Mental Health/General Advice

Firstly, I'm not a doctor so I can't give you medical advice. Secondly, I've been working in the mental health field for 15 years as a crisis counselor, case manager for the county and program manager for a foster care agency providing supports for 40+ patients. If you have any questions concerning any aspect of mental health in life or relationships I'd be glad to give you my opinion.

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How do you prove to people that you are not depressed when they think that you are?

Depending on the relationship you have with these people it may be prudent to acknowledge that they've taken notice of a tangible change in your behavior. If multiple people are asking you if you are depressed it may be worth looking into even if you don't have any kind of diagnosable disorder. Like I said, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with these people and whether or not their actions could qualify as intrusive or not but the point is that if multiple people have the same perception of you its worth exploring and you don't have to agree with their assessment of you to do it.

The specific context is that I used to be depressed and now I have to convince them that I no longer am, because I'm not yet they treat me as if I still am.

I have a very unhealthy reliance and dependence on people, and it ruined my last relationship and makes friendships hard. I hate being alone but it makes me feel so weak to constantly annoy people and shit. I bottle up a lot of emotions because it seems that even when I do decide to try and talk about it people dont care or disappear, is it me or have I just not met the right people?

Then I would have a very honest conversation with them and lay out your boundaries. People with mental illnesses being treated like they're made of porcelain by the people in their lives is a very common issue, user, particularly between children and parents. I think if you really value these relationships you should sit them down and first assure them that if you ever feel like you need support that you'll reach out to them and involve them in your life but also let them know how always being treated like a "depressed person" makes you feel. Let them know that constantly being viewed and treated like you're broken isn't conducive to your mental health or your recovery. If your treatment for depression has truly been successful then you'll have a firm grasp on the tools and the support you need to lay down these kinds of boundaries for the people in your life. If they truly care about you they'll be receptive.

>is it me or have I just not met the right people?
I believe the issue may be that the act of using people to abate loneliness and other negative emotions is inherently dehumanizing. People often have a keen sense for when they are essentially being used as tools and not being appreciated as individuals. I'm not saying that this is a malicious act on your part but obviously there is something in you that uses the presence of other people to fix something that they apparently aren't able to fix. I would highly suggest seeking counseling and/or utilizing some methods of processing these emotions in manner more conducive for maintaining relationships. What I mean by this is instead of using people as the sounding board for your unmanaged emotions you find another vessel to contain these things. For a lot of my clients it could be things like art, song-writing, bike-riding, journalism, exercising. The whole goal is gathering as many coping mechanisms as you can so the people in your life aren't the only ones. It takes a lot of pressure off of their shoulders which in turn makes their relationships with you more personally rewarding and less of a chore. The best way to find out why this loneliness is so pervasive for you and how to address it is through counseling.

And I hate that idea, I really want to appreciate these people as people but it seems like a broken cog in me hates the idea. I always wanted to hear of other peoples issues you know, but if I even dropped a bit of mine I knew I was putting a lot of baggage on them. I know no one wants that but it feels nice having them to rely on? I don't know, I hate feeling selfish in an emotional kind of way, I just always feel like if I'm there they would be there? I know that not the case, but it feels like I keep ruining and alienated people because I'm too much to handle. Hell my longest relationship I hated, either because when i was supposed to be happy I wasnt, or she didnt want to hear about my issues anymore. That may be a side topic but it still resonates with how I feel everyone else treats me.

Maybe I do need counseling, I just really dont know how to find one

It seems as though you really depend on a lot of mutual emotional dependence to feel secure in a relationship. It seems like your logical brain and your emotional brain conflict quite a bit and you have a hard time discerning the things you feel like you need with the things you know you need. It can be difficult sometimes, particularly when you are consciously aware that the subconscious patterns you are drawn to are dysfunctional or undesirable yet still feel powerless to avoid them. Your biggest challenge is going to be marrying both worlds - the things you feel you should do and the things you think you should do. Willing yourself to feel or react a certain way isn't going to work so the only way to really address this issue is going to be developing different patterns that make this transition a lot easier. If you have insurance you can always go through your provider to locate a counselor in your network and if you don't you can always just google counselors in your areas and call them up. A lot of offices work on sliding scales and allow you to pay session by session. Even if you can only afford to see someone once or twice a month I think you'd really benefit from having a consistent outside perspective of your issues helping guide you in the right direction.

Do you believe in repressed memories? I recently uncovered memories of being raped by a neighbor and have trouble accepting it. The details of the encounters I was able to recall line up with an actual, real person. This having happened would make sense in the grand scheme of my life. But what the fuck?

