Okay so three years ago I broke up with my long-term boyfriend on the day his grandfather died I was unhappy in the...

Wow! There really is no coming back from that one

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It's not a grudge if I think you're simply a bad human being and do not want to engage with you. Why would I want to welcome back into my life someone who has proven to me they have no regard for my emotional well-being?

I didn't know he was dead it was a very sudden death his grandpa was okay the night before

user, I'd imagine it would fucking hurt him to spend time with you. Either out of a sad disappointment, a yearning, or the sting of betrayal.

Maybe he blames himself. Maybe he thinks "If I had done things differently, could she have been happy in a relationship with me? Maybe if I wasn't so clingy, or if I was more perceptive of her needs, or if, or if, or if..."
Maybe he blames you. Maybe he thinks that you gave up on him too easily, or that your issues with intimacy could have been treated by therapy, you didn't have to leave him. Plenty of introverts are perfectly happy in relationships.
Maybe he blames the situation. Maybe he's sorely disappointed that it had to be this way, that your introversion shows itself in this way, that the way the fates aligned gave this state of being to you, that the timing had to accidentally be so terrible (I assume that you didn't know his grandfather was dead until you had already sent the message.... right?).
Maybe he feels betrayed that you would be so cold and cruel to not do this face to face or at least over a phone call, on a day that was already so painful for him. Now these are paired- when he thinks of his grandfather's death, he thinks of you, and when he thinks of losing you, he thinks of his grandfather's death. Regardless if you knew of his death or not, these painful memories are linked, and he will be reminded of BOTH pains when he looks at you.

Basically you suck ass OP. Stay the fuck away from him.

You didn't even break up with him in person. I can't say I blame the guy, you unknowingly made a hard day even harder. Move on.

No sweat, im not judging you

Jackpot!!

>He wasn't a bad boyfriend I just need a lot of space idk I'm not really suited for relationships too much of an introvert

there's nothing wrong with that, but everyone else is right.

you were way too short sighted if you wanted to maintain a friendship with him. Expecting him to be open to friendship now is....really glossing over things

the fuck is your problem?

bad timing on my part
i sent the breakup text impulsively after waking up from a nightmare about us getting married, which we did plan to do at some point but which I slowly came to realize was not a lifestyle I could handle
this was at 8 am and his grandfather died at 6
he was 93 years old, and even though his health had been a roller coaster since he was 88 or 89, he'd been doing okay for two or three months before he suddenly died in his sleep

Whyy would you wanna be his friend

Don't bother him.

There's nothing to salvage. Are you currently out of a relationship? Are you hoping that you can maybe try to weasel something out of him because you feel lonely?

You're still immature and the fact that you made this thread demonstrates you'll only go on to hurt his feelings should he be stupid enough to give you a chance

>poor impulse control
He is better off without you and further more you aren't entitled to his friendship and nor is he obliged to ignore past trauma because you don't want to be sad. Fuck off from him.

Why are you revisiting him now, after all these years?

I don't have any ulterior motives, he was the closest I've ever been to anyone outside my parents and I just feel like reconnecting
Feels like fate was fucking with me to give me that exact nightmare, prompting me to send that breakup message, at the worst possible time
Believe me it's a cold and sick and dark memory for me too, not just my boyfriend
August 4th 2016 is a day that will blow down in infamy

You just sound like you're trying to stir his pot and make him upset for some reason... Maybe you should just leave him alone

God no
Like what the fuck
Why would I try to hurt him
If he really hates me I can back off but he's a good person and hurting him is the last thing I would ever want to do
I never even fell out of love with him despite breaking up with him, my Avoidant Personality Disorder just won out in the end, but I never stopped loving him in a girlfriend kind of way

Ewwww you sound like an emotional rollercoaster type of girl, like the type someone invests into but cuts off for entertainment

My boyfriend joked once towards the end of our relationship that he couldn't remember a single day during the five years we'd been together that I didn't cry lol
They weren't always sad tears but I am intensely emotional and pretty much just daisy chain feels of euphoria, sorrow, being moved by something beautiful or sad, etc
its exhausting and I wish I was calmer
desu I wouldn't mind giving a relationship or marriage a second chance because I do love him but not having any alone time makes me feel trapped and I go crazy(er)
AvPD is so horrible

You sound like a terrible person to be with, stay out of his life because he's better off without you

Fuck he dodged a serious bullet

Why do you say that
I'm emotional but easy to get along with, I have AvPD not BPD lol

Is this bait? If not, you need a therapy.

>Why do you say that?

>he couldn't remember a single day during the five years we'd been together that I didn't cry lol
>I am intensely emotional and pretty much just daisy chain feels of euphoria, sorrow, being moved by something beautiful or sad, etc
>its exhausting

Gee no reason in particular

Get therapy instead of torturing that poor boy. It sounds much more like you're autistic than anything.

Holy kek based roastie lmao

Leave him alone. He doesn’t owe you anything.

he always told me that my depth of feeling was one of the things he loved most about me. he said that my passion seems endless and that he enjoyed becoming lost in it.

Should have been you that died.

Tell him this

what

even if hypothetically nothing else happened to ruin his day, breaking up over text is really low. if I were him, I wouldn't want anything to do with you either.

what the fuck girl, you dont just do that, no doubt why he doesnt want to be your friend

From how i have seen it, you can not be friends with anyone. No matter how hard you try.

Yeah, you're a pretty shit person. I would never do that to a gf even if I was unhappy. You could have waited a little. The fact that you think that there is a chance to fix this shows how little you think of his feelings.

I'm introverted as fuck and I still wouldnt do that to someone I am with.

You said you sent the breakup text two hours after he died. Did you know before hand he was died within those two hours before sending that text or did he tell you he died after you sent that text?

lol leave him alone what the fuck

You need to stay away from him. You are toxic as fuck. I would hate to be in a relationship with you. You keep making excuses for your shitty personality. No one needs an emotional bitch like you.

Imagine expecting forgiveness after ruining someone’s already destroyed life

She said earlier that she didn't know he was dead, and that Grandpa's death had been stable for a while prior to that before suddenly dying in his sleep. It was bad timing; she's as much of a victim as anyone (except for the grandfather, anyway).

if she had made the effort to break up with him over a phone call at the very least it probably could have been avoided

>I never even fell out of love with him despite breaking up with him, my Avoidant Personality Disorder just won out in the end, but I never stopped loving him in a girlfriend kind of way

> I wouldn't mind giving a relationship or marriage a second chance because I do love him

After reading the thread it sounds more like you just want his attention and his affection and aren't really trying to get his happiness, peace of mind, or forgiveness.

When you break up with someone you break any trust and security they have with you; I don't know your ex, maybe he's immature and would have 'hated' you regardless of what day it was, but if you really want his happiness you should either
1) Be honest about what you want and stop stringing him along
2) leave him alone so he can find someone that won't break his trust and security

People and relationships aren't YoYos

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