>ask girl out
>yeah, I would like to go
>date comes closer
>so about the Friday
>haha I just realized that I have something haha
>different day?
>yeah...ehm..I have something too haha
Plain and simple 'no' would be nice but these false hopes just destroy any confidence I have. I haven't actually got any other experiences then ones like these.
Literally just tell her "Hey, if you're not interested anymore, just tell me. Totally fine, just don't want to waste my time."
Thanks. I will probably do that next time. But I would like something to fix my confidence. My female friends are always telling me that if I want girlfriend I just need to be confident. But I am a bit shy and having only experiences like these doesn't make me any more optimistic.
Been there. Got that exact response from girls for years in my early dating experiences. I know how much it shakes your confidence to continually have this happen, particularly in the formative stages of putting yourself out there.
Trust me when I tell you the following things because I've lived them.
1) It hurts now because you're not used to rejection, but this is helping you build up your tolerance for it in the long which is an ESSENTIAL life skill as a man who has to put himself out there to get women. This just comes with the territory. Experiences like these are how you, eventually, learn to let this shit slide off your back and more importantly, engage with the opposite sex in a way where it's palpable that you aren't attached to any particular outcome. The confidence you're seeking is the ability to be totally comfortable a prospect with a girl materializing into something or petering out into nothing with no real mind for either situation. When it's clear you can take her or leave her, I promise you this will happen FAR less.
2) You don't want a girl who does this shit anyway. That shit is how immature girl deal with problems. You want the person who is comfortable telling you openly and honestly where they stand rather than string you along.
3) Just reiterating my last point in #1, this will improve with time. Just keep doing what you're doing. This is practice and you're doing exactly what you're supposed to do: failing, learning, and growing. Your miles ahead of most dudes on this site who don't even try.
Other user is right, just keep going. Rejection seems bad at first but later you realise that it's better to get rejected than not to attempt in the first place.
>Plain and simple 'no' would be nice but these false hopes just destroy any confidence I have.
It's a protection measure, to avoid the scary parts of rejecting dudes.
>hey wanna go out
>no thanks
>why not?
what is she supposed to say, that she's not attracted to you? fine.
>I'm just not attracted to you...
Protip: nobody hears that and just says, "okay thanks," and walks away. If you don't start fucking raging at her for being an entitled cunt, the interrogative why WHY WHY continues
>why?
>idk....I'm just not
>no, why? let me know so I can be better
>please idk
>come on, I just want to know how I can be more attractive in the future wtf is your problem why are you being such a bitch about this blah blah blah
until it becomes those classic "nice guy" screencaps.
ghosting is better for all parties. ALL parties, including you. She doesn't have to deal with you being scary, and you don't have to sperg out and have your chats posted on social media or be escorted out by the bouncer. Rejection will always suck, but it's way better now.
>he gets rejected
How's the weather down there, bud? I'm just joking with you. I'll send one of my side girls your way when I'm done with her tonight
Thanks, bro. Really helps. I am gonna keep trying. But I need to combat these feelings in inadequacy because I am already 22.
no, this is how the interaction should go
>so how about friday?
>haha I just realized that I have something haha
that's it. she doesn't get a text back, it's done and you move on. don't even waste time bargaining.
You just delete her number and move on.
Oh fuck off. Most guys are well adjusted and don't react like that at all.
I've had women just tell me "I don't think this is going to work out" and that is so much better than not getting a response.
The women who ghost just lack empathy and don't care at all about the other person's feelings.
You don't do anything, just say something in the lines of "alright, no prob, see you around" while being fully aware that it's not going to happen. This is just how things work, they usually won't directly reject you and you need to accept that.
>these false hopes just destroy any confidence I have
Why would you even have big hopes about a girl that you're asking out for the first time? This just shows that you lack confidence. Rejections like that shouldn't affect you much. You sound too invested in finding a girl.
>You sound too invested in finding a girl.
That is most people who neved had girlfriend. I tried as people sad not caring at later years of high school because 'it just happens'. Resulted in nothing.
>>date comes closer
>>so about the Friday
You are doing it wrong if this is true, dont be pushy, be fun.
