectual. Mainly reading and film; most people will still discuss social issues under the right circumstances, however dispassionately. I'm guilty of this too, though. I feel really repressed.
Dominic Rodriguez
Thanks, this is valuable advice. One of my friends has advised that I express my emotions more, but when I do he's visibly uncomfortable if it isn't something positive. On one hand, I'm hurt that he isn't there for me; on the other, I understand that I can be confusing and draining to deal with.
Ryder Allen
>you will never have passion >you will never be some young buck reading Dosteovsky, loving and despairing >you will always be dead
This thread makes me want to end it in jealousy. You have something going for you man
Zachary Sanders
When you say you're passionate about what you talk about, do you mean that you come across as aggressive or vindictive? Is this stuff the only thing you seem to talk about?
I have a friend who can't help but relate literally everything he sees to his political view and it makes him a fucking bore.
Anthony Martin
> great love for all people So great that he couldn't stay faithful to his wife.
Evan Parker
No, I wouldn't use the word aggressive. I have firm ethical and political beliefs, but I'm really referring to way I express my emotions, thoughts about art and media, etc. I actually avoid discussing politics except with people who are willing to be open-minded and measured.
Brayden Gonzalez
I don't know if I'd think of it as an enviable condition. I'm as human as anyone else. I'm just much more prone to despair or ecstasy, and I find it difficult to communicate that to other people.
Daniel Young
You do realize that these types of things are confined to books for a reason. Nothing works out that way in life, especially in the lives we lead in the 21st century. Everything is capital, including people.
Bentley Diaz
>I could post examples if it helps explain. Yes, please.
I'm not sure if it's just because of the whole self-worth problem but so far you still haven't fucking explained what you mean beyond comparisons with fictional characters.
How do you display the intensity of your emotions?
