>parents died when I was young and left me a trust managed by father's lawyer >used some of it to buy a house, otherwise left it un-touched >tell gf that I have a mortgage to pay >get a quarterly cheque from it that I just deposit into a savings account >once a year get an account review to keep me updated with how the funds are being managed >got a high paying job after uni, most of that money is being funneled into my start-up >been with gf for a few years now, she keeps droppings hint at getting married but i want to wait until my start-up is on its feet >few red flags, but gf does wish she had the Instagram lifestyle but she understands I don't like to waste money >most of her pay is spent on going out with her friends to clubs/parties and she has no savings >going to Japan for Rugby world cup, decided to splash a bit as I haven't had a holiday and booked myself in 1st class >GF somehow found out about this, must have read my e-mails and leads to an argument that I'm wasting money >pretty much says "Why are you wasting so much money for a fucking flight and not spending any money on me?" >arguments leads her to finding my payslips and one of my quarterly cheques that I didn't take to the bank >thankfully everything else is in my safe >Argument gets worse as I don't want to tell her everything, she says if I don't tell her the truth about it all we're over >say she should probably leave
It's been silence from her since Saturday. I love her, a lot, but I've also seen how terrible she is with money and what kind of life she wants. She wants to be in a club sipping £10,000 glasses of champagne. I thought she'd grow out of that phase but it doesn't look like it. Is it better to just walk away?
Yeah, don't enable her persuit of mindless luxuries by sticking around.
Christian Roberts
Take a look at your trust fund. The moment you marry her, she can divorce you for whatever reason and take half of that, plus your house, on a whim. And by the sound of it, she seems like just the kind of person who'd do that. Dump her.
Angel Foster
I get it's difficult to see things from others' point of view, but this should be obvious.
She's fine with you not spending much money on her when it seems like you don't spend much money period. But if you're willing to do an occasional splurge for yourself, you should also be willing to do the same for your significant other.
Likewise, it's entirely possible that she's more upset with you not trusting her enough to tell her the truth than she is with you not spending on her. From what little she's seen of your finances, she could very well think you're actually off living the fancy life when you're away from her - the one time she gets a peek into your personal receipts and you're flying first class to Japan for the Rugby cup.
Just sit down, have a talk like rational adults, and let her see your financial situation in entirety. Show her how frugal you are on a daily basis and that this is a rare case of indulgence. Explain that you want to be careful with your inheritance because it was entrusted to you by your parents. Talk to her about what you see in her as expensive tastes that you don't want to encourage, then get her side if the story.
Fuck. 90% of the problems on this board that aren't "tfw no gf" could be solved with a candid discussion.
Gabriel Harris
ungrateful. if she wants to leave because you wont give her money fucking let her, that shits not cool
Owen Fisher
i mean you should text her and tel her you still wanna be with her but is all she wants is a sugar daddy youre not obligated to give her that
Zachary Reyes
>she can divorce you for whatever reason and take half of that
I live in the UK so we don't have the American court systems for divorce. You also don't split assets brought into the marriage, only those that are built during the marriage.
Jordan James
yeah this guy is right actually.
Jace Hughes
Just block her number. “I don’t know you.”
Daniel Perez
Wow these financial problems are like a daydream to my nightmares.
jesus christ user you dodged a fucking bullet right there skip her and go on
Joseph Allen
>telling girls you have money sure way to lose it all.
Kevin Nelson
It was wrong for you to deceive her. You were clearly hiding your financial circumstance which wasn’t a very cool thing to do.
That being said, it’s not like you owe her any of that money or would have spent any of it on her anyways, so she shouldn’t be upset about it in that regard.
She didn’t “miss out” on anything, it was just a little deceptive of you to hide it in such a serious relationship. Obv you don’t need to disclose that kind of thing right away, but 2 years in? 3 years in? You sit down and have a mature discussion, and say what you’re comfortable with in regards to spending.
What was your plan when you were to get married? We’re you going to keep separate accounts again and hide it, or would you have told her?
Anyways it’s not like you did anything super wrong. If my boyfriend hid some substantial financial circumstance (whether it be debt or wealth) i’d Be upset, but it wouldn’t be a reason for a breakup. He’d just need to show me I can trust him again by being open.
Landon Evans
Having a gf who throws money around at clubs is never a good thing even if it isn't your money, dump her.
Logan Wilson
It's the same here, these guys just don't know that.
James Long
Why do I get a feeling of deja vu at seeing this thread?
Lincoln Diaz
Bad bait is a nightmare in itself
Nicholas Cruz
t.roastie He clearly said he saw a ton of redflags. You really think those kind of chicks are going to care about a frugal life if they figure out about his trust fund? No they'd be spending even more recklessly
>She wants to be in a club sipping £10,000 glasses of champagne. Op ask yourself honestly if this is the kind of thing you'd do and if you wouldn't well you're just not for each other
Kevin James
>I can trust him
Isn't that a two way street? Trusting each other? Men being overly trusting with money is a sad tale repeated too many times across history. You don't hear sad tales about men being careful with money. OP may require a much longer amount of time to trust a woman with that knowledge than a woman thinks is enough time for her to be trusted.