Now on the issue, if you treat her right when you invited her, treat her right when you split out.
expected outcome to OP following this: getting accused of "entitlement"
by people like
Who are bitter and hate men
>thinking you might get a chance to at least practice the base-level social skills involved is "big hopes"
He didn't say he was planning to fucking marry her. YES a social opportunity, even a small one, is a big boost to someone without much in the way of that, with a commensurate letdown when someone teases it in front of you then yoinks it away at the last second. Work on your perspective and ability to empathize.
>confirming a scheduled activity is "pushy" or "not fun"
She would have also stood him up if he said nothing at all. You're being naive.
There's nothing at all polite about passive-aggressive conflict avoidant failure to communicate. It's rude as hell and does nothing but hurt the person more- it's selfish and gross.
You are clearly bitter you put forth no effort in finding a girl and that no one put any back into you, so it just goes to show you fundamentally misunderstood the concept of what a relationship, dating, and courtship is. Im sorry you were failed but the sooner you get over it the better.
No, don't misunderstand but I can't make sense of it.
>you do you, man. it will just happen
>it doesn't happen
>maybe you should put some effort
>start trying (which is basically asking few girls out)
>wtf? you are trying to hard
There's three steps, the first is the easiest just put yourself out there. You'll know if someone is interested by their body language just be careful how you read it. Then you try to make a conversation and try to hit it off from there. It's harder than it sounds but you'll understand eventually. You use looks to get someone's attention and then use your personality and life to get that person to stay around your circle. If you're not confident enough about how you look try to get to know people, some might give you a chance.
When people say "be yourself" what they really mean is that when socialising with people (if you never do this then "be yourself" is very useless advice) you shouldn't be trying to impress them or trying to achieve something.
Relationships, romantic or not, are supposed to form naturally because personalities complement each other.
The idea is also that not putting on a facade gives extra confidence which helps more with getting people to like you.
It's obviously not very helpful advice for people who struggle with communicating or forming bonds though.
Is this coming from a single person, with life experiences similar to yours but a good bit older then you? That you trust and otherwise has a good track record for setting you straight? Or would the mystical "they" that they keep talking about be some random ass dudes who dont even know your middle name?
>ghosting is better for all parties. ALL parties, including you.
so this is how sociopaths cope with themselves, it's all for our own good.
>Is this coming from a single person, with life experiences similar to yours but a good bit older then you? That you trust and otherwise has a good track record for setting you straight? Or would the mystical "they" that they keep talking about be some random ass dudes who dont even know your middle name?
I have heard it from friends, older family members and even some older women in my old part-time job.
Heard what? All of those things? From all of those people? They sound borderline schizophrenic with how you describe them. Were you trying to hard? Why do you want a girl in the first place?
Becoming a sociopath yourself isn't a good response to the knowledge of sociopaths out there.
If ghosting was
>hey wanna go out
>no thanks
>why not?
>No more contact
It would be fine.
But this isn't what people do or at least what people are complaining about.
They are complaining about people agreeing to go out with someone and then never show up or respond to them after that.
Obviously someone gets hurt if you starts to criticize every single superficial thing you can think and he is being needy and demanding to know why, why and why.
Rational men know that women who don't like them can't give them advice in how to get other women, but not all men are rational.
Some think a woman will give them insights into what women are and what they want and will therefore use every opportunity to learn. The instinct isn't malicious, but a "no" followed with silence is enough to stop this.
>But I would like something to fix my confidence.
so does the 95% of the rest of the male population.
but yeah, is basically the most right.
It's actually nothing. If she doesn't respond or keeps rescheduling/flaking, that's FINE.
Because obviously you've been talking to at least four other romantic prospects that you can make plans with.
Just act like, it doesn't affect you at all. You aren't waiting on her. You are living your life and if she ends up somehow involved in it then that's cool, but it's incidental
That or you can ease up on the question and you should get the idea right away if the other person doesn't want to do it. I'll never ask anyone out directly unless I'm certain that person looks interested in the first place.
I ghost all the time
I like to put bacon in my asshole while I sing the american national anthem