ONE NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

>Do you believe in repressed memories?
Its quite common at early ages. The fact that its also connecting a lot of dots for you in your personal life is also a fairly good indicator. I think your best bet would be to immediately seek the help of a professional who specializes in sexual trauma. Sexual trauma at an early massively impacts our brain's development. I don't think you should under any circumstance attempt to deal with this revelation on your own.

i am severely anxious whenever it comes time for me to leave the house. i always spend a couple hours getting ready even if all i’m doing is making a quick run to the convenience store. if i’m going out somewhere with friends it doesn’t bother me, but going out by myself always makes me extremely nervous to the point where i might have a panic attack. do you have any tips to help me not be such a pussy about something as simple as going outside

>Its quite common at early ages. The fact that its also connecting a lot of dots for you in your personal life is also a fairly good indicator.
I'll go ahead and trust them then

I actually was going to a therapist who specializes in sexual trauma for something else that happened later when it came to light

I'm so angry I want to die. At what point do you kill yourself just to stop the bullying? It's everywhere, even online where I'm anonymous. It doesn't make me feel any better just because I can hide my identity. People have made me feel so worthless despite all I've tried to do.

I'm addicted to self harm. Help me stop the urges.
I also have ptsd. Hobby ideas?

I'd recommend going back and working through this new revelation together. Unraveling all of these memories is going to be very difficult and you could use the support.

Self-harm is a manifestation of your inability to process inner conflict. Human beings excel at externalizing and cutting yourself is your body's way of externalizing the internal pain you're unable to process. The urge to self-harm won't significantly dissipate until the inner pain that drives you to do it does. You're going to have to find another method to release the pressure valve, if that metaphor makes sense. Talk therapy works really well but if that isn't an option right now mindfulness exercises are a great way to stop and check in with yourself. Sitting in feelings and learning to confront them will end in better results then running straight to your negative coping mechanisms. If physical discomfort helps alleviate your pain then I may recommend running, hiking or some other kind of exercise. I would, however, still recommend getting treatment of some kind because the things I've suggested are merely addressing the symptoms of your core issue and I would warn you against replacing one addiction with another.

Just to get a better idea of where you're coming from can I ask if you've ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?

Thank you so much. I've scheduled an appointment with a therapists office. Sorting out a workout schedule as well. Thank you for helping and not mocking me... It means more than you realize.

Of course. I'm glad I could be of some help. I sincerely wish you the best of luck. If you see another one of these threads pop up please stop by and let me know how you're doing.

Dealt with the effects mental illness my whole life , lost alot of close friends to suicide and drugs. Threads like these make me happy , i wish i was more versed in the field. I helped my girlfriend through extreme mental health issues and now she has mostly all of it contained. ( my moms a clinical physiologist, so i always talked to her first before i gave advice )

But i love this thread , keep it up m8

I will be sure to do that for you. Just know you seriously helped someone today who was truly looking for an answer.

Anytime, user.

Thank you! I throw up one of these threads every few weeks when I have some free time and the response has generally been really great. I'm happy to do them.

so my depression is gone but my emotions still are disabled, what do?

>my emotions still are disabled
What do you mean by this? How does this manifest itself?

when I had depression it killed all my emotions now the depression is gone but I don't feel/give a shit about anything

What did you do to treat your depression? Paint me a picture - what were your symptoms and life like when you were depressed and what does your symptoms and life look like now when you're not depressed? What is different now as opposed to when you were depressed?

I'm stuck. Depression and anxiety, poor self esteem, no confidence, fear of intimacy, scared to talk and be myself, scared of being seen. all stemming from abusive childhood (Verbal, threats etc)

I can't really do anything with my life at the moment, I can't start anything, no idea what I want to do with it etc. I just waste my life in front of the computer, i've been trying to get therapy but it's not going well, either I don't connect with them or they say they can't help him and I get sent to someone else, usually on a large waiting list (im in the uk).

Any advice for me to help my self do things? Any good books? Anything I can do to help me tackle any of my issues? I can't rely on therapy and I have no support or help, it's just me.

I feel like my mental stability is deteriorating but I think I am ok. I've never had anyone to tell any feelings to, so everything is bottled up hoping I don't snap one day from suppressing everything. I come from a broken family full of alcoholics and wife beaters. Some label me an alcoholic, I also have a violent past and drug abuse. Now that I have my life on track I still live repressing everything. My question is what are the repercussions of continuing like this. I know snapping is one but I have extreme self control so I don't think that would happen and if it does not many will see because I would keep it to myself, I've gone like this for a good 10 years how much longer can I keep this up? Also will being in an abusive relationship (I'm not the abusive one) exacerbate this situation?

The first thing I would say is that therapy can be a very arduous process. Therapy is only as effective as what you put into it and if really being open and communicative is an issue for you then I understand why therapy hasn't been as rewarding as you would like.