Gavin Lee
Think about why she wants what she wants. She wants your money spent on her. I think this is the biggest red flag and you should turn around and run. Love is caring more about the other person than yourself, or at least equally. She shows that she doesn't love you as much as she wants your money
Lincoln Ramirez
This user gets it
Justin Watson
This user also gets it
Carson Cruz
What you have is none of her business, she's not entitled to one cent of jt. Drop this gold digger before she ruins you.
Nolan Bennett
>But if you're willing to do an occasional splurge for yourself, you should also be willing to do the same for your significant other. No. I bet she doesnt splurge on him for shit.
Aaron Rogers
>She's fine with you not spending much money on her when it seems like you don't spend much money period. But if you're willing to do an occasional splurge for yourself, you should also be willing to do the same for your significant other. Sounds logical >Likewise, it's entirely possible that she's more upset with you not trusting her enough to tell her the truth than she is with you not spending on her. Completely delusional. >Just sit down, have a talk like rational adults, and let her see your financial situation in entirety. Okay you just want OP to lose his small fortune. Why do you have to be so bitter that someone has what you don't?
Blake Gomez
>pretty much says "Why are you wasting so much money for a fucking flight and not spending any money on me?" Dump her
Adrian Brooks
You're an idiot. It's even worse here than in America m8
Zachary Peterson
>pretty much says "Why are you wasting so much money for a fucking flight and not spending any money on me?" Dude, she thinks you're an ATM. What are you doing with her?
Brody Howard
>girlfriend (not married) >has no savings >wants to live the glamorous Instagirl lifestyle >wants you to pay for it >bitches about you not paying for it >bitches that you’re not dipping into a trust fund left to you in your youth that you’ve kept well managed up to now
user, I sincerely hope that for your own good and for the good of your future, you stop planning on marrying this shameless bitch and leave her now.
Here's an alternative perspective user. Thought experiment. Imagine you always pay for your girlfriend's shit. Then one day you see her taking flights and living lavish on Instagram or whatever. You wouldn't wonder why she was representing being broke the whole time?
Brayden Jones
She stayed with op even though she didnt know about his secret dough. Logically, we can conclude the issue is the fact that he lied, not that he didn't give her the dough.
Justin Phillips
you should be the judge of that. if you have been dealt good cards and have a strong feeling that those cards are what she's interested in then walking away is the good thing. you might worry about it because you say that you really love her and you've been together for quite since time. After a long while in a relationship you might just not be able to imagine yourself with someone else and fear future loneliness if you walk away. try to isolate this factor and make a proper judgement. it hurts so bad when you love someone more than they do so try to ensure that. if you're sure you love her more then you're just walking towards a nightmare.
good luck with it all man. it isnt easy and all decisions will cause pain and problems it seems.
Jeremiah Sullivan
Your girlfriend has what's called narcissistic personality disorder. Google it.
Sebastian Williams
That's not how it works user. You read too many internet horror stories. She can get half of the assets accrued during the marriage. Anything he has beforehand is his.
If he got married and then got his startup going, yeah, she might have a good pick at that. But not his trust fund or his house.
Colton Bailey
Nay, he mentioned he’s had a well paying job and saves while she has no savings
What you’re saying could be true. But just as much so, it could be that she sticks around because of the fact he has a high income and a home he’s settled into and has his own business in the works. This is a girlfriend, not a fiancée or a wife. She is not entitled to know all of his financial assets, particularly one he has had and left relatively untouched since his youth.
From what OP has described here, it sounds like she wants him to be a provider for her while she goes out and parties, lives a lavish lifestyle, while not building that life for herself. The fact that she’s upset over a trust his father created only adds to this. If this relationship continues, there are many similar issues and red flags that are foreseeable.
Christian King
Op didn't say he played broke. He said he doesn't like wasting money. He owns a house, he has a high paying job. I'm positive she's aware he has money. But then she wants him to pay for her Instagram and club life which he won't do because fuck that. And then the argument started because he flew half way around the world for a rugby game which is obviously important for him and it's HIS money which he manages very well.
Guaranteed the argument started because she thought it was fair he wouldn't pay for her lavish lifestyle, but he would pay for his own once in a blue moon international trip with his mates. No, forget that, user. She sounds like textbook narcissistic. she wants everything, she thinks it should be given to her, she loses her temper when it isn't. Fuck day bitch.
Noah Gutierrez
You don't seem to understand a single thing from op.
His gf wants op to spend money on her, when she already burns all her own money on frivolous shit with no concern for the future. Doing what you suggest would be the worst possible outcome, not only setting up op for ceaseless whining from his gf that will demand extravagant dinners and expensive trips, but also taking away what incentive his gf had to actually grow up and learn to handle finances.
The best you can do is to explain to her in no uncertain terms that if she wants money she has to learn how to handle her shit like an adult and not waste it like a Neanderthal on whatever feels good for the moment. If she doesn't you will never have a future together.
Xavier Jackson
Yo pretty unrelated and I'm not the guy you replied to, just funny... I'm 3% neanderthal, which is 90th percentile, and I'm not great with money. I mean I've been doing great for 2 years now but I'm 32 so it had to click sometime.. Anyway I chuckled at your "spending like a neanderthal" comment.
Christian Perez
Everyone in this thread can feel free to go back at any time, thanks.
Lucas Myers
B8?
Joseph Bailey
Not knowing either of you personally it is shitty to keep secrets in a longterm relationship. You say you love her but don't even trust her. It's insulting. And she didn't even know about your money so how is she after your money?
Just giving perspective. Not defending her lifestyle.
But reverse the genders and all these paranoidcels wouldn't even bother to reply to the thread.
Jose Flores
I'm guessing this is bait, but I'm bored.
>most of her pay is spent on going out with her friends to clubs/parties Why would you give this whore any of your time to begin with? Dumb richfag.
>"Why are you wasting so much money for a fucking flight and not spending any money on me?" Holy shit, run.
>reverse the genders Almost never happens. Women don't date down as a general rule, and it's rare enough to find independently wealthy women in the first place. Even in the hypothetical, the guy would be a fag, not only for spending like an idiot, but for being so emasculated and useless as to need a woman to bail him out.
Dominic Clark
I understand a lot of things from OP.
First off, I understand OP is an unreliable witness in his own situation and has failed to even sit down and have a conversation with the girl on this matter.
We don't know what's going on with them, we only know what OP says is going on (which may or may not be the same thing as what OP thinks is going on).
So I suggest he have an adult conversation with her and figure out what they both want and whether they can get it with each other. Don't be so quick to assume OP actually knows the circumstances as well as he claims.
Benjamin Collins
>>pretty much says "Why are you wasting so much money for a fucking flight and not spending any money on me?" ahahahahaha
I guess you have two alternatives: - teach her about money, i.e., make her understand that shit doesn't come from trees, and she has to save for herself; or, - tell her to fuck off
Colton White
you didn't even read the OP.
>She wants to be in a club sipping £10,000 glasses of champagne. I thought she'd grow out of that phase but it doesn't look like it. Is it better to just walk away? OP is implying that she's been wasting money (a lot of money) for a long time already.
Gabriel Butler
Yes, and all we've got is OP's word for it.
Telling him to sit down and talk to her doesn't mean he should stay with her. It means he should talk to her and figure out what he wants to do, because he's not going to get anything but anecdotal arguments and generalizations from a Polynesian thaumaturgy helpdesk.
Kayden Myers
m8, people get used to their social status. I guess rich people and women in particular have a hard time leaving their habits. have you ever been in such a situation? ever tried to understand the psychology of it? IMO, she won't change, unless she gets a hard lesson from life.
Connor Evans
My dude, you in danger.
If she want to address why youre not public with money, do so. Show her with proof, eg RECEIPTS, that her spending habits are bad. SHE does not get to spend YOUR money and she should not expect to. Even when married she should be clearing all major single purchases (>200$) with you.
Tell her that the trust fund is your parents ashes. If she STILL wants to spend it, shes messed up. Reconsider your decision to keep her.
>But i love You are dependent. You can love a good woman as much as a bad one. Pick a good woman. Market always open.
Grayson Kelly
Walk away. I have considerable amount of wealth and have really no issues finding women who are more down to earth. I do live fairly modest, guess that helps
Charles Torres
Please user walk away I know it’s hard but It’s the best option, really.
Levi Wilson
Trust funds are set up to be removed from such liabilities. Op. Your father set this up so you could have a quality of life unreachable by most people. The capital he has left you are the keys to you establishing your dreams. Put yourvgfs feelings aside for a moment and think of your late father’s. Imagine the disappointment he’d feel seeing you waste such a gift on essentially pussy, rather than seeing you create a structure that makes you happy, enriches your life further, employs dozens maybe hundreds of people enrichening their lives as well and making the world just better than what it is. If you want to throw all that away for a wet hole and a complaining hole be my guest, but your father would be beyond disappointed.
Dominic Lopez
Absolutely not. Please OP, this may sound reasonable and I know it is more attractive to try and salvage this relationship so this post will look even sweeter, but this girl will destroy you. Here is what will happen:
>you explain the situation >she is initially angry but quickly warms back up to you >she turns into the free blowjob machine for a few months >life is great holy fucking shit >user let's get married I love you so much, you're amazing and smart and your dick is the perfect size >get married >she does a complete 180 within a year >never in the mood for sex >gets fat >comes down with "illnesses" and can't do anything for herself >spends exorbitant amounts of money with increasingly flimsy excuses >you fantasize about suicide but sunk cost fallacy and the memories of free blowjob machine keep you going >she either bleeds you dry and leaves you eventually or divorces you after the first year and takes at least half of it anyway
Her behavior in response to this sudden realization is damning user. Please please please listen to what I am saying. It sucks and it's scary and you just want things to go back to the comfort they were, but you can't and I am sorry.
Evan Young
dude you literally said it yourself that she wants to just live the instawhore lifestyle through your finances
holy fuck, you're setting yourself up to give HALF of your DEAD PARENTS money to this whore. are you comfortable doing that? because that is the exact path you are headed down by staying with her.