The best advice I can give you is to look at anxiety and interpersonal dysfunction as an issue that needs to be attacked from many fronts. "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" is a book I recommend a lot of my clients for learning how to address the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Obviously if you're depressed I recommend seeing a doctor because chemical supports can be extremely helpful but in every other aspect of your life anxiety and fear need to be addressed from all sides. You have to develop a life and habits that discourage your symptoms. Meditation, diet, exercise, mindfulness techniques, yoga, deep breathing, self-care rituals - all of these things contribute little by little towards reducing your anxiety levels and putting you in a place mentally where you actually can get the most out of therapy and can feel like you're beginning to look at your issues through the lens of objectivity instead of panic and desperation.

If you absolutely have to rely on yourself then the first thing I would suggest you do is pick up the workbook I suggested and maybe a few others that pique your interest and really sink yourself into the process of developing mindfulness and health habits. A big part of this is going to be getting up from the computer and deciding that you've had enough. Nobody can give you that motivation. It has to come from you.

I can communicate in therapy but I get scared of talking to new people etc. I speak really quitely, don't make jokes etc, it takes me ages to get comfortable with people. Some of it has to do with me not having anything to show for my self.

I'll take a look at the book thanks. I have some meds, ssris, and some anxiety pills. Haven't taken any yet as i'm worried about side effects but I do have some.

I have nobody else, so it's not really an option. It's either me or hope I get a good therapist.

Thanks for your help.

My friend of nine years have killed himself. I don't know whether I feel something, but I know what he's been going through with his mental issues (schizophrenia). I wholeheartedly respect his decision and what I could wish is to his death to be painless.
I feel that in spite of the fact he stated that I was the only one who he would write to and notify, I am guilt. I spoke too much about myself. I think I should have paid more attention to him. Although I gave him an advice, called him out to speak, I recognize now it's probably not enough and I should have been more considerate. I knew his family, and so far I never had a friend such as him.
I'm empty, but deeply inside I awe him for his courage to end his life. Even now it sounds extremely selfish.
Please. I don't know.

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>My question is what are the repercussions of continuing like this.
Its hard to tell. Some people snap. Some people endure. Some people, instead of snapping, slowly crumble beneath the wait and go out with a whimper instead of a bang. Its difficult to predict. What I will say is that it is most definitely not doing you any favors. Addiction and mental illness like depression and explosive disorders often go hand in hand so, right off the bat, I'd say staying sober is a pretty surefire to ensure that your substance abuse issues don't exacerbate any underlying ones. How long you can last while completely emotionally stifling yourself is not something I could tell you but the fact that you're aware that you can't live the rest of your life like this is an indication that you have to do something about it.

>Also will being in an abusive relationship (I'm not the abusive one) exacerbate this situation?
Again, its hard to say. A lot of people who grew up in abusive households tend to reenact this same kind of abuse in their relationships because. despite the fact that it seems incredibly counter intuitive, the human brain often attempts to manage trauma by recreating it. Being in an abusive relationship may, at the very least, exacerbate your control issues. It'll give you someone to fix. It will give you some kind of chaotic force that you need to control and manipulate. An abusive relationship may or may not exacerbate you in physically tangible ways but my guess is it will most likely continue to reinforce your bad habit of seeking out people that recreate the trauma you experienced as a child.

Hi Dr.
How differentiate between lack of motivation and anxiety?
This encompasses everything. From pursuing women to hobbies.

Bump

Nice seeing you posting here again, have a free bump.

How do you get over wasted time? I'm 29khv, never worked, no friends, etc. I have mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, etc. Abusive childhood.

I have wasted just over ten years now doing literally nothing, i'm worried about starting to do anything because I think it will really hit home how much time i've wasted so I don't start, I just can't get over what i've lost.

How can I better manage anger? I get it from my mom's side of the family and grew up having problems with it myself. Usually I struggle to say no to things because if I start to get slightly firm it quickly spirals out of control and things quickly get physical and I greatly regret it. As a result, I try to avoid social situations and sources of conflict as much as possible because I'm scared that one day I'll go too far and either get in trouble with the law or have my reputation ruined. As a kid I use to get frustrated and get into physical fights all the time but as I entered my late teens I became more patient and began coping by withdrawing from people instead. However, it comes at the cost of having a social life and pursuing goals that require conflict. Any advice I could use?

How to make better long term relationships and friendships with aspergers? How to not get taken advantage of by others without completely isolating myself? Thanks m8

>never had a gf
>no friends since 2012
>minimal contact with parents
>more or less no hobbys: just tv
>everything is just a blur
Why am I doing this to myself?

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So in other words I seek the pain. Because it's all I've known. Makes sense, my only true mistake was putting someone else's happiness over mine. I feel that's why I'm on this position. Thanks for the advice though. I just plan to wing it till I can't anymore. I'm not one to commit suicide too easy and painful for others but stopping a mental breakdown is a whole different